HOW TO DEAL WITH Extremely Nice and Pretty Christian Sisters

[esgab26]

Hi,

Just 15 minutes ago(yep-- April 12, 2009 -Sunday-22:08 UAE time), some of my sister fanatics visited me...

i've already told them, like a thousand times, i don't want to go to heaven, i don't want eternal life...

But I couldn't, I just couldn't be RUDE to them... they are just too pretty, clean, innocent....

I'd like to have sex, i'd like to have sex with each one of them. I think if i tell my sisters that i want to have sex with them, perhaps they'll leave me be..

But then for sure they will hate me for that..

I just want them to stop "inviting me" and telling me to come with them, the Lord will forgive my sins, blah blah blah...

I prayed to His Noodliness, and for some odd reason, I found myself here in this forum....

Any advice greatly appreciated... thanks

esgab26

[Ubi Dubius]

My friend insists on telling them about Thor. They leave him alone after that. Try sharing the news about the FSM. If that doesn't work,

[Edd]

My friend insists on telling them about Thor.

[Ubi Dubius]

HA! I just saw that poster elsewhere and forwarded it to my Thor-worshipping friend.

[ET, the Extra Terrestrial]

I think if you just blatantly stared at their boobs the whole time they were talking, and every time they ask a question you just responded with "Huh?" and snapped your eyes up to theirs for a second or two, then just go back to boob-staring, they might back off. Of course, if you wanted to retain their respect, this technique would probably be a bit over the line.

[Elvalia]

I'd like to have sex, i'd like to have sex with each one of them. I think if i tell my sisters that i want to have sex with them, perhaps they'll leave me be..

Or perhaps you'll scar them for life. In my opinion, the worst things a girl can find out are that she can't trust her parents, or she can't trust her brother. Don't do that to them. That would follow them for the rest of their lives.

Go with the Thor thing.

[esgab26]

Uhmmmm...

In our church (technically i still belong to this church, they haven't 'erased' my name on their list yet--which we call the book of life in heaven--- but really, it's just some records with weird names---like R2-01)

we DO CALL each other BROTHER and SISTER.. (please don't misunderstand)

actually, one of our doctrines is that we CAN't marry outside of our church... (this is true, if we did, automatically, we are kick out)

But I'd use this as my last resort...

What i'm saying is, i don't want to burn any bridges, especially, when my *sisters* are really good looking.

===========================

I already tried mythology, i've already discussed with them the possibility of the great white unicorn, tried philosophy ---a bearded Roi faineant watching survivor on some vantage point outside the observable amniotic universe. I told them, if Christ can draw a triangle on a euclidan plane with sum of angles not equal to 180 dgrees or if they can show me that a sixth platonic solid exist... I'll happily go back with them. Showed them Kantian/Nietzschean morality/immorality, discussed with them aquinas's summa theologica, leibniz's/descartes
"cosmontological" argument and their counter-arguments... empiricism, existentialism, solipsism, nihilism...

I AM DRAINED, they just won't quit!!

And I swear to FSM, I've even tried writing an "ex-communication" letter... It worked for 8 months, but here they are again, I guess I was too polite...

But yeah, I guess I'll give THOR another shot.

Btw, you mean the current events?

[PKMKII]

You sure you're not in a cult?

[ET, the Extra Terrestrial]

actually, one of our doctrines is that we CAN't marry outside of our church... (this is true, if we did, automatically, we are kick out)

But I'd use this as my last resort...

What i'm saying is, i don't want to burn any bridges, especially, when my *sisters* are really good looking.

.....

I AM DRAINED, they just won't quit!!

I'm going to speculate a little, not knowing the number of your "brothers and sisters". Assuming a smallish group without a lot of branches around the country/world, then these good-looking sisters have limited options, being as you say restricted to marrying within the church community. Maybe they (in the most squeaky-clean religious way) have the hots for your bod, especially since their only other options might be a dude twenty years older than they are, or eternal celibacy. If they really buy into the particular doctrine, then quite possibly the only way to get them to stop is to burn that bridge. There are plenty of good-looking girls out there, several of them right on these forums. And a meaningful relationship with someone whose philosophy is that radically different from your own is going to be really difficult to maintain. It's certainly important in a relationship to be physically attracted to your partner, but it's essential to be tolerant and supportive of each other's world views. If the sect you "belong" to is as strict as you indicate, it seems unlikely that an enthusiastic member would be tolerant of any noticeable deviation from the accepted norm. I'd put these sisters into the "art" category of look but don't touch, and start fishing in a different pond.

