HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

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HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby esgab26 on Sun Apr 12, 2009 12:57 pm

Hi,

Just 15 minutes ago(yep-- April 12, 2009 -Sunday-22:08 UAE time), some of my sister fanatics visited me...

i've already told them, like a thousand times, i don't want to go to heaven, i don't want eternal life...

But I couldn't, I just couldn't be RUDE to them... they are just too pretty, clean, innocent....

I'd like to have sex, i'd like to have sex with each one of them. I think if i tell my sisters that i want to have sex with them, perhaps they'll leave me be..

But then for sure they will hate me for that..

I just want them to stop "inviting me" and telling me to come with them, the Lord will forgive my sins, blah blah blah...

I prayed to His Noodliness, and for some odd reason, I found myself here in this forum....

Any advice greatly appreciated... thanks

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Re: HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby Ubi Dubius on Sun Apr 12, 2009 3:28 pm

My friend insists on telling them about Thor. They leave him alone after that. Try sharing the news about the FSM. If that doesn't work, :nefyoobash:
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We make an idol of our fear and call it God. -Ingmar Bergman, The Seventh Seal
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Re: HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby Edd on Sun Apr 12, 2009 6:33 pm

Ubi Dubius wrote:My friend insists on telling them about Thor.

Image
"Oook." - The Librarian

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Re: HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby Ubi Dubius on Sun Apr 12, 2009 7:03 pm

HA! I just saw that poster elsewhere and forwarded it to my Thor-worshipping friend.
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Keeping up appearances is a very important activity in religion; in fact, maintaining tattered illusions is its main activity. - Richard Wade, on Friendlyatheist.com
We make an idol of our fear and call it God. -Ingmar Bergman, The Seventh Seal
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Re: HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby ET, the Extra Terrestrial on Sun Apr 12, 2009 8:31 pm

I think if you just blatantly stared at their boobs the whole time they were talking, and every time they ask a question you just responded with "Huh?" and snapped your eyes up to theirs for a second or two, then just go back to boob-staring, they might back off. Of course, if you wanted to retain their respect, this technique would probably be a bit over the line. :lech:
"Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens."
("Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.")
-- Friedrich Schiller (1759–1805)
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
-- Philip K Dick

OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
-- Dr. Joy

English isn't much of a language for swearing. When I studied Ancient Greek I was delighted to discover a single word - Rhaphanidosthai - which translates roughly as "Be thou thrust up the fundament with a radish for adultery."
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Re: HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby Elvalia on Sun Apr 12, 2009 8:37 pm

esgab26 wrote:I'd like to have sex, i'd like to have sex with each one of them. I think if i tell my sisters that i want to have sex with them, perhaps they'll leave me be..

Or perhaps you'll scar them for life. In my opinion, the worst things a girl can find out are that she can't trust her parents, or she can't trust her brother. Don't do that to them. That would follow them for the rest of their lives.

Go with the Thor thing.
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Re: HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby esgab26 on Sun Apr 12, 2009 10:54 pm

Uhmmmm...

In our church (technically i still belong to this church, they haven't 'erased' my name on their list yet--which we call the book of life in heaven--- but really, it's just some records with weird names---like R2-01)

we DO CALL each other BROTHER and SISTER.. (please don't misunderstand)

actually, one of our doctrines is that we CAN't marry outside of our church... (this is true, if we did, automatically, we are kick out)

But I'd use this as my last resort...

What i'm saying is, i don't want to burn any bridges, especially, when my *sisters* are really good looking.

===========================

I already tried mythology, i've already discussed with them the possibility of the great white unicorn, tried philosophy ---a bearded Roi faineant watching survivor on some vantage point outside the observable amniotic universe. I told them, if Christ can draw a triangle on a euclidan plane with sum of angles not equal to 180 dgrees or if they can show me that a sixth platonic solid exist... I'll happily go back with them. Showed them Kantian/Nietzschean morality/immorality, discussed with them aquinas's summa theologica, leibniz's/descartes
"cosmontological" argument and their counter-arguments... empiricism, existentialism, solipsism, nihilism...

