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Jesus was a Pastafarian

Published July 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

Jesus-FSM-Color_sm

Here is our friend Stephen Klinger’s newest creation.  What I like most about this piece, besides the FSM pouring beer on a stripper, is the prominent display of Jesus – an unexpected element in Pastafarian art.  I can imagine both Christians and Atheists might be offended over this, if they try.  I think that’s what I like about it.

What do you guys think? 

Update – A concerned stripper writes:

I am a devoted and practicing member of the Church of the FSM. I am also a stripper. Sure, laugh it up. I take my job seriously, and I love my job. It just so happens that I’m quite capable of reasoning and critical thinking, though, and when introduced to the Church and its teachings, I immediately declared myself a member. It seemed like the perfect fit for me, the one I’ve been looking for all of these years.

There’s a post of Jesus with FSM in the background, pouring beer on a stripper. Does the FSM really do this? I’m having a crisis of faith over here. If the FSM really does pour beer on strippers, I don’t think I can be a part of the Church anymore.

It doesn’t seem like it fits the general theme of peace that is going on. I don’t think pirates would have doused strippers in beer without their explicit request to do so. And although strippers tend to love beer (And I certainly do! I celebrate on Fridays, as recommended.), I wonder whether the stripper in the picture is actually consenting and requesting that she be doused in beer.

In order for strippers to do their jobs properly, they can’t be sticky from beer, and most guys tend to want their strippers dry and clean. It also seems like it is a hazard to a stripper’s safety, and could cause serious injury or death by slipping on the pools of beer that would form. I am sure that the FSM would not want a death attributed to him, even a stripper’s. And I am absolutely positive that strippers find beer being poured on them to be too messy and too much trouble to be worth it.

All of this said, I’m having a crisis of faith. Is this what the FSM wants from me? To be dangerously doused in beer while in my 7" stilettos? I can’t risk my safety or my financial well-being.

Now what? Do I leave the Church of the FSM? How do I reconcile the feelings I have about the FSM? Can anyone offer me some advice?

Love and Peace to the FSM Community,

–Piper



218 Responses to “Jesus was a Pastafarian”

  1. Sky says:

    *cough* http://superpixelz.tumblr.com/ *cough* not like i mentioned FSM in the third person or anything…

  2. BALDEAGLE says:

    as a recently converted and devout pastafarian i wish to be confirmed into the faith and therefore take communion. i have stocked the freezer up with spaghetti bologneseas ihave been told this is the accepted alternative to communion bread. can you advise me what is the correct wine to use, i like pinot grigio but this does not seem right? other questions – plastic or metal colander ? motorcycle boots, metal toecaps or dried pasta shells ?

  3. Skepmudgeon says:

    OK, I get the Russell’s teapot, and I’m not sure whether its beer or tea being poured, but what’s the significance of the stripper?
    Is she some sort of extra-Virgin Mary being impregnated with possibly a holey fusilli or rotini that will save us all from being overboiled in holy (salted) water? Nuthin’ worse than overcooked pasta!

    Or is she perhaps Mary Magdalene, who has finally found a better-paying job?

    • HarvingetorixAkaSheBeast says:

      Yes! I like this extra-virgin/holy-fusilli-and-or-rotini interpretation – it seems most in keeping with the amiably playful essence of the FSM that I have just been reading about here…

      Sidenote: This is my first time deeply reading about the FSM/CotFSM, and I gather that Pastafarianism is compatible with my existing reverence for Transcendent Chaos and my Taoistic philosophical outlook, yes?

      • Ed says:

        Re your sidenote, I’m not an expert, but I’ll pretend to be – and my opinion is that Pastafarianism IS compatible with your other beliefs and outlooks, and if you come across any particular areas which conflict, just ignore whichever one uses the largest words, or drink beer until they both make sense.

  4. lolhoofd says:

    we shud be consernd about the stripers to , we dont want them to die right? beer belongs in our tankard or a keg (if it isent drunk by us)

  5. Apostle Strozzapreti says:

    No self-respecting pastafarian drinks wine, thats for educated yuppies. Good old fashioned beer is the essence of life- Oberon ftw!!!

  6. Molly says:

    ASIANS MADE PASTA! NOT “GOD”.

    • Asian says:

      And who created the Asians??

    • Pasta says:

      Perhaps FSM created pasta and gave it to everyone but only the Asians “picked up the ball and ran with it”… I’m sure the appropriate ingredients would have been hard to find in Russia, Iceland, etc.
      Be happy, proud, thankful for the bounty bestowed upon our wonderful, squint-y, brethren by the FMS!

  7. Mark says:

    I met up with a potential business ally at a solar power tradeshow last year and we had a few beers, in fact quite a few. This guy was quite a piece of work, the more beers and JD this guy had, the more he wanted me and him to go to a late night massage parlour to “get a massage” by these lovely ladies. He pay, no worries he told me, he was quite loaded anyway because business was good. I thankfully declined and got on the wrong tube home. All in all a bit of an odd night out but kind of fun.

    So, next thing I am meeting up with this guy a few months later. The guy has changed, he looks a bit mad to be honest, something in his eye. He tells me business was good, very good and that he has stopped with drinking, stopped getting backrubs or tummyrubs or whatever he might call them…

    The guy quite frankly looks psychotic but he tells me its OK, he has a friend, this friend is religious, a priest or something and has shown him the light. He was believing this and wanted to make me understand what had happened.

    He told me, for nights he couldn’t sleep, he lie awake thinking of the problems he was faced with in a daily basis, then he saw god. Not the real god, may the Holy Macaroni have Noodle Sauce on his Balls but the fake Christian god. He wanted me to conform and I wanted him to seek professional help. I tried telling him that in a state of weakness you will be preyed upon by people seeking opportunity, like I was preying on him a few months ago not knowing this guy was a raving loon.

    It was all a bit confusing to us both and I decided that I would go home very shortly after that, delete him from my facebook list and ignore the 63 missed calls I had from him the following days. I now have 18 friends, – the loon and + two more I made outside the solar power convention looking for work.

  8. Pappychubby says:

    Perhaps you should climb the tallest mast of a pirate ship, remove your shirt, face up toward the heavens and shake your juggly wugglies in his general direction. Then wait for a sign, you will then have your answer.

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