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Jesus was a Pastafarian

Published July 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

Jesus-FSM-Color_sm

Here is our friend Stephen Klinger’s newest creation.  What I like most about this piece, besides the FSM pouring beer on a stripper, is the prominent display of Jesus – an unexpected element in Pastafarian art.  I can imagine both Christians and Atheists might be offended over this, if they try.  I think that’s what I like about it.

What do you guys think? 

Update – A concerned stripper writes:

I am a devoted and practicing member of the Church of the FSM. I am also a stripper. Sure, laugh it up. I take my job seriously, and I love my job. It just so happens that I’m quite capable of reasoning and critical thinking, though, and when introduced to the Church and its teachings, I immediately declared myself a member. It seemed like the perfect fit for me, the one I’ve been looking for all of these years.

There’s a post of Jesus with FSM in the background, pouring beer on a stripper. Does the FSM really do this? I’m having a crisis of faith over here. If the FSM really does pour beer on strippers, I don’t think I can be a part of the Church anymore.

It doesn’t seem like it fits the general theme of peace that is going on. I don’t think pirates would have doused strippers in beer without their explicit request to do so. And although strippers tend to love beer (And I certainly do! I celebrate on Fridays, as recommended.), I wonder whether the stripper in the picture is actually consenting and requesting that she be doused in beer.

In order for strippers to do their jobs properly, they can’t be sticky from beer, and most guys tend to want their strippers dry and clean. It also seems like it is a hazard to a stripper’s safety, and could cause serious injury or death by slipping on the pools of beer that would form. I am sure that the FSM would not want a death attributed to him, even a stripper’s. And I am absolutely positive that strippers find beer being poured on them to be too messy and too much trouble to be worth it.

All of this said, I’m having a crisis of faith. Is this what the FSM wants from me? To be dangerously doused in beer while in my 7" stilettos? I can’t risk my safety or my financial well-being.

Now what? Do I leave the Church of the FSM? How do I reconcile the feelings I have about the FSM? Can anyone offer me some advice?

Love and Peace to the FSM Community,

–Piper



215 Responses to “Jesus was a Pastafarian”

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  1. stylusmobilus says:

    Yeah I love it. It’s as if an all knowing Jesus is thinking ‘you fools, you had me pegged wrongly the whole time…’

    RAmen!

  2. Me says:

    Hi. This is the first time I’ve visited this website and it will probably not be my last. I was just wondering: seeing that spaghetti and meatballs is central to the faith, would it be an evolution of the faith if one were to insist on a specific condiment to go with it? Because, if so, I think I could be a mayopastafarian. Your reply would be appreciated, as I might not be the only one in a crisis of faith.

    • Stophe says:

      Dear sir, I think people like you could lead to a split among our great religion – especially while banquets, yaaaarhh!
      Mayo with pasta? I couldn’t think of a greater blasphemy, unless perhaps chocolate. Repent, ye sinner!

      …Or at least pass me the bologna, and don’t put mayo in the main pasta bowl.

      RAmen!

      • Me says:

        That is the idea: divide and conquer. If Christians could only get pastafarians to argue about the theological issues that surround the various merits of condiments, then those loyal to the Flying Spaghetti Monster would be too engaged in bickering to spread their otherwise uncompromising gospel. As a Christian, I have a vested interest in this. As someone who loves spaghetti, I cannot with comfort see that I am bested in a discussion on spaghetti. I must concede that pesto or bologna is a much wiser choice, and offer my humblest apologies for this blasphemy. I am afraid, however, that I have to commit even greater blasphemy in saying that everything is better with chocolate. If FSMPasta and chocolate are diametrically opposed or if the adherents of the faith are chocolatophobes, I respectfully must side with chocolate. Let tolerance be our watchword: and death to all not of my faith and world-view! :)

        • asianpasta says:

          The FSM takes all forms of sauce be they tomato based or others – ramen

        • pastapet says:

          I have in my pantry a bag of “Chocolate Pasta”, by Dell Designs, from Vancouver…. yes, made of semolina flour and Cocoa!
          chocolate and pasta… sin… sin…

        • Antipasta says:

          Stophe,

          I am a natutalist I prefer my pasta made with all natural ingrediants, none of the Ragu c@#p. If you mayo was to form the basis of some natural alfedo sauce then so be it. I propose a new church where are creations can be free. Come join me at the FCFSM – The Fundlementalist Church of the Flying Spagetti Monster.

