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You sicