1055866 Views
41 Comments

This petroglyph is insurmountable proof of His existence

Published October 24th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

Rock_Carvings

I found this petroglyph (rock carving) at Newspaper Rock in Utah. These carvings date back thousands of years, possibly even predating pirates.

-David

The evidence keeps mounting.  Nice work, David.



41 Responses to “This petroglyph is insurmountable proof of His existence”

  1. austin says:

    you..dirty..stuckup..sadistic, shit eating,cocksucking,buttfucking­,penis smelling,crotch grabbing,ball licking,semen drinking,dog raping,nazi loving,child touching,cow humping,perverted,spineless,he­artless,mindless,dickless,test­icle chocking,urine gargling,jerk offing,horse face,sheep fondling,toilet kissing,self centered,feces puking,dildo shoving,snot spitting,crap gathering,big nosed, monkey slapping,bastard screwing,bean shitting,fart knocking,?,bear blowing,head swallowing

    • English Teacher says:

      Austin, tsk,tsk, the language is fine, but your punctuation is appalling, I hope for your sake there isn’t an entrance exam for heaven or your’e f****d.

      ET

      • bop says:

        I didn’t like his pasta

    • Apprentice Frederic says:

      Are you by any chance the same austin who spent a while thinking?????

      • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

        Apparently not, Frederic. No evidence of thinking there. Does he kiss his mother with that mouth?

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          tFtPtM – point very well taken. But the range of possible answers to your question, including all those that assume that austin had a really, really, nice mom, are too terrible to contemplate.

        • Keith says:

          Does he even have a mother, or did someone hatch him by spitting against a wall?

        • Thomas L. Nielsen says:

          Maybe a lab experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong (as in “IT’S ALIVE….MUHAHAHAHAHAHA”)?

          Or a bad case of coprolalia?

          Regards & all, rAmen, Arrrr and season’s greetings,

          Thomas L. Nielsen
          Laboratory Safety Advisory Board
          Luxembourg Office

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      I am crying right now, how dare you insult the English language by posting such incoherent babel. How am I supposed to fell insulted when you lack the ability to convey them?

      “You”: Who is ‘you’, is it me or someone else?

      “penis smelling”: Is this an adjective or a verb? Does this mean that the ‘you’ smells like a penis or smells his own. (since the plural form is not used there can only be one)

      “crotch grabbing”: Adjective or a verb? Does adjusting myself count, how about when I goose my wife?

      “child touching”: How is this insulting? You need to touch a child, specifically make tactile contact, to change a pamper, hug, bathe, tickle as well as a thousand other normal interactions. Did you mean molest? If you did then why not just say that?

      “test­icle chocking”: Which is the reason I wear boxers. See “crotch grabbing”.

      “jerk offing”: Offing? As in “killing”? Well, I don’t know who this “you” is but I am sure the ‘Jerk’ deserved it.

      “dildo shoving”: Why would anyone shove a dildo? Did the dildo say something bad? Is the dildo being a ‘Jerk’? See “jerk offing”.

      “crap gathering”: Well, I do have a lot of useless crap. In my defense I recycle most of it, donate my old PCs to family, old clothes to the Salvation Army, etc. This is bad why?

      “monkey slapping”. Unless the monkey was being a jerk why would anyone slap it? See “dildo shoving” & “jerk offing”.

      “bean shitting”: Never! Corn, damn near always.

      “fart knocking”: As in declaring one’s fart inferior to my own?

      I look forward to ‘better’ from you austin.

    • General_Rancor says:

      you didn’t finish. You just left me hanging.

      “…bear blowing,head swallowing…”

      what? Gawd-DUH damn it answer the question! DOn’t leave us hanging. I ran your post through my Bible interpretor & it would all kinds of secret messages in it about the future but you didn’t finish!

      • Nelle says:

        You can always tell an expert! Thanks for contirtbiung.

    • Evan says:

      Believe it or not this was not of his own writing. no this came from the nostalgia critics rant against the angry video game nerd. shame on you for stealing his very funny joke. tsk tsk.

      well what ever.

      Ramen

    • Megan the believer of Him says:

      Must you misuse commas like that in the presence of the holy Flying Spaghetti Monster?

  2. keithquokka says:

    The petroglyph seems to be racy if not approaching porno.

  3. keithquokka says:

    … or maybe it’s just me.

  4. Aaron says:

    Hey guys the intention is funny but please be aware that some people (like me for instance) strongly disagree with defacing natural settings that could otherwise be enjoyed by future generations, by carving permanent scars into them. This includes defacing trees and scratching drawings/writings into rock. As someone who really enjoys the outdoors it makes me quite angry that someone did that. The message you are sending is fine. But just don’t ruin other’s enjoyment of the outdoor setting by putting it there. Rather on some concrete wall that can be replaced/resurfaced. Mmmkay?

    • Keith says:

      Aaron: it is quite possible that these are genuine carvings. Look at the surrounding carvings. They do not have anything to do with the FSM (unless he/she/it looks like a goat or a cross within a circle.)