      • DrewBee says:

        I think that there was a schizm between the FSMists and the FCMists (Flying Chocolate Monster) some time ago.

        • Atsap Revol says:

          Drew Bee, you are confusing a non-existant deity, The Flying Chocolate Monster (FCM), with a real god, The Farting Chocolate Dude (FCD). Worshipping the FCD is quite compatible with Pastafarianism, because the Dude was created by the FSM to reign over Hershey, Pennsylvania.

          Hence, chocolate and pasta are very compatible, and the truly devout may, indeed, dress their pasta with Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup. Everything’s better with Chocolate! Even strippers.

          May the FCD’s Holy Flatulence envelope you in a brown haze as you are simulyaneously embraced by the Noodley Appendages of our beloved FSM.

          Ramen in the name of Theobromo cacao
          Atsap

      • Kevin says:

        R’amen to your R’amen

  3. bahd says:

    This is the height of disrespect for loving God.
    My only prayer is that you all will know the TRUTH before you pass on.
    Accepting Jesus is the only way to make it to heaven (Read John chater 3 verses 3 and 16 of the Bible)

    God bless you

    • Ronster says:

      What bahd seems to fail to understand is that those of us who do not believe in God don’t have a choice. The way our brains are wired is that we require evidence to believe in something. I could say that I accept Jesus and believe in god, etc., but it would be a lie. I cannot choose what to believe. Can you choose to like a certain food? No, either you do or you don’t. It’s the same thing with someone with an analytical brain. If you provide evidence that can be verified, then I will come to a conclusion based on that evidence. Don’t waste your time quoting bible references, they are not verifiable facts. I support your right to believe in anything you do, provided it does not hurt others or impede their rights. I request the same consideration from you.

      • midnight rider says:

        Just like “pray the gay away.” If he prays hard enough, then YOU Ronster will become a believer in Christ! hallelujah! But what if you don’t? Did he not pray hard enough? Does it mean that God doesn’t want Ronster to go to heaven? OMFSM! I just don’t see Bahd spending any real amount of time praying for you Ronster, unless of course you are friends or something. I’d be willing to bet he didn’t pray for you at all.

        Wonder what would happen if I prayed that Bahd became a Pastafarian?

        • Liutasiun says:

          That is one of the main reasons I don’t believe in any religion other then Pastafarianism. All the other religions say that you can ONLY get into heaven (or in case of other religions other priviliges) if you believe in a religion. While at the same time they say you should behave well (the 10 commandments, do unto others what you would want them to do onto you). Thus resulting in the fact that the worst law-breaking, raping, scamming, drug dealing christian (not saying that most of them are, just using an example) has a larger chance to get into heaven then someone who has lived a life devoted to others. Wich would mean people are accounted by god on what they believe in and not what they did or who they are.

          Also Christians think Jews are sinners just because they don’t believe in Jesus, while actually Christianity is not a religion at all but a branch of the Jewish religion, since they both believe in the same gods.

          Another reason I will never be a Christian is because of things in the past (middle ages) done by the Vatican Church. First of all the crusades, because of the crusades hundred thousands of people died because the Pope wanted Jeruzalem. And that while one of the commandments is: ”Thou shall not kill”. Second of all, at a certain time (around the late middle ages) the Pope wanted to build a new church, but he didn’t have enough money. So he made it possible to BUY your spot in heaven, for some money you could buy a piece of paper and if you did that your sins would be forgiven. Even though these horrible deeds (and many more) were done in his name God did nothing to stop them or tell them they were wrong. Given that I can only think of two possible reasons why he didn’t do anything: 1. He thought it was the right thing, if that would be true then I wouldn’t want to believe in God. 2. He just didn’t care, if he doesn’t care about his people then I also wouldn’t want to believe in him. 3. He doesn’t exist, wich I believe since I don’t think he would first tell them to love eachother and then later not care about them starting wars in his name.