I AM DRAINED, they just won't quit!!

And I swear to FSM, I've even tried writing an "ex-communication" letter... It worked for 8 months, but here they are again, I guess I was too polite...

But yeah, I guess I'll give THOR another shot. :(

Btw, you mean the current events?
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Re: HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby PKMKII on Sun Apr 12, 2009 11:05 pm

You sure you're not in a cult?
"How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, 'This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed'? Instead they say, 'No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.'" - Carl Sagan

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection." - Henri Poincaré
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Re: HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby ET, the Extra Terrestrial on Sun Apr 12, 2009 11:37 pm

esgab26 wrote:actually, one of our doctrines is that we CAN't marry outside of our church... (this is true, if we did, automatically, we are kick out)

But I'd use this as my last resort...

What i'm saying is, i don't want to burn any bridges, especially, when my *sisters* are really good looking.

.....

I AM DRAINED, they just won't quit!!


I'm going to speculate a little, not knowing the number of your "brothers and sisters". Assuming a smallish group without a lot of branches around the country/world, then these good-looking sisters have limited options, being as you say restricted to marrying within the church community. Maybe they (in the most squeaky-clean religious way) have the hots for your bod, especially since their only other options might be a dude twenty years older than they are, or eternal celibacy. If they really buy into the particular doctrine, then quite possibly the only way to get them to stop is to burn that bridge. There are plenty of good-looking girls out there, several of them right on these forums. And a meaningful relationship with someone whose philosophy is that radically different from your own is going to be really difficult to maintain. It's certainly important in a relationship to be physically attracted to your partner, but it's essential to be tolerant and supportive of each other's world views. If the sect you "belong" to is as strict as you indicate, it seems unlikely that an enthusiastic member would be tolerant of any noticeable deviation from the accepted norm. I'd put these sisters into the "art" category of look but don't touch, and start fishing in a different pond.
"Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens."
("Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.")
-- Friedrich Schiller (1759–1805)
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
-- Philip K Dick

OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
-- Dr. Joy

English isn't much of a language for swearing. When I studied Ancient Greek I was delighted to discover a single word - Rhaphanidosthai - which translates roughly as "Be thou thrust up the fundament with a radish for adultery."
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Re: HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby esgab26 on Mon Apr 13, 2009 1:51 am

“you sure it’s not a cult”

Now that you’ve mentioned it (now I’m a bit scared)… well I googled “church of Christ” (this is the name), oh boy, i don’t know which one is…

I don’t know what qualifies as a cult.. if it’s the number of members, I don’t think the number is smallish, they have two locales here in Abu Dhabi, with 3 skeds of homilies, once on wed night and twice on Friday (Friday is Sunday here)… I think there are also locales on the other emirates (I’m sure there’s at least 2 on Dubai), I used to attend every fri afternoon, they are renting this building (and other religions share the place, taking turns)… dunno, but it seems this church attracts all sorts of people… the gathering lasts for 2 hrs, I must admit, it is very organized and very quiet (don’t wanna say “solemn”… I’m always sleeping)

Anyway, I find it really hard just to say to this people to back-off and leave me be (esp. to the females), I’ve been with this flock for about 3 years, and these people, they appear normal on normal days, it’s just that, whenever I miss a sermon, oh man… they won’t stop calling me, even at work! If I don’t answer, expect them to be at your door. That’s what happened last night, my sisters, with all their smiling faces and their perfumes…
I don’t know if there’s anyone here who is a Pastafarian- mostly, people here are either Xtians, Hindis or Moslems…

Btw, ET, how do you post a reply to a specific part of a post (Sorry if this may sound silly, I’m kind of new to this forum thing)
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Re: HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby Elvalia on Mon Apr 13, 2009 9:05 am

esgab26 wrote:we DO CALL each other BROTHER and SISTER.. (please don't misunderstand)

*Breathes sigh of relief.* Ok then.

