I awoke this morning with marinara sauce on my shirt. I can still feel the touch of his noodley appendage deep within my heart and stomach. I feel like I was born again satiated with his love …
Is there some way I can donate my life savings to his glory?
I know that one day when I die, I will be united on his pirate ship where i may gaze upon paradise with my patchless eye.
glory be the path of pastafarianism.
Ah Jeff- your life savings is not enough to enter the Holy Sacred Tabernacle of our Lord and Savior- may the sauce be upon him- the benificient- the Omnipotent F S M. The Noodley one demands more of his sycophants. You need to rid yourself of all vestiges of mundane humanity and toss your defiled smegma ridden human corpulence into a boiling cauldron of salted water. If you are a chosen one- the monster will enter the vessel and shed his pure starch upon the blistering remnants of your pustular body. You will rise from the human frappe and be born again as one of the Holy One’s Cappelini. The very thought of this miracle makes my boils ooze Velveeta. You will be one of the chosen peoples- may the sauce be with you for all eternity- R’Amen
this is sick but its the most sacreligious thing ever invented
“this is sick but its the most sacreligious thing ever invented”
Let’s analyze this very quickly. First, it would be really great if you could learn how to begin and end a sentence properly. Second, I think you should have chosen a better word than “sick”. Does it imply that we are sick as in mentally for being here? Or sick as in cool? Because the second meaning of the word would require the usage of “but” since it would be cool while also being “sacreligious” (spell check dude). However, using the first definition the conjunction but doesn’t make. Please clarify and try again so we can address the actual issue you have with our wit and logic. If you could also do us the courtesy of reading the ABOUT tab, so we don’t have to repeat ourselves to another idiot, we would greatly appreciate it.
The revelation of the Holy Lord and Master of the Pastaverse is sacreligious. Woah oh woah be unto you infidel. For the Benificient F S M will tear asunder your corpulent soul and throw it into the bowels of Heck. Repent- oh yee Repent before it is too late- REPENT and the Great the Holy the Benifecent may choose to spare you- may the sauce be upon him. R’Amen
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Even a kid of 4 year isn’t stupid enough to believe this… I’m not gonna say you people are deluted (you are) but come on man.. Flying spaghetti monster?? OMG Let’s create a relegion called: “Swimming cake monster” and the global warming is because people eat to much cake!!
You are absolutely right. I propose we create a religion based on a guy that was born by immaculate conception (still the most boring way to get pregnant), who was able to walk over water and multiply bread just by waving his hand.
We can then elect the elder village idiot (or, if not available, a former Nazi) as his infallible representative on earth.
And occasionaly, we’ll let him throw in a big party in which we’ll dig up one of his predecessors and let the followers perform a stunning act of necrophilia.
Nothing beats that! :-)
Wel…. The bible is made in a period where people gave a message with an entire story. So your comment doesn’t make sense, these are just “stories” in the bible, it never actually happend.. The intention of story is that you take a message out of it.
I’ve got a question for you.. The “FSM” created the universe and stuff.. but “spaghetti” is food which is discovered by human, so how do you explain that there was “spaghetti” before human invented bread and spaghetti..?
Do you know why this is a religion? Well I do.. Listen: A couple of years ago there was a man who said that Wikipedia is crap because everyone can write something on it and it doesn’t have to be true. He created an article called: “Flying spaghetti monster” to show the world that you can write anything on Wikipedia. After this was happend some people started believing in it (even though it’s made up by that same man).
I (normally) respect someones relegion but this is just.. wel… bulshit.. it’s fake! And made up by someone! it doesn’t exists!!
(written by a boy from holland of 17 years old, so you could imagine that his English is not that good)
By “Made-up…”, perhaps you mean something like this: CHRISTIANITY: the belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie will give you eternal life if you drink his blood and eat his flesh and telepathically tell him he’s your master, all because some rib women was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
MAKES PERFECT SENSE!
If you’re able to discuss Wellhausen’s Documentary Hypothesis knowledgeably with me, we should discuss the authorship and politics and economics of the biblical time. Otherwise, you’re beginning to make yourself look like another of the hot air balloons who blow through our website with great regularity.
And how right you are. The bible is a treasure trove of prophecies. Sal 27.3 even predicts the advent of Rambo (salve, Silvester Stalone! Sorry, I have to translate it freely from Spanish, as I cite from “Mentiras Fundamentales de la Iglesia Católica”): “Even if a whole army should camp against me, my heart would not fear. Even if it would hurtle itself against me in war, I would be calm.”
Maybe I am mistaken.
Maybe it was meant to prophesy James Bond…?
again noodly and beery greetings from Munich
Welcome, Peter, and Arrr…
A little clarification, if you don’t mind: You write “I’m not gonna say you people are deluted…”. Should that be “deluded” or “diluted”?
If the former, then please explain how our delusion differs from every other religion on the friggin’ planet?
If the latter, you may have a point. I use rum for that particular purpose.
Kind regards, rAmen and another Arrr,
Thomas L. Nielsen
Danish Pastafarian, currently residing in Luxembourg
PS: I did notice later that you point out that your English may not be all that good. Rest assured, your English is certainly better than my Dutch, which is why I’m asking for the above clarification.
“Deluted”? No I am 100% me. If you would like to speak of “deluted” though you should probably look through the bible, or the koran, or any other holy book. They have all been “deluted” by humans. And you are free to make up whatever religion you want. Everyone else has, you might as well jump on the train, right? Just don’t try to teach it to my kid in school. Thanks so much.
i’m down the the monster. 5 times as rational as zombie jesus or acceptible than allah and his encouragement of muhammed’s nine-year-old-forced-wife.
No Peter, you DON’T know why this is a religion, what you claim to ‘know’ is a thousand miles of the mark. You could well be right about the bible stories, in fact I tend to agree that this is probably the case, but the rest of your post is way off, except of course the bit about it being made up by someone – it was, the prophet Bobby. I know who made my religion up, do you know who made yours up? ‘Cause sure as hell someone did.
At 17 Peter you are not a boy but a young man, you have a responsibility to yourself and others now, use you eyes and your brain, go back to the home page and start again.
May the sauce be with you.
P.S. The swimming cake monster and the swimming cake monster are one and the same; part of the holy trinity – God, the Pasta, God the Antipasti and God the delicious pudding.
P.P.S. Of course I meant The Swimming Cake Monster and The Flying Spaghetti Monster are one and the same. To much grog, of to bed to sleep it off. (4:23 in the States but 11:23pm in the UK) Night night.
Do NOT make fun on the Holy Triity! It was conceived hard enough, starting with the Nicean Concille around AD 300 by Constantine through pressuring all the bishops (“Either you agree to it or you go into exile and/or lose your income!”) So a lot of hard honest work went into it, at least as far as the unity of Monster-Pop and Monster-Son went. It took until 1334 when the Unholy Three finally came together (work of John XXII). Other family members (like brothers and sisters) were abolished a lot earlier being cut loser from the family tree and furthermore called cousins. Obviously would be too awkward to re-virginize the Lady each time, wouldn’t it?
Several Pastamonster-Sightings on the Munich Octoberfest.
Could have been on the Ghostride there, though….
Peter said “OMG Let’s create a relegion called: “Swimming cake monster” and the global warming is because people eat to much cake”
I hope this is a joke because as we all know Global Warming is caused by the declining number of Pirates in the world. This is not a theory either, it was proven in our holiest of texts by a graph that demonstrated the inverse relation of Pirates and Global Average temperatures.
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