The Great Prophet, Boyardee

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The Great Prophet, Boyardee

Postby pammiwhammi on Mon Sep 26, 2005 12:36 pm

I've come to tell you all about the Great Prophet Boyardee, who came to spread the Great Pasta's Noodliness into hitherto-unconverted heathen lands!

Boyardee began as a simple missionary, simply reciting the tomes of scriptures about the Flying Spaghetti Monster. By the way, you have everything else right, except His Holy Name, which is the Great Pasta, (and Boyardee is His Prophet!)

One day, as Boyardee was preparing to offer up recipes to His Noodliness, an Angel of Pasta came down from heaven, because he was hungry. He then came to our humble Boyardee, grabbed him by the throat and said "Recite! I need a great recipe for Holy Linguine, NOW!"

Whereupon the Prophet Boyardee proceeded to speak, and speak, and speak, and someone just happened to write it all down into this most holy book, the Cookbook!

Because of the holiness of this new Cookbook I urge you to drop your misguided attempts to create further scriptures and devote yourselves, one and all, to studying the Holy Cookbook, as I am sure it is the Only Real Truth regarding Pasta, and that all other scriptures are at best, misguided, and at worst, the works of the Anti-Noodle! The Holy Cookbook prescribes the many torments which will be done to you if you persist in worshipping in your misgguided manner. Torments such as;

Boiling in a Quisinart
Placement in a food processor
Refrigeration
The Searing Fires of Bar-Bee-Que.

Repent now! Believe on the Great Pasta, and profess Boyardee as His only prophet, and you shall live in noodly splendor!
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Postby Swashbuckler Saucy on Wed Sep 28, 2005 7:39 pm

Even though Boyardee's spaghetti is crap it was a very hopeful attempt to spread our god to the masses, even thought it was a very lame attempt, too. Plus, you can't knock his ravioli, that's bachelor chow that is! Mmmm, ravioli...
Mmmm, pasta.
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Postby Entranser on Fri Sep 30, 2005 3:58 am

Methinks Pammi has fallen into grasp of The Antipasta. Notice how she refered to "linguini" not spaghetti (may his Noodliness be praised).

Pammi, please wake up and smell the sauce! Beware The Antipasta, for though his teachings appear to be the sweet basil flavoring atop the pasta, he is truely the garlic upon the pirate's breath.
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Postby Cerberus on Mon Oct 03, 2005 10:04 pm

Actually our central dogma embraces all noodle kind (although i'm a bit fuzzy on whether it includes Heinz canned spaghetti.) Rice Noodles, hokkien, Udon, linguini, lasagna sheets, spaghetti. All are ture unto the Spirit of The Might of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (PBUHN).
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Postby Qwertyuiopasd on Mon Oct 03, 2005 10:11 pm

personally, i think boyardee is a sell-out.

Boyardee wrote:IF YOU WIN! YOU'LL WIN A WEEKS VACATION IN A CASTLE/PRIVATE BEACH/MANSION AND LIVE LIKE A MILLIONARE/KING WITH ALL THE BOYARDEE PASTA AND A HUMMER LIMO! WOOOT!


although we could've kept the beach and used it as a pirate base. i doubt anyone actually won that.

also, i think that that old guy in the comericals is thinking of the children naked. just a thought.
daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple' :moon:


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