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Certificates of Ordination

Published May 9th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

Update — The ordination certificates have been redesigned

Ordination certificates are just $20 and include domestic shipping. $30 for international. Check out more photos on the order page here.



172 Responses to “Certificates of Ordination”

  1. Schnellhefter says:

    it´s a good idea. Can get all people from over all a certificate?

  2. SP says:

    Wait..wait wait, shouldn’t we be ordained as a Captain, rather than as a Minister?

    • Lo Zeno says:

      Maybe “First Mate”.
      “Captain” to me should be more akin to a bishop. First Mate would be the perfect term for a simple minister.
      Ahrrr!

    • Brian Fritzen says:

      Indeed. The captain of a ship can marry people at sea! Or so I have heard.

      • Maurog says:

        This is actually a remnant from the Golden Age of Pastafarianism, when Captain Ministers sailed their Pirate Ship Churches over all the seven seas! Back then, this was the only real way to marry! Alas, this important function was stolen by all those fake faiths.

  3. Pesto says:

    This is awesome. If I wasn’t presently broke, I would order one immediately.

  4. Big Guy says:

    The 3rd letter of Fatima in MEDJUGORJE written by sister Lucia regarding the Holy Mother Marry’s message to the world. It refers to atheist like all of you waging war on Christians like me in the here & now. How prophetic…

    The vision of Fatima concerns above all the war waged by atheist systems against the Church and Christians, and it describes the immense suffering endured by the witnesses to the faith in the last century of the second millennium. It is an interminable Way of the Cross led by the Popes of the twentieth century.

    The successive events of 1989 led, both in the Soviet Union and in a number of countries of Eastern Europe, to the fall of the Communist regime which promoted atheism. For this too His Holiness offers heartfelt thanks to the Most Holy Virgin. In other parts of the world, however, attacks against the Church and against Christians, together with the burden of suffering which they involve, tragically continue.

    Even if the events to which the third part of the Secret of Fatima refers now seem part of the past, Our Lady’s call to conversion and penance, issued at the beginning of the twentieth century, remains timely and urgent today. “The Lady of the message seems to read the signs of the times – the signs of our time – with special insight… The insistent invitation of Mary Most Holy to penance is nothing but the manifestation of her maternal concern for the fate of the human family, in need of conversion and forgiveness” (Pope John Paul II, Message for the 1997 World Day of the Sick, N. 1, Insegnamenti, vol XIX/2, 1996, p. 561).

    • Zane says:

      Really? Who would have guessed that a member of a religion with no ability to provide evidence for the truth of its claims would come under scrutiny by those who don’t believe in those claims? Profound!

      • Zane says:

        Sorry, I meant a member of the religion would predict that the claims of the religion would come under scrutiny. (Both do work though).

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      Any stage magician would come up with more astounding prophecies than the 3 Fatima ones – but then again we’re only talking little kids here.
      1) Hell exists. Uhhh, any proof, kids? Every overzealous Xtian believes that.
      2) The war going on now will end and there will be another. Damn! What’s the odds of guessing THAT??
      3) A pope will be shot. And 19 years after the fact we’ll announce that prophecy! Well, here’s my own – Bill Clinton of Arkansas will win the 1992 U.S. Presidential election. Was I right?

      • Midnight Rider says:

        I think we call this RetroProphecy.

      • opiesysco says:

        Watch this, I am going to predict my own birth :)

        • wulff says:

          I tried predicting my own birth, but I got it wrong…

      • TiltedHorizon says:

        I predict that one day after May 21st some Xtian will explain how the failed to carry the ’1′ in their “rapture math” then claim another end date.

        I predict this cycle will continue unabated since, as the great sage Forrest Gump said, stupid is as stupid does.

        I predict, the internet will eventually be in every household and in every hand which means, the crimes of the church, the truth of the bible, and the unshared secrets religion would rather keep hidden will all be a few clicks away. As the truth becomes self evident, the pews will be emptied, the church coffers will collect only dust, and churches will be sold and re-purposed as into breweries (all that open space is perfect for it).

        The Tilted has spoken.

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      This entire post was taken from http://www.ewtn.com/fatima/apparitions/secret.htm. There is a missing piece which takes this out of context which is: (I capitalized where emphasis is needed)

      “That text contains a prophetic vision SIMILAR TO THOSE FOUND IN SACRED SCRIPTURE, WHICH DO NOT DESCRIBE WITH PHOTOGRAPHIC CLARITY THE DETAILS OF FUTURE EVENTS, but rather synthesize and condense against a unified background events spread out over time in a succession and a duration WHICH ARE NOT SPECIFIED. As a result, THE TEXT MUST BE INTERPRETED in a symbolic key.”

      This Fatima is nothing more than a guessed event which believers are try to make true by looking at history to declare “there it is” or willfully creating the event so they can claim “it’s here”. And yes, I said ‘willfully’, you chose to come to this site provoke, we did not come to you. The “it’s here” happens when the people you shove, shove you back. Last time I checked, shoving is impolite, even when done in god’s name.

