The un-educated & un-enlightened masses in Kansas have spoken again! That particular state's elected representatives have now outlawed the practice of evolution within the state's borders. Check it out for yourself:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/55807[/url]
How can we, the Pastafarian community, contain this new threat from the most foul state in the Union? Furthermore, how can we stop this foul practice from spilling over to other states or countries? I suggest we find as many pirates as we can who are willing to go on a pillaging mission to Kansas, via river or '76 Cadillac (a.k.a - "Road Yacht"), and set siege to the state capital. Other ideas anyone?
P.S.- the story is fake, its The Onion, duh! BUT, the story IS plausible, unfortunately.
~ May his noodly goodness protect & serve us
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Kansas Leglislators strikes another blow!!!
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Kansas Leglislators strikes another blow!!!
by Peg-Leg the Zealus on Thu Nov 30, 2006 4:25 pm
"Oh ye of little faith, soon shall you see the folly of your ways"
- Peg-Leg the Zealus
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by KidDirty on Thu Nov 30, 2006 8:32 pm
Aint the Onion grand!
Ha, that'll learn all those danged organisms to stop spitting in jesus's face!
To enforce the law, Kansas state police will be trained to investigate and apprehend organisms who exhibit suspected signs of evolutionary behavior, such as natural selection or speciation. Plans are underway to track and monitor DNA strands in every Kansan life form for even the slightest change in allele frequencies.
Ha, that'll learn all those danged organisms to stop spitting in jesus's face!
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KidDirty - Bucatini Buccanneer
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by SC-Pastafarian on Thu Nov 30, 2006 9:12 pm
it could be the return of bloody kansas!
In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity.
-Konrad Adenauer
-Konrad Adenauer
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SC-Pastafarian - Bucatini Buccanneer
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by The Dead Parrot on Fri Dec 08, 2006 11:41 pm
"From now on, the streets, forests, plains, and rivers of Kansas will be safe from the godless practice of evolution, and species will be able to procreate without deviating from God's intended design," said Bob Bethell, a member of the state House of Representatives. "This is about protecting the integrity of all creation."
Just a small reminder to whomever said that, there is a small clause in the CONSTITUTION that has the slight intention of creating a separation of church and state. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy, but I kind of had the small idea that making a law to ban godless natural occurances kind of had the tiny similarity to a conjuction of church and state. I don't know, maybe these are the ramblings of an old man of 14, but that's what I always thought.
During the Space Race, American astronauts were faced with the problem that ink from their pens would not stay on the pentip.
After spending millions of dollars and a few years in research, they came up with the ballpoint pen. This solved the problem.
The Soviets, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
The Daily Show 2006 Calender.
"Friends come and go, but Enemies seem to accumulate."
-- Myself
"Look to the Future, as it is the brightest place imaginable"
--Duke
After spending millions of dollars and a few years in research, they came up with the ballpoint pen. This solved the problem.
The Soviets, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
The Daily Show 2006 Calender.
"Friends come and go, but Enemies seem to accumulate."
-- Myself
"Look to the Future, as it is the brightest place imaginable"
--Duke
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The Dead Parrot - Fusilli Fuselier
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by KidDirty on Sat Dec 09, 2006 12:26 am
The Dead Parrot wrote:Just a small reminder to whomever said that, there is a small clause in the CONSTITUTION that has the slight intention of creating a separation of church and state. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy, but I kind of had the small idea that making a law to ban godless natural occurances kind of had the tiny similarity to a conjuction of church and state. I don't know, maybe these are the ramblings of an old man of 14, but that's what I always thought.
What in FSM's name are you rambling about? Are you inferring that a fake news piece is violating the separation of church and state? Maybe give it another readthrough.
"Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms. Shooting DNA at each other to make babies ... I find it offensive." - Bender
"..it's a success that hasn't occurred yet." -Homeland Security Advisor to Bush Frances Townsend, on the subject of the failure to capture Osama Bin Laden.
"..it's a success that hasn't occurred yet." -Homeland Security Advisor to Bush Frances Townsend, on the subject of the failure to capture Osama Bin Laden.
