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Is it time for an FSM billboard?

Published June 7th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

billboard2Can you picture it?  It could be amazing, if we do it right.  I’ve mentioned it before and had mixed responses.  Here are my thoughts:

It can’t be negative.  As an example, I was not a fan of the You Know It’s A Myth banners put up by the American Atheists.  

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I am in favor of the AA’s substantive causes but I found this billboard campaign smug and petty (I feel the same about campaigns to remove Christmas trees from public venues). 

The high road.  If we put up a billboard, it must be a positive message – it must promote us and our ideals, not attack another group.  Satire and nonsense are great, attacking Christianity is boring and counter-productive.  I have no problem slamming Cthulhu and/or the IPU (She is in my drawing, also btw).

Send me your ideas/drawings. I’ll post them here. What would make a good billboard?  A pirate ship “full of beer and strippers”?  That might be interesting.  It’s been a while since I’ve seen a drawing of the Beer Volcano.  Send your submissions to me and we can decide what would look best.  We’ll worry about paying for the billboard space next.

Submissions (so far):

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#1.  See the World, by Doug.

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#1(b). Have you been touched, by Doug.

 

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#2. Try Pasta, by Jo (Cardinal Fang)

 

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#3. Touching, by Dan.

 

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#4.  Teaching our children the truth, by Wayne.

 

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#5.  Try FSM, by Kelly.

 

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#6.  Main course for the soul, by Younger.

 

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#7.  Two designs, by Doug.

 

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#8.  I’d really rather you didn’t, by Jeffrey.



365 Responses to “Is it time for an FSM billboard?”

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  1. SillyKiwiMan says:

    While not all truly believe, and think of our faith as a parody, more saddening to me are those who fervently believe that we are as blind about our beliefs as they are about their own. (Bugger me, that sentence ended up longer than I planned!)

    For those who would take our message of tolerance and keeping the religious nutters our of science as it is intended, it’s fine. For those poor fools with no sense of humour, ability to click an “about” tab, or basic ability to see glaring flaws in self-contradictory fairytales, they’ll take our beliefs too literally. Then they’ll point out how their invisible sky-fairy created man, but somehow WE created His Holy Noodliness. Retards.

    That and despite my tolerance of most things, I cannot tolerate wilful stupidity given credibility because enough people became wilfully stupid over a long enough period of time, and are happy to accept “my parents told me to” as a reason to hate/kill/steal/enslave/be hypocritical/ignore OVERWHELMING and basic science.

    While I agree that an FSM billboard should teach tolerance (after all, we ARE better than them), I may need a personal billboard insulting them by pointing out the fact that they’re deliberately choosing ignorance.

    How I struggle to obey the 8 “I’d really rather you didn’ts” sometimes…

    • SillyKiwiMan says:

      Oh, I forgot to call them asshats, or assclowns. I forget which is more popular at the moment. My bad.

  2. stylusmobilus says:

    There are many positive messages we could think of, as we are Touched by His Noodly Appendages, and they contain complex carbohydrates.

    The advertisement above is one point we could promote, and how our efforts to increase the number of Pirates worldwide is actively fighting global warming. Could we also Strain something out of the wonderful achievements of the Kiva team? They are truly Covered in Sauce!

    Even the fundamental point of the CotFSM- making sure kids learn the truth- gives us billboard ideas. I must have a crack at this, my artwork will be rubbish but there is lots to highlight. And since His Noodlyness has said absolutely nothing about it, I can only assume He would approve.

    • Bobby Henderson says:

      Awesome ideas

    • Brian Fritzen says:

      I think you have a perfect idea. Especially if we use that quote that says (paraphrasing here) “It has as much merit as Intelligent Design.”

      And then a little note at the bottom that states: “Help us keep religion out of science class.”

      • StJason says:

        OOoh. I like that. Make it really mysterious. A classroom, a kid looking slightly puzzled right at the camera, and the caption “It’s time to bring truth back to the classroom.” Below, the message “Brought to you by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Venganza.org”

        • Doug Morgan says:

          StJason -

          I have created a billboard mock-up based on your concept which can be viewed here (http://www.doug-morgan.com/Billboard/). I couldn’t find an image that worked well as you described (and/or I didn’t want to take the time to make one), but I came across these retro images at Getty and it seemed the “olden days” was a good metaphor for the message. This has been sent to Bobby for inclusion in this page. RAmen.

