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You sicken me

Published April 16th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You sicken me with the fact that you now have my best friend believing in your stupid, sick, blasphemous crap you call a religion! I can tell you what it really is, BLASPHEMOUS, MADE DURING A DRUG BINGE, IDOLATRY THAT WILL HAVE YOU BURNING IN HELL OR ON THE TABLE AFTER THE LAST WAR!!!! I am furious about the fact that there is a religion DEVOTED to SIN OF ALL THINGS! If you don’t change you and all your followers will be in a special place in hell just for IDOL WORSHIPPING, SIN LOVERS LIKE YOURSELF!!! You disgust me and I hope you see the truth before it’s too late.

Antipastifarian,

Chance

I need more information on this “special place” in hell you refer to – will there be cake? 

Interested,

-bobby



2,134 Responses to “You sicken me”

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  1. Flippy says:

    Like I say to a lot of people, a lot of our members ARE different religions, so shut up, we believe what we want and you can believe what you want. This would be a lot longer but it’s like midnight here and I’m gettin kinda tired

  2. Garrett says:

    You’re response is perfect.

  3. Courtney says:

    John,

    When you say ‘special place’ in hell for athiests, just curious. . . Do you mean, like, somewhere nice and cozy next to a fire place? You see, I tend to get cold easily, so being around fire all the time would be pretty convenient. Heaven just seems like it would be so cold all the time being way up in the clouds, you know? I’m also not a huge fan of heights, so I think hell will work quite nicely for me.

    By the way, did they have In Vitro Fertilization back in the time of Jesus? I’m sorry, I just can’t seem to figure out how a virgin got pregnant without such a thing! Am I crazy? I like this a bit though, I feel it’s pretty empowering to women. I guess we don’t need men to make things happen! We have God’s sperm to bless us!! Assuming God is a man, since women in the Bible are, ornaments?. . . Ahh, I’m sorry! I must be offending you at this point. I’ll go ahead and just say that I’m a Christian, which only 30% of the world actually are. That way, I don’t make you feel uncomfortable. I wouldn’t want to impose on what you believe in.

    So is there a special place in hell for all the starving children in 3rd world countries who have never heard of your God? Hope so! Because I’m sure they wouldn’t want to spend eternity with annoying people like you anyway. :)

    • Keith says:

      I’m sure thst just as Jizo uses his sleeves to protect the small children in the afterlife from the Oni, the FSM will come along and feed them and cheer them up with his drunken antics

  4. JESUS LOVES ALL BUT YOU says:

    YOU ARE FAGS YOU SUCK A MOUNTAIN LOAD OF DICK AND COCK YOU ASSHOLES YOU FUCKING DOUCHE BAGS YOU BELIVE THAT THE UNIVERSE WAS CREATED 100 YEARS AGO BY PASTA WELL THE WORLD IS 6000 NOT 100 DUMB ASSES ITS IMMPOSSIBLE FOR IT TO BE 100 BECAUSE THE BIBLE IS OLDER THAN THAT JESUS HATES YOU SO MUCH BURN IN HELL DOUCHE BAGS

    • The Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

      I love you too, big hugs……

      May the Noodly One’s Appendages enfold your warm and loving heart tightly; tighter…. tighter….

      Incidently, what’s the difference between dick and cock, is a kind of Ant and Dec thing? (UK market only)

      The Reverend

      (I think this is a fake)

      • TiltedHorizon says:

        Has to be a POE. I miss the people who actually tried. That is what I want for Christmas, I want someone to actually TRY and make a case for their beliefs.

      • Thomas L. Nielsen says:

        ” ….what’s the difference between dick and cock” – Size, I’m given to understand.

        Regards & all, rAmen and Arrrr…

        Thomas L. Nielsen
        Luxembourg Bureau of Weights and Measures
        Luxembourg

        PS: I agree – this one has to be fake.

      • Keith says:

        Well, for a start, a cock is covered in feathers and has a beak (yes: I know some people would call it a pecker). Oddly enough, Roger’s Profanisaurus describes neither dick nor cock: only its derivatives.

        Incidentally, JESUS LOVES ALL BUT YOU:

        1) The shift key is a special thing for special use. A bit like your DICK, really. You clearly abuse the former. As for the latter……
        2) Well, you got one thing right. I am a “fag” and I clearly live a more stable and happy life than you do. No: I won’t burn in hell any more than you will go to heaven. Remember: when you are dead it will still be a lie.

      • Stoney Mea says:

        All I can do is LMAO!!!

    • Drained and Washed Clean says:

      You actually believe the world is 6000 years old? Like, really? No lie? This can’t be real…

      • Keith says:

        Unfortunately he probably does (assuming he’s not just a troll) If that were the case then based on the fossil timeline as clearly seen in various rock strata around the world, people like me have seen the coming and going of everything from the Cambrian period to the present day. I’ll have to be honest, I cannot remember the colour patterns on a Dimetrodon and Hallucigenia is but a vague memory to me, although I do remember that the Tyrannosaurus ate coconuts and crapped coconut palms.

        • Drained and Washed Clean says:

          THAT is what the 6 in. teeth were for!!!

        • Atsap Revol says:

          For a complete expose of the dietary patterns of dinosaurs, see the website “T. Rex Ate Coconuts.” D&WC is completely correct, as usual.

          AR

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          At an estimated 6.8 metric tons a T Rex would have to eat around 5,440g of protein per day just to sustain mass. At 3.33g per typical coconut, that is about 1,634 coconuts. This does not include the energy expenditure in the collection of said coconuts. A 6 ounce lean cut piece of meat holds around 40g of protein, meaning there is the equivalent of around 8,170 coconuts in a typical cow. Seems a creationist’s god is kinda dense, someone should let their god know eating meat would have been much more efficient.

          While we are at it, did god not not know of their pending extinction? Seems like he should have used the limited space on the Ark just a bit better, like saving those insects which creep on all fours (Leviticus 11:20-3), and the talking donkeys (Numbers 22:28).

          But then again, what do I know, I’m just a douche bag.

        • Atsap Revol says:

          So, it’s a given that T. rex ate coconuts, but what did sharks eat before the great flood? If they had to subsist on coconuts that washed out to sea, they had a tough existence. What a temptation for a marine carnivore, all those juicy fish swimming by! Actually the result of eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge was a blessing for those of us that enjoy a serving of sashimi.

          Atsap Revol

        • Keith says:

          Sharks ate sea coconuts http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coco_de_Mer (If we are going from the sublime to the gor blimey we may as well consult Wikipedia).

        • Atsap Revol says:

          Thanks, Keith, for the information on sea coconuts. No doubt the pre-flood sharks subsisted on them. I noted with interest the Wikipedia picture of the male Coco de Mer inflorescence. No wonder the species is nearly extinct; isn’t there a plant Viagra that could be helpful?

          Atsap Revol

      • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

        And if Noah took 800 years to build the Ark, that’s almost 20% of said 6000 years. God must have a lot of patience – you’d think if he was pissed off enough at the world population he wouldn’t wait 30 generations to wipe them out, would you?

        “You people tick me off! I’m going to kill your great-great-great……..whew!….great-grandkids!”

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          Remember the story of Penelope and the weaving – God may have been willing to let Noah drag his feet because there weren’t that many faithful in those days and He needed all He could get. Unlike now, LOFLMAO. And we should cut Noah some slack: after you’re 100 years old, or so, you don’t work very fast – especially if gathering coconuts for all the snimals is a side-task.

        • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

          If the animals on the Ark were smart enough to travel there in pairs, and smart enough to return to (find?) their proper habitats when the waters receded, sometimes crossing hundreds of miles of open oceans (how far can a kangaroo swim, anyhow?) they should have been smart enough to bring their own coconuts, Frederic.