[esgab26]

“you sure it’s not a cult”

Now that you’ve mentioned it (now I’m a bit scared)… well I googled “church of Christ” (this is the name), oh boy, i don’t know which one is…

I don’t know what qualifies as a cult.. if it’s the number of members, I don’t think the number is smallish, they have two locales here in Abu Dhabi, with 3 skeds of homilies, once on wed night and twice on Friday (Friday is Sunday here)… I think there are also locales on the other emirates (I’m sure there’s at least 2 on Dubai), I used to attend every fri afternoon, they are renting this building (and other religions share the place, taking turns)… dunno, but it seems this church attracts all sorts of people… the gathering lasts for 2 hrs, I must admit, it is very organized and very quiet (don’t wanna say “solemn”… I’m always sleeping)

Anyway, I find it really hard just to say to this people to back-off and leave me be (esp. to the females), I’ve been with this flock for about 3 years, and these people, they appear normal on normal days, it’s just that, whenever I miss a sermon, oh man… they won’t stop calling me, even at work! If I don’t answer, expect them to be at your door. That’s what happened last night, my sisters, with all their smiling faces and their perfumes…
I don’t know if there’s anyone here who is a Pastafarian- mostly, people here are either Xtians, Hindis or Moslems…

Btw, ET, how do you post a reply to a specific part of a post (Sorry if this may sound silly, I’m kind of new to this forum thing)

[Elvalia]

we DO CALL each other BROTHER and SISTER.. (please don't misunderstand)

*Breathes sigh of relief.* Ok then.

Btw, ET, how do you post a reply to a specific part of a post (Sorry if this may sound silly, I’m kind of new to this forum thing)

I'll answer that, if you don't mind. I think you're asking how to post a quote. When you're looking at the thread, each post has a little "quote" button at the upper right. If you click it, it'll bring you to the reply screen, but with that post already written in the box where you type your reply. So, I'll quote ET, once with spaces so you know what it looks like, and once without so you can see the finished product:

[ quote="ET, the Extra Terrestrial" ]I'm going to speculate a little, not knowing the number of your "brothers and sisters"...[/quote]

And without the spaces:

I'm going to speculate a little, not knowing the number of your "brothers and sisters"...

So anything between the [ quote="someone" ] and [/quote] will be quoted. You can delete anything you don't intend to reply to from in between those.

Also, at the reply screen, if you scroll down, there will be a little recap of everything everyone just said. The little "quote" button shows up there, too. That makes it simple to quote multiple people.

[esgab26]

we DO CALL each other BROTHER and SISTER.. (please don't misunderstand)

*Breathes sigh of relief.* Ok then.

Btw, ET, how do you post a reply to a specific part of a post (Sorry if this may sound silly, I’m kind of new to this forum thing)

I'll answer that, if you don't mind. I think you're asking how to post a quote. When you're looking at the thread, each post has a little "quote" button at the upper right. If you click it, it'll bring you to the reply screen, but with that post already written in the box where you type your reply. So, I'll quote ET, once with spaces so you know what it looks like, and once without so you can see the finished product:

[ quote="ET, the Extra Terrestrial" ]I'm going to speculate a little, not knowing the number of your "brothers and sisters"...

And without the spaces:

I'm going to speculate a little, not knowing the number of your "brothers and sisters"...

So anything between the [ quote="someone" ] and [/quote] will be quoted. You can delete anything you don't intend to reply to from in between those.

Also, at the reply screen, if you scroll down, there will be a little recap of everything everyone just said. The little "quote" button shows up there, too. That makes it simple to quote multiple people.[/quote]

Yay , it worked, haha. Thanks Elvalia!

Well, i'm going this friday again and i'm going to bring a hammer, if it doesn't work, i guess i have to use a torch. wish me luck!

Pastalamalaykum!

[daftbeaker]

But I couldn't, I just couldn't be RUDE to them... they are just too pretty, clean, innocent....

I'd like to have sex, i'd like to have sex with each one of them. I think if i tell my sisters that i want to have sex with them, perhaps they'll leave me be..

But then for sure they will hate me for that..

I think we may have discovered ken worley's separated-at-birth twin

In all seriousness try reading the Skeptics Annotated Bible, jotting down a few of the inconsistencies/problems/misinterpretations and asking your attractive visitors to think about them (handing them copies of the passages and problems you've written down). It probably won't make them give up but it should give you a week or so of peace and puts them under a bit of pressure.

[Nastyogre]

I would lie to them and have sex with as many of them as I could. THEN eat a big plate of pasta to repent. Heck, as long as you WEAR A CONDOM and make sure they enjoyed the experience I'm not sure his noodliness would disapprove all that much. Remember Christianity is not incompatible with FSM. So, just don't tell them everything.

I do struggle with evil though. So my advice may not be the best...

[thelastpirate]

I would lie to them and have sex with as many of them as I could. THEN eat a big plate of pasta to repent. Heck, as long as you WEAR A CONDOM and make sure they enjoyed the experience I'm not sure his noodliness would disapprove all that much. Remember Christianity is not incompatible with FSM. So, just don't tell them everything.

I do struggle with evil though. So my advice may not be the best...

Your username is appropriate.