        • Keith says:

          @ Doug Morgan: they are all good Doug. The first one is especially simple and straightforward.

        • Raviolution says:

          Perhaps we should campaign to have Darwinian Evolution taught in sunday school.

      • stopfeedingblisterfingers says:

        Yes, I like it too. See how Touched we all are?

      • Shana M says:

        THAT… is awesome. I like that one. A billboard of the FSM with “It has as much merit as Intelligent Design” and the tagline at the bottom as Brian says. It could actually be a whole series!

    • Pastor di Semola de Grano Duro says:

      Okay. On the way to school, dropping my kids off, I believe I was Touched again, and I have come up with a basis of an idea I will work with.

      A background of sky blue, with the FSM on the left side of the billboard, Touching a stricken ship in a storm. Three messages beneath the ship:

      1. ‘Over $600,000 in Kiva Loans to businesses in developing countries
      2. Stopping Global Warming by increasing the number of Honourable Pirates
      3. Keeping the World healthy by encouraging a balanced diet

      …and along the bottom of the board…’Pastafarianism…telling your kids the truth since 2005!’

      I really want to try and keep any references to other religions out of it. I definitely support Brian Fritzen’s comments, but I can see where a truly fanatical zealot could be offended by even these truths, and I want to give them no ammunition whatsoever.

      What do my fellow Pastafarians think? And yes, I want some opinions, because they are certainly valued!

      RAmen!

      • Pastor di Semola de Grano Duro says:

        …and btw…I’m stylusmobilus as well…

      • ye the ye says:

        yes!

  3. Adrian D. says:

    I believe a clever slogan has been thought of.
    “Combat Global Warming;

    Plunder the high seas.”

  4. Randy says:

    Heres a few thoughts on slogans:

    “When you are touched by the FSM you will be able to have your science and your relgion too!”

    “The FSM…..bringing those crazy atheists into the religious fold since 2005″.

    “Pastafarianism…..religion you can question!”

    “Pastafarians: go ahead and have crazy sex, our god doesn’t peak”.

    “Choose the FSM…..He’s less judgemental and more delicious than other gods”.

    “Text FSM to “4PASTAFARIAN” to learn about our god-back guarantee”*
    (*fees applicable. all proceeds go to the building of the Holy Pirate Ship)

    • Mike says:

      “Pastafarians: go ahead and have crazy sex, our god doesn’t peak”

      Very good – but spelling DOES matter – sometimes.

  5. TiltedHorizon says:

    I have always leaned towards open ended questions/statements which provoke curiosity.

    Maybe a perspective image of FSM, reaching out one of his noodly appendages in the direction of the viewer with the slogan: “Be touched by Truth” – Or – “Learn more about me at…”

    • Pastor di Semola de Grano Duro says:

      Yes, we would need a good indicator telling people where to go. Those are beauties Tilted. Another maybe..”Read the about tab at venganza….”

      • TiltedHorizon says:

        LOL. That can never be stressed enough.

      • Spammyboy says:

        Incidentally, does anyone know what inspired the domain name for His holy domain? What does the Spanish for revenge have to do with anything?

        • Ubi Dubium says:

          Yes, it’s revenge on the creationists. As in, we fight them by using their own tactics against them.

  6. Doug Morgan says:

    As to the nuts-and-bolts of this issue, standard billboard sizes can be found at http://www.sbuilts.com/sizes.cfm. I am using the 14′ x 48′ dimension for my design since that appears to be pretty standard and appears to be the size used for the “You know it’s a myth” billboard–unless someone has another suggestion. RAmen.

  7. wulff says:

    I think it should be a picture of His Noodliness with the slogan “Have you been touched?” and the website.

    Also possible would be to call for volunteers to have pictures on the signs of themselves in pirate garb with the caption “I’ve been touched.”