          Also about the earlier discussion about chocolate and other things mixed with pasta. ALL PASTA IS EQUAL!

          R’Amen

    • Drained and Washed Clean says:

      I challenge your premise that there is a god. Please provide evidence. I would also like to point out, that according to your holy book your “loving” god has done the following things: Ordered his followers to dash their children against the rocks. Destroyed the entire world. Ordered the rape and murder of women and children. Please now explain to me what your definition of loving is, and how a beast who has done these things can be such.

      I challenge your assumption of an afterlife. Please provide evidence of there being an afterlife at all. If you would like to get specific about the type of afterlife, additional proof must be provided.

      I challenge the validity of the book you quote given the numerous historical lies it tells. I am sure many here actually know it better than you since you pick and choose your verses like picking your favorite Skittle flavors out of a bowl. So using said book as the evidence for any facts you may give will not be accepted. Please provide outside sources that tell of the existence of Jesus, the “miracles” he performed, and the great amount of publicity that a man doing such things would certainly cause.

      • Spammyboy says:

        I don’t know about you, but I can never remember which Skittle colors correspond to each flavour…

        • Drained and Washed Clean says:

          I know! I mean, is it strawberry or cherry?

        • anon says:

          They are all citric acid and other tasty chemicals flavour.

      • convert to be says:

        Don’t forget the She-bear that god ordered up to kill the children who called his prophet Elisha “baldy”. 2nd Kings: http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/2kg/2.html

      • jim says:

        Dear Drained and Washed, there is in the academic record mention by two Greek and by one Roman historian the existence of Jesus of Nazareth. The time frame is correct and the area also. Other than his name being mentioned,they offer very little about him. But we do know he existed as a historical figure.

        • Cap'n Flint says:

          There probably were dozens named Jesus from Nazareth. There are thousands named Jesus in Mexico today. If those historians had described the “water into wine,” the “raising of Lazarus,” and the “walking on water” incidents, their records would be more credible. Surely such miracles would have been newsworthy even in those backward times.

        • lolhoofd says:

          its probly the person the church refers to, but
          1) he was not the son of god, just a normal person
          2) he whoud have no powers of any kind
          3) i doub he ever was more relgius then the comon person arond
          thosepionts were kinda negetief if ur a believer
          4) most likly was a kind person , atherwise he woudent be uses in the bible or stories
          a good piont

          think of the face he woud make if u travel back in time and explain him hes being used by powercorupted ppl in our time
          , or who woud the church chooise of u were to kill him befor he became important, (bet: 10 euros on judas)

          lolhoofd , loyal pastafarian

        • Drained and Washed Clean says:

          Dear jim,

          I am going to assume that you mean Pliny, Tacitus, and Josephus. None of these prove the existence. Pliny and Tacitus were born to late to have any first hand knowledge of Jesus. Josephus is an unreliable source because Eusebius inserted a passage. So, there is still a question about his actual existence.

        • wulff says:

          Drained, anyone who saw the movie knows that Josephus wasn’t there. It was Comicus that was the waiter for the Last Supper. (Apologies to Mr. Brooks.)

    • Rational one says:

      To attempt to use the words, God, truth, and Jesus, in the same paragraph, with out making a joke about it is a joke.
      Isn’t it?????

    • Steve says:

      Is this meant seriously? It could also be a hilarious sarcastic imitation of the ignorant things a deluded believer might say. But if it is serious, it is pretty pitiful. I love Ronster’s reply that atheists simply require evidence before believing something is true. I would add that wishful thinking (e.g., a desire for immortality) is not a good reason for belief, either. Also, the belief in both a soul and an afterlife is absurd for many reasons. The mind can’t exist apart from the body. Given that people are just smart animals who have evolved over millions of years and share the same DNA as other animals, why should we alone have immortal souls? Why would a human deserve immortality more than a dog, for instance? I think a dog certainly does less harm in life. Further, it just doesn’t make sense for a god to design a universe over billions of years just in order to bring about the evolution of one species (us) and, after some 200,000 years of homo sapiens, pass the message to some ignorant and superstitious people in Palestine that they can be immortal if they simply believe in Jesus. It also doesn’t make sense to reward or punish people for eternity based on whether they choose to believe something in one short lifetime regardless of reason and evidence. I would say that’s very extreme and could not be just. It would be like a child stealing a candybar and being punished for it the rest of his life. Moreover, it would be revoltingly unjust because it has nothing at all to do with a person’s moral character or actions; it is simply a reward for belief and punishment for disbelief. Such treatment of people after death could only serve the interests of a tyrannical and intolerant deity whose main concern is that people worship Him or be punished horribly if they do not. NOT a loving god at all in any meaningful way. A prejudiced god who plays favorites and loves bootlicking flatterers, yes. In practical terms, though, some of the ones who benefit most from this kind of belief system are the priests and ministers who profit from it in this life, and any other people who who make use of religious groups for particular ends–sometimes good, sometimes not. Furthermore, even IF it could be possible and deserved for a person to gain a heavenly afterlife by choosing the right superstitious belief, what would be the point of it? What do you imagine immortal souls could do for an eternity? What do you think heaven is? An eden-like garden, perhaps? Will it be a natural paradise, or will there be modern conveniences like computers, TVs, microwave ovens, and cool cars? Will there be anything like the pleasure of sex, and will people have just one partner for eternity or be able to have as many as one wants? You see, it really just seems to be a wish-fulfilling dream of a place to continue all the pleasures of worldly life except with none of the limitations of the real world. It doesn’t seem very exalted or high-minded, but just a kind of elite club for self-centered, pretentious people who can’t be satisfied with the ONE precious life that all living things are granted, and who think they are so special that they deserve more. Further, such delusional and neurotic preoccupation with an afterlife threatens to weaken people’s appreciation of the world and all the living things in it. Living harmoniously and sustainably HERE should be our primary focus.

      • Rational one says:

        Thanks for the laughter. Didn’t you know the streets in heaven are paved in gold and Saint peter’s gates were pearly?
        Everything in heaven is great; ergo the name, heaven. Oh wait maybe I should capitalize the word Heaven, since it is a perfect Place.
        Do not forget we are surrounded by the ghosts of the past that never die. I mean they are obviously either in heaven or hell, but still alive, Right?

        All we need are noodles and some meatballs and I’m in Valhalla.

        • Steve says:

          I don’t see that gold streets and pearl gates would be an improvement. How gaudy! If there’s going to be a paradise, the same thing shouldn’t be imposed on everyone regardless of individual taste. I wll not believe in the FSM if it means pasta for eternity! The fact that the FSM takes the form of spaghetti should not have to mean it is better than other food. I think it represents ALL food. But what’s lacking here are some vague, ambiguous FSM scriptures to interpret. Maybe somewhere else on this site?

        • Keith says:

          I always thought the Land of Oz had streets of gold. Does that mean that heaven is populated by Munchkins?

        • Ugly says:

          The streets of Oz are generally made from bitumen. As an Oztralian I kinda like it that way, except when its hot, then the bitumen starts going all tacky and you get bits of it stuck to your car.

    • KSURE says:

      God is about acceptance and oneness, not exclusion. Jesus knew that. you will eventually

      • midnight rider says:

        Yeah, see Hosea 13:16 to back up that acceptance argument. :)

        • raviolution says:

          The people of Samaria must bear the consequences of their guilt because they rebelled against their God. They will be killed by an invading army, their little ones dashed to death against the ground, their pregnant women ripped open by swords.”

          thats quite a loving god all right, sign me up for that!

      • Drained and Washed Clean says:

        A necessary product of any belief is intolerance. We know that (because people are killing each other to this day because of belief). Hopefully you will eventually.

    • Jason says:

      So… what you’re saying is that the 66% of the rest of the entire world is going to hell? Damn, what a “loving” deity you worship. My FSM have mercy on you. Ramen.

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      I have a mind. According to your belief, god created the mind that I posses. With this gift of a mind, I can evaluate and scrutinize every ‘truth’ presented to me. This is important because, according to your belief, there is a devil, which means deceit exists, which also means not all truth is true.

