You sicken me

Published April 16th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You sicken me with the fact that you now have my best friend believing in your stupid, sick, blasphemous crap you call a religion! I can tell you what it really is, BLASPHEMOUS, MADE DURING A DRUG BINGE, IDOLATRY THAT WILL HAVE YOU BURNING IN HELL OR ON THE TABLE AFTER THE LAST WAR!!!! I am furious about the fact that there is a religion DEVOTED to SIN OF ALL THINGS! If you don’t change you and all your followers will be in a special place in hell just for IDOL WORSHIPPING, SIN LOVERS LIKE YOURSELF!!! You disgust me and I hope you see the truth before it’s too late.

Antipastifarian,

Chance

I need more information on this “special place” in hell you refer to – will there be cake? 

Interested,

-bobby



2,116 Responses to “You sicken me”

  1. Encyclodpedia Brit says:

    Is Chance from Texas? He sounds exactly like several of my co-workers, my old boss, the tellers at the bank, the staff writers of the Ft Worth Star Telegram, and everyone who lives in Tarrant County. They must be programmed to spit out the same hate-filled diatribe.

    I just want to mention that I moved to a new area in between Dallas and Ft. Worth. I took a 5 mile jog around my neighborhood. It turns out that I live within a 5 mile radius of 34 churches. 34!!

    • Brian Fritzen says:

      I once read a story about Laredo, TX having to close down its last bookstore due to lack of business. They have plenty of churches but no bookstores.

      I live in Syracuse, NY, a city 1/10 the size of Laredo and we have 87 bookstores in the metro area.

      Laredo sounds like a sad place to live.

    • assclown says:

      How are you able to live in Texas? Isn’t there a Texas Statute that orders the execution of all non-xtians?

      • Encyclodpedia Brit says:

        @AssClown

        I was accidentally born here. They do offer to pray for me a lot. Its quite insulting, not to mention, my whole family feels bad that I won’t be in heaven with them.

        @ Brian
        We have lots of Family Christian Bookstores.

        • Brian Fritzen says:

          Thank the FSM for Amazon!

        • Spammyboy says:

          Maybe it’s just because we’re too cynical for fundamentalism, but those kinds of bookshops don’t tend to do well in Britain

  2. opiesysco says:

    Let’s take this one step at a time:

    You sicken me with the fact that you now have my best friend believing in your stupid, sick, blasphemous crap you call a religion!
    Did you ever think your friend knows what is real and what is not? What is a satire and what is just a bunch of made up crap? Cough, cough.. (christianity)

    I can tell you what it really is, BLASPHEMOUS, MADE DURING A DRUG BINGE, IDOLATRY THAT WILL HAVE YOU BURNING IN HELL OR ON THE TABLE AFTER THE LAST WAR!!!!
    You can’t tell us what Pastifarianism is if you didn’t read the “About Page”, which you obviously did not.
    By the way, why do all the un-believers think seeing the glory of the FSM is drug induced?
    I don’t get the “on the table” thing. Is that the table the pirates dance and pasta is served on? I would sit at that table.

    I am furious about the fact that there is a religion DEVOTED to SIN OF ALL THINGS!
    Were you just born yesterday? There are all types of religions that sin against His Noodliness.

    If you don’t change you and all your followers will be in a special place in hell just for IDOL WORSHIPPING, SIN LOVERS LIKE YOURSELF!!!
    Like Bobby said, will there be cake?
    I am quite content to spend eternity with strippers and a beer volcano. All provided by the FSM, may sauce be upon him.

    You disgust me and I hope you see the truth before it’s too late.
    Just what is the truth? That there was a 700 year old man that built a small boat and managed to fit 2 of every animal and insect on? A man lived inside a whale, sorry, a big fish for 3 days? That some sky daddy made a bet with the underworld daddy to prove faith? That a loving god condones murder, rape, and incest, but loves everyone? That a man walked on water? A man turned water into wine with the wave of his magic wand?
    Is May 21st too late?

    • Rev Toni Rigatoni says:

      I’m great at turning wine into water!

      • Atsap Revol says:

        Not to be outdone by Catholics, I generally turn it into urine, an even more profound conversion.

  3. tekhedd says:

    Chance genuinely thinks his friend really believes in this religion? So he isn’t even able to recognize satire when his own *friend* uses it? I have to invoke Poe’s law. Again. Can this really be serious? How would we know?

    If this isn’t a fake, it’s truly frightening.

    • tekhedd says:

      (On the table? You mean God’s going to EAT everyone after the final battle? That’s it, I’m *definitely* enlisting with Satan.)

  4. Big Guy says:

    I’ll be enjoying a wonderful Easter meal on the 24th. We’ll have a roasted turkey succulent ham meat pie cabbage rolls & many delicious side dishes with many deserts non of which include pasta of any sort. I think I’ll fast on good Friday just because I can.

    To all you pastafarian ravioli dead heads enjoy your pathetic noodle god for what it is, “a parody of the one real god the holy trinity” & remember all you noodle heads the one sin that will never be forgiven is a sin against the holy spirit so have at her if you dare… I know you will because you’re bunch of limp over cooked linguini challenged morons attempting to poke fun at Christians. The world doesn’t take what you’re doing seriously & if you do you do believe in the FSM you’d better find a good physiologist/physiatrist/priest.

    • Big Guy says:

      start clicking on the dislike button because it’s all you can do to hide from the truth!

      • Bigslicka says:

        Truth?? Truth?? Really??? If something is ture it can be verified. I see 0% truth in anything you say.

        • Big Guy says:

          You mean truth like the missing link? So so… much the evolutionary noodle eating vegan muscled sacrosanct whimps…

        • Insightful Ape says:

          Let me see. Should we discuss fossils bridging divides between fish and land vertabrates, early amniotes and mammals, birds and dinosaurs, or early apes and modern humans? There are plenty to cover the ground in each of those areas.

      • Insightful Ape says:

        Yeah right. The one who believes in zombies accuses other of trying to hide from the “truth”. And speaking of a shrink, you may want to ask yours what “projection” means.

      • StJason says:

        We already know The Truth, Big Guy (what a homoerotic name. Methinks you might be repressing something there.) The Truth is that He stretched out His Noodly Appendage and created all, starting with a mountain, some trees, and a midgit.

      • Spammyboy says:

        The whole concept of a “missing link” is outdated popular science; speciation, even when it is very rapid, is gradual, as can be seen in the evolution from, say, fish to dinosaurs, which is quite beautiful to watch in simulations.

    • Insightful Ape says:

      What are you doing trolling the web during the holy week? Aren’t you supposed to be doing self-flagellations like a good masochist?
      May the pasta, the sauce and the garlic toast come upon you.
      RAmen

    • Atsap Revol says:

      BIG GUY,

      You’ll be eating HAM on the 24th? See Leviticus 11:7-8 and Deuteronomy 14:8. When did God tell you that you could eat pork? You might as well go ahead and have some oysters and a shrimp cocktail with your Easter dinner, because you will surely go to hell for breaking His commandment about eating pigs. Have you broken any of the other 612 commandments set forth in the OT?

      Maybe you should reconsider and have a bowl of delicious kosher pasta for your Easter dinner?

      AR

      • Big Guy says:

        Why hate Christians?

        • Insightful Ape says:

          Why troll the web?

        • Brian Fritzen says:

          I don’t care about the empty area between Earth and the Moon. Why would I hate it?

          I don’t care about Xians. Why would I hate them?

          You are really good at telling others what they think. You must be an Xian Priestess or whatever their called.

        • puppygoogoo says:

          We dont hate xtians, just those that come here and make spiteful comments. so i guess the question for you ‘big guy’ is why do you hate pastafarians?

          puppy “hung daddy” googoo

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      The one real god? You mean Allah, right? You must because this claim is in the Qur’an, Surah 112 states: “He is God, the One and Only; God, the Eternal, Absolute; He begets not, nor is He begotten; And there is none like unto Him.”

      Big Guy, give me an argument unique to your version of Christianity, something, anything which distinguishes your faith from the litany of competing claims. So far, every assertion of faith, including yours, has been the exact same: “This one is correct, all others are wrong”. Is this really the best you have?

    • stylusmobilus says:

      We don’t take what we do here seriously. What we do take seriously is evidence and truth. I dont have a physiatrist or any of the other thingies. My kids believe in the FSM, and that’s good enough for me. I still get to buy them chocolate, and pig out on it myself regardless of what sky zombie I believe in.