    • Pete Byrdie says:

      The following image shows the petroglyph from a distance, clearly showing both a fence and a sign warning of the illegality of adding ones own petroglyphs to the site.

      http://kenrockwell.com/trips/2009-11/images/14/IMG_0911-newspaper-rock.jpg

      This is surely proof that the FSM appeared on this rock before mankind was able to make fences and signs, or otherwise that He placed the image there after the fence and sign to prove His existence.

  5. James Christman says:

    Beautiful! Even the ancients were touched by His noodle appendage!

  6. David Lee Davis says:

    The Great Flying Spaghetti Monster – geesh – looks like a cancerous growth trapped in about 90% (if not more) of the population of human’s brains. Hmmm – come to think of it is a cancerous growth that IS the human brain, and the eyeballs are just worthless appendages.

    No small wonder our species will have gone extinct in 1,000 years, if not less.

  7. Its Me! says:

    Like… WTF am I reading?!

    CHRIST is the ONLY GOD… I don’t even think spaghetti was in existence..

    You’ve got to be kidding, this should be taken off the internet this us Bullshit Xd

    • Keith says:

      When you say “Like…. WTF am I reading?!” do you mean “Similar to….WTF am I reading?!” In other words, are you an annoying tit who habitually and meaninglessly starts every sentence with a preposition? If so, you forgot to finish your sentence with “Dude”.

      Christ is not the only god: yours is just one among thousands that appear in mythology.

      “I don’t even think spaghetti was in existence..” Don’t mix tenses. Spaghetti does exist and has existed for a long time.

      Read the “about” section of this site. I hope your reading ability is better than your attempt to express yourself.

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      Hell, Christ is only one personality of the schizophrenic Christian god. Let me guess: it’s the one YOU have had drilled into your head from birth: an accident of where you live. Had you been born in India you would probably be Hindu; in Sudan or Indonesia you would be singing the praises of Allah. Four thousand years ago you’d possibly be a faithful acolyte of Baal. What do ALL these gods have in common? ABSOLUTELY NO EVIDENCE FOR THEIR EXISTENCE.

    • Pete Byrdie says:

      Its Me! Said, ‘CHRIST is the ONLY GOD’
      Jesus was one, perhaps the most charismatic one, of a great many Jewish claimants to the role of messiah in the Holy Land at a time when the Jews were crying out for a saviour. The deity he supposedly personified is one of many from bronze age mythology. The myths associated with him are borrowed from earlier myths. Your belief in Christ is utterly ridiculous, being a belief in a myth that makes no sense, and has known and recorded cultural origins. It’s no more valid than believing in Zeus or Odin. Yet, in spite of my current poor mood, I don’t care that you’re delusional. Why do you care if I am?

    • SillyKiwiMan says:

      So you want ideas that you disagree with censored? I assume this “authority” comes from your god. Not a good place from which to launch an argument. An Pete said, your faith is a accident of where you were spawned.

      If the worst happens and we lose all we have discovered and end up living in caves, eventually every scientific principle will be rediscovered, because they exist independently of whether we want them to or not. Whatever religion people create will be to serve their needs at the time, will differ regionally and will beddifferent to religions present today (although we seem predisposed to messiahs and other familiar threads I faith).

      On top of all that, if you want to debate, fine. Saying “this is bullshit” is not much of an argument.

      • Pete Byrdie says:

        SillyKiwiMan said, ‘As Pete said, your faith is a accident of where you were spawned.’
        It’s too valid a point for me to accept credit for it when it was TheFewTheProudTheMarinara’s. But I love the point about the cave. The only reason we even discuss ‘the existence of God’ is because our ancient heritage has left this outdated concept in our culture.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Austin is so eloquent he must have been specially trained. I reckon that was his pitch as an evangelist and that he has no idea why he leaves a trail of people who believe there must be a Satan.

      Could Smite (an. Its Me) be an Angel with a sword? Aaaarghhhh..

  8. Bobertith says:

    This begs to ask then which came first, the goat or the pirate

  9. Keith says:

    You can’t have “very flat”. Flat is an absolute quality. Either the trajectory is flat (in which case it is ignoring the laws of gravity or has some mysterious aerodynamic advantage) or it has a trajectory that is close to (but not equal to) flat.

  10. Captain Birdseye says:

    I nearly sailed off the edge of the Earth once. My ship’s manual mentions no Laws of Gravity.
    Apart from the Earth, the only flat ‘things’ are imaginary geometric planes. Aaaaaarghhhh….

  11. Keith says:

    If you are referring to my posting of February 2012, I have no idea what that was in response to. Perhaps someone was flinging spaghetti against a wall to see if it stuck. I understand it to be a good method of finding out if it is properly cooked. You can then save on plates by eating it off the floor. When you nearly sailed off the edge of the world did you see a wall of ice or a wall of flames? A wall of ice would suggest you had accidentally locked yourself in the fridge. A wall of flames would suggest that your pasta was being cooked.

  12. Captain Birdseye says:

    I suspect that many galley ceilings have been completely constructed from testing pasta.
    I have old charts and there be monsters at the edge of the World, where the sea pours over the edge. But then, after a few barrels of beer, there also be naked wenches swinging in the rigging. Aaaarghhhhh…

Leave a Reply