What exactly do you think you are going to prove?

Published July 22nd, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

What exactly do you think you are going to prove? it’s just disrespectful to other human beings faiths and beliefs, and im sure u of all people should know u can’t put any sense into say a devout christian. Honestly, what your doing is the equivalant of making a rude, sarcastic joke to a child that doesn’t understand humor. u cant tell a christian thats been raised from birth to believe that there’s a magic man in the clouds that he’s wrong. you’ll just get what uve been getting, hate mail, and death threats. God is the equivalant of santa exept the child is never told he isn’t real until it’s to late. and u think your doing a good thing by making up this pastafarian crap to prove how absurd the idea of god is. what i don’t think u understand is that u cant argue with idiots about this stuff as most christians are dont know a thing about science.(I apoligize to all respectable christian scientists). as an athiest, im disgusted what youre doing. like making fun of christians being killed by somali’s, and u quoting, "apparently they thought there god could give them safe passage"(yes ive read ur website). really, did it ever, or does it ever occur to you that these people are actually human being’s with family’s and feeling’s, and just because they think the world was created  differantly than u, u have to mock them… that’s kind of a dick move. your being no better than they are(religious people) by making fun of and disrespecting other people just ’cause they think differantly than u. oh wait u are religous, u worship a flying spaggetti monster. which means i have the right to ridicule u on how stupid your dumbfuck religion is(oh may the great pasta diety forgive me for my sin) and dont deny that u worship the all mighty pasta king, because your the leader of the church. with the true words of your religion written on a piece of paper. it’s ironic that u, by trying to prove how bad religion is. go about it by u yourself inbodying everything that is wrong with human beliefs. u are everything that is wrong with athiesm. u go around acting all superior and pompus, like u know better than everyone else and tell them why there wrong mockingly. the world would be a better place if u took all your "followers" (butt pirates) got on a pirate ship and ate spaggetti until you all died of overeating.have u ever heard the term live and let live? and i love it how  u post all the hate mail u get on a your page to be ridiculed by your cronies( who by the way need to get of the internet and do something productive)yes we all the the bible huggars are gonna say dumb stuff because they’re uneducated. but that doesn’t mean u have to be immature and make fun of there faults so just lay off. even though this message sounds hostile just know i agree with what your’e trying to do (i think) educating people, i just wholly disagree with how u are going about it.


A short response from Bobby:

It’s not our intention to mock or offend anyone. But I realize people sometimes feel mocked  or offended.

It might be fair to say that we’re disrespectful.  I would agree that most Pastafarians don’t respect the notion that religion should sit on a pedestal.  We don’t think that because an action is explained in the context of religion it is exempt from the scrutiny it otherwise would have been subjected to.  Religion is not a free pass for crazy ideas and crazy actions. 

I would agree that it’s not our place to pass judgment on those who see the world through a lens of religion.  But neither is it our place to ignore when personal belief becomes public action.  We can accept that some choose to teach their kids the earth is 6000 years old and that dinosaurs are a myth.  But if they push for those ideas to be taught in our schools, it’s no longer a question of respecting personal belief.

The idea that rational minded people must be anti-religion is a wrong one, I think.   If we must draw a line to divide ourselves, I’d prefer the line be positioned between reasonable and unreasonable people, rather than religious and non-religious people.  

It’s one thing to see the world through a lens, and another thing to act as if it’s the only lens that can exist.

I believe there is no group more tolerant of other religious and nonreligious groups than Pastafarians, without question.  The death of the Christian sailors by pirates was a sad thing for everyone who heard of it, I’m sure.  My hope is that it doesn’t happen again.  The hard question is:  will criticizing the decision to venture into dangerous areas on the basis of faith help avoid a similar situation in the future?  I don’t know the answer.  But I wonder how many of their friends and family wish they had shaken them and said this is a bad idea, don’t do this.  This is one of the hard questions – this line between respect and concern. 

834 Responses to “What exactly do you think you are going to prove?”

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  1. Andrew D Pohlman, RN says:

    Wait. This dude does NOT want beer and strippers as part of his personal eternity? I postulate that he must not be of the human race or is of dubious XY combinations. I mean, if you have beer and strippers, who needs to learn the harp ?

    But this brings up an important question. Is His Noodliness a God exclusively for humans like all the other well defined Godz?!?!?! This may represent an existential conundrum …

    Screw it all man – where is the beer and where are the strippers ? “I like the way the seam goes up the back of the stocking.” (Van Halen, E., et all. 2002).

    • Andrew says:

      Must be Mormon.

