1712259 Views
131 Comments

Pastafarian minister sworn into office

Published January 6th, 2014 by Bobby Henderson

sworn-in

Encouraging news, reported by The Observer out of Dunkirk, New York:

A unique style of headwear was present during newly-seated Pomfret Town Council member Christopher Schaeffer’s oath of office Thursday afternoon, but it wasn’t intended to keep his head warm.

Schaeffer wore a colander (a strainer typically used to drain water from spaghetti) while Town Clerk Allison Dispense administered the oath of office to him before the board’s reorganizational meeting. When the OBSERVER asked afterward why he wore a colander on his head, Schaeffer said he was a minister with an even more unique organization – the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

This may be the first openly Pastafarian sworn into office. For sure, the first to be sworn in wearing a colander.

I imagine Council member Schaeffer is getting a lot of heat because of the news coverage. Some people will see it as obnoxious or a sign that he’s not taking the oath of office seriously. But I am completely confident that Schaeffer will distinguish himself as a Council member of the highest caliber.

Scaeffer’s statement at the end of the article says it all:

“Mostly, I’m just looking forward to making sure that the town is run smoothly and we meet the needs of all of our citizens,” he said. “If anybody ever has any concerns or questions, I hope they contact me, because I want to make sure that everyone is represented.”

You can read the article here at the Observer.



131 Responses to “Pastafarian minister sworn into office”

  1. TylerTheCreator says:

    Wow what an unbelievably stupid man. If theres a damn spaghetti monster than im fucking king Ragu…Retards

    • SillyKiwiMan says:

      How does King Ragu like you fucking him? I can’t imagine it’s much fun. I can only guess as to the condition of your tiny, shrivelled dick so as to make youu so unpleasant.

      I assume your objection to our faith is because it challenges your simple little view of the world. Try thinking a little bit. You may find it broadens your mind.

      • TylerTheCreator says:

        Im not even going to respond to your petty attempts of trying to put words into a sentence. Oh my spaghetti you are an idiot…

      • TylerTheCreator says:

        And my Objection to your “faith” is not in any comparison a challenge of my world. I know who I am, it is too bad you cannot say the same.

        • SillyKiwiMan says:

          I know who I am. It’s written in my underpants.

          Homophobia doesn’t strengthen your case, unless you’re making the case that christians are bigoted arseholes, in which case I applaud you.

    • Cannon Chris says:

      Hail, King Ragu-Retards.

  2. TylerTheCreator says:

    Im still amazed they actually swore him in…its moronic

    • Rev. Wulff says:

      And what exactly are you “TheCreator” of, Tyler? Aside from asinine posts that show no comprehension of proper capitalization, punctuation, or decency?

      • TylerTheCreator says:

        Hey im not the one putting faith in omnipotent pasta so take notes and you might learn something.

      • Cannon Chris says:

        By any chance, does anyone have a list of all of the gods that diverse people have fervently put their faith in? I’m guessing it’s in the thousands.
        I suggest King Ragu goes on an evangelical world tour, starting in Africa, expressing the very same sentiments at each venue. Any estimates of his life-span? Obviously, they’re all wrong and need him to explain that to them. The world is ready to learn! Aaaaaarghhhh…..

        PS. If reincarnation actually occurs, what has Fred Phelps come back as? A toad? A dysentery amoeba? Tyler?

        • Keith says:

          If multiple reincarnations end in enlightenment I would say that Fred has a long way to go. He’ll be joining the long line of hate mailers desperately trying to get off of the wheel.

        • Cannon Chris says:

          Keith, I’ll pray to FSM for Fred’s soul and hope that the universe lasts long enough.
          Regarding numbers of gods, I read that it’s between 33 million and 300 million. Of course, fundamentalists claim that there is only one god, and these are all manifestations of Him, including the female ones.
          Aztec priests ripped the hearts out of a thousand people per week to make the sun come up. Praise be to God for ensuring we have sunlight!

          PS. I will assume that Fred’s funeral will be picketed by millions. If he was given an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox!

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          If you wanted to give *hate* an enema, you’d stick the tube in Fred.

