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You sicken me

Published April 16th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You sicken me with the fact that you now have my best friend believing in your stupid, sick, blasphemous crap you call a religion! I can tell you what it really is, BLASPHEMOUS, MADE DURING A DRUG BINGE, IDOLATRY THAT WILL HAVE YOU BURNING IN HELL OR ON THE TABLE AFTER THE LAST WAR!!!! I am furious about the fact that there is a religion DEVOTED to SIN OF ALL THINGS! If you don’t change you and all your followers will be in a special place in hell just for IDOL WORSHIPPING, SIN LOVERS LIKE YOURSELF!!! You disgust me and I hope you see the truth before it’s too late.

Antipastifarian,

Chance

I need more information on this “special place” in hell you refer to – will there be cake? 

Interested,

-bobby



2,162 Responses to “You sicken me”

  1. Fre says:

    Hope the cake will be vegan!

    • Beth says:

      LOL!! Me too!

    • Mike says:

      This comment is for the original post.
      Instead of calling yourself a “Antipastifarian”, I thnk you should have stopped at Antipastos.
      That would have been funny.

    • Mike says:

      I believe the cake is a freshly open package of Ramen noodles with icing covering all sides.
      And mysteriously after every bite taken the icing covers the the newly exposed Ramen.

  2. Silvertongue7 says:

    I’m spreading this message around the web, because,in my eyes, it’s true:
    Why do others look down on, mock and make fun of us Pastafarians?
    Because Pastafarianism, although started many years ago, only came into the light of the modern world not long ago. The “mainstream” religions like Catholicism often look down on anybody with different beliefs to them. Lots of people think that the great FSM is a crazy myth, but a giant man in the sky who controls everyone and everything but has never been seen in the modern era, is that crazy? Of course not! The world is changing, and traditional religions don’t like that change. But we have to accept that everyone is different, and the sooner that happens, the less hate mail we’ll get. I’ve seen some pretty evil letters about my religion, and nobody seems to give a damn. But if they find such a message addressed to a CHRISTIAN place, there’s a giant taboo! It’s just not fair. Also, Pastafrainsim is not seen as a word! I’m often auto corrected, and that makes my blood boil. Just because Christianity and whatnot has been a mainstream religion for centuries, doesn’t mean they have a licence to mock our religion.
    RAmen

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      ST7, my ship’s computer auto-corrects Pastafarian to Pasta Arian, which, amusingly, gives a whole new meaning (look up Arian). Aaarghhhh..

      • Jo Switten says:

        Could the skull of an Arian be used as a colander, if we drill enough little holes in it? :)

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          You could, Jo, and I’m sure it would make a practical and stylish addition to your kitchen, but, you might get a few complaints from its owner. I was referring to the religious Arians (capital A) who were burned as heretics for claiming that God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost (whatever that is) were not ‘of the same substance’.
          A Pasta Arian suggests one who believes that, however much beer is consumed or prayers said, their Friday pasta creations are not trans-substantiations of the FSM. Is this heresy?

        • Keith says:

          The Germans must have brought the skull back from Tibet. Instead of turning it into a drinking cup (an affable German custom) it was turned into a colander.

  3. Sasha says:

    Am I the only person who doesn’t understand why Christians keep spouting this “Idolatry” crap. Worshipping Jesus is basically idolatry. Oddly enough the Islamic faith has less idolatry than Christianity. Mohammed is not to be depicted. Not that I subscribe to that faith either.

    • SillyKiwiMan says:

      It’s their way of making their belief exclusively “right”.

      The justification is that Jesus isn’t an idol, but an embodiment of their god. That’s why many prods dislike catholics, they claim that to worship Mary is idolatry. If you worship anything other than what they believe, by their mind, you’re wrong and sinful.

      Some Muslims I have spoken to claim that they don’t worship Muhammed. They got all defensive when I asked what on earth they called it if not worship. Apparently “worshipping” reason is also naughty.