      • tekhedd says:

        And one thing we *definitely* don’t take seriously is people who come here to tell us we’re wrong and going to hell, with no logical basis whatsoever.

        I mean, seriously! :)

        • stylusmobilus says:

          Or boats that can hold all the world’s species including (apparently) ones millions of years’ extinct, snakes that not only talk but sell fruit for a hobby, dead men that can roll a two-ton rock blocking a cave’s mouth, 7,000,000 Latter Day Saints when only 144,000 will be saved…

    • Matiir says:

      Wow Big Guy its nice that your inner douchebag has made an appearance in the discussion.. and duh parody. At least we all recognize it for what it is unlike you and the other mindless sheep of Christianity who actually believe that an all powerful world creating deity would care about you and your petty little problems. Also I’m sure that your zombie Jesus who preached love and understanding would be pleased by your dead head comment. Way to love the world Big Guy and way to show yourself as yet another of the bigoted masses of Christianity. I personally am thankful that my Catholic family actually listens to the teachings that they believe in and have decided not to judge me for my lack of belief as I don’t judge them for their belief (and look at that I didn’t need any all powerful being looking over my shoulder to enforce it either amazing!)

      Oh and P.S. all sins are forgiven by His noodly greatness maybe you should rethink your position lol

  5. Ronster says:

    All I have to say is Blasphemy is in the Eye of the Beholder and my eyes have seen no gods, nor have I seen any shred of evidence for them.

  6. Big Guy says:

    You have to get out more Ronster the web is fake just like pasta heaven.

    • Insightful Ape says:

      You mean, like claims of people coming back from the dead, and written text being “inspired” by…ghosts?

    • Brian Fritzen says:

      “The Web is Fake”

      Ok. Now I see just how delusional you are. The Web exists. As for a sky zombie on a stick… well, that has yet to be seen.

  7. Big Guy says:

    Want some proof! I know why do I bother when you’ll all just spin it into pasta schat.

    Some scholars and statisticians got together recently and came up with a calculation based on events predicted that have come true in both the Old & New Testament the Talmud, Pentateuch Torah and dead sea scrolls. The probability of those events occurring as predicted were the same ratio as a tornado crossing a junk yard assembling a jumbo jet. Numerous historical records from old dynasties like Egypt for example have factual accounts confirming the existence of the biblical prophet Moses as is recorded in Exodus. Now if you want to go back to King Solomon well it’s just chalked full of divine proof.

    • Insightful Ape says:

      Ah hahahaha. You’re even wackier than I initially thought.
      “Predictions” in the Torah. Are you talkin about the cock and bull “original sin” story or the global flood that never happened?
      Or maybe you are talking about all the first borns dying in a whole country with no one noticing, despite the extensive historical record from that period?
      Or possibly the hundreds of thousands of people wandering all over a small patch of land for 40 years but never leaving a shred of archaeological evidence?
      I should add though, that “king solomon” is my favorite character in all fiction. Not only hasn’t there been even one bit of archaeological written text (outside the bible) confirming his existence, but further, all the kings of neighboring nations that did exist never seem to have heard of a guy with “20,000 horses and 10,000 horsemen”.
      I have a piece of advice for you: don’t take the assertions of fundamentalist bible scholars too seriously. Muslims scholars make similar claims about the Koran.

      • Big Guy says:

        & the pastafarian demi gog is real!

        NOT!!!

        you clowns have little to zero credibility when measured against any of the prophetic books.

        • Insightful Ape says:

          Let me see…parting seeas, virgin births, talking snakes, zombies rising into heaven…
          Not to mention other thing that could have been real (like potentially a king with 20,000 horses) but are lies.
          And I am the one with zero credibility?
          Boy, you have some gall.

        • Brian Fritzen says:

          We know it isn’t real you moron. That is why it is called SATIRE.

          Your logic just went Poof!

        • puppygoogoo says:

          Big Guy,

          After reading some of your posts, you seemed to have spent a little time on this website. Heres a hint, next time you’re here click and read the ABOUT tab. It tells you what this ‘religion’ is about and why we have the fun that we do. Like so many other mis-informed members of society you have made a poor judgement on lack of evidence that is available to you. Please read the ABOUT tab and use the evidence that is there and available to you to make informed decisions, it WILL change your life!

          puppygoogoo

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      Would these be the same “scholars and statisticians” who predicted Judgement Day is around the corner? Literally. May 21st 2011 (http://www.ebiblefellowship.com/)

      • Big Guy says:

        Yeah wait for it it’s at the door as you read.