    • Doug Morgan says:

      This meets the requirement of being easily read by a passing motorist, is thought-provoking in that it asks a question, and is suitably vague in that it offends no one. The messages I would like to see in the billboard (other than simple, thought-provoking, and inoffensive) are friendly, reflective of a community of deep thinkers who do not take themselves too seriously, substantial (not a fad or joke–on par with other mainstream religions), and classy/refined/high production value. I think about some of the adds I see on TV. Those that look like the company cared enough to spend some money on high production value is more likely to get me interested as opposed to those home-made looking ads for local furniture stores and such that may contain pertinent information, but I can’t get past the cheap look&feel of the ad. It’s all about projecting an image that demands respect.

    • Addy42 says:

      I think your idea is really awesome. But I think that when some people drive by and see just a bunch of pirates they would think its a joke and just forget. Maybe if there were people they respect and trust, such as professional people like doctors or teachers, included in the group they might remember and think of it as more than a joke. Maybe even have a doctor with a stethoscope, eyepatch and hook?

      • Brian Fritzen says:

        Well. I am a teacher, and I have been touched! His Noodlyness is a source of academic inspiration.

        I would have no problem being on a billboard.

  8. Dan says:

    It seems like the “Reject False Gods” part of this might be seen as negative.

    Any good advertising campaign is short, memorable, and buzz-worthy. There needs to be a consistent element (such as placement of the name/logo) and a good hook. You are probably thinking about a single billboard, and want to do something that will be picked up by the CNNs of the world and discussed. Because of that, the message should probably be positive, somewhat vague, and drive people to the website.

    How about the text “Are you happy with your current god?” in black on a white background, with the FSM logo/pic and the website name in the lower right corner. Other slogans that might work are “Got Complex Carbohydrates?”, “Sunday is Spaghetti Day!”, “Serve Pasta Every Sunday!”, “Touched by his noodly goodness.”

    The message could even be more complex “You have free will – use it well!”, “Religion, like life, is your choice. Live well.”, “Most religions make you look for answers – ours wants you to ask questions.”

    How about simply the FSM logo and the website? That would create buzz, especially if it got people talking.

    Finally, it might be a good time to play on the supposed rapture event on October 21st. Something like “No rapture on October 21st? Try Pasta on October 22nd.” Harold Camping is fair game at this point, and won’t been seen as “going negative”. It would get attention, though.

    If you wanted to really have some fun, get a couple of Pastafarians that have access to production equipment to make some videos for YouTube. Imagine two late 30′s women having coffee in a kitchen. One says something like “And then with choir practice, the bake sale, and teaching Sunday school, I just don’t have time for anything else!” The other responds “Well, have you considered switching to another religion? Jim and I became Pastafarians, and now we have our Sundays free to sleep in, relax, and spend time together with the kids.” Then, over images of the second woman and her husband/kids lounging and playing in a sunny backyard, have an announcer say “Yes, the Flying Spaghetti Monster knows that family is important and wants you to spend the with them instead of spending time in a stuffy old church. Bask in his noodly goodness, as a family.” This last line should pan out to a wide shot where you see the FSM in the sky keeping a watchful eye on the family.

    Another variation would be to have the same two women talking about the contents of the morning church service – “That story about Sodom and Gomorrah really scared the kids. They didn’t understand why God was punishing people.” Second woman: “Well, Maybe you need a less vengeful God. Jim and I became Pastafarians, and”… You see where I’m headed with this. Variations could be made for twenty-somethings in a coffee shop, men watching Sunday football, and retirees.

    • Big Guy says:

      Yes, you pitiful pastafarians, children should be scared by those bloody tales out of the Old Testament. Frighten the shit out of them so they will fear the Lard and blindly follow the dogma of His wondrous Christian Church. That’s how i was hooked on becoming a Christian.

    • Doug Morgan says:

      Excellent feedback, Dan. Of the slogans you mentioned, may favorite is: “Most religions make you look for answers – ours wants you to ask questions.” PBFSM.

    • opiesysco says:

      “No rapture on October 21st? Try Pasta on October 22nd.”

      I love that one. Fantastic!!

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