    • Brian Fritzen says:

      Even if you could possibly place that prophecy at the feet of the failed Soviet Union you would miss one major thing: The Cold War and its economic effects on the Soviet Union. The Soviets bankrupted their country and could no longer provide for their citizens because of a huge military build up. That is what caused their fall. As did the fighting in Afghanistan, Korea, Viet Nam…..

      Remember, that it was us who supported Osama bin Laden to fight the “godless commies.” So, if you are claiming that it was the work of your “Almighty (except on Sundays) God,” well, know that he used Osama bin Laden as a “tool of god.” Consider that.

      Do you really want to worship the god that used a mass murderer of those of EVERY faith as a tool of his might?

    • tekHedd says:

      “Waging war…” Really?

      Do you feel persecuted? Did you feel persecuted before you started coming here and making childish insults in response to 100% of the content on this site? “My friends, you will be persecuted.” A self-fulfilling prophecy if there ever was one. If you go out thinking everyone hates you, and treat them that way, soon they all will.

      Seriously now. We don’t instantly agree with everything you say; that’s not persecution. That’s called “disagreeing.” It’s certainly not a war.

      Similarly, when Christians try to replace our constitutional government with a theocratic monarchy, and we resist, we are waging war? True only in the sense that defending against an invasion is “making war.”

    • Drained and Washed Clean says:

      Blah blah blah… Don’t care, bullshit, more bullshit, still don’t care, more delusions… Again wondering why we would concern ourselves with your fairy tales? In addition, the war really is trying to keep you and your delusions from killing our country and taking our freedoms. THAT is a fight.

    • Randy says:

      I just had a “vision”. My “vision” is that something will happen, possibly to someone, sometime. So, there you have it! Now that everyone knows this “vision” is FACT, everyone should go prepare NOW! When “something” happens “sometime” I’ll be able to say “see, I told you so!”

      So sayith Randy, First Letter to the Pastafarians.

    • Big Guy says:

      .Did you idiots not realize you were banishing yourselves into the gray zone when you clicked me off the page…DA!

      • tekHedd says:

        This whole discussion is relatively unimportant because it’s way off topic. Otherwise it would be a tragic loss. :)

    • stylusmobilus says:

      The Snake Bribing The Bloke With Fruit, Mohammad’s Arse.

      • Brian Fritzen says:

        Not to be rude, but it was a walking, talking snake. Urban Dictionary defines it thus:
        The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
        Yeah, christianity makes sense.

        • stylusmobilus says:

          Thanks Brian. I stand corrected, so the Walking Talking Snake Bribing the Bloke With Fruit. Mohammad’s Arse. Please.

    • opiesysco says:

      How it should read:

      The 2nd letter of Noodleroni in HABABLAP written by sister Penne regarding the Holy Mother Marinara’s message to the world. It refers to xtians like all of you waging war on Pastafarians like me in the here & now. How prophetic…

      The vision of Noodleroni concerns above all the war waged by xtians systems against the Church of the FSM and Pastafarians, and it describes the immense suffering endured by the witnesses to the faith in the last century of the second millennium. It is an interminable Way of the Strainer led by the Pirates of the twentieth century.

      The successive events of 1989 led, both in the United States and in a number of countries of Central and South America, to the fall of the Republican regime which promoted xtianity. For this too His Noodliness offers heartfelt thanks to the Most Holy Rigatoni. In other parts of the world, however, attacks against the Church of the FSM and against Pirates, together with the burden of suffering which they involve, tragically continue.

      Even if the events to which the third part of the Secret of Noodleroni refers now seem part of the past, Our Pirate’s call to conversion and festivities, issued at the beginning of the twentieth century, remains timely and urgent today. “The Pirate of the message seems to read the signs of the times – the signs of our time – with special insight… The insistent invitation of Mother Marinara Most Holy to penance is nothing but the manifestation of her maternal concern for the fate of the human family, in need of conversion and forgiveness” (Capt’n Red “One Eye” Jenkins, Message for the 1997 World Day of the Pasta Makers)

  5. Encyclodpedia Brit says:

    Now I just need to find someone to marry…..

  6. younger says:

    I like the certificate,but all the ones I have seen for “other” ministers have been much more ornate.I’d like to see more graphics, and color,or a pirate fish watermark…I guess I just like alittle more meat in my sauce.(I’m definetly getting one of these though:)

  7. Mike says:

    Any chance of a paper only version for us Pastafarians in Europe? Or do I have to scream religious discrimination?

  8. Lo Zeno says:

    Any chance for us non-US-pastafarian to get the certificate too? I live in Italy, but still I want to show the deep commitment, and the hard training that I had to overcome in order to be an ordinated minister of His Noodliness.

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