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KidDirty - Bucatini Buccanneer
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by The Dead Parrot on Sat Dec 09, 2006 1:22 am
Oh, I didn't read the all of the first post. But still, the fact that I believed it really says something. You can ask Duke, he knows me IRL.
During the Space Race, American astronauts were faced with the problem that ink from their pens would not stay on the pentip.
After spending millions of dollars and a few years in research, they came up with the ballpoint pen. This solved the problem.
The Soviets, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
The Daily Show 2006 Calender.
"Friends come and go, but Enemies seem to accumulate."
-- Myself
"Look to the Future, as it is the brightest place imaginable"
--Duke
After spending millions of dollars and a few years in research, they came up with the ballpoint pen. This solved the problem.
The Soviets, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
The Daily Show 2006 Calender.
"Friends come and go, but Enemies seem to accumulate."
-- Myself
"Look to the Future, as it is the brightest place imaginable"
--Duke
-
The Dead Parrot - Fusilli Fuselier
- Posts: 173
- Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 1:42 am
- Location: Near the Stripper Factory...
by KidDirty on Sat Dec 09, 2006 3:17 am
The Dead Parrot wrote:Oh, I didn't read the all of the first post. But still, the fact that I believed it really says something. You can ask Duke, he knows me IRL.
Your association with Duke warrants forgiveness! But as pennance I think it is only fair that you be forced to read no-less than 10 back issues of the onion!
I only wish that someone would have exposed me to the satirical brilliance of the Onion when I was at such a tender age as thee!
Go forth and laugh with great glee!
"Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms. Shooting DNA at each other to make babies ... I find it offensive." - Bender
"..it's a success that hasn't occurred yet." -Homeland Security Advisor to Bush Frances Townsend, on the subject of the failure to capture Osama Bin Laden.
"..it's a success that hasn't occurred yet." -Homeland Security Advisor to Bush Frances Townsend, on the subject of the failure to capture Osama Bin Laden.
-
KidDirty - Bucatini Buccanneer
- Posts: 225
- Joined: Fri Oct 07, 2005 3:21 pm
- Location: Greenville NC
by The Dead Parrot on Sat Dec 09, 2006 3:19 am
Yes...I must talk to Duke about his negligence of telling me of this "Onion"...
During the Space Race, American astronauts were faced with the problem that ink from their pens would not stay on the pentip.
After spending millions of dollars and a few years in research, they came up with the ballpoint pen. This solved the problem.
The Soviets, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
The Daily Show 2006 Calender.
"Friends come and go, but Enemies seem to accumulate."
-- Myself
"Look to the Future, as it is the brightest place imaginable"
--Duke
After spending millions of dollars and a few years in research, they came up with the ballpoint pen. This solved the problem.
The Soviets, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
The Daily Show 2006 Calender.
"Friends come and go, but Enemies seem to accumulate."
-- Myself
"Look to the Future, as it is the brightest place imaginable"
--Duke
-
The Dead Parrot - Fusilli Fuselier
- Posts: 173
- Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 1:42 am
- Location: Near the Stripper Factory...
by KidDirty on Sat Dec 09, 2006 3:29 am
Truly "Americas finest news source"!
"Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms. Shooting DNA at each other to make babies ... I find it offensive." - Bender
"..it's a success that hasn't occurred yet." -Homeland Security Advisor to Bush Frances Townsend, on the subject of the failure to capture Osama Bin Laden.
"..it's a success that hasn't occurred yet." -Homeland Security Advisor to Bush Frances Townsend, on the subject of the failure to capture Osama Bin Laden.
-
KidDirty - Bucatini Buccanneer
- Posts: 225
- Joined: Fri Oct 07, 2005 3:21 pm
- Location: Greenville NC
by The Dead Parrot on Sat Dec 09, 2006 11:59 am
It never fails to present a good story. 
During the Space Race, American astronauts were faced with the problem that ink from their pens would not stay on the pentip.
After spending millions of dollars and a few years in research, they came up with the ballpoint pen. This solved the problem.