      Using this mind I can take a few steps back, juxtapose existing faiths, spot similarities, and see the differences. Using this mind, I have considered the collective truths of these faiths and determined them to be contradictory, confrontational, subject to broad interpretations, and largely reflective of the culture which promotes it. Using this mind, I have concluded there is no truth to be found in the myriad of conflicting faiths; therefore I’ll treat them all equally as baseless assertions. My conclusion is not a ‘belief’ mind you, it’s an acceptance based on knowledge.

      My only crime is using my mind. The real disrespect is yours, in failing to use the mind god gave you.

      Ramen and FSM Bless You.

      • Lizzerz says:

        Additionally… if there is a god and a devil… then which created religion? nothing on this earth has created more hatred towards others, war, murder, separations of peoples etc. religion is evil incarnate whether you’re christian, jewish, shiite (continued list of all worldly religions)….

        if the one who caused this strife currently and throughout history is your god, i for one refuse to worship him.

    • rationalone says:

      LOL bhad is right; we have no respect for the myth of Jesus, Joseph, and Mary or any other man made insanity s

      • Ugly says:

        Mary and Jesus apparently keep popping back and drawing pictures of themselves on walls, pieces of toast and other inanimate objects – thus providing proof of their existence. Putting aside the legalities of defacing private property and my concern that the second coming of Jesus is supposed to mean the end of the world (although he has come back and drawn pictures of himself all over stuff for years now), can Mary still bring charges of rape against god? All I can gather from my readings of the bible is that one day an angel rocked up to her door while hubby was away and told her that god had inseminated her. I don’t recall reading about any sort of concent or even the offering of a few alcoholic beverages.
        With this as his background I can imagine that Jesus as a child would have been naturally drawn to beer and strippers (glory be to them) as a way to deal with the facts of his birth, so its quite possible that although he wasn’t born a Pastafarian he may have come to know His Noodliness.

    • His Wholyness the Cook says:

      Dear bahd, this is quite the opposite of disrespect. The love that one feels when sharing a communion of fine pasta, good wine and lively conversation and fun with friends is the highest honor one can pay to life itself. Jesus was a man who understood the joy of communion with friends sharing a meal together. There are several mentions of this in the historical documents. I accept that Jesus was a man who enjoyed a good time with bread and wine, and I am sure that if pasta with garlic and a good Chianti were available to him, he would have been as good company as the people I cook for. It is sad that you have misunderstood his nature and cannot follow his example. I personally do not pour beer or wine into the mouths of strippers, but that is only because they have not asked me to. I am sure that Jesus would show the same reverence and regard to strippers that I do and not do this unless they actually wanted it.

  4. Tortellini says:

    I think before ‘bahd’ exorts us to read John chater (sic) 3 he ought to read the big pasta maker in the sky’s one and only recipie book, then once he’s perfected the art of the true pasta believer he can compare and contrast!

  5. BWM says:

    The scriptural evidence is quite clear about Jesus being a Pastafarian.

    Where did he and his disciples go for solace the night before everything was going to hit the fan? Gethsemane, the local Olive Garden! (John 18:1, Matthey 26:36 and Mark 14:32)

    • KSURE says:

      Brilliant. just brilliant point.

  6. BWM says:

    The scriptural evidence is quite clear about Jesus being a Pastafarian.

    Where did he and his disciples go for solace the night before everything was going to hit the fan? Gethsemane, the local Olive Garden! (John 18:1, Matthew 26:36 and Mark 14:32)

    • Me says:

      Clearly He was not a Pastafarian: the only things documented that he ate was bread and fish (as far as I remember) and the only recorded thing he drank was wine. So, if anything, the coastal regions of France have a much more Christological diet than the Italians.

      • wulff says:

        As I posted on another thread some time back, the FSM created Jesus to spread Pastafarianism, but those darn x-tians stole him. “For what goes better with pasta than bread and wine?”

  7. Me says:

    Keep in mind: I’m a reformed Christian, so I would have to think the catholic church went wrong somewhere soon after the time that the pope lived in the papal palace in France. Therefore, I might be slightly biased.

  8. Al Dentidisciple says:

    Moses was too.
    He was found floating on the water.
    Definitely a sign of a ready noodle!

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