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Is this the FSM in an ancient cave painting?

Published August 3rd, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

ancient-cave-painting

On my last vacation on Corsica, I managed to take a photo of an ancient cave painting.

The tour guide told us the paintings are dated back to 22.000 – 23.000 BC.
Let this be a sign to all who doubt the existence of the noodly one,
depicted here giving blessing to humans, deer and what seem to be flying penguins.

And let those who dare call this photoshopped see the errors of their minds and eat more pasta.

Arrrr,
Torsten

As is the custom with significant religious discoveries, I suggest we all have faith in the legitimacy of this painting now, before there is evidence to form a reasoned opinion (and after, in the case of contrary evidence shedding doubt.)  I Believe.



50 Responses to “Is this the FSM in an ancient cave painting?”

  1. Ed says:

    Corsica is an island in the Mediterranean. The northern coast of Africa, which is the southern boundry of the Mediterranean, was once known as the Barbary Coast. The Barbary Coast was famous for… PIRATES!! Pirates ships were generally of a type known as Corsairs, named after the island of Corsica. The connection is irrefutable! Obviously the Airborne Noodlehead (a term of affection we use here in Chicago for the FSM) hung out in Corsica and taught the natives the basics of pasta, piracy, and grog-brewing – unfortunately, as they celebrated His appearance, we must assume they feasted on the only flying penguins in existence. Bummer. Anyway, I , for one, absolutely trust the authenticity of the painting and accept it as further evidence of His omipastance.

    • gano says:

      Just to point out a historical note: “corsairs” are named after “corsa”, the license by which a European government authorized them to raid enemy mercantile ship (and only enemy ones). They were not pirates in a proper sense, rather some sort of government employees. Though the words “corsair” and “Corsica” are apparently similar, they are unrelated.

      Which raises one important theological question: are corsairs messengers of the Airborne Noodlehead, or are they something else?

      Ramen.

      • opiesysco says:

        Don’t bother us with facts. Facts just get in the way.

  2. Dorian says:

    Aha, but how could the painting be photoshopped if ancient cave people didn’t even HAVE photoshop? Clearly, the FSM is very old indeed. I believe

  3. ray says:

    Seeing as nothing existed 22,000 years ago, it is HE who created this drawing and He who messed with the carbon dating results to make it look old. There is no other explanation. This painting is IRREFUTABLE evidence of His Most Flyingness’s existence.

  4. B. says:

    I believe! I will now look at the horizon for flying penguins as they are His sign.

  5. Peyton says:

    The happiest thing about this is that the penguins have achieved his noodlynesses ability of flight.

    • Atsap Revol says:

      On closer inspection, those are not PENGUINS, they are PTERODACTYLS, a form of flying dinosaur believed to have become extinct over 60 million years ago. But the FSM is just messing with our minds. Everyone knows that humans. dinosaurs, and higher mammals did not exist concurrently, Uh…except for the Creation Museum in Kentucky, so strike EVERYONE and insert ALL INTELLIGENT PEOPLE.

      I draw an interesting conclusion from this cave painting: early man (midgits, pirates, neanderthals, and what-have-you) were created in the image of the FSM, not in the image of Michelangelo’s bearded Sky Daddy. Note that in the cave painting the human forms do not have arms with elbow joints: they have noodley appendages. Even the horny elk or deer has noodley appendages in front.

      This observation supports evolution. We now have elbows, and they are located at exactly the right point in our arms to bring a beer to our lips when flexed. The development of elbows was an evolutionary step to accomodate the advent of brewing.

      I checked this conclusion with my friend Ferenst Anrtoplogist, and he agrees that this is a breakthrough in the field of Anrtoplogy. The FSM continues to reveal more-and-more of his Divine Plan as we progress in our humble studies of his Wondrous Creation.

      Atsap Revol, The Devout

      • Keith says:

        Damn! I’m sorry, I can’t help it! Pterodactyls were not flying dinosaurs, anymore than Icthyosaurs were swimming dinosaurs (although they are all thought to have evolved from archosaurs). Pterodactylus is a genus of the order pterosauria.

      • stylusmobilus says:

        I must quantify Atsap the Devout when he states that evolution is responsible for people getting drunk. It goes without saying the FSM is responsible for evolution along with beer. This is proven with the Pythagorean theorem.

        I consulted with my good friend and colleague Specile Sicentis earlier, and he informed me that he viewed Atsap’s post. He also informed me that the elbow is critical in creating the arbitrary triangle necessary to enable accurate function of the beer tankard. He goes further and mentions that the theorem was perhaps known before Pythagoras, and believes himself that it was in fact His Noodlyness who first proved the triangle and created the elbow.

        Specile, at the time of the call, was at the pub doing something with a tape measure. I couldn’t make out what as he was on his mobile and the reception cut out.

        Upon hearing that the venerable and respected Ferenst Anrtoplogist has ratified the Elbow-Beer Theory, there is no doubt that the evidence is clear- this is a factual, unphotoshopped cave painting of the FSM, perhaps 60 million years old. One day we will find proof of when His Noodlyness first brewed beer. In light of what we see here that could be shocking news that shakes the foundations of the religious world as we know it.

