The Book o' Macaroni
In Th' voyage o' th' Spagediety, which be far too long ago t' reckon, but be known t' be on a Fridee, A great event o' jubilation occurred upon our dear planet, when th' Flyin' Spagetti Monster first looked upon th' swabbies o' Earth an' saw that His Noodly Appendages be slowly beginnin' t' cause th' swabbies o' earth t' become taller, an' that, wi' th' onset o' a massive population boom (Known by some as th' “Baby Boomers”), thar would be a great need fer many more. So th' FSM made a pact wi' th' Chinese Noodle makers t' provide th' lad's wi' a surplus o' noodles, an' t' use th' surplus as a very popular new treat fer th' swabbies o' Earth. So th' great Noodle Makers set ou', on a quest that tookst them voyages upon voyages, (Discludin' Fridays.)
Fer this time, swabbies o' giant stature roamed th' Earth, eatin' among th' great beasts, sometimes stealin' the'r food. Th' Sea dog Ships grew more an' more massive, an' would often crash into one another, e'en at great distances. Th' remnants o' such be evident in th' Hawaiian Isles, arrr an' Papua New Guinea. Such a hectic time o' th' Noodly Master. So, t' make sure that none o' his followers would begin t' doubt that he still loved them as he did in eons passed, He began t' summon th' Chinese noodle makers fore wi' the'r noodles. He got them, as did th' world, an' swabbies began t' shrink. Sea dog Ships returned t' normal size, still crashin', but at a much lesser rate. This lasted 5 score an' a fortnight, give or take, an' another great need be brought upon th' world.
Th' excess pasta be far too hard fer th' Chinese t' eat all at once, an' thar be a great need t' disperse 't among others, but since th' Chinese had cut off trade t' th' abroadside world fer many voyages, in deep reverence o' His Noodliness, they had really nay abroadside shipmates. That all changed when th' great Marcus El Pollo came from th' West an' began t' explore th' great empires o' China.
He stayed fer a wee moons, enjoyin' th' great more grog, enough t' drink 't all up, an' began t' wander th' countrysides lookin' fer a great hango'er cure. Eventually, he stumbled across th' great POPEYE seeds, an' began t' pick them. He tookst one into his bung hole an' began t' gnaw on 't. Within moments, his hango'er be gone an' he felt a great high feelin'. He also began t' play th' Sitar an' hang around wi' a guy named Rin Go Sta, but history has forgotten this man, as thar be nay records o' th' lad's e'en existin'.
Jus' before he port, He be summoned by Emporer Chow Do Wan t' undertake a great voyage, a voyage which would ultimately brin' th' lad's fame, fortune, an' wantons. Th' task be t' go into th' great cave o' E’ta De Pok an' find th' great Golden Booty inside. Intrigued, Marcus tookst on th' noble task, an' wi' his trusty steed Feta, he began t' ride, across meadows, across villages, an' eventually, he came t' a large pool o' very strangely boilin' water, which had quite a great tint t' 't, an' a very potent aroma, one o' spices an' various meats. Marcus tookst a swig o' 't, an' listed aft. “Ahh, This be delicious” he spake. He saw that nay one be around, an' tookst a giant vile o' 't an' put 't in his pouch. After a wee hours, he tookst another swig, them one much better than before, an' proclaimed “VIVA RAGU” an' thus Ragu sauce be born.