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          Would be so kind as to donate all of you earthly belongings to me then? You won’t need them in heaven.

      • wulff says:

        Actually, according to the pilot episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Skynet becomes self-aware tomorrow, April 19, 2011. So the end of the world is this week…

        • Bigslicka says:

          Sweeeet!!! My credit card bill is due, now I won’t have to pay it.

        • Brian Fritzen says:

          That makes sense since GlaDOS just went online today.

      • Matiir says:

        On that note as it is now officially May 22nd 2011 I would have to say “big guys” God once again dropped the ball.

        I know I was surprised HEEHEE!

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      What a vivid imagination! You, sir, are entitled to your own OPINIONS, but not your own FACTS.
      Wherever I look I find historians debunking just about every Biblical story, whether it’s the Exodus,
      Joshua’s military campaigns, the enslavement of the Jews by the Egyptians, etc, etc.

      Please cite an archeologist whose day job isn’t “preacher”.

      Hey, Insightful Ape – the Great Flood not only happened, but according to the BuyBull it happened at least twice, based on the contradictory information contained in the Word-of-God book: 2 of every animal, or 7 pairs of the “clean ones”? 40 days or 150? God IS pretty old – maybe he’s a little forgetful.

      • TiltedHorizon says:

        Which included the now extinct Dinosaurs. http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/2000/04/03/dinosaurs-on-noahs-ark

        Being ‘all knowing’ one might think god would have told Noah to leave them behind, but, you know, ‘mysterious ways’.

        • Big Guy says:

          They didn’t exist then you silly noodle!

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          Sure they did, it says so on that Christian website I provided the link to. They believe in the same god as you, AND, they have “scholars and statisticians” who say it’s all ‘true’, same as you. You need more proof? How about this, back in 2006 some Creationist Paleontologists discovered a dinosaur saddle in Mud Flaps, Arizona. You can read all about it here:

          http://www.avantnews.com/news/35092-creationist-paleontologists-discover-dinosaur-saddle

          IT’S TRUTH!!!!

        • Insightful Ape says:

          They didn’t exist? But didn’t your god create everything in one week? So they all went missing in the interval from Adam
          to Noah? You mean all the dianosaurs, mamoths, pterosaurs, etc…Gee, must have been one hell of a mass extinction, all over a few hundred years. So you suppose god forgot to tell us that he went into a crazy “make extinct” mode in preparation for the flood?

    • Spammyboy says:

      So, what your saying is, it must b true because it’s absurdly unlikely… The other day, an elephant mutated into a leg of lamb before teleporting to the moon. If that’s not true, I don’t know what is.
      In other words, being unlikely doesn’t make something true. This isn’t discworld.

  8. Nikki says:

    Chance I am a Christian, just so you understand my point of view, and I really wish you would not criticize other people for their beliefs! Seriously it makes me and all the other moderates ( of any religion) look bad! And to all those who believe in Pastifarianism absolutely keep believing as you do, if it makes you happy and gives you fulfillment well good for you that’s what were all looking for!

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      Nikki,
      You are a breath of fresh air. I hope there are more like you.

    • G. Lweigamnik says:

      Criticism is fine – just not the way most of the crap on the hatemail present it.

      But alas, my masochistic self just keeps coming back for more, though I regret nothing!

      • Nikki says:

        Sorry if I was unclear I did not mean that criticism is not good I just ment that the way he is speaking here “you sickening me” its really really mean to say that to any one. Criticism is one thing but if you just say you hate someone without giving a reason like if someone wrote I hate the way you seem to make fun of the bible and my beliefs it is less of a personal attack, it is more meaningful because the people responding would know why you are mad! “I hate you” is just cruel and pointless!

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          Truth be told, considering the subject matter, the “why” is self explanatory. I, for one, am open to intelligent dialog and would gladly answer all questions. Unfortunately, most who come here choose condemn right out of the gate, they are not interested in answers.

          It almost sounds like you may have a question…. do you?

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