The Soviets, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
The Daily Show 2006 Calender.
"Friends come and go, but Enemies seem to accumulate."
-- Myself
"Look to the Future, as it is the brightest place imaginable"
--Duke
After spending millions of dollars and a few years in research, they came up with the ballpoint pen. This solved the problem.
The Soviets, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
The Daily Show 2006 Calender.
"Friends come and go, but Enemies seem to accumulate."
-- Myself
"Look to the Future, as it is the brightest place imaginable"
--Duke
-
The Dead Parrot - Fusilli Fuselier
- Posts: 173
- Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 1:42 am
- Location: Near the Stripper Factory...
by Duke on Sun Dec 10, 2006 3:34 am
KidDirty wrote:Your association with Duke warrants forgiveness! But as pennance I think it is only fair that you be forced to read no-less than 10 back issues of the onion!
No it don't! Remind me to give this guy a hearty whupping next time I see him!
But I agree with the sentence: Read the Onion. Ya hear?
I'd like to write for the Onion someday (I say that sort of thing a lot, don't I?). Then ya'll would really have to read it!
Perhaps we should legislate an article about the FSM from them. Something titled "Flying Spaghetti Monster Comes to Earth", you know.
Duke
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."
--Mark Twain
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."
--Woody Allen
--Mark Twain
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."
--Woody Allen
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Duke - Prophet of Pastafarianism
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by The Dead Parrot on Sun Dec 10, 2006 4:19 pm
We could add "Kansas School Board kills themselves, then realize that that is against God's will in FSM heaven."
During the Space Race, American astronauts were faced with the problem that ink from their pens would not stay on the pentip.
After spending millions of dollars and a few years in research, they came up with the ballpoint pen. This solved the problem.
The Soviets, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
The Daily Show 2006 Calender.
"Friends come and go, but Enemies seem to accumulate."
-- Myself
"Look to the Future, as it is the brightest place imaginable"
--Duke
After spending millions of dollars and a few years in research, they came up with the ballpoint pen. This solved the problem.
The Soviets, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
The Daily Show 2006 Calender.
"Friends come and go, but Enemies seem to accumulate."
-- Myself
"Look to the Future, as it is the brightest place imaginable"
--Duke
-
The Dead Parrot - Fusilli Fuselier
- Posts: 173
- Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 1:42 am
- Location: Near the Stripper Factory...
by Duke on Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:39 pm
Naw, they don't deserve to die, although I do think that said legislators should get real jobs.
And, remember, the school board that put "Intelligent Design" into the classrooms have since been replaced by more sensible candidates in the last elections, but I'm not sure if they still teach ID in the public schools in Kansas.
Duke
And, remember, the school board that put "Intelligent Design" into the classrooms have since been replaced by more sensible candidates in the last elections, but I'm not sure if they still teach ID in the public schools in Kansas.
Duke
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."
--Mark Twain
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."
--Woody Allen
--Mark Twain
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."
--Woody Allen
-
Duke - Prophet of Pastafarianism
- Posts: 8481
- Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2005 4:17 am
- Location: The Sunburnt Edge of the Western World
by The Dead Parrot on Sun Dec 10, 2006 7:03 pm
Well, that's OK, though I still can't believe that if they could vote it in once, then one election will get rid of it.
During the Space Race, American astronauts were faced with the problem that ink from their pens would not stay on the pentip.
After spending millions of dollars and a few years in research, they came up with the ballpoint pen. This solved the problem.
The Soviets, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
The Daily Show 2006 Calender.
"Friends come and go, but Enemies seem to accumulate."
-- Myself
"Look to the Future, as it is the brightest place imaginable"
--Duke
After spending millions of dollars and a few years in research, they came up with the ballpoint pen. This solved the problem.
The Soviets, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
The Daily Show 2006 Calender.
"Friends come and go, but Enemies seem to accumulate."
-- Myself
"Look to the Future, as it is the brightest place imaginable"
--Duke
-
The Dead Parrot - Fusilli Fuselier
- Posts: 173
- Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 1:42 am
- Location: Near the Stripper Factory...
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