  2. stevie says:

    I do not think that parents should have the right to deny their children a decent education and to teach them religion in the place of science. I will never respect that!

  3. The pasta preacher says:

    David (the guy who sent this) is either unintelligent or lazy judging by his typing skills.

  4. Pasta Lover says:

    I will pray for them.

  5. Alan says:

    He doesn’t get it does he.

  6. James says:

    All I have to say is how can we teach evolution of it hasn’t been proven and most of the evidence to support is is BULLSHIT

    • Saint Gnocchi says:

      Dear James, Please do not say bulls**t. Instead, play nicely and say bull snot. But I agree with you, Creation is going to hell in a hand-basket and Evolution just aint what it used to be. Ah, for the good old days…

      • Rasputin says:

        Dear James, I’m intrigued. If evolution hasn’t happened, what is your alternative view for how the world has come to be as it is? Please explain.

        • Rasputin says:

          Oh and James, as St. Gnocchi says, please don’t write “bulls**t” or we’ll regard you as a b*tch.

        • The Sauceror says:

          I have to agree with James. Nothing– absolutely nothing– has changed since 1955. We are stuck in an infinite time loop.

        • The Sauceror says:

          Before 1955, nothing ever changed either, but that was a different infinite time loop. And James, there’s no need to be a b**ch about it– that’s ‘borch’– as in a mesom which hasn’t been borched yet. An unborched mesom, if you prefer.

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          Rasputin, I kinda doubt that James will reply. It’s sad that we see so many drive-by-shooting-style posts these days, and sadder still that the shooters are firing blanks. Along with St. Gnocchi and, surely, many others, I do long for the good old days.

        • Keith says:

          I think James may have written this in the “spirit” of one who does not accept evolution, the sort of “I’ll play along with the religion thing” but who probably accepts it in reality. My reason for saying this is that often when the lunatic fringe talk against evolution they will put either quotations from their sacred texts in their post or, just as frequently, resort to quoting or clipping extracts from creationist websites.
          Sauceror: I disagree. Things have changed since 1955. I survived infancy and grew up. If I become buried and fossilised when I die I will become another transitional fossil.

        • The Sauceror says:

          Dear Keith, Nope. Sorry. Nothing has changed since 1955. Not a single thing. And nothing ever changed before that, either. The universe has always been exactly the same, down to the tiniest atom and even tiniest-er mesom (borched or otherwise). If anything had ever changed at all, that would prove that evolution happened and that would disprove the existence of our noodly god, the FSM. We can prove, through pure, blind faith that the FSM exists, and therefore evolution and change are not possible.
          You might be basing your conclusions of change on the notion of Physical Observation– which makes the FSM PO’d. We all know that the FSM extends his noodly appendages into PO and changes the evidence to fit the observation. That’s because he wants to test our faith. TRUE believers Know, without a shred of doubt, that faith and belief trump Physical Observation every time. “TRUE” is in all-caps to prove how TRUE the statement is — and that’s no BULLSNOT.

          If you would like some absolute proof of this, just ask some pirates (like yourself). A TRUE pirate will tell you that nothing has ever changed, that nothing can change, and nothing will ever change. An a-pasta-state FALSE pirate, who worships the dark side (Cthuhlu and science) will tell you that change and evolution happen all the time.

          Now, the question is: are you going to believe me, or your own eyes?

        • Keith says:

          Disagree about things not changing since the 1950′s. The popularisation of colour film meant that everyone had to go around painting everything in colour. That increased jobs and resulted in a boom for the art suppliers. Unfortunately my parents could not afford colour film so they did not buy colour paint either.

        • The Sauceror says:

          I’m going with the theory that the evolution of colah nevah happened. Back in the good old days, before people could see colah, everyone kept complaining about how bland a colah-less world looked. So the FSM, in his infinite wisdom, extended his noodly appendages and made everything look like it’s in colah. Now only people who are colah- blind can see the world as it truly is. While I haven’t been blessed with the gift of true sight, I try to see the world as it really is: everything is black and white.

    • Cap'n Bucatini says:

      There are three reasons to reject the theory of evolution:
      A) You don’t understand it.
      B) It conflicts with your religious beliefs.
      C) Both A and B.

      What is your reason, James?

      • The Sauceror says:

        I would like to add a couple more possibilities:
        D) None of the above
        E) All of the above, including None of the above.

        • The Sauceror says:

          How about:
          F) F*ck it! I need another beer.

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      Uhh, let me take a stab at this one. It HAS been proven. As opposed to the existence of an all-powerful deity/group of gods who decided to create some playthings. Evidence for THAT has been sought by billions of people for thousands of years and so far they have only come up with a mountain, a miget and a flying mass of pasta!

