The Book of Karrow
Deep in the depths of Pirate Seas Carribea, there sailed a man named Karrow.
Captain Zack Karrow, black hearted scoundrel, drunk walking Thief, and quick talking silver tongue.
Zack Karrow had a merle, of which it was black. He lost his merle and so a ship he was in lack. Tossed on an island, without so much a snack. Dead to the world, and that was a fact.
Wiley ole Zack, never without Guile, in a vision from his Noodlyness, he waited awhile. Then come the rum runners, pirates to the end, gave him passage, while scrubbing their gunners.
Ten years flew, with Zack bounced around. Till the Holy One came and put Jack's feet on the ground. He sent Zack to a port, in search of a ship. Zack was caught but with plan in head, he bided his time, to confront the Dead.
And young green soldier, a gift from the Noodle, freed Zack from his jail. Commandeering a boat, they soon set sail.
And off to Tortuga to pick up a crew, and around the sea in the Saucey stew, and His Noodlyness whispered, deep in Zack's mind, soon there's the merle, soon you will find.
There in the water, the Merle all of Black, great black sails and great powerful back. And the Noodle guided Zack in, to confront his enemies.
Now Zack was captured again, and set back on his island. But with a companion. And he sat and drank rum and puzzled the situation, a mad raving drunk, in the eyes of Some.
But the Noodle was on him and he escaped again. Back to the Merle and back to the men. He did battle and triumphed in true Pirate form, got his Black Merle, and stood in Pirate norm.
Captured once more and almost yet killed, Zack was a wily one, and escaped before billed. Back to his Merle and back to the Sea, kept by the Noodle, for what still escapes me.
But one thing is sure, that Karrow is not done. The Noodle is on him and guides Zack in his fun. But as yet in the Future, after many passes of the Sun. After many days, and nights of the Moon, we'll see Zack Karrow again, some day soon.
Zack stood on the Crow's Nest of the Merle, peering at the Crew. The Noodly One nudged him and Zack Spoke:
"This is the world. A World of the Pirate, where the Earth is grateful to the existence of the Bloody Pirate and shows her Appreciation. The Great One commands to watch for signs!
He will Appear as an Invisible Pink Unicorn, stealing socks.
He will Appear as the Invisible Green Dragon.
He will speak through many and be hailed by many.
He will Appear finally in his True Form, of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Savy?"
A triumphant shout came up from the deck and Karrow continued:
"A hurricane will strike the City of Piracy and the City will be destroyed. And a False Representation of his Noodlyness will be blamed. But then the Truth will start to take hold. The World will realize, Earth is demanding back her Pirates.
And the City will be rebuilt, and in the gala, the Black Merle will sail again into the harbor. And there will be much celebration. Drinks all around!!!"
Another triumphant yell from the crew of the Merle and of the surrounding ships. "The Chimpanzee will be fallen and the City will be rebuilt. And then, the Holy Land will be sought. There the Monument, will be built. A great Arrggh will sound and the Earth will be healed. And his Noodlyness proclaims, breed many Pirates, for the day will come when we are triumphant again. What say you?"
And The Flying Spaghetti Monster smiled.
And the Merle sailed again. And a black flag rose.
The FSM Fish flew again.
Behind the Merle, galleons gathered for war, ready to assault the fortresses of Bigotry.
The Lord Spaghetti flew, watching his forces. Noodles offered blessings to the brave, and helped to strengthen the jumpy knave.
And old wily Zack, Silver tongued talker, stood on his deck watching the land, watching the walkers. Thoughtful he was, staring at the shore, wondering about the Lord, and the acts that awaited yet more.
His Noodlyness spoke, a great resounding noise, and the pirates soon broke their humble poise. They stormed the Ports and ransacked the houses. They pillaged the bigots, but left alive the mouses. They plundered the intolerant, followers of the Chimp. Wenching the lovely, while doing away with the pimps.
And the smoke billowed black, as black as the Merle. And Zack watched again, as the sails did unfurl. They sailed onward at the push of a Noodle, ready to assault again, the whole kit and kaboodle.
The Chimpanzee mustered his force. War on the pirates, which would further melt the North. His Sauciness knew though and informed wily Zack. And Karrow did tell, his crew of Merle Black.
And the Pirate sailed in, and cannons did fire. The young and old, and all they sire. And soon there stood the Chimp, surrounded by none. Standing all alone, he was not quite done.
For Zack came forward and tossed him a sword. Bloody scalawag that he was, he didn't want to be bored. He said "I am Captain Zack Karrow , Pirate of Seas Carribea. Under other circumstance, it'd be nice to see ya. In the name of his Noodlyness, you must sink down to Lock Davy. In all seriouness, I do hope you Savy."
And crossed Swords they did. And battled into the night. And the Pirates gathered round as bid, watching until first Light.