        • Ed says:

          If the foundations of the religious world as we know it are going to be shaking anytime soon, I suggest we all drink beer NOW, before the shaking, to reduce the spillage factor

      • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

        “Even the horny elk or deer has noodley appendages in front”. Uhhh…never mind. Not going to do it. Wouldn’t be prudent.

      • Atsap Revol says:

        Yes, KEITH, I checked with Specile Sicentis, and he acknowledges that your statement is correct. Pterodactyls are, indeed, members of the genus pterosauria. However, Specile Sicentis suffers from dyslexia, so his spelling is not always the best, and he prefers to just stick with the designation “dinosaurs.” He makes spitting sounds when trying to pronounce PT…as in PTerosaurs.

        And as to the noodley apendages on the front of the “horny elk or deer,” as one might expect a HORNY elk or deer would probably have another noodley appendage located elsewhere on its anatomy. But the artist modestly omitted adding this appendage to the drawing, because the cave was rated PG-13. I suppose you had some such off-color comment in mind, THE FEW THE PROUD THE MARINARA, but your impeccable sense of good taste prevented you from such vulgar.

        STYLEMOBILUS, it was good to know that your contact with Specile Sicentis yielded support for the triangular theory of elbolution. And it also reveals another aspect of Intelligent Design in that the FSM created not one but two elbows. This dualism enabled the alternate sipping of beer from a tankard held in one hand while munching on a sandwich held in the other. This aspect of Intelligent Design must be incorporated in the curriculum of public schools. Once again, humble study of the His Magnificent Creation reveals the Glory and Beneficience of our Lard, The FSM (PBUH).

        When I talked with Specile Sicentis by telephone, he indicated that he had completed critical measurements and was now doing calculations, the results of which will probably shock the Sicentisfic community. I could not understand the details of his specile assignment because of loud background noise. I could barely understand him…it sounded like he was in a raucous Australian pub. I thought I could hear the swishing sound of noodley appendages, but that may have been just schooners of beer being slid down the bar.

        I trust this clarifies some of the ambiguities of my former correspondence.

        Atsap Revol, The Repentant

        • Keith says:

          The swishing sound would have been caused by the updraught of passing crows or magpies disturbing the corks on his Akubra, especially if said birds were wearing boots.

        • Atsap Revol says:

          That’s good speculation KEITH. I didn’t know that crows and magpies in Australia wear boots. I hope that they also wear pants, because that would save many an Akubra from being splattered. I note that authentic Akubras sell online for around $100, and if I owned one, I surely wouldn’t want it spotted with crow or magpie poop.

          Of course those airborne critters in the cave painting are neither crows nor magpies. They are flying dino…er…pterosaurians. I’ll admit that they apear to be wearing boots, but I believe that those are just their large, fierce claws used for snatching up prehistoric midgits and pirates.

          Further inspection of this remarkable cave illustration reveals that the FSM is undergoing a mitotic-like division, perhaps in preparation to send His only begotten Son to redeem the heathen pirates of His Wondrous Creation.

          We can learn so much from such beautiful historical artifacts. But none of our new knowledge contradicts anything in the Sacred Scriptures of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster; it only serves to expand our wonder and reverence for our Holy Lard (PBUH).

          Ramen
          Atsap The Penitent

        • Keith says:

          Unfortunately the only proof I could find about boot wearing birds is here. Note the bird top left hand corner. http://www.flickr.com/photos/mundoo/4507641128/ Based of the requirements of proof in terms of religion I would say that this is ample evidence: indeed, anyone in Australia who used to buy the “Australasian Post” would regularly see boot wearing birds flying past the Ettamogah Pub. You can’t argue with cartoons.

        • Atsap Revol says:

          Well, KEITH, you have convinced me that Australian crows and magpies do wear boots. The cartoon proof you offer is every bit as convincing as all the stained glass windows in churches and the painted ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Not to mention the many excellent renderings of our own FSM (including the remarkable prehistoric cave drawing at the top of this thread).

          One might wonder why Australian birds have taken to wearing footgear. Here in the US our birds go barefoot, but perhaps it is just a matter of affordability. Our economy being depressed as it is, even our rattlesnakes can’t afford a pot to hiss in.

          Thank you for generously sharing your considerable knowledge with the many readers of this site.

          Atsap Revol, Junior Grade Ornithologist and Pterosaurist

  6. Veekey says:

    Oh wow! This is GREAT! This cave painting is (to me) REAL! This is by far the best evidence of FSM that I’ve seen! :D I Believe!

    RAmen,
    Veekey

  7. Apostle Strozzapreti says:

    It is truly amazing, who would have guessed that FSM knew how to photoshop? I am truly humbled in the many mysterious our great lord/lordess works. ( I just dont feel comfortable calling FSM a hermophodite or asexual….sorry!!!)

  8. Audio Blood says:

    Our most delicious and healthy, ethereal and really real, Lord of the Sauce seems to be…split in that wall painting. Could this be evidence of a Binary Nature!? Two meatballs, one fully Ground Beef and one fully Divine? The midgets/pirates/strippers seem to be holding their arms in a bowl shaped fashion as well. I believe!

    The Sauce be with you,
    Audio

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