  7. Saint Gnocchi says:

    Take an empty 2-litre plastic Coke bottle.
    Apply enough heat to melt it.
    Guide this melt-down process until you have fashioned a small, round flat disc-like shape – say, till you roughly have a small, molten lump.
    Now let it solidify and let it become cold.
    Now you have a lump which you cannot “untease” back into it’s original, functional shape like the Coke bottle it was before.
    I think of the human brain this way. The Coke bottle represents our natural capacity to think logically. I think that indoctrination, (particularly religious indoctrination) represents the tool – “the heat” which is applied to “melt-down” our capacity to think logically. When indoctrination is applied (from an early age) you end up with a “fused” brain, ie. neural pathways which cannot be “unteased” again. I keep,(and summon up this picture) in my mind whenever I find myself in the company of religious fanatics. It enables me to never waste my time; lose my cool; chew my fingers to the knuckle in frustration; – when trying to ask people to embrace other points of view.

    • The Sauceror says:

      Dear Saint Gnocchi, can you explain what this ” 2-litra plastic Coke bottle” is all about? We uneducated 17th century pirates and less educated 12th century Yanks still work with galleons and quartz.

      • Keith says:

        Think of a Bellarmine jug. Drink all of the contents. Imagine that you are Cardinal Bellarmine. Your brain is now empty of all reason.

        • The Sauceror says:

          I recently inherited several galleons of Bellarmine jugs from some Spanish ships after those sneaky, rotten, thieving Spanish stole them from the Germans. I noticed that after mixing and drinking the liquid silver with grog, my mind became amazingly liberated of all reason, just like the good Cardinal’s. Praise the…… something.

  8. Saint Gnocchi says:

    Dear Saucerer, The only way by which I can make you fully comprehend 2 litres is to explain that it is roughly the liquid equivalent of three bottles of wine, or, 4 tankards of beer, or, 8 glass-”dumpies” of beer, or 12 cans od beer.

    • Rasputin says:

      I’ve forgotten: As Pastafarians, do we agree with the theory of evolution or do we regard evolution as a myth? Wasn’t there something about a midget and Mosey the Pirate? I think Sauceror is right: We should both agree and disagree with everything simultaneously. No confusion there.

      • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

        The Noodly One is very capricious, and often tipsy. He gets bored easily and will change things around for the hell of it. Yes, he started out small with just a miget (not a miDget) and a mountain, but has expanded things since then.

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          tFtPtM, with hopes that I’m not pushing too far in the sterile direction of fussy hermeneutics and exegetics that has sunk other, far less robust religions than Pastafarianism: it’s not “a miget”, either, it’s “a midgit”, at least in Bobby’s Letter. You must be surely right, BTW, about “proof”, although (again fussily!) the proof is that the FSM’s handiwork is perfect: the harder scientists work, the more they see that the world unerringly *appears* to be billions of years old and that life *appears* driven by evolution, even though we know that all was created only a few thousands of years ago.

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          @tFtPtM, Sincere apologies! I thought I was being funny – wrong about that too often.

    • The Sauceror says:

      Dear St. G., I think I get it now. You are saying that a litah is 12 cans of beer. Well, let’s do some simple pirate math here. A can of beer is 50 galleons ( a can of water is 55 galleons, but with beer or any other alcohol-based beverage you have to account for evaporation). So, if you take 50 galleons of beer and multiply that by 12 cans of beer, you get 550 galleons of beer (taking into account for more evaporation). So, 1 litah of beer is 550 galleons– more or less (usually less). If you take 1 litah of beer and multiply that by 2, you get 1000 galleons of beer– factoring in still more evaporation. WOW! So 2 litahs equals 1000 galleons of beer! That’s enough beer to last me a whole week. Well…. really only a couple or so days, but the hangover would last a week. I think I’m starting to really like this litric system of yours. Now, whenever my clients complain about their evaporating beverages, I can simply show them how to convert galleons over to litahs, and then they will understand.

      • Saint Gnocchi says:

        Dear Saucerer, I agree with Voltaire. When the speaker and he to whom he speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

        • The Sauceror says:

          That’s the beauty of religion: anyone can believe anything, but understand nothing.

  9. Keith says:

    What the?? Has Wikipedia started doing translations as well?

  10. Mal says:

    The Spam bots can never seem to put together an intelligible sentence. They’re damn entertaining though.

  11. Wayne says:

    Does that mean you want me to leave them there Mal? I must admit they do entertain me with their Indlish as well….

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