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You sicken me

Published April 16th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You sicken me with the fact that you now have my best friend believing in your stupid, sick, blasphemous crap you call a religion! I can tell you what it really is, BLASPHEMOUS, MADE DURING A DRUG BINGE, IDOLATRY THAT WILL HAVE YOU BURNING IN HELL OR ON THE TABLE AFTER THE LAST WAR!!!! I am furious about the fact that there is a religion DEVOTED to SIN OF ALL THINGS! If you don’t change you and all your followers will be in a special place in hell just for IDOL WORSHIPPING, SIN LOVERS LIKE YOURSELF!!! You disgust me and I hope you see the truth before it’s too late.

Antipastifarian,

Chance

I need more information on this “special place” in hell you refer to – will there be cake? 

Interested,

-bobby



2,125 Responses to “You sicken me”

  1. BG says:

    Has this religious nut ever thought that his beliefs might be wrong, and that most of us don’t give a damn about what he says because we don’t believe in the nasty, vindictive, yet ‘all-merciful’ God that will send us to the eternal hell-fire.

    • Midnight Rider says:

      Christians don’t get to think. They are told what to say and do. I am happy that His Noodleyness actively encourages me to think for myself and live my life the way I want to. Not the way some minister wants me to behave.

  2. TiltedHorizon says:

    I am rejoicing that your friend, with a choice of thousand of religions, has chosen to believe in FSM. More impressive is the fact that a hateful, intolerant, closed minded, bible thumping nut job has a ‘friend’.

    Damn! I think I offended, which means I should make amends before I, like the sodomites, am righteously smitten. I think that I should follow in Lot’s example by offering you my daughters to sleep with, for that is clearly the Christian thing to do. They won’t mind, they are just women, worthless in god’s eyes.

    Come on Chance, you and me in heaven, I’ll bring my daughters for you to pork, you can bring your slaves, and we can hop and skip in the afterlife, free of guilt. Woohoo!!

    Take that FSMers! I am saved!! Whilst you, who treat your women as equals and have no slaves are dooooooomed. DOOOOMED!!!. You sinners!!

  3. courtney says:

    i wanna know “if this special place” has diet pepsi and a bathroom and maybe a hot tub

    • Bearded Clam Admirer says:

      Nobody defecates or urinates in Pastafarian Heaven or Hell…

      • Atsap Revol says:

        BEARDED CLAM ADMIRER,

        Wow! I would have thought that after drinking gallons of beer at the Holy Volcano one would need to piss. Do we receive a larger bladder upon admission to Pastafarian Heaven or is the beer transsubstantiated into carbon dioxide that can be belched out? These theologiocal considerations deserve much thought and attention.

        AR

        • Keith says:

          The beer is transsubstantiated into more beer. That, or is transsubstantiated into stale beer for those in Pastafarian hell.

        • Keith says:

          The beer is transsubstantiated into more beer. That, or it is transsubstantiated into stale beer for those in Pastafarian hell.

        • Keith says:

          Bit of a hiccup there. It must be some god punishing me for my poor grammar in the first post.

        • StJason says:

          Nah. It’s heaven, and the joy of beer is in the drinking. Drink all you want and you will not be full. The poor shadow of the True Beer of Heaven that we have hear leads to hangovers and full bladders and acting like an ass when drunk. The True Beer of Heaven gives no hangover, never fills stomach or bladder (yet fulfills you), and only gives the kind of drunk where you are relaxed, clever, and witty.

          Behold! The true miracle! rAmen!

  4. Father Ravioli says:

    who’d have thought that when we go to hell we’d all get to hang out in the same place?

  5. Rev Toni Rigatoni says:

    Actually I’m quite looking forward to going to this special place, it will be filled with all the regulars here and I for one would love to meet you all in person; and much better than sharing eternity with the sanctimonious, self righteous toss pots that are going to the other place.

    See ya’all there!

    The Reverend

    • Keith says:

      My O/H points out that the sanctimonious twats will be sitting up in heaven writing abusive letters about the noisy neighbours down below.

    • Atsap Revol says:

      Yep, Rev. Rigatoni, I want no part of the Christian heaven and the kind of mentally disordered people who will be there. I’ll look forward to seeing you and other loyal Pastafarians at the base of the beer volcano. If I get there first, I’ll save a seat for you right next to the ramp where the strippers come out of the factory.

