Showing all posts for #Pirates
20620 Views
Comments Off Comments

‘create your own country’ essay

Published September 22nd, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

[Dwight wrote this essay for an assignment in which they were assigned to create their own country. It's pretty good. I'd like to see it illustrated. A+ ]

The Hallow Kingdom of The Flying Spaghetti Monster (HKFSM) was formed from a large amount of underground volcanic activity underneath the Pacific Ocean at 45 degrees North, 150 degrees West, starting west of what used to be California and ending southwest of Mexico. Unfortunately, the intense volcanic activity caused California and Baja California to plunge into the ocean, destroying large amounts of property. Fortunately, the Californians had enough warning to pack up their things, sell their doomed houses, buy yachts, and sail to the newly formed volcanic land.

The first man to make landfall was a man named Bobby Henderson. Being the first man to make landfall, he instantly declared the land as The Hallow Republic of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. The HKFSM is a theocracy revolving around the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The religion of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM), also known as pastafarianism, is a monotheistic religion. Its prophets teach that five thousand years ago, the FSM created the universe, but He spent one hundred years painstakingly preparing the universe to appear much older than it really is. For hundreds of years afterwards, humans lived in ignorance of the FSM, then He chose to expose Himself to us. Twenty-five hundred years ago, He first revealed his Noodly Appendage to us, showing us the way. From this point on, those who accepted His message knew that we were to live a certain way-on the water in great wooden ships, loaded with grog, swag, and hopefully, wenches. This was His message. For years after this, the Pirates lived a life of peace and merriment, spreading His Word as far as places like Belgium. The pirates were eventually almost wiped out when they attempted to give candy to bloodthirsty Ninjas.

When the entire population of former Californians had landed, they were surprised to see that plants, trees, vegetation, an amusement park, two major cities with suburbs, and a village inhabited by midgets had sprouted from the ground in a week’s time. Bobby Henderson had been living in a hut on HKSFM that had appeared for him. He emerged and told the new inhabitants of HKSFM of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and of his new creation. The people heard and they Believed.

The Marine Subtropical climate creates lush forests of palm trees and picturesque views. Since HKFSM is an island, its temperature tends to be warm all year long. The pastafarians tend to have a rather cavalier attitude with their environment, if they clear a forest to make homes, they are required, by law, to plant two trees for every tree they cut down. Every summer, the people of HKFSM gather up all their accumulated technological trash (spare parts, old cell phones, etc…) and throw them into large garbage trucks which dispose of them properly.

The pastafarians on HKFSM are very strict about abiding to pirate attire, etc… At least 3 items of pirate attire are required to be worn at all times. On the religious holidays (Fridays), full pirate regalia is required. All the pastafarians on HKFSM consider themselves as seafaring pirates in some way. Most of the inhabitants use HKFSM as a home base after short fishing trips. The head of Government, Bobby Henderson, handles all matters of island security, tourism, etc… He is also the religious leader of the country. Food in HKFSM is world known. A group of pirates looted New Orleans and found some excellent Cajun chefs who wished to join the ranks of the proud citizens of HKFSM. Gorilla Soccer is a slightly modified game of soccer which is popular in HKFSM. It is played with the head of a gorilla, and uses all the rules of soccer; it is popular with the children.

Tourists love HKFSM, and travel annually to celebrate the joys of pastafarianism and pirates. Many tourists cast aside their old religion and embrace Pastafarianism after being touched by His Noodly Appendage. The amazing climate, picturesque scenes, and plentiful wenches make the island irresistible.

22134 Views
69 Comments

Talk Like a Pirate Day

Published September 19th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

Wednesday, September 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day. My guess is that a large percentage of Pastafarians will observe this holiday. For more information, I strongly suggest that you check out the website talklikeapirateday.com.

jollyroger.jpg

13921 Views
Comments Off Comments

Toronto Pirate Festival

Published August 22nd, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

piratefestival.jpg

The Pirate Festival – at Historic Fort York

2007 Dates: Aug 18-19, 25-26 and Sept 1-3 (10am – 6pm)
Location: Fort York – 100 Garrison Road, Toronto, ON

Are any Pastafarians attending? Send me pictures if so, please. Thanks.

16192 Views
1 Comments

Pirates Vs. Ninjas: A study in memology

Published July 26th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

Wellington Grey has published a seminal report discussing a topic of much importance to recent memes: Pirates Vs. Ninjas.

well1.jpg

Grey looks not only at weapons and fighting characteristics, but at environmental concerns and challenges faced by each groups.

Simple Harmonic Motion favors pirates: Fighting on a ship requires the combatants to move with the oscillations of the ship. Pirates would have a natural advantage in this environment.

well2.jpg

well5.jpg

well3.jpg

Grey also looks at the influence of the FSM, Himself.

well4.jpg

I recommend that anyone interested in a attaining a greater understanding of the issue take a look at the report.

36540 Views
188 Comments

Global Warming, Pirates, and the Rise of the FSM

Published June 24th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

The Cincinnati Beacon notices a relationship between global warming and pirates.

General consciousness about global warming seems to have reached a new critical mass, perhaps thanks to Al Gore’s movie and the growing awareness of green technologies.

But has anyone noticed, while more people become aware of global warming and take steps to combat it, that our culture has become filled with even more pirates? Pirates, in many ways, are experiencing a renaissance in America right now.

Read it here.

30891 Views
464 Comments

Pirate Fish hidden in Pirates of the Caribbean 3?

Published June 15th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

Hey, I’m just wondering – has anyone spotted a Pirate Fish hidden somewhere in Pirates of the Caribbean 3? Months ago, one of the animators told me they’d slip it in somewhere. I haven’t seen it yet, and no one has told me they saw it yet. Is it there?

piratefish.jpg

25685 Views
145 Comments

Jolly Roger Banned

Published June 8th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

flag_jolly_sm.jpg

Some neighborhood council in Hampshire banned a man from flying the Jolly Roger at his son’s birthday party.

The article doesn’t mention if he was a Pastafarian, but I would not be surprised. I doubt this was an issue of religious discrimination, more likely just an uptight council. It sounds like he’ll get permission to fly the flag after filing for some permits, but if not, I suggest that he plays the religious discrimination card.

The article is here.

15377 Views
25 Comments

Pirate ships invade Portland

Published June 7th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

tallships.jpg

Tall Sailing Ships in Portland at Waterfront Park, May 31 – June 10.

I wish I could go.

Read about it here.

18670 Views
59 Comments

Pirate ship sighting in Brisbane

Published May 22nd, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

whilst at uni the other day i looked out the window to brisbane harbor and low and behold a pirate ship was sailing by, i grabbed a camera and got a few pics… after class i went to the pub and there just happened to be spagetti wresling on…

dawson

p4300256_sm.jpg

p4300252_sm.jpg

18888 Views
74 Comments

cutty sark burns

Published May 21st, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

Sad news. The 19th century clipper The Cutty Sark caught fire and burned out of control.  Police are treating the fire as “suspicious”.
0greenwichcuttysarkfront.jpg 0_cutty_fire.jpg

Read it here

Discussion Forum

23,506 members

Contact Me

Please help us stay ahead of the Mormons!






Categories

General
general (881)
Hate-Mail (and Concerned Criticism)
hate-mail (449)
Sightings
sightings (286)
Evangelism
evangelism (210)
Pirates
pirates (64)
Evidence
evidence (59)
Food
food (52)
Holiday Celebrations
holiday (31)
Spite
spite (2)
© 2014 Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster