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You sicken me

Published April 16th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You sicken me with the fact that you now have my best friend believing in your stupid, sick, blasphemous crap you call a religion! I can tell you what it really is, BLASPHEMOUS, MADE DURING A DRUG BINGE, IDOLATRY THAT WILL HAVE YOU BURNING IN HELL OR ON THE TABLE AFTER THE LAST WAR!!!! I am furious about the fact that there is a religion DEVOTED to SIN OF ALL THINGS! If you don’t change you and all your followers will be in a special place in hell just for IDOL WORSHIPPING, SIN LOVERS LIKE YOURSELF!!! You disgust me and I hope you see the truth before it’s too late.

Antipastifarian,

Chance

I need more information on this “special place” in hell you refer to – will there be cake? 

Interested,

-bobby



2,125 Responses to “You sicken me”

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  1. sqwid says:

    Seeing as how they took the time to read about the greatness of our FSM, it goes to show they acknowledge us! Even though they cannot fully grasp the fact our country has allowed us to have a freedom of own religion, it seems the christians think it has been granted upon themselves to cast out all other religions because theirs is the only “truth”? If it was true why would everyone follow a zombie? And heck if there was a zombie back then why aren’t there zombies now? And if this so called “God” loves everyone as much as his own son how does he show it? Poor and homeless people? Natural disasters on his own children? Some way of showing his love isn’t it. Whilst our beloved FSM only wishes for us to eat amasses of pasta and drink beer, to show his love he lets us think as we please.

    a fellow believer,
    Sqwid

  2. stylusmobilus says:

    I thoroughly recommend having a chat to your friend, truly, he or she is enlightened.

    May Sauce Be With You!

  3. Encyclodpedia Brit says:

    To All Christians Full of Hate (But mostly Big Guy)

    Jesus called, he has decided that you really suck at the whole loving one another as yourself and just not lest ye be judged thing. Until you straighten up your act, you are doomed to be with us “sinners” forever until you learn humility and how to be meek and humble.

    We are currently petitioning this as we’d rather have our faces bitten off by sharks, but its hard to figure out how to send mail to Zombies and he blocked his callback number.

    This has been a public service announcement brought to you by FSM.

    • Brian Fritzen says:

      I don’t want him here on earth. I mean, even if he “gets” his religion, it claims the meek shall inherit the earth. I don’t want a douchbag like him here when they are all gone.

      Wait. (Following Xian logic here): If the rapture comes and the faithful all leave and the meek inherit the earth. . . . . does that mean we are really going to be in heaven on earth? No wars. No hate. No stupid.

    • Big Guy says:

      He also said suffer not the fools and sins against the holy spirit will never be forgiven.

      I making it my mission to save the sinners.

      • Brian Fritzen says:

        So we shouldn’t suffer a fool like you? I mean, you sit here and troll our site for what? All that has been proven is that you have some soul searching to do. And you still didn’t answer me: Which iteration of the Xian One True God are you following? Mormon, Catholic, Protestant, JW, Baptist, Evangelical, Born Again?

      • tekhedd says:

        You openly admit you’re annoying and closed minded. Why shouldn’t I hate you?

      • puppygoogoo says:

        i don’t ever remember jebus using the term ‘fools’. I think it was Mr T wasnt it?

      • cadbrowser says:

        Since when did Jesus pass on his Savior abilities to you? So does that mean you’re going to go ahead and get yourself crucified?

  4. Fussilier says:

    Fantastic! That’s the best one for a while :)

  5. Pasta Lover says:

    Well, looks like BIG GUY has left the building. Let us pray that another missionary will come along soon to add interest to our site. It would be nice if a creationist would join us for an exchange of “ideas.”

    RAmen,
    Pasta Lover (Formerly known as Atsap Revol)

    • Insightful Ape says:

      This is not just a site, brother Atsap. This is our CHURCH.
      RAmen

      • Big Guy says:

        A church is where 2 or more gather in his name.

        Doesn’t say anything about gathering to eat noodles.

        • Brian Fritzen says:

          No, but it does say that the priest can “Magically” wine into blood and then You are to drink of the BLOOD of your Zombie Savior and Eat of his Zombie FLESH! Which was magically turned bread into the body of Zombie Jeebus.

          Sounds delightful!

        • tekhedd says:

          A church is wherever any number of people eat noodles.

        • tekhedd says:

          Sorry, sorry, stupid submit button! What I was trying to say is:

          A church is wherever people gather to eat noodles.

          ^ Look, it’s written right here. It’s still worship if you do it alone. I would imagine that pretty much any carbohydrate-laden substance will do. He’s pretty lenient about such things.

      • Atsap Revol says:

        Sorry, Insightful Ape, I should have said Our Holy Church’s Site. I will say fifty Hail Spaghetti’s and hope that our Noodley Lord in His grace will forgive me.

        Brother Atsap, The Repentent

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      Did the rapture take him to heaven already!?!?! He did not sign over his worldly possessions to me yet!!!!!!! F’Kn RAPTURE!

    • Apprentice Frederic says:

      @PL/AR: Have always liked your many posts. Hope you keep both your faces, sort of a Pastafarian Janus. Maybe PL to the trolls and AR to Communicants of the Sauce????

      • Atsap Revol says:

        Thanks, APPRENTICE FREDERIC. I enjoy your comments as well. Both of my split personalities are listed under the genus “Cranky Old Fart,” so either will serve to deal with trolls.

        Ramen,
        AR

    • Big Guy says:

      Not yet my little limp noodles

      • TiltedHorizon says:

        You are still here? Oh good, I thought you skipped town without giving me what I asked for. (See: http://www.venganza.org/2011/04/you-sicken-me/comment-page-1/#comment-1242312)

        You claim to believe in ‘truth’, the real truth is that every faith based belief makes the same claims: “This one is correct, all others are wrong”. If I have to accept your version of ‘truth’ solely on the strength of your faith then I also have to extend the same courtesy to competing faiths. Did you look at all faiths before deciding on the specific flavor of Christianity you subscribe to? What tests did you perform on the other faiths which eliminated them from contention?

        Surely you compared your options, right? You didn’t (gasp!) just blindly accept the first ‘truth’ presented did you?

      • tekhedd says:

        Finally, the ad hominem attacks come. Although really pretty much every post by BG has been some sort of attack. (He’s definitely here to persecute, not to convert. He brings not peace, but a sword. ;) )

  6. ray says:

    The original poster had not-too-bad grammar and sentence structure and I happen to like Antipasta. Let’s let him slide on the confusing nasty hateful arrogant ignorant aspects of his letter and be nice to him. What say ye?

  7. Big Guy says:

    Pasta Lover I just fed my dog some old spaghetti the rest I dumped in the composte. As it sat on top the smelly heap or rotting garbage ready to return to mother earth I had a revelation. What if vegetables had feelings or felt pain? How would the vegans cope?

    • Apprentice Frederic says:

      The vegans, giB yuG, would do something morally bankrupt, like worry. Christians – like you, you smug, sneering, bigoted inverse of your crucified Saviour – would roll over in your compost heap and sleep until you were raised to sit at God’s right hand. So relax.

      • Big Guy says:

        sick prick

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          Ah. Oh. Ewwwww. Uhhhh.

    • Brian Fritzen says:

      Hey giB yuG,

      You worship an invisible sky zombie on a stick. If he be real, may he strike you dead. Bwahahahahaha. Wait, wait, may he strike EVERYONE dead! Bwahahahahahahahahaha! Hhahahaha lame ass zombie god can’t do shit. You know why? Because it doesn’t exist.

      I shall taunt him a second time, you silly Xian sheep: Hey god, if you exist why don’t you come down and suck my fat one?

      Hmmmm… a divine blow job would be nice. Hey Mary, “mother of god” come down and let me bone you in the ass.

      Ooooohhhh…… sooooo scared of a figment of your imagination. Here is a third: why haven’t you prevented me from typing this you invisible sky dickhead?

      Hmmmm….

      Ever heard that Non existent evidence is evidence of non existence? You, sir, need to start with Stenger’s God, the Failed Hypothesis. It is written pretty simply for you.

      You see, your God Hypothesis failed and didn’t hold up under scrutiny. But don’t take it too badly, THOUSANDS of “One True Gods” didn’t stand up under scrutiny either. Turns out none of them were real. And people truly believed that Zeus was real at one point.

      Before I go. My friend would like you to ponder something. You see, he believes in Thor and he says, “Thor has a hammer, Jesus was NAILED to the cross… think about it.”

      PS There is NO GOD. Never was, never will be. (see George Carlin, Billy Connolly, CK Lewis, Ricky Gervais, et al on religion) they will fill you in. OH, and Lewis Black (he is Jewish by the way.)

      • Big Guy says:

        says who you fools

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          Says common sense. There is a reason why invisible and the nonexistent look alike.

    • Pasta Lover says:

      GIB YUG, if vegetables have feelings and can sense pain, vegans just need to read Genesis wherein God gave the green herbs of the field to animals and to Adam and Eve for food. In the garden, all animals (including the tiger and tyranosauruis rex) and Adam and Eve were vegans. God doesn’t care about feelings and pain, in fact he rather seems to like them, as witnessed by His ruthless treatment of his human creations. So, let those veggies suffer, especially the broccoli and spinach.

      Casting Pearls Before Swine is similar to Casting Spaghetti Before Dogs. Such behavior is contrary to the will of God and the FSM, respectively. Would you feed a Sacred Communion Wafer to your gerbil? Didn’t think so. So show some respect for our Pastafarian beliefs.

      Ramen, Dear Friend
      Pasta Lover (Formerly Known As Atsap Revol)

      • Keith says:

        Those vegetables must have been damn fast runners. The Tyrannosaurus was built (whoops, I almost said “designed”) for speed, despite what the “scavenger” school of thought says. Vegetables must have been tough too, to warrant a set of jaws that could pump out 3000 pounds of pressure.

        • Atsap Revol says:

          KEITH,

          As you probably know, T. rex was equipped with powerful jaws and teeth so that he could crack coconuts. At least that’s the story told at the Creation Museum. Adam and Eve and all the animals were vegans until after the “fruit incident” described in Genesis.

          What did sharks eat, you ask? Possibly seaweed and coconuts that drifted out to sea.

          You must accept that while the Bible is totally The Truth Revealed by God, He doesn’t have to give you all the details. He expects you to use your imagination to explain away apparent contradictions. That’s the whole basis for the religious belief system…a good imagination.

          Blessings,
          Atsap Revol (A.K.A. Pasta Lover)

        • Keith says:

          You have humbled me Atsap. How could I possibly have ignored the scientific knowledge gleaned from mythology when I have been swallowing the absurd claims spawned from 150+ years of palaeontological research? Even so, they must have been bloody massive coconuts and with legs to boot!

      • Big Guy says:

        Yeah intellectualize your way forward but really your muddled in the sick sludge of pasta sauce smothered over limp godless noodles. Sacrosanct sacrilegious porn for the unhealthy mind is what the pasta god remains.

        • puppygoogoo says:

          “Sacrosanct sacrilegious porn” is this a compliment?

        • Encyclodpedia Brit says:

          I like Porn. Where can I get this “sacrosanct sacriligious porn”?

    • Keith says:

      Well, I’d say that religious cranks feel pain just like anyone who can think.

    • puppygoogoo says:

      Gib Yug,

      What if a tree falls in a wood and nobody is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? stupid questions get stupid answers, therefore, yes vegetables feel pain hence why xtians feel pain. Also can you tell me where god is so that i can ask why this eternal source of happiness, love, etc allows so much pain, suffering, etc. Dont say pray as that is a lot of bull poo as noone ever responds! Hope to hear from you

      puppygoogoo

      • Big Guy says:

        ask until he answerers

        • puppygoogoo says:

          1. ive got better things to do than stand around going god are you there.
          2. do you consider adults with imaginary friends to be silly/slightly insane?
          by the way if your answer is yes to question 2, how do you think you look to normal people?
          Hope you can answer these questions for me

        • Spammyboy says:

          “Welcome to the divine messaging service. The deity you are praising is not available right now; please leave your message after the thundering” EVERY BLOODY TIME!

