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Jesus was a Pastafarian

Published July 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

Jesus-FSM-Color_sm

Here is our friend Stephen Klinger’s newest creation.  What I like most about this piece, besides the FSM pouring beer on a stripper, is the prominent display of Jesus – an unexpected element in Pastafarian art.  I can imagine both Christians and Atheists might be offended over this, if they try.  I think that’s what I like about it.

What do you guys think? 

Update – A concerned stripper writes:

I am a devoted and practicing member of the Church of the FSM. I am also a stripper. Sure, laugh it up. I take my job seriously, and I love my job. It just so happens that I’m quite capable of reasoning and critical thinking, though, and when introduced to the Church and its teachings, I immediately declared myself a member. It seemed like the perfect fit for me, the one I’ve been looking for all of these years.

There’s a post of Jesus with FSM in the background, pouring beer on a stripper. Does the FSM really do this? I’m having a crisis of faith over here. If the FSM really does pour beer on strippers, I don’t think I can be a part of the Church anymore.

It doesn’t seem like it fits the general theme of peace that is going on. I don’t think pirates would have doused strippers in beer without their explicit request to do so. And although strippers tend to love beer (And I certainly do! I celebrate on Fridays, as recommended.), I wonder whether the stripper in the picture is actually consenting and requesting that she be doused in beer.

In order for strippers to do their jobs properly, they can’t be sticky from beer, and most guys tend to want their strippers dry and clean. It also seems like it is a hazard to a stripper’s safety, and could cause serious injury or death by slipping on the pools of beer that would form. I am sure that the FSM would not want a death attributed to him, even a stripper’s. And I am absolutely positive that strippers find beer being poured on them to be too messy and too much trouble to be worth it.

All of this said, I’m having a crisis of faith. Is this what the FSM wants from me? To be dangerously doused in beer while in my 7" stilettos? I can’t risk my safety or my financial well-being.

Now what? Do I leave the Church of the FSM? How do I reconcile the feelings I have about the FSM? Can anyone offer me some advice?

Love and Peace to the FSM Community,

–Piper



218 Responses to “Jesus was a Pastafarian”

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  1. Mark says:

    My random generator is telling me that this website represents everything that is great about Jesus.

    This is why he died for his sins, not because of some misunderstanding with the Romans and the Jews (weren’t they the same anyway).

    When the midget was created it represented nothing less then a holy miracle, in other words Holy Maccaroni (may the Holy Maccaroni bless you), the devides between good and evil were clear for everyone to see, even this spell checker that tells me that I spelt divide wrong.

    Although I am just making up some facts to underpin my point, I think that the logic is clear. I know this because I am reading this SciFi novel at the moment where aliens and hyper drives and laser guns and a people called the Culture who are totally cool. I know this is not real but the FSM is.

    WHY?

    Because his noodle appendages touched me Last week. I was feeling a bit low, a bit depressed. Something bad had happened and I needed to see some answers in it all. Life was confusing and made little sense to me. I was thinking about going to the sea or perhaps eating some Prozac. Then suddenly while I was lying on the floor, in my own puke and vomit, totally high from the cactus I ate 18 hours ago, I saw him. He was with me in the room.

    Although he did look a lot like my mother thinking back, I know that my mother can not make laser beams come from her eyes and her hair certainly doesn’t look like spaghetti. It was him, he had come to me at my moment of weakness with a clear message.

    “Sort out your life” he said to me. “Your a disgrace, and clean up that puke” he continued. The message was clear and since then I have devoted every breathing moment of my life to the FSM. I have been posting repeatedly to all my friends on FaceBook about the FSM. Its at moments like these when you know who your true friends are. Now I just have 17 FaceBook friends but they really do listen to me.

    Thank you FSM for giving me meaning in life

    • wulff says:

      Ooooookay. Perhaps you should lie down for a while.

      • Apostle Strozzapreti says:

        ha ha ha mark, that was a bit rambly, buy funny after I read it. Well done brother and welcome to our flock!!!
        FSM will surely bathe you in his holy sauce!!!!

    • wormwood says:

      may the fork be with you

      • CarolKay says:

        You have been touched by his Noodly Appendages!

      • Danny says:

        I think “May the sauce be with you” would be better, lol

  2. John says:

    I can’t tell if trolling or just stupid…

    • Fred says:

      I think they’re all stupid I mean really a flying spagetti monster? You’ve got to be joking.

