After much thinking, I came up with a theory about evolution. Maybe our eyes evolved from meatballs, and our eyelashes were spaghetti!
This theory sounds as plausible as some I’ve heard, but I am skeptical. I know that we see the world through the lens of our religion, and even in matters of science we decide what is True by consensus, and that we are prone to accepting only what fits our already-decided ideology, but perhaps it’s time to demand more rigorous standards. Or, dare I say it, accept the conclusions by the unGodly (FSM) heathens in academia. Can there be some compromise?
Someone please set me straight, I think I am having a faith/reason crisis.
If one looks closely, one can see the mighty Flying Spaghetti Monster controlling the forces of nature in His awesome petulance.
Here’s some more evidence I suspect to be fake. Created by a competing religion to make us look bad, perhaps. The FSM is not a force of destruction, as far as I know.
Note — I got a few emails about this from people who feel the post is not funny because people died in the tornadoes. I agree, but the purpose wasn’t just to make a joke, the post was (supposed to be) directed at a theme in religion we find tasteless: the inclination of mainstream religious leaders to attribute natural disasters as the work of God – i.e. blame the victim.
While doing research at the National Institutes of Health website, I came across this photograph. Despite it being labeled as "Treponema," I knew it could only be the Noodly Master, and some organism that causes Syphilis. Here he is, in all of his magnificence–a perfect specimen. Ramen.
I find it difficult to believe the FSM causes Syphilis but I can’t deny your evidence.
His noodly appendages have appeared to me. I wish to share this: in millions of my cells, your cells, and every other living things’ cells a process called mitosis is occurring. The Flying Spagetti Monster manifests His self and touches us ALL with love and grace.
President of the American Atheist Group, David Silverman, went on the O’Reilly Factor to talk about the group’s “You KNOW they’re all SCAMS” billboard campaign. Bill O’Reilly said it was insulting to religious people. Silverman says it’s the truth and how can the truth be offensive.
I will admit I laughed when I heard about the billboard. I can imagine the response it will get in Alabama. Anyone remember the Top Gear episode where they did a road trip through the south and wrote controversial slogans on each others cars? Made me think of that.
I will also admit I have a grudging respect for Bill O’Reilly – because as much of a pompous ass he is, and as often as he is wrong about so many things, I find him intellectually honest. I believe he believes what he is saying, and you can’t say that about everyone. [Edit - I got a lot of flack for that statement. Maybe deserved. But still I believe there is a difference between what he is doing and what Glenn Beck is doing. Both are asses but I believe O'Reilly sleeps well at night and doesn't believe himself to be a fraud.]
But here is one of those things O’Reilly says that leaves you stunned. There is proof of (presumably a personal Christian) God because of Tides:
O’REILLY: I’ll tell you why it’s not a scam: the tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that.
SILVERMAN: The tide goes in, tide goes out?
O’REILLY: The water, the tide comes in, it goes out, Mr. Silverman. It always comes in, it always goes out. You can’t explain that.
Here’s the video:
In response, friend of the Church of Flying Spaghetti Monster, Mr. Stephen Colbert, had Astrophysicist Neil Degrasse Tyson on The Colbert Report to give a scientific explanation for the tides:
As always, the problem with the false religion/science dichotomy leaves the masses ignorant of the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s influence over everything.
Ohio’s giant Touchdown Jesus statue was hit by lightning and burned to the ground last night.
A six-story-tall statue of Jesus Christ with his arms raised along a highway was struck by lightning in a thunderstorm Monday night and burned to the ground, police said.
The sculpture, 62 feet tall and 40 feet wide at the base, showed Jesus from the torso up and was nicknamed Touchdown Jesus because of the way his arms were raised, as though reaching out to catch a football. It was made of plastic foam and fiberglass over a steel frame, which is all that remained early Tuesday.
Meringue corresponces found between phyto planktons and the Flying Spaghetti Monster!
That microcosmic creature is sailing in sea using carbon dioxide from fleck atmosphere to grown. It’s very rapidly reacting in its environment. I didn’t find any direct link within pirates, but under the climate change autothrophs could get lower photosynthesis levels to survive.
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American.