Kiva Team FSM has reached $2 Million in Loans

Published March 24th, 2014 by Bobby Henderson


Team FSM has reached $2 Million in loans on the micro-lending site Kiva. We’re now the top-lending religious congregation on Kiva, above the Buddhists, Catholics, Muslims, and — especially pleasing to me – above the Mormons, who we’ve been in a friendly competition with for years. Congratulations everyone!

suck it, mormons

What is Kiva? Kiva is a platform where you can make small loans to people in poor areas that need help starting small business. We make small, interest-free loans towards the projects we support, and Kiva combines them to fund the loan to the person who wants to build a small workshop, farm, restaurant, fruit stand, etc. These are interest-fee loans in places like Cambodia, Peru, Uganda — places where traditional bank lending to the poor is unavailable (or predatory). Kiva ensures that the loans are paid out and that the money is paid back. A lot of us feel this is the best way of bringing economic growth to the poorest areas.

I’ve had a good experience with Kiva and I encourage anyone interested to check it out. And please join our amazing team and help us continue to trounce the mainstream religion teams.

867 Responses to “Kiva Team FSM has reached $2 Million in Loans”

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  1. Detlev Jonas says:


    I am Mr detlev jonas a private loan lender from Germany, i offer loan at 3% interest rate, this is a legitimate company with honor and difference we are ready to help you out in any financial problem that you are, we offer all types of loan so if you are interested in applying for a loan, kindly contact us now on our email:[email protected]

    Also provide the following details so that we can proceed with the loan immediately.


    Full Name:
    Amount Needed:
    Purpose Of Loan:
    Monthly Income:
    Phone Number:
    Have You Applied Before:
    Place Of Work:

    Contact us with the above details on our email: [email protected]
    Regards to you all.

    • Rasputin says:

      Dear Detlev Jonas, thankyou for telling us you’re a lender with “honor and difference”. I hope you’re different from all the other lenders which use this blog. I keep asking them to go and f*ck themselves, then put the images on You Tube or their own website so that we Pastafarians can laugh at them. So far nobody – NOT ONE! – has had the politeness or the decency to oblige. Are you different? Have we found a lender who is truly different? Or are you exactly the same kind of internet criminal as all the others? Your questionnaire mentions “Sex”, which is as good an invitation as I’ve had all week.

  2. Rasputin says:

    Dear Keith, was the lying ***t called Jp Lenders or Vincenzo or Igho or Iskender or James Morgan? They all seem the type of person who’d water your beer and claim a ghost did it.

    • Keith says:

      He was probably named all of those things. Someone in an old trench coat going “woooo” and wearing a bucket on his head is not likely to convince me that Ned Kelly has returned from the grave.

      • Rasputin says:

        Have you seen “Jebus Terminator” and “Fist of Jesus” on YouTube? Tell me what you think.

        • Keith says:

          “Fist of Jesus” is definitely the funnier of the two in my opinion. It also sort of explains Matthew 27:52.

  3. Binaley Salami says:

    Are you in need of a loan? have the bank denied you of a loan, we are here to help you financially, all you have to do now is to email us via ([email protected]) to get your instant loan of any amount at any destination. Your happiness is our priority.

    Name: Binaley Salami
    Company name: Binaley Financial Institution
    Email: [email protected]


    • Keith says:

      Over to you, Rasputin.

      • The Sauceror says:

        Dear Keith and Rasputin, I have observed the two of you masters of linguini-istics for some time now, and I think I may be prepared to try out a response to these pasta-sites. Pleeeeze, pleeeeze, please let me take a shot. I promise I will try to not disappoint you.

        • Keith says:

          I would be delighted to read your response, Sauceror.

        • Rasputin says:

          Dear Saucerer, yes please! Have a go.

      • Rasputin says:

        Dear Salami, Wow! You’d be great sliced into little pieces and immersed in sauce before being poured over pasta. We’re just the people to do it because we’re PIRATES! Ye scurvy dog, we’ll keel haul ye and tie ye to the yardarm for fifty lashes. Aaaarrgghh ye be an internet fraudster for sure. Now go away, ponder about our fair warning and f*uck yeself. Our happiness is your priority so do it quickly and load the images on ye website so we can all look at ye. Aaarrrgghhhh!

        • The Sauceror says:

          Thanks for your faith Keith and Rasputin. Dear Binalay Salami, all you have to do now is to f*ck yourself via (utube go f*ck yourself.com) to get your instant f*ck of any amount of any destination. It would make us all very happy for you to f*ck yourself at your earliest convenience as your highest priority. Beat it, Salami!

        • Keith says:

          Very eloquently put, Sauceror!

        • Keith says:

          Thank you Rasputin: up to your usual high standards!

    • Rasputin says:

      Dear Eick Service, yes you have only 3.23% of my interest. I’d be much more interested if you explained how I can visit the US via email. If your claim is false, please feel free to f*ck yourself. Regards.

      • The Sauceror says:

        Dear Eick (I like Eick), thanks for your generous offer for me to visit myself via email, but I think I can find better service and a better deal somewhere else.

    • The Sauceror says:

      Where is Rasputin when you need him most? He probably went out and got all sauced, and is now praying to a false god— the porcelain goddess. “Oh, ye porcelain goddess, hear my barf, and accept my hurl.”

      • Keith says:

        Also known as “Driving the Porcelain Bus”.

        • The Sauceror says:

          I’ll betcha he’s tossing his noodles right now. Come back to us, Rasputin. We’re lost without you!

      • Rasputin says:

        Aaarrgghhhh, Saucerer, sorry, I was sleeping on watch. A dreadful offence for any pirate.

    • Rasputin says:

      Dear Kenny Malcolm, my dog is called Spartacus and he’d like a loan at a cheap and affordable rate. You give out loans to everybody, right? My dog must be included because he’s got a body. He wants to borrow some money so that he can pay you to go f*ck yourself. Is that alright ? When I asked him what kind of sex he wanted to see you doing, he said, “Ruff”. Go to it Kenny Baby, and put the images on a website so we can all watch you.

  4. William Frank says:

    Hi,I’m Mr William and operate a private loan firm (William Frank Finance Company Ltd). I assist people with specialized financial needs. My rates of interest begin at 2% over prime. If you are looking for a loan to pay off credit card debt or for other household needs send me an E-mail:[email protected] on Hope to see your name on our clients record. We will give you a prompt
    Mr William Frank

    • Rasputin says:

      Dear William Frank, thankyou for your kind and unusual offer to loan us your privates. Yes please, I want a prompt. After I have received your privates, I will take some photographs and offer them to the FSM website. I have often thought about borrowing other people’s privates and this is the first time I’ve found anyone prepared to assist.

  5. Keith says:

    I think your husband is not the only one with cancer of the brain.

  6. Rasputin says:

    Don’t write cr*p like this. Nobody’s interested. Your twaddle is much too long, it’s not funny and it fails to mention the FSM. My advice: Keep it short, keep it funny and praise His Noodliness or shut the **** up.

  7. Keith says:

    That’s a good point about mentioning the FSM. This is a website devoted to his/her/its Noodliness and there seem to be few posts (mine included, I am sorry to say) that give due praise to the FSM.

  8. pastamon says:

    y r they allowed on yeeeee website

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