      • Apostle Strozzapreti says:

        Tis no joke….We all bow in the glory (and logic) that is FSM. May you, as well be touched by his noodly appendage….

      • midnight rider says:

        About as silly as a talking donkey. Then again I did watch Shrek and behold , there is a talking donkey there.

      • Drained and Washed Clean says:

        So I am assuming that you are going to other religious websites and telling them the same, right?

        I think they’re all stupid I mean really an invisible bearded zombie jew on a cloud? You’ve got to be joking.

        I think they’re all stupid I mean really an asexual, magical creation that uses a rapist as its prophet? You’ve got to be joking.

        I think they’re all stupid I mean really a multi-armed human with an elephant head that rides a rat? You’ve got to be joking.

        I think they’re all stupid I mean really an old, judgmental being that enjoys destroying the world? You’ve got to be joking.

        I think they’re all stupid I mean really a man on a mountain that throws lightening bolts? You’ve got to be joking.

        • rationalone says:

          Zealots always point out the fallacies of others without examining their own.
          We the intelligent, have the responsibility to rise above the superstitious and ignorant.
          A close friend of mine says; ” One should never argue with fools. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with their overwhelming experience.”

      • CarolKay says:

        FSM is real.

  3. Jesus says:

    Love your neighbors, people.
    or I’ll send you all to Hell
    –unless you believe in me,
    which means you must be good.
    But I must thank all you sinners
    for all the wrongs you do,
    because if you didn’t do them,
    I’d have had nothing to die for
    –and no career of saving souls
    or torturing them forever.
    Life is good. Pray or die.

  4. midnight rider says:

    I was created in His image and His likeness. (Genesis 1:27 KJV)

    But all fall short of the glory of God…hmmm (Romans 3:23)

    So does that mean God is a sinner? I was created to be LIKE God. So if I’m a sinner that must mean God is a sinner too? He therefore falls short of himself. :)

    Or else it means since I was created to be LIKE God, I am sin-free which would render the ‘falling short’ verse from Romans null and void.

    But more importantly, isn’t it simply amazing the time we spend trying to solve scriptural problems as well as argue and kill each other over myths?

    • wulff says:

      Third option (with thanks to my roommate): God attempted to create a duplicate of himself and FAILED!

    • Simon says:

      If a) god is perfect and b) we are created in his image, why do I not have the eyes of an eagle, the nose of a bear, the speed of a cheetah?

      • Keith says:

        But you can, Simon . Just open an account on “City of Heroes” or “Champions Online”

  5. Steven Klinger says:

    It warms my soul that my art has generated so much thought. Ramen to all!

    • rationalone says:

      We the minions that worship sanity and the Great FSM applaud your workmanship and contribution.
      Art is a powerful sword; And you are a great swordsman. I hope to find more of your thought provoking work.
      Where can I find it? What do you call your self on Face Book?

      • Steven Klinger says:

        Steven Klinger….I know how original! If Your already friends with Bobby Henderson, Im on his friends list.

        • rationalone says:

          Is your avatar art that says CHARTREUSE FREAK on face Book?

  6. maaju says:

    Why does the FSM have to douse the woman with beer? Ok, that’s the artist’s choice. But you said you liked that especially (maybe you were joking). That’s sexist, and doesn’t make me feel very welcome in the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Anyway, other than that, keep on rocking with your bad selves.

    • Apostle Strozzapreti says:

      Would it make you feel better if FSM was dousing me with beer? In fact, our supeme being is niether male nor female. It could have been me in that picture, but in the artists defense- noone wants to see that. Kudos Steven, you are a modern day prophet!!

      • Steven Klinger says:

        Thanks Apostle Strozzapreti!

  7. wulff says:

    So I see your life is so pathetic you have to come trolling back here already. What a sad, demented loser you are.

    I’d tell you to go to hell, but given your pseudonym, I suppose you’re already there, and I’m sure it’s one of your own devising.

    • Sky says:

      It’s better to just leave it alone and let the prophet deal with it.

      • Cap'n Flint says:

        And the Prophet is doing a fine job of handling this issue. Thanks Bobby.

        • Sky says:

          rAmen.

    • Skepmudgeon says:

      Golly! This sounds like me!
      “Sad, pathetic, demented, loser”

      Well, at least you didn’t spell it “looser” like many of today’s dyslexic bulletin-board habitues.

      But then again, perhaps that could refer to my bowels, particularly after an excessive consumption of pasta.

      What a cheerful young fellow you must be.

  8. Ivan says:

    It’s tea not beer.

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