        • Keith says:

          Cannon Chris,
          There are probably many more gods than that. Some religions like Shinto and Taoism have local protective gods and I do not doubt that gods were named, worshipped and abandoned long before any long term method of recording was invented.

        • Cannon Chris says:

          Keith, you are correct, there seem to be many, many more. A learned source calculated 1,200,000,000 since Neanderthal times. It’s a cunning idea to suggest they are all manifestations of the same god (guess who’s). Christian rhetoric. Shame they all curse one another.

        • Keith says:

          Speaking of Neanderthal, it is quite likely that they worshipped their own gods along with earlier hominid races. This also increases the number of gods available. I have no idea what sort of brain structure an animal needs to conceive the idea of an outside entity creating or controlling nature or if anyone has done a study on the likelihood of a chimpanzee worshipping something. Too many questions and I have other things occupying my time. Any takers?

        • Cannon Chris says:

          Keith. Anthropologists use evidence of burial rituals as indicators of existential issues with supernatural solutions viz. gods. Neanderthals are reckoned to be the earliest hominids that are clearly in that group. It doesn’t demonstrate that intelligence is sufficient but, I believe that self-awareness is necessary. Earlier hominids may not have been self-aware.
          AiG has a provisions list for Noah’s Ark, including hay for the T-Rexes.

        • Keith says:

          Hay? I thought they ate coconuts.

        • Cannon Chris says:

          Keith. You have an uncanny knowledge of the Truth; I do believe it was coconuts and that Noah had a plantation on deck.
          Conclusive evidence is that coconuts are placed at exactly the correct height and that T-Rex’s teeth are designed for opening them.
          Further logical conclusions are that monkeys would have been mates of theirs and they probably interbred.

        • Keith says:

          Nothing like a bit of “rough trade” to get the animals mating.

        • Cannon Chris says:

          Keith. As well as chewing their nuts, I suspect those beastly monkeys gave timid T-Rexes a very rough time.

        • Keith says:

          Yes, a very rough time! The arm wrestling sessions certainly favoured the apes/monkeys!

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      More moronic: The use of a book written, rewritten, heavily edited, redacted and mistranslated, created by an unknown number of largely anonymous, semi-literate desert dwellers from the Bronze Age, full of contradictions, physical impossibilities and plagarized myths to swear people into office. I guess that was the point.

      • Cannon Chris says:

        I love the Bible bit about Lot’s daughters and the croud wanting to bum his visiting ‘angels’. I would imagine that angels could hold their own, or just dissappear as easily as they arrived. I can’t imagine what the writers were trying to justify, but suspect they were not angels and that Lot and his daughters were regularly ‘gas-tight’.
        Be careful Tyler, pimping one’s daughters for anal sex and incest was ordained by God!
        Emperor Constantine paid hundreds of scribes to quickly knock together the Bible for political reasons. They included a Sumarian myth, already a thousand years old, about a wandering Superman, born of a virgin mother. Sound familiar?

        • Rev. Wulff says:

          Don’t forget. These were the same daughters who just a short time later got knocked up by daddy.

        • Cannon Chris says:

          It may be the first documented use of the “she’s responsible for incest, because I drank too much” argument. Lot managed to father a whole new tribe, so he can’t have been that diminished. Which god accepted that as holy?
          Interestingly, AiG solves the inbreeding problem by announcing that genes were pure back then, so incest was okay.

        • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

          Not the first time the BuyBull showed god’s penchant for incest. Except didn’t Cain get a wife from some other clan? How did THAT happen if Adam and Eve were first? Anyway, Noah’s family had to inter-breed, right? I’m trying to figure out what they ate, considering the world would just be a sea of mud, and you’d have to be careful about which animals you ate, lest you doom that species to extinction. Damn, the Answers in Genesis people must be busy 24/7 trying to come up with plausible substitutes for common sense!

        • Keith says:

          TFTPTM: Noah’s family ate mud. Noah was a tenth level cleric who could use a “purify mud” spell three times a day. It makes as much sense as the rest of the story.

        • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

          Or maybe it was manna. Some early Creationist must have been backed into a corner over what the hell hundreds of thousands of Jews ate while wandering in a desert for 40 years. So, LOGICALLY, he came up with “Food fell from the sky”! Sure it did!

        • Keith says:

          Yea: “Food dropped from the sky!”. just like a Tamagotchi. Ancient civilisations discovered electronic games and transfer systems before the wheel. It’s all so obvious. Noah used Bill’s pokemon storage system and the Israelites are fed, entertained and cured by being stuffed into a Bandai electronic system. Since the phenomenon occurs today there is no reason why it as not reinvented…….

        • Cannon Chris says:

          Scholars at my Discovery Academy have revealed that “food fell from the sky” to be the code that the Andes plane crash survivors also used, viz. cannibalism!

  3. TylerTheCreator says:

    Im not even going to take into consideration for a second that noodley embraces would broaden anyones minds. So have fun with your ridiculous beliefs and false prophecy of religious noodles and bullshit, FAGS!!!!!! Hows that for capitalization and punctuation smart ass.

    • Cannon Chris says:

      Oh come on Tyler, you’re even using ‘noodley embraces’; I reckon you’re a closet Pastafarian on the verge of enlightenment.
      If God moves in mysterious ways, why not this way? We are peace-loving, kind people who have donated more money to good causes than Mormons.
      You still can’t spell I’m or how’s; and notice the possessive apostrophe in anyone’s? If you can’t be polite or spell – fuck off!

    • Jo Switten says:

      What kind af fags you are referring to, Oh TylerTheCreator, fuckmate of King Ragu?

      Are you suggesting that we are students at a British public school who are required to perform menial tasks for students in a higher class? Or do you wish to take some nicotine to you? Your posts are very confusing! :)

      http://www.thefreedictionary.com/fag

      • Jo Switten says:

        af = of (my deepest apologies!)

        • Keith says:

          Or indeed the contraction of “faggot”, meaning either a bundle of sticks or the rolled meaty concoction similar in style to the meatball.

        • Jo Switten says:

          See what I mean, Keith? This is all very confusing…. :)

        • Keith says:

          English is derived from at least half a dozen languages, so it is bound to be confusing. It is certainly confusing to some of the people who post hate mail. The reason Latin is still used in law and science is because it only has one interpretation.

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      FAIL. You skipped 3 apostrophes, one comma and used a period for a question mark at the end.

  4. TylerTheCreator says:

    Bunch of butt pirates and silly theories is all that can become of this. God still loves you though

    • Cannon Chris says:

      I have Christian mates who don’t know of your god, King Ragu-Retards, in the same way that Fred Phelp’s god was also unknown. Make sure you get the right god! You claim to also know the mind of god. Says death in the Bible for both of those offences.
      I’ll pray for you; and the True God still loves you. Ramen…..Aaaarghhhh…..

      • Cannon Chris says:

        Are you still at school, King Ragu-Retards? I think the correct spelling should be butt-pirates.

    • Jo Switten says:

      Just to make sure, which god are you referring to? And of course, everyone loves our dough!

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_deities

  5. cherry says:

    Am Mrs Benita obaba from USA,i want to testify of the good work of DR FRANK.
    i was humiliated by my ex husband and also treated like a commoner because he got in contact with with a harlot who turned him against me totally.
    i need vengeance by all means so i got in contact with DR FRANK who help fight against the harlot and the two of them had a serious marital breakdown and confusion was now their breakfast and all and everything went down the drain and he is begging me now like seriously,as am saying this right now my husband is even more 100% in love with me again but i don’t want to give him any chance again because i don’t want to get hurt.
    so whatever your situation look like just email the below address now.
    zooloozospellcast@yahoo.com

  6. Billy says:

    Hey, it’s just a hat. And he sounds like he wants to do a good job. Chill.
    Ramen.

  7. Pastafarian Lover 69 9/11 says:

    All hail the flying spaghetti!

  8. Pastafarian Lover 420 says:

    I agree he’s just so kind to all of his religious followers.

Leave a Reply