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Australian Driver’s License

Published February 16th, 2016 by Bobby Henderson

Good news — Sue from Melbourne was allowed a Colander in her Driver’s License photo, after a fight. Well done.

As always, we take this as implicit government acknowledgement of our legitimacy.

ausID



222 Responses to “Australian Driver’s License”

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  1. YoungPastafarian says:

    Greetings Pastafarian friends.
    When i wear colander it always falls off. Can someone give me any tips to improve my colander experience?

  2. Rasputin says:

    Dear YoungPastafarian, wear a woolly hat under the colander and use a chin strap. Stops it sliding.

    • Nah Fam says:

      Nah Fam.

  3. Keith says:

    Dear Young Pastafarian. I think you are too modest and need to get a bigger head. Rasputin is right. In the the Civil Wars in England it was common to wear a stocking cap under a helmet. This provided extra warmth, extra padding and it stopped the helmet from sliding about too much. Alternatively, make a lining and stuff it with pine needles like the Spaniards did. This makes the hair smell nicer and prevents lice.

    • Cap'n Grey Beard says:

      Alterantively denture glue works a treat.

      • Dwarfs-Are-Us says:

        Concrete will also work.

        • Stoned says:

          No it won’t. Who’d want that heavy, sinking feeling all day long?

  4. SillyKiwiMan says:

    If only this acceptance of a colander was country-wide. Each state in Oz have their own licenses and even within a state different bureaucrats will either accept or reject things on a whim.

    If, and it’s a BIG “if” you found a person with a brain, or less likely, a person with a brain with a manager with a brain (apparently arse-covering or religious managers at a local level have overriden a sensible decision) then in NSW you’d be ok. Unfortunately the roads and maritime service in my neck of the woods doesn’t fit this bill. When I last renewed my license, the lass who dealt with me was great, but I was certain that her crucifix wearing, moustachioed (woman) manager would step in and reject my colander.

    • Keith says:

      I just haven’t bothered trying and probably won’t bother. Australia and its states are hidden theocracies (otherwise, why else would a fundamentalist school associated with “Accelerated Christian Education” get a larger area of land than a state school).

      • SillyKiwiMan says:

        There’s also a school in Sydney, being shut down due to gross mismanagement, that is 100% taxpayer funded and 100% only open to muslims. Completely private school getting completely funded by the taxpayer.

        Inner-city wankers (of which I am one, normally) are up in arms. Good fucking riddance says I. Now let’s try to break the stranglehold that the catholics have on the rest of the schools and then we can move on to the hospitals.

        • Suzy says:

          Yes , it is a disgrace. Facts not fiction, funding measures on scientific merit.

        • Suzy says:

          Yes , it is a disgrace. Facts not fiction, funding measured on scientific merit.

        • Master Bates says:

          Suzy, surely, expand that to include the arts? Setting a curriculum must be very difficult, but, it should NEVER include religion at public expense. I believe that private religious schools, including home schooling, should be for consenting adults only.
          I am aware of several excelling private schools where a quarter of their students are from poor minority groups, whose acceptance is simply by application, where the government contributes what these kid’s basic teaching costs would be in the public system.
          I believe that social issues outside of schools inhibit many children’s learning, presenting the biggest challenge to achieving equal outcomes. In my district, underperforming kids from dysfunctional homes get a cooked breakfast, extra staff and resources at school.

        • Cap'n Grey Beard says:

          RAMEN!

  5. Rasputin says:

    I’ve just retaxed my car for the coming year. In the UK every car requires an annual tax to be paid. Expensive hyper-guzzlers cost many hundreds of pounds per year, frugal jalopies a lot less and electric vehicles or “historic” are free.
    At the same time I enrolled as an organ donor. In the event of my untimely demise, several people will have a second chance.
    The online submission form requests my religion. I had to put “other” because “Pastafarianism” isn’t listed among the dozen or so categories.
    Sometimes these govt. websites get back to people, to request what they thought of the service. I intend to give them a piece of my mind. How dare they not list Pastafarianism!

    • Master Bates says:

      Rasputin, I was waiting, with bated breath, for exactly which pre-loved organs you offered for re-cycling. Not surprisingly, I was disapointed! I also have an ‘O’ on my license, but, in Queensland, one has to dodge the road-blocks when parts are needed.

      • Rasputin says:

        Most of my body parts are decrepit, but they might find my penises interesting.

      • suzy says:

        ‘dodge the roadblocks’..must keep that in mind next time i am in Qld. in victoria we have never had provision on our licence for organ donation.. i just googled and found this……….### donor information (organ and tissue donation is no longer recorded on driver licences in Queensland. Australia has the single national Australian Organ Donor Register. This register is now the only place to record a legal decision to donate organs and tissue for transplantation)…..so if you still have an ‘o’ on your licence ..you may need to be even more vigilant..which may be as good an excuse as any to go for a colander licence.

        • Master Bates says:

          Suzy, just looked at my driver’s licence; the O has gone; I never noticed. I have tested the water with my local Government Agent, asking for his reaction if I appeared with a colander for my next renewal; no problem, he assured me.

        • Cap'n Grey Beard says:

          Or you could have the words “if i am dead use my bits for good” tatooed on your forehead.

    • Master Bates says:

      …. unfortunately, I can’t spare pieces of my mind.

  6. Dee Ranged says:

    Before I join your Church I just want to know, will I be excommunicated if anyone finds out that I only eat Paleo?

    • Keith says:

      No, you won’t. The FSM is a loving God.

    • Master Bates says:

      Dee-Ranged, only if said Paleo includes human flesh.

    • The Pauny says:

      http://paleogrubs.com/pasta-recipes

  7. Lewis says:

    Dear Pastafarian brothers and sisters,
    I would like to ask about the process of becoming a minister. Is there some sort of special course or seminar that I must take before I can truly call myself a minister? If not, who can I talk to if I am struggling with my faith? Also, must I remain a virgin if I am to become a minister, because that’s kind of a deal breaker for me.
    Thank you for your attention

    • The Sauceror says:

      Dear Lewis, in our noodly religion you can be a virgin no matter how many times you have had sex (or not).

      I, myself, have been a virgin so many times now that I gave up counting years ago.

      • The Sauceror says:

        P.S., the FSM doesn’t care if you are a virgin or not.

        It’s all about drinking beer, eating pasta, getting laid, and not being a dick.

        ……although, “being a dick” is quite negotiable.

  8. Captain Birdseye says:

    Lewis, you must:
    1/ carefully study Pastafarian dogma, which consists of a single line: ‘There is no dogma’. Buying The FSM Gospel will help your studies;
    2/ apply for your Ordination Certificate;
    3/ your extended training and support is at this seminary, particularly, with regard to false religion’s apologetics;
    4/ remaining (?) a virgin may result in your being de-frocked, or, require the title of Saint.

    • Pastor Ian Far says:

      How many of our Ordained are participating in the School Chaplaincy program in Australia?

      • SillyKiwiMan says:

        As Pastafarians, none. As for those with recognised secular qualifications who happen to be Pastafarians as well, I’d hope there are a few.

        The chaplaincy program is engineered to make it difficult to participate if one isn’t representing a mainstream religion. I’ve read reports of qualified secular counsellors, who were preferred by the parents of the kids at the schools in question, being rejected due to their lack of affiliation with a mainstream church.

        To quote my lovely wife, “it’s fucking bullshit”.

        • Keith says:

          I’d go even further to say that for “mainstream religion” read “christian religion”. The Commonwealth government website does not say who administers the scheme but my understanding is that it is administered by a holy roller organisation.

        • SillyKiwiMan says:

          That’s my understanding too. Under sufferance there are a couple of Muslim preachers in schools where the demographic pretty much dictates that (Lakemba etc. in Sydney, unfortunately my knowledge of similar suburbs in other regions is lacking) but as long as they’re Abrahamic, they’re tolerated.

        • Rasputin says:

          Are there chaplains in the faiths held by the aboriginies? Seems unfair if they’re excluded. Australia used to belong to them!

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Rasputin, yes, there are Indigenous chaplains in remote areas, but, the Clan Elders used to be relied on as the source of wisdom. Sorcerors also still get a say, but, replacing an evolved system of knowledge with pleas to Jesus is a failed experiment. But, the Church Bands still play Hawaiian music.
          I was once allowed into a secret men’s-business sacred cave to look at the paintings. All artistic conventions, such as sideways meant dead, were broken; it was 40-thousand years old utter porn.

        • The Sauceror says:

          See? Now you know why it’s such a good idea to put saucerors in charge of religion.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          The Sauceror, Aboriginal sorcerors assume an inherited position. Despite missionaries, father taught son. I have asked to be taught a single charm and was always told that it costs money. Most of their duties are called for at births, deaths and marriages and consists of driving away spirits, whilst heavily intoxicated. Funerals end by burning down the deceased’s house, which still upsets the missionaries. When I go fishing with Aboriginals, misadventures are attributed to Satan. Pointing the boner is still required, but, saucy cave paintings are essential duties.

        • Keith says:

          Rasputin. I’ll probably be accused of racism here but humans did not originate in Australia. Australia belongs to the monotremes and the marsupials. The only placentals that can be genuinely considered native to Australia are bats.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          I thought Aborigines coast-hopped from east India about 50-thousand years ago.
          We are a type of ape, so, I suspect Africa remains the preferred continent of our earliest ancestors.

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