      AR

  6. Midnight Rider says:

    Thank you Chance for that email chock full of what I assume is Christian love. Jesus said in Matthew 5:44 to “Love your enemies.” I especially feel the ALL CAPS portion of your message is the love you have for me and all Pastafarians everywhere. In fact, I bet you would enjoy loving me to death like the Christians of the Crusades, the Inquisition and possibly the Westboro Baptist church but I’m just going to have to say whoa! Stand back. I just don’t feel right accepting all that Christian love you learned from Jesus Christ. Besides, his Noodleyness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster has a great plan for my life…well for dinner anyway. So, in the name of the FSM I bid you farewell for now and many cyber hugs….

    R’amen!

  7. Big Guy says:

    Do you people hate all religions or just Christianity?

    • Shhells says:

      The squeaky wheel gets the grease?

    • Keith says:

      We just hate bigots. If they come here ranting we serve them double portions.

    • Metal Head says:

      We hate religions as much as you most people hate fairy tales.

      Foolish, silly, and overtly false, but not necessarily contemptible.

      • opiesysco says:

        Not just fairy tales. Fairy tales people really BELIEVE.

        • Metal Head says:

          Many children do believe some fairy tales, myths, and tall-tales. And many adults believe in religions. The way I see it, a religion is just a “grown-up” verion of a fairy tale.

          I haven’t met many 5-year-olds who don’t still beleive in Santa Claus, and I’ve met a disappointing number of people 18+ who don’t still believe in “god”.

    • G. Lweigamnik says:

      All religions that indoctrinate morality and logic.

      e.g. for Christianity, “Think the way we say we think, which is not to think but to follow the word of sky daddy! Because the bible exists and the bible was god’s work and thus god exists and therefore god wrote the bible and because god is the almighty truth and thus, the contents of the bible must be real!”

      Try to make sense out of that, Big Guy.

    • Insightful Ape says:

      Do you hate all freedom of speech or just speech you don’t like?

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      Don’t actually hate them – just love to ridicule them. Can’t stand it when any religion tries to impose their absurd beliefs on the rest of humanity. That’s why Buddhists, Hindus and Jews are my favorites. They don’t go preaching door-to-door.

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      I don’t hate religion, I hate a-holes who use religion to free themselves from personal accountability.

    • tekhedd says:

      BG, have you *read* the email that these comments are responding to? Oh never mind.

    • StJason says:

      Silly boy! We don’t hate religions. We have our own True Word that has been proven again and again to be true. How can one hate the truth?

    • Janus says:

      Dunno… do you hate all faiths that contradict yours, or just the folks that come close to pointing out the hypocracy of zealots? I for one have a great time talking and debating morality issues with two priests and a rabbi that play chess in the same area as me. I respect them a great deal, even if we see things differently. But those folks aren’t offering their friendship to me with the same strings that I saw getting pulled by so many other “loving” baptists, catholics, muslims, J. witnesses, mormons, scientologists, and so many other creeds that discourage true morality in favor of blind adherence to an unthinking collection of ancient words.

      In short: I hate anyone of faith just as much as they may hate me, I welcome the views of anyone of faith just as much as they may welcome my views.

    • Matiir says:

      Is it really a question of hate? If you were attacked would you love your attacker, lie down and take it or would you fight back. I have no problem with religious nutbars. Let them believe whatever they wish, however no matter who attacks me I will attack back. Its more so pronounced when the attacker is from a belief that is suppose to be about loving everyone and judge not less you be judged and all that. If its someone whos belief system is based on hate I’m still going to attack but when they spout love and peace from one side and hate and intolerance out the other.. thats when things get nasty)

      P.S. To everyone else I am lovin’ this site you people rock!

    • stylusmobilus says:

      Nah, just Christianity, because they tend to react more badly then the others, and that’s more fun.

    • Encyclodpedia Brit says:

      I would like to point out that we only really hate stupid people. And we can’t be blamed for the fact that most stupid people are Christians. Maybe you should take that up with your creator and ask for more brains. But I have a feeling you will be waiting a long time.

  8. Victor "zebobbybird" Mendoza says:

    Chance, i will pray for you. May this noodlyness’s love be upon you.

    I had too, cuz you already took the angry self righteous “i condemn thee to hell” route.

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