Loose Canon Nerve Center

[Platypus Enthusiast]

Ahoy wenches and scallywags. The Second Council of Olive Garden is actually making progress and the Loose Canon is growing for the first time since the ancient days of the Church. I built this nerve center to coordinate all things Loose Canon. If you have any questions, concerns, thoughts, or whatever, you can post them here (or PM if you want).

I've organized and listed all the threads for the subjects being used below. Also, if you've already written something somewhere other than one of the submission threads and you want to have it in the Loose Canon, you can either post a link to it in the appropriate thread, or if you're not sure of what subject it should be, just post the link here in this thread.

Old Pastament:
Genesis/History viewtopic.php?f=15&t=1159
Law viewtopic.php?f=15&t=11869
Law (The Book of Clarifications) viewtopic.php?f=15&t=11820
Pastalms viewtopic.php?t=1101
ProvHerbs viewtopic.php?t=1100
Prayers viewtopic.php?t=1619
Prophecy viewtopic.php?f=15&t=11943

New Pastament:
Gospels viewtopic.php?f=15&t=1131
Gospel (The Gospel According to Everybody) viewtopic.php?f=15&t=11801
The Acts of the Apastals viewtopic.php?f=15&t=11819
Epastals (Fiction) viewtopic.php?f=15&t=1150
Epastals (Nonfiction) viewtopic.php?f=15&t=11826
Revelations 1 viewtopic.php?f=15&t=1134
Revelations 2 viewtopic.php?f=15&t=11868

Canonical Hymnal:
Hymns viewtopic.php?f=14&t=11944

We still need a lot of material for the Gospels, Letters/Epastles, and Prophetic Books and Acts has nothing at all. The other subjects are pretty good right now in terms of amount of material. If you want to contribute, but don't wanna write a lot, you could write a verse or two in the Gospel According to Everybody.

I'm shooting for the Canon to be around 200 pages. Right now, we have about 80 pages worth that have been accepted as canonical, and maybe another 15 to 20 pages that will be most likely be accepted. I think 200 pages would make a respectable first edition, and it could then be updated with new material every few years.

Also, I'm only copying and pasting text, the only changes I will make is numbering the verses. All typos will stay unless you ask me to fix something.

[DaveL]

Good work matey.

Do you need a team to help you formalise the Canonised works? Just say the word and The Great Noodly One will provide!

[Platypus Enthusiast]

I'm hella lazy, so I like help with every single thing I do. Plus I think having a team for anything it cool. What exactly do you mean by formalize? Fancy book? Fancy website? Actually, whatever your answer is, I'm gonna say yes.

[DaveL]

Ok,

Do we need some people to assist with final canonisation? Qwerty and myself could assist this, as we were both across the original works. They had a selection panel, which Canonised the writings and compiled them.

We could:

1. Read the remaining works;
2. Sort them into catgeories for Canonisation
3. Add them to those Canonised in the Scripture and Lore Annoucemements section.

What do you think Qwerty?

[Platypus Enthusiast]

1. Read the remaining works;
2. Sort them into catgeories for Canonisation

This has been easy enough since all the new stuff comes in so slowly. So I think I got that covered, but I'll come running if they start pouring in.

3. Add them to those Canonised in the Scripture and Lore Annoucemements section.
They had a selection panel, which Canonised the writings and compiled them.

Helping organize everything would be sweet. Also, I like the idea of having a panel to decide what to canonize. I don't think it should be up to only one dude to decide what goes in. So if you're game, cool. Let me know how you want to handle this. Thanks dude.

[DaveL]

I'm cool with that, but we'll keep this process as transparent as possible. The selection should on process always open to a second opinion.

OK, to get started, I'll spend some time going through the recent stuff, and seeing what looks Canon worthy.

But there can only be one 'Our Pasta Who Art in Heaven'.

[Platypus Enthusiast]

I'm cool with that, but we'll keep this process as transparent as possible. The selection should on process always open to a second opinion.

OK, to get started, I'll spend some time going through the recent stuff, and seeing what looks Canon worthy.

Cool breeze dude. Thanks.

But there can only be one 'Our Pasta Who Art in Heaven'.

I agree. That's gonna be a tough call though, there's a lot of good ones. Maybe we should set up a poll for that?

[Ubi Dubium]

But there can only be one 'Our Pasta Who Art in Heaven'.

I agree. That's gonna be a tough call though, there's a lot of good ones. Maybe we should set up a poll for that?

Absolutely. As long as it includes the lines "...give us this day our garlic bread..." and "...and deliver us some pizza..."!

[Platypus Enthusiast]

But there can only be one 'Our Pasta Who Art in Heaven'.

I agree. That's gonna be a tough call though, there's a lot of good ones. Maybe we should set up a poll for that?

Absolutely. As long as it includes the lines "...give us this day our garlic bread..." and "...and deliver us some pizza..."!

But wouldn't we prefer it if we had Chinese food delivered? Then at least we get some noodles.

[Ubi Dubium]

Absolutely. As long as it includes the lines "...give us this day our garlic bread..." and "...and deliver us some pizza..."!

But wouldn't we prefer it if we had Chinese food delivered? Then at least we get some noodles.

I went to a restaurant where they served "Pasta Pies". Big piles of Fettucini Alfredo piled on a pizza crust. That way, we get both!

[Ubi Dubius]

One of those Pasta Pies would feed Luxembourg for a week.

[Platypus Enthusiast]

Absolutely. As long as it includes the lines "...give us this day our garlic bread..." and "...and deliver us some pizza..."! :D

But wouldn't we prefer it if we had Chinese food delivered? Then at least we get some noodles.

I went to a restaurant where they served "Pasta Pies". Big piles of Fettucini Alfredo piled on a pizza crust. That way, we get both!

Aww, that is so cool.

[Platypus Enthusiast]

Ok dudes, I finally finishing up the compilation of the Loose Canon. I'm still taking submissions for now, so if you wanna get something in the first edition, you probably should submit it in the next week or two. Thanks and RAmen.

[Almighty Doer of Stuff]

I don't think I could dig through everything on this forum to find the answers, but is this information from the FAQ covered somewhere in the selected texts?

# Q: Speaking of Hell, what's that like? I know that Heaven has a stripper factory and a beer volcano, but is there anything else?

A: If you're a true believer in whatever faith you're a part of, and you've done what's expected of you, then that's the Afterlife you get. FSM has no territorial disputes with anybody else. If you're not going there, we'll take you, and it may not be fun, but it beats the hell (haha! hell!) outta Lakes of Fire.

There will be a kind of HellLight, where unbelievers have to live with school cafeteria spaghetti, second rate beer, and boring jobs in the service industries where the Heavenbound FSMists will be living. There will be no privation, no physical torture, no burning or boiling in various liquids. These aren't bad people, these are people that followed the culture and customs of their times and did not recognize the difference between a culture and a faith. And this HellLight will include a just and equitable redemption process.

Actual FSM Hell is reserved for a very few, and those will be divided from the Pasta, the finest beverages and the fellowship of persons of good will and kind intent. They will do all the laundry, cleaning and heavy or unpleasant jobs that are there. Never will they eat of the Pasta of any kind, but will live on lots of beans and rice, potatoes and extremely cheap cuts of meat, and the type of diet that the American urban poor can afford, or that Senior Citizens and disabled persons on Social Security are reduced to. They get the really icky dirty work. They deserve it. The bullies of the geopolitical world will be there, and their helpers. The false religious leaders, who plead for funds through electronic media, and give nothing of their true selves, and hoard the money and live in opulence, they will be there. Many others of ill-intent will be with them.

There is a reservation there for the tricksters, the con-men,the corrupt, unrepentant politicians, who will begin every work day by licking clean the footwear of every Native American person there, even in HellLight. Also there will be the promulgators of the horrible practices against the indigenous people of every country ever "modernized" by Western Civilization. They lick boots as well. And when they're through they get to do all the stuff that nobody in the Hell above them want to do.

Not a real burning-in type hell, no boiling lakes of fire, just an appropriate "reward." No more lunatics and sadists, please.

Other people have other ideas, but then again other people are promoting Holy War, too. Don't do that in the name of our FSM. That's not the Way to Do Things Right.

Then again, we could be completely wrong.
# Q: Ooh! What about the Pastafarian equivilant of such-and-such element of such-and-such religion that you didn't cover above?

A: We're not trying to completely copy and twist everything about religion. We don't take issue with religion; we take issue with it being taught as science.
# Q: Well, one aspect of other religions you do have is a god. Who happens to be made of pasta. Isn't it sorta wrong to eat what He's made of?

A: Eat some of this bread instead, and wash it down with this wine, then.
# Q: What?

A: The Flying Spaghetti Monster is not pasta, but a deity who chooses to represent Himself as pasta. If you like Pasta, go ahead and eat some. He doesn't mind, because the Sharing of the Pasta is a form of worship. Especially the sharing part. Transubstantiation is not part of Pastafarian doctrine. That means when you eat Pasta, you aren't eating Him, but eating Pasta.
# Q: So, I'd love to eat pasta, but I have some sort of medical condition/diet/personal preference that prevents me from doing so. What do I do?

A: His Noodly Majesty is, above all, tolerant. Be a good person, and you'll be fine, eating Pasta or not.
# Q: What if I don't have a set of pirate regalia? What if I don't drink beer? What if I think strippers are immoral?

A: Tolerance. You'll be okay.
# Q: Speaking of pirates, did you know about Talk Like a Pirate day?

A: Yes.
# Q: Speaking of beer, what kind of beer is in the volcano? What if it's not my favorite? What are the strippers like? What if I'm a woman and want a man? What if I'm looking for a relationship, not just short-term fun? What if...

A: He is omniscient and omnipotent. You'll be well taken care of in Heaven, in a way that will suit your wants and needs exactly.
# Q: Cool! I get it! By the way, what's the best way to be sarcastic and condescending to those who I think are idiots? What about all those people who don't subscribe to whatever specific religious or other philosophy I might have? They really need to learn that the universe revolves around me.

A: No, you don't get it. Tolerance.



That was a big part of what drew me to the FSM, so I think it should somehow be included in the book somewhere.

EDIT: Oh, and also, the disclaimer, or a variant thereof should be included. You know, the one about how part or all of the text may be untrue and may just be a test of the reader's faith.

[Platypus Enthusiast]

I don't think I could dig through everything on this forum to find the answers, but is this information from the FAQ covered somewhere in the selected texts?

# Q: Speaking of Hell, what's that like?...

That was a big part of what drew me to the FSM, so I think it should somehow be included in the book somewhere.

Most of that is distributed throughout the Canon, some of it actually is word for word. But this is a pretty sweet compilation, so I think I might stick it in. Since it wasn't submitted in the Scripture and Lore section, I'm gonna have to check with the author first.

EDIT: Oh, and also, the disclaimer, or a variant thereof should be included. You know, the one about how part or all of the text may be untrue and may just be a test of the reader's faith.

Yep, that's in the 3rd Announcement Regarding Canonical Belief