And the Chimp was defeated, in a parry and a blow. And taken his body was, to bury and to go.
Gone was the Chimp. Victorious was Zack. Gone was demonic Imp. Triumphant was Merle Black.
Zack sheathed his Sword. And boarded his ship. A brief moment of Mourn, and off with a rum sip. Back to Carribea, till the Noodle called again. To rest and be at peace, till Zack was needed by Men.
Zack knew many women, and was much slapped in the face. But the women didn't know, of Zack's true case.
Commanded by the Noodle, Zack did wench much. Blessed by the Noodle, he did wench such.
So again and again he engaged in acts wild. And yet never once did he father a child. For Zack wasn't ready for fatherhood yet, he had more to do, for his Noodle, more to get.
So off from the Seas, of his Home Carribea. And off New Orleans, as there was much to see'a
A City in ruins. Struck by Hurricane. Which even with the help of many, under the sea it had lain.
And Zack climbed the mast and shouted very Great. "Avast me hardies, we are a little late. Ahoy", he called, down into the city. "look alive there. For Captain Zack Karrow, will enter in a spare."
And down from the Mast, to guide the Merle in. And people pointed and whispered of sin. Zack looked on to the distrustful eye, wondering if, here he might die.
The Noodle urged him on, past the staring faces. And onward to the center, to put them in their places.
Dropping anchor, the Crew set to work. To rebuild the city, and clear away the murk.
And much building was done and the water cleared away. Till the Merle sat at the center, one fine spring day. And the mast rose up high, waving a great black flag. And for once did the work, then yet lag.
For the City had become, a great pirate ship itself. With waving black banners and a people with some pirate self.
And Zack found himself a Lord of the place. Some banners rose, bearing his face. The legend of his adventures soon got out. The movies soon saw the stories of his many bouts.
And the Noodle smiled and allowed him a child. And old Zack Karrow, still continued yet wild. For he was always free, from land and the world. His home was the Sea, as a man with sails Unfurled.
Zack taught his child, the ways of the sea. Soon the lad was wild, as Karrow as could be. And the world was healed yet more. Of its pollutionary blight. And all of this because, the great Pirate Might.
And guiding this all. The Great Flying Noodle. Smiling he was. And just because. The world was coming to peace. Just by his lease.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster flew onward. Away from good Zack. To let the man rest. In good taste instead of lack. Ole Karrow earned his rest. His freedom and his leave. And this was all done by a bright Hallows Eve.
And Zack went back to the city, yet years later. One last wish, of his Lord did he cater.
Zack went to the Center and stood on the Mast, of his black proud ship, to the city it had been cast.
And Zack shouted down, wild and true, for the Lord Noodle had touched him, and given the cue:
"Now hence comes, the end of my part. As hard as I've worked, from the very start. One last drink and one last say and I will bid ye all good day."
Zack held up a hand, displaying pirate Gold. With the shape of a skull, it was quite old. Treasure from the past, another adventure. That had kept him alive, four hundred years at last censure.
"I come by the Skull and his Highest Lord Noodle, to speak of the Law, of which there's an oodle.
By the great Pirate banner, we all must strive to live. Take all ye can, and be careful when you give.
Rum is a good drink, but be careful in excess. It has happened, that it causes a load of mess.
The greater good should be held, above personal prejudice. Or else be as the Chimpanzee, a quick death you will Kiss.
Captain and Commador are all fine and well. But lead in bad way, and you'll find yourself in your own Hell.
The worst jobs await, those of mutiny and betray. In the afterlife, so be careful what happens today.
Opinions and ideas, are all fine and well. But bigot you will not be, or your doom will be brought by Bell.
Sex is justifiable vice, but only with consenting adult. Only the sick and deranged, would put themselves in child molestation and rape cult.
Do ye well, as best ye can. We all fail sometimes, as we all have Human Hand.
Heed the Noodle's call, and do not stray. For the beer volcano awaits those that do, after your Death Day.
Love yourself and who you are, unBeautified or not. Do not stray to beauty scams and pains, or you'll be left a wasted lot.
The person you hurt, first and foremost, is always most likely yourself. But watch and be careful, for the families and the young sweet child elf.
Pirate Garb is holy dress and available to all. The One who wear it is truly blessed, especially without fashionable call.
The Lord now smiles and I am yet done. I hope you learned a lesson, on this day of March One.
I am drunk and ready to leave and bid you all good nappy. I could use some sleep right now, so I hope you all do Savy."
And with that the Pirate dropped the gold, into a stone chest below. He waved goodbye quite happily, the opposite of Hello.
He departed then and lived the rest of his days, but many still remember, the noble work he did and life he lived and when the fire burns to ember:
Everyone raises their glass at once and toast "Aye to Zack Karrow , a hearty lad and Pirate true, from hair to bone marrow.
And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.