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Jesus was a Pastafarian

Published July 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

Jesus-FSM-Color_sm

Here is our friend Stephen Klinger’s newest creation.  What I like most about this piece, besides the FSM pouring beer on a stripper, is the prominent display of Jesus – an unexpected element in Pastafarian art.  I can imagine both Christians and Atheists might be offended over this, if they try.  I think that’s what I like about it.

What do you guys think? 

Update – A concerned stripper writes:

I am a devoted and practicing member of the Church of the FSM. I am also a stripper. Sure, laugh it up. I take my job seriously, and I love my job. It just so happens that I’m quite capable of reasoning and critical thinking, though, and when introduced to the Church and its teachings, I immediately declared myself a member. It seemed like the perfect fit for me, the one I’ve been looking for all of these years.

There’s a post of Jesus with FSM in the background, pouring beer on a stripper. Does the FSM really do this? I’m having a crisis of faith over here. If the FSM really does pour beer on strippers, I don’t think I can be a part of the Church anymore.

It doesn’t seem like it fits the general theme of peace that is going on. I don’t think pirates would have doused strippers in beer without their explicit request to do so. And although strippers tend to love beer (And I certainly do! I celebrate on Fridays, as recommended.), I wonder whether the stripper in the picture is actually consenting and requesting that she be doused in beer.

In order for strippers to do their jobs properly, they can’t be sticky from beer, and most guys tend to want their strippers dry and clean. It also seems like it is a hazard to a stripper’s safety, and could cause serious injury or death by slipping on the pools of beer that would form. I am sure that the FSM would not want a death attributed to him, even a stripper’s. And I am absolutely positive that strippers find beer being poured on them to be too messy and too much trouble to be worth it.

All of this said, I’m having a crisis of faith. Is this what the FSM wants from me? To be dangerously doused in beer while in my 7" stilettos? I can’t risk my safety or my financial well-being.

Now what? Do I leave the Church of the FSM? How do I reconcile the feelings I have about the FSM? Can anyone offer me some advice?

Love and Peace to the FSM Community,

–Piper



215 Responses to “Jesus was a Pastafarian”

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  1. Sam says:

    Piper, it seems to me, that His Noodliness is in fact simply assisting the stripper in getting a drink… (note her ready posture, with her head leaned back to quench her thirst.) I would also say that the possibility of her slipping and hurting herself if anything OTHER than the FSM were to try this. I would equate this to a do as I say, and not as I do situation. I believe that you should not try to leave His noodley embrace, but rather continue you to be another intelligent free thinking stripper that loves her job. That is nothing less than the SHIT! I also think that Jesus was indeed a Pastafarian, and that’s why he never got his own book in the Bible.

  2. Dennis says:

    Of course this is a picture from hell. FSM is trying to heal the strippers diseases with stale beer.

  3. Pasta Simon says:

    Hi Piper,

    Your question is a good one and I’m glad you asked it. It’s perfectly normal, as someone new to the faith, that you would have questions and even doubts. Please allow me to offer my own answer as a newly ordained minister of the Church.

    First off, it’s very important to remind everyone that in our faith, strippers have a special, sacred status. Much like cows, choirboys, virgins and such in other religions. So the idea that the FSM (blessed be his abbreviation) would harm, or through omission of action, allow to be harmed, a stripper, is out of the question. It simply couldn’t happen. So then how are we to interpret this image? Religious imagery is often highly symbolic, filled with allegory and layers of hidden meaning. I believe that in this particular piece the figure of the stripper represents the stripper in everyone. Yep, we all have one. Some people don’t have a very big one but it’s there in all of us. Fo sho. The FSM is anointing our inner stripper with the fifth element, the elixir of the universe, and boy does it feel good.

    So next time you’re swinging around that pole, taking your life in your hands, remember that the FSM has got your back. If you fell, he would catch you in his noodly embrace. Of that there is no doubt. But don’t try it to test him, please. I don’t think he would like that b/c he’s very busy and has a lot of chimneys to go down.

    I hope this helped resolve your doubts and that there’s now more empty space in your brain to be filled up by unwavering faith. Oh, and don’t forget to visit the gift shop on your way out.

    Best wishes,

    Pasta Simon,
    Vancouver BC

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