I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)

Published June 14th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

I spent a while thinking of a good reply to this, without sounding like some sort of inbred hick or perhaps maybe to get your attention. However, I realize that there pretty much is no way for that to happen, if you put this in your hate-mail section, I’ll probably be mocked just as much as the next guy, who put the stupid comment about how you could never buy a pirate ship. I’m OK with that, I just wish people will actually think about what I have to say rather then ignorantly mocking what I believe personally. Whatever may happen, I don’t really mind, except that I cannot bring myself to be silent on this issue.

I am a Christian, whatever you may think about me, or absurd assumptions you may have about what I look like, think like, or speak like, realize this, I think all beliefs should be treated with equality. Atheism, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Agonist, Voodoo, whatever, I don’t care, if you believe that you are correct, then you have every right in the world to believe that with all your heart, and nobody should force you to believe what they believe. Now I also believe in open criticism of any of these religions, meaning your Pastafarian view that openly mocks religion. However, it is also my right to criticize the criticism, meaning though while I believe it is your right to mock, harass, and generally make religious persons miserable, I don’t believe it is morally right.

Atheism is a belief just as much as Christianity. Say whatever you want about facts and how religion is stupid and all those who practice it are all idiots, but it still comes down to the fundamental truth that you must believe this to be more true over the other option. I am again, completely fine with that, and that is why I love America so much, because we CAN believe differently then one another, and still live peacefully (to a degree) together. However, mocking is not the right way to go about arguing your belief.
By the way, here is the definition of mocking:

1. Tease or laugh at in a scornful or contemptuous manner.

2. Make (something) seem laughably unreal or impossible.

To laugh at someone else’s belief that they dedicate their lives to is not funny or humorous, but I believe is rather childish and immature. This is the main reason why I would much rather sit down calmly with an atheist and have a rational discussion about each other’s beliefs, instead of smacking them in the face with a bible, and shouting how they are going to hell for not believing the undeniable truth that is the bible, or worse, calling their belief idiotic and getting my group of friends together and laughing and pointing in his face.

Of course there are people that do this, hence, you, and there will always be people like you. My job is try to convince you to be rational and discuss each others view points.

I could never put myself in your mindset and read this the same way through your eyes. To you, I just look like another idiot who took this seriously and decided to write a concerned letter and waste his time trying to teach you to be respectful, but the truth is, writing this helps me put my thoughts in order anyways.

If you do have one ounce of thought for my beliefs, at least view this letter with respect, and try to think about what I am thinking when I read this:


What I am thinking is that the joke has gone to far. Of course this letter asks for intelligent discussion, and that seems to have never existed in your website, so before I go, let my put it in your language.

Fuck you, and lay off religion asshole.


1,902 Responses to “I spent a while thinking (hate-mail)”

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  1. Joe King says:

    I appreciate Austin’s initial sincerity. I thought his letter was well intentioned and that he just wanted his voice heard. Whatever works. In response to some of his points, I think the overly judgmental aspect of most religions is what drives people in other directions. That’s what’s become tiresome. You watch the news and it’s one story after another of one religion trying to shove their beliefs down someone’s throat, or calling for the eradication of one group by another group in the name of religion. I don’t need that negativity and fire and brim stone nonsense in my life. I’m all for pirate ships and strippers, and not taking things overly serious. I like that folks can come along or stay behind, and it is no big deal one way or another. Austin is entitled to his belief system, and I’ll respect that FOR him. That’s just not what I’m into. I would appreciate the same degree of respect FOR my spiritual pursuits from those of other faiths. Unfortunately, that has not been my experience. For some reason everyone feels the need to save me from this thing or that thing, or whatever. If I need a saving, I’ll contact a banker. In the meantime, pass the grog and let the strippers get to spinning.

  2. Excelsior says:

    You put the cart before the horse. The question is: “Why doesn’t religion leave us alone?” Why does religion force us to say “under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance? Why does religion force us to use money with “In God we trust” printed on it? Why did religion murder 3000 of us ordinary people at the Twin Towers on 9/11? Why did religion blow up the Boston Marathon? Why is religion forcing thousands of girls to be sex-slaves all over the world? Of course religion does good things once in a while, like the Salvation Army helping the poor. However, all the mainstream religions have a closet full of skeletons like the Inquisition! You have forced the Atheists to take up arms to protect themselves and not vice versa! I used to be an Atheist for this reason, but when I discovered the FSM I decided that Pastafarianism was my destiny! It’s the only religion that never harmed anyone!

    • Capitan Hook says:


      • The Sauceror says:

        I second that, Captan Hook. Right on, Excelsior!

    • Luiz says:


  3. Deacon Macandcheese says:

    Gotta give the hate-mail credit! 4 years worth of replies.

    That said, I have to leave this here:

    “Atheism is a belief just as much as Christianity”


    Atheism is a “belief” like “off” is a TV channel.

    • Adam Bronson says:

      Deacon Macandcheese,

      Brilliant! Thanks for it.

      Atheism is a disbelief like that I expereinced when reading this man’s vapidity.

      Go in peace brother!

    • Alice says:


      • Rasputin says:

        Dear Alice, I assume you’re a woman. What would you like in Pastafarian Heaven? Recently Roxanne complained that beer volcanoes and strippers were too male-orientated. I suggested lady Pastafarians might appreciate an endless supply of elegant shoes plus unicorns for riding. Am I talking male-bigoted rubbish or is this realistic? Please let us know. The FSM is surely reading this and will oblige.

        • Abby says:

          Dear Rasputin,
          You are correct in assuming strippers and beer aren’t generally what we’re in to. I’m not sure what women would want in general in Heaven, but I think what you’ve got it about right shoes and unicorns. But what I might suggest is changing endless shoes to endless clothing, and the addition of hot pirates.

        • Rasputin says:

          Dear Abby, Yes! We need more feedback of this kind. The FSM already knows what gals enjoy. It’s the task of His servants on earth to inform all wenches what’s available to devout Pastafarians when they reach Noodly Heaven. Spread the word and the word is “Aaaarrrgghhhh!”.

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