esgab26 wrote:Btw, ET, how do you post a reply to a specific part of a post (Sorry if this may sound silly, I’m kind of new to this forum thing)
I'll answer that, if you don't mind. I think you're asking how to post a quote. When you're looking at the thread, each post has a little "quote" button at the upper right. If you click it, it'll bring you to the reply screen, but with that post already written in the box where you type your reply. So, I'll quote ET, once with spaces so you know what it looks like, and once without so you can see the finished product:

[ quote="ET, the Extra Terrestrial" ]I'm going to speculate a little, not knowing the number of your "brothers and sisters"...[/quote]

And without the spaces:
ET, the Extra Terrestrial wrote:I'm going to speculate a little, not knowing the number of your "brothers and sisters"...
So anything between the [ quote="someone" ] and [/quote] will be quoted. You can delete anything you don't intend to reply to from in between those.

Also, at the reply screen, if you scroll down, there will be a little recap of everything everyone just said. The little "quote" button shows up there, too. That makes it simple to quote multiple people.
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Re: HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby esgab26 on Mon Apr 13, 2009 11:03 pm

Elvalia wrote:
esgab26 wrote:we DO CALL each other BROTHER and SISTER.. (please don't misunderstand)

*Breathes sigh of relief.* Ok then.

esgab26 wrote:Btw, ET, how do you post a reply to a specific part of a post (Sorry if this may sound silly, I’m kind of new to this forum thing)
I'll answer that, if you don't mind. I think you're asking how to post a quote. When you're looking at the thread, each post has a little "quote" button at the upper right. If you click it, it'll bring you to the reply screen, but with that post already written in the box where you type your reply. So, I'll quote ET, once with spaces so you know what it looks like, and once without so you can see the finished product:

[ quote="ET, the Extra Terrestrial" ]I'm going to speculate a little, not knowing the number of your "brothers and sisters"...


And without the spaces:
ET, the Extra Terrestrial wrote:I'm going to speculate a little, not knowing the number of your "brothers and sisters"...
So anything between the [ quote="someone" ] and [/quote] will be quoted. You can delete anything you don't intend to reply to from in between those.

Also, at the reply screen, if you scroll down, there will be a little recap of everything everyone just said. The little "quote" button shows up there, too. That makes it simple to quote multiple people.[/quote]

Yay :), it worked, haha. Thanks Elvalia!

Well, i'm going this friday again and i'm going to bring a hammer, if it doesn't work, i guess i have to use a torch. wish me luck!

Pastalamalaykum!
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Re: HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby daftbeaker on Tue Apr 14, 2009 7:17 pm

esgab26 wrote:But I couldn't, I just couldn't be RUDE to them... they are just too pretty, clean, innocent....

I'd like to have sex, i'd like to have sex with each one of them. I think if i tell my sisters that i want to have sex with them, perhaps they'll leave me be..

But then for sure they will hate me for that..

I think we may have discovered ken worley's separated-at-birth twin :shocked:

In all seriousness try reading the Skeptics Annotated Bible, jotting down a few of the inconsistencies/problems/misinterpretations and asking your attractive visitors to think about them (handing them copies of the passages and problems you've written down). It probably won't make them give up but it should give you a week or so of peace and puts them under a bit of pressure.
A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything - Friedrich Nietzsche

But why is the rum gone?!
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Re: HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby Nastyogre on Tue May 12, 2009 9:38 am

I would lie to them and have sex with as many of them as I could. THEN eat a big plate of pasta to repent. Heck, as long as you WEAR A CONDOM and make sure they enjoyed the experience I'm not sure his noodliness would disapprove all that much. Remember Christianity is not incompatible with FSM. So, just don't tell them everything.

I do struggle with evil though. So my advice may not be the best...
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Re: HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

Postby thelastpirate on Tue May 12, 2009 12:14 pm

Nastyogre wrote:I would lie to them and have sex with as many of them as I could. THEN eat a big plate of pasta to repent. Heck, as long as you WEAR A CONDOM and make sure they enjoyed the experience I'm not sure his noodliness would disapprove all that much. Remember Christianity is not incompatible with FSM. So, just don't tell them everything.

I do struggle with evil though. So my advice may not be the best...


Your username is appropriate.
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