    • alexin says:

      Here is the problem with your argument Sasha, all religions have idolatry, idolatry is not measurable by quantities nor is exclusively related to a physical form. In this sense Crhistianity the same as Islam suffer from idolatry in various and varied aspects. In fact Islam is a derivative in part and form of Christianity and therefore has some of these idolatry imbedded in the same fashion as the original thousands of cults of that developed through the first millennium. the Idolatry not only refers to the physical form of a deity but also to the subjective and objective interpretation of such deity’s “orders” (rules or commands or even teachings), from that perspective I have to tell you that unfortunately Islam has a stronger problem with idolatry since Alah “commands” instead of “teaches” and from that perspective (and of course understanding that a religion is a group of ideas expressed by a group of people on “behalf” of the God of their choice) Islam is a more dangerous idolatry practice than almost any other religion in the World. that is why Islam has to be expansive and gives leniency to extremist to thrive due to the need to exercise the orders instead of giving certain freedom of choice, hence I am from today a Pasatafarian since the rationale of this has touch me deeply.

    • Keith says:

      I used to think that muslims always had a ban on depictions of Moohammed but this website shows full face depictions, with comments on the historicity of the image ban http://www.zombietime.com/mohammed_image_archive/islamic_mo_full/

  4. Beth says:

    Fundamentalist baptists are the absolute worst! They hate animals, one woman told me the baby woodpeckers were so noisy she had her husband shoot the nest down! I worked with a guy who kept saying he hates squirrels, call em little bastards and he shoots them and eats them because it says you can in the bible! What a dumbass! They abuse their animals, never heard of spay and neuter but drop off unwanted dogs by the thousands at kill shelters (their form of neutering I suppose) They stockpile guns and assault weapons, they are nasty, judgmental, uneducated, fat, unhealthy, uncreative and hateful! Like our buddy Chance here. You can’t have a conversation without every other word being.. lord said this and the lord said that, anything they do must be ok’d by the lord. They do not own books, but they do have hunting mags and gun catalogs and of course the BIBLE. Then after damning you to hell they say have a blessed day. What a crock of shit! I am in the good ole American south, a transplant on a rescue farm. My taxes are low, the animals are awesome the farm is grand and yes, I have found a small tribe of like minds. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster!

  5. Margie says:

    Please tell me sir why it is you chose to worship a plate of spaghetti? How can worshipping a plate of inert ground up dried flour spun into spaghetti gives peace to your immortal soul? I do have a sense of humor. But one of your members went to renew his drivers license with a spaghetti strainer on his head. Do you encourage this kind of headwear? I hope not because then that would make me a (ahem) true metal head which I am not. I just would like to know the following 1. Who is the founder of the church? 2. Is your membership world wide? 3. Who is the current leader of the cofsm? 4. At the start of every service do you sing “On Top Of Old Smokey?

    Finally spaghetti sauce and spaghetti belongs on a plate during a family meal not on a pulpit

    • Keith says:

      Margie, click on the “about” button at the top left. It is right beside the “Home” button.

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        I’m still chuckling after reading of Ken Ham’s conclusion that every alien in the Universe is going to hell. Why? Because they are not descendants of Adam and Jesus cannot save them from their original sin. He should be in an asylum for the Religiously Insane.

        • Keith says:

          Logically, if the aliens are not descended from Adam they do not have the burden of original sin.

        • SillyKiwiMan says:

          Good point, Keith, but since when has logic been a factor? The god-botherers are apparently allowed to pick their moments when they choose logic or faith. It just goes to show their true nature: hypocrisy.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          That does sound logical, Keith. Try Googling ‘aliens all go to hell’ to see if I got it right.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Keith, according to Ken Ham, all life-forms in the Universe carry the burden of original sin, but, only Adam’s relatives can be saved from it. Seems like cosmic nepotism.

        • Keith says:

          Well, Ken Hamster should prove it (he won’t: he never proves anything he says). Is he saying that the “Garden of Eden” scenario took place all over the universe? My “personal incredulity” factor is overriding my curiosity on this one, so I’ll leave this one alone.
          I’m more curious to know about what happened to my posts relating to the “Upside Down Circus”. They have disappeared, along with SKM’s response.

        • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

          Any race intelligent enough to get to earth would have jettisoned religion eons ago, and we’ll look like a bunch of rubes for believing in such nonsense.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          What if aliens turned up, clutching their book of Genesis and began door-knocking, claiming to be God’s chosen people? May I assume that Ken Ham would tell them they are all going to hell and thus not worth listening to?

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Keith, whenever I move to ‘Submit Comment’ I notice that ‘http:/delete’ gets auto-inserted in the Website box. Any idea what this does? Is it just me? Does this happen to you? Am I banned? Has the site been hijacked by loan scammers?

        • Keith says:

          This is just a test run.

        • Keith says:

          No. It just came up with a numerical alteration after#comment.

        • Keith says:

          Perhaps the predators who run Northern Adelaide Outreach have a bot that scans references to them on sites that discuss religion. Fundamentalist church groups seem to be very well funded and well organised. Alternatively, as you say, the hackers and spammers could be causing havoc.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Keith, I had a look at the Upside Down Circus. If I had been duped into going to it, I would have walked out and complained to Council about their public permit. I hope they made it clear that it’s main aim was religious indoctrination. Targeting children should be classed as child abuse.
          I notice that SA has laws prohibiting Creationism in science classes. At least SA is on to them.
          I also had a look at the organisation behind it. It was sickening to see that they describe evolution as a religion. It’s pointless expecting them to refer to a dictionary.
          Education seems to be the only solution: giving children the faculties to distinguish fact from fiction.

        • Keith says:

          The area I live in is economically depressed and many of the residents have a low standard of education. They are easy pickings for fundamentalists.

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      Margie, nobody here worships a plate of spaghetti. You clearly do not have a sense of humour – except in your own mind. Why do Jews, Sikhs and the pope wear unusual things on their heads? Where on Earth did you get the idea that there is an immortal soul? Please explain exactly what that is and provide evidence – apart from your own wishful thinking. I prefer pulpits to be vacant or absent – they are absurd objects.

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        Correction. The Foresters pub in Grafham has a salvaged pulpit in the bar. It’s a perfect position and very popular.

    • SillyKiwiMan says:

      Margie,

      Where is my immortal soul? Please give me some evidence that it exists. Where do I keep it?

      As others have said, you need to read the “about” tab, and realise that your religious beliefs are no more sacrosanct than any other. Given that said “about” tab escaped your notice, and your immediate dismissal of our faith as silly, I doubt you’ll grasp the subtleties of our Great Carbohydrate’s message of universal acceptance.

      Yarrgh, and yes, I promote the wearing of a strainer.

  6. alex says:

    I might be late in writing this, but I decided to scan the hate mail tab, just for fun.
    I have recently turned pastafarian. Not strictly because of the FSM, though his noodly appendages were a factor, but also due to the fact that the virtues of FSM mirror those of myself, as well as promote the “let’s not take EVERYTHING so seriously” thing I like to go by.
    Do note that we, as pastafarians, do not call your religion blasphemy. And while we may promote satirical views of other religions, we do so to prove a point – our views are as valid as yours are; your claims are unfalsifiable, and so are ours.
    Your friend’s recent conversion to pastafarianism is his/her own choice. You can’t make their religious choices for them, as they can’t make yours. Let them believe whatever they believe – a large reason for lack of belief in some deity is because the nonbeliever feels that the religion has been forced upon them – and so you may be doing more harm than good in your attack of pastafarianism.
    Finally, our Prophet’s very nature is revealed throughout our religion and our texts, and I’d like to applaud him on his response to your post. May his plate forever be filled with pasta, and the sauce to his taste, and the luxuries that accompany such.
    Thank you for your hate mail, because it shows a distinct difference in our philosophies – we don’t like to attack other religions, and I’d recommend you learn a thing or two from us.
    May you enjoy the noodles that come your way,
    And I look forward to sharing some of the aforementioned cake with you.
    Alex.

  7. Katie says:

    I like how he accuses us of “idol worshiping” yet all religions “idol worship”. Like….?

  8. Dominik says:

    Aw, this was an incredibly nice post. Spending some time
    and actual effort to create a really good article… but what
    can I say… I put things off a whole lot and don’t manage to get anything done.

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