"heaven" for pastafarians

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"heaven" for pastafarians

Postby gcfo! on Fri Dec 05, 2008 1:54 pm

Ah yes...

Where do we pirates go when we die?

Good question all.
However the answer is quite simple. We don't die. Yes its true. Sounds unreal right? Well its far from it. Let me explain...

In todays world, most pirates have moved inland and have given up their lives of piracy and rum-drinking for more domestic lives. Most now have homes and wives and jobs. Let's call these pirates of better days "the beforians". You see everyone beforians have forgotteb about his noodly appendage because they are scared of the truth. They cling to their mediocre jobs and lives because they fear death...


However todays pirates do not. Todays pirates may not live like we used to, But in modern america, pillaging and burning is frowned on upon so we make do with what we can. That is why we do not die. If you don't embrace death, you cannot die. Proven fact. I have far to much to do to worry about death. Rum will not drink itself. And canons don't magically load. I have to worry about myself and nothing else. The day I get kicked out of a bar by a beforian is the day I go back and burn it down.


I also have a tale about the "robo-pirate-garganauts. But ill save that for another day.
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Re: "heaven" for pastafarians

Postby R2F! on Sun Dec 07, 2008 10:02 pm

i agree with GCFO

i write on walls
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Re: "heaven" for pastafarians

Postby SandyHook on Sun Dec 07, 2008 11:49 pm

To the very bottom of my being I either agree or disagree with gcfo.

Yes, I know, to take such a firm stand in these, the afterian days, is morally and physically dangerious. But, that is the sort of Pastafarian I am.
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Re: "heaven" for pastafarians

Postby Edd on Mon Dec 08, 2008 6:27 pm

RAmen, Brother SandyHook. I, too, am definitely, seriously committed to ambivalence on this issue.

*takes a closer look at avatar*

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Re: "heaven" for pastafarians

Postby Clifford on Sun Dec 14, 2008 3:24 am

... ... ... read the main page? Or the Gospel? As far as I know most here know our heaven consists of a beer volcano and a stripper factory
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Re: "heaven" for pastafarians

Postby R2F! on Tue Dec 16, 2008 5:23 pm

Clifford wrote:... ... ... read the main page? Or the Gospel? As far as I know most here know our heaven consists of a beer volcano and a stripper factory


i'd like to see some strippers with backdrops of volcanos
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Re: "heaven" for pastafarians

Postby Robert.Dowsett on Sun Apr 12, 2009 10:09 pm

Fairly new here, so I hope this is the right place for such a discussion. But it seems to me that heaven would be more than a beer volcano & a stripper factory. I'm fairly sure their might be pasta as well. I hope this isn't too heretical.
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Re: "heaven" for pastafarians

Postby MaltaPastafarian on Mon Apr 13, 2009 1:42 am

Robert.Dowsett wrote:Fairly new here, so I hope this is the right place for such a discussion. But it seems to me that heaven would be more than a beer volcano & a stripper factory. I'm fairly sure their might be pasta as well. I hope this isn't too heretical.


Of course there will be pasta. And it would taste better too.

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Re: "heaven" for pastafarians

Postby Qwertyuiopasd on Fri Apr 24, 2009 4:21 am

I'm of the inclination that there is also an endless Caribbean. So yes, we do die on this earth, but if ye be restless for adventure, there is an infinite expanse of ocean and islands of every make and model to explore and/or plunder.

Of course, i'm a bit biased, since that was one of my earliest revelations. :guilty:
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Re: "heaven" for pastafarians

Postby 2eyespatch on Tue Jun 09, 2009 3:44 am

can I swim in the beer volcano? would it be hot? Can I try to drink the darn volcano dry? can I strip the strippers? how much for a lap dance? is any of the strippers a travestite? can I have ten non travestite strippers dancing on my lap? will they accept being paid with a check? will I have any refund if I pass out during the lap dance?

expected answers:
yes I can swim, even "commando way"
yes it will be warm to the skin but teeth chattering cold in my mouth and innards
yes I can try, for a whole couple of eternities or more
yes, but I can only strip them using my teeth
lap dances are free, anytime, anywhere
I can have as many travestite strippers as I wish. I wish none, thank you.
No I can't. They'd fall from my lap, being so well endowed. three maximun, assuming they are narrowly hugging each other
No checks are accepted in Heaven
If I pass out during lap dance, I'll be made awake in a most sensually explicit form

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