    • Insightful Ape says:

      Troll, I’m going to let you in on a secret:
      Here at our church, we use idiots like you for our entertainment. Let’s face it, we would have to pay an arm and a leg to be entertained by a clown of your talent. But the Flying Spghetti Monster never breaks his promises, and he won’t fail to make our lives glorious and joyful. Our church is not about doom and gloom, suffering and torture, or sadomasochistic fathers sending their sons to their death. We celebrate the glory of our creator in much nicer ways, and we know that His Noodliness will reward us with a beer volcano and stripper factory. We also know that His Noodly Goodness created stupid webtrolls for our joy and happiness. So bring it on big guy, keep coming back, and let our Creator’s plan for us come to fruition through you.
      RAmen

      • Big Guy says:

        Yeah ok pasta-bater
        don’t hurt yourself

        • Insightful Ape says:

          I may, if you keep me laughing so hard.

    • tekhedd says:

      “What if vegetables had feelings or felt pain? How would the vegans cope?”

      An excellent question. Of course they’d cope somehow, right?

      What if the animals you ate felt pain. How would you cope? You’d probably either deny it (but we’re assuming that you know it’s really true), you’d genuinely not care, or you’d ignore the problem. Or possibly accept that a bit of suffering is necessary and that your happiness is more important than the suffering of others. Some people can’t face the suffering they cause while they survive, so they pretend animals can’t feel, or that god put them here for their amusement, clinging to a convenient lie, while others face the problem and live with it.

      What if you knew that you were going to die some day. How would you cope? Would you face the problem and live with it, or would you cling to a convenient lie?

      • Big Guy says:

        A big juicy TBONE medium rare with lobster and a large glass of fine mer lot or maybe a pino noir

        • Spammyboy says:

          Lobster? Doesn’t that count as sinful shellfish?

    • stylusmobilus says:

      Probably the same way a good old beef eater feels about eating a prime wagyu steak…run, pumpkin, run…

  8. Encyclodpedia Brit says:

    Gib Yug,

    While we are on the subject, I was wondering, why does your Jesus and your God hate everyone but Americans. I have been pondering that for awhile and I still don’t have an answer. There are lots of believers all over the world, but it really seems like the Americans have the whole Jesus market cornered. Is it because they are the only country that forces their beliefs on everyone? Also, I want to know which of your Bible’s decrees you are supposed to follow if they conflict with each other. (Which by the way, you pointed out.) What’s more important? Not judging people? Loving your neighbors? Or not suffering the “fools” (aka enlightened people)? At that rate, you should probably just sit in your house praying, better get rid of the internet too, lots of “fools” on there. Did you know that people online actually try to spread new scientific ideas? Oooh scary, I know. But your lord and saviour wants you to cut that stuff out, its against one of his 8 million rules.

    P.S. Vegans would probably turn to eating Christians because they have more empathy for vegetables than pious, pompous, dogmatic religious nuts who condemn everyone.

    • Big Guy says:

      feeling like a looser being condemned so often if so CHANGE

      • G. Lweigamnik says:

        Your retorts continue to decrease in legibility, Gib Yug. Perhaps you’re succumbing to intense anger at your failure to convert any of us?

        SO SOON?!

        • puppygoogoo says:

          No good ole Gib is out of ideas and has started trying to drag the argument down. It happens when someone realizes their side of the argument is wrong and they cant admit it. Doesnt matter that our side has observable evidence, they have blind ‘faith’ and make believe is always better.

      • Insightful Ape says:

        “looser” than what? Your chain if thoughts?

      • Encyclodpedia Brit says:

        I have never felt like a loser. Why? Because I’m not a sheep who clings to fairy tales and tries to force them onto other people. I am concerned for your soul though. I really wish we could help you, but you seem to be too far gone.

        It also boggles my mind that out of my intelligently stated comment, you only chose to reply back to one single word. Sounds like a Christian to me. I am so amused by the fact that you didn’t answer the questions I had about your faith. Shouldn’t you be informing about it so you can convert me into one of your zombie minions?

      • TiltedHorizon says:

        And this answers the question how? How do you plan on ‘saving’ people when you answer intelligent questions with: “I like beans”.

        You are turning into Floyd Wetherton from the Family Guy:

        http://www.google.com/url?url=http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DtyFRtqxFE6k&rct=j&sa=X&ei=sUGwTYCSMYq2twfMn8jvCw&ved=0CBwQuAIwAQ&q=family+guy+Floyd+Wetherton&usg=AFQjCNFjmNE7Yh4zK3HH62S1mKK24paD1w&cad=rja

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