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          @tFtPtM: LOL; point taken. Will try hard to remember to bring my own coconuts after this……

        • Keith says:

          Just been reading “The Last Dinosaur Book” by W.T.J. Mitchell There seem to be some very strange ideas floating around in the “god did everything” universe. One is that Noah built a seperate ark for dinosaurs and it sank. This doesn’t explain why he didn’t shove the myriads of small dinosaur species into the regular ark. I guess this meant another 800 years to build a second ark. Another claim (apparantly) is that the Garden of Eden lasted only a few weeks and reptiles can go for long periods of time without food. The fall of Man gave them carte blanche to start killing things. This, of course, doesn’t take into account the distinct possibility that theropods (and many hebivorous types) were warm blooded. Bizarre!

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          “…Noah built a seperate ark for dinosaurs and it sank.”

          Ah. That makes sense. This must be the ark which housed the dodo birds, the talking donkeys, four legged insects, t rexes and all the ‘saved’ animals which no longer exist. The only problem with this claim is that it suggests god’s ark design was not up to par. I think god was attempting to answer the question: can god design a ship that he himself could not sink.

        • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

          Keith brings up a good point here. Man screws up, so the animals get eaten? What the hell did the chickens do that requires billions of them to die annually? Did they eat from the sacred bug pile?

    • the noodle whispere says:

      Yes we are all going to die for our religion and especially our choice words. Thank you for showing us the way.(Yeah I really love your diction)

    • sami666 says:

      JESUS LOVES ALL BUT YOU, im sure there’s a point to be learned from this website….. WAY TO MANY DAMN PEOPLE TAKE RELIGION WAY TO FUCKING SERIOUS! the christian’s “christmas”? its all commercialized so companies can make money off of decorations and presents. halloween? a way for candy companies to make money. im not christian, but every damn holiday is being mocked by our fucking economy. and last time i checked, Jesus from the bible loved everyone. maybe being forced to go to bible school was useful. history also helped too, not trying to offend anyone, but honestly, i have come to realize most catholics, (and probably many other religions, not sure) are controlling hypocrites. the way they ran the church hundreds of years ago and got people to be catholic? they frightened nearly everyone by killing anyone that wasnt a part of their religion. the Jesus they worship? he’s the same as the hebrews and jews that were persecuted.

      everyone should be judged by who they are, not what they believe in. its delightful to hear someone say “im not gonna shoot you down for believing in someone i dont think existed, so why do you do it to me?”

      basically, what im trying to say, is CALM THE FUCK DOWN PEOPLE! at least they dont burn me and my fellow Wiccans at the stake. i think it was ok if they were bad and cursed people. but the good ones, seriously?

    • Stoney Mea says:

      You see…I don’t think you really get it. I understand because I didn’t get it either at first. I thought I had to be perfect too… but you know what. There is no possible way ANYBODY can be perfect. Don’t you see this noodle guy which I love will actually get you closer to Jesus. Ya just gotta think about it. Think back to easter. Am I the mad bunnies or am I the Cabbage? Am I a meany or am I like Jesus? hmmmmmm? Put your hands down your pants and dance man. Ha ha or ah ha? LMAO

  5. Shamit says:

    Hey i just realized something, if every religion is right as they seem to think they are, then everyone on earth will go to hell.

  6. The_Dude says:

    you believe eating pasta is a sin?? may you be drowned in hot bolognase sauce!!!

  7. drfgdhjfgkdhjsfg says:

    Hell isn’t as bad as christians make it to be, learn the truth,
    http://www.joyofsatan.org

  8. Stoney Mea says:

    LOL I love you religious haters! Here’s the thing why do all you haters got your panties in a bunch? Don’t you get it yet? Your hate mail created this spaghetti monster:-) If you so called “Christians” really got it you would only have to go to church for 1 message. It is to love your enemies ALL of them. If you want to be a Christian you don’t even have to read the bible for this next one. I consider myself a true Christian being an Atheist because it doesn’t matter what the f***ing bible says. Jesus loves Atheists. Jesus loves the Spaghetti Monster too. Lighten up people. You don’t always have to be right. Put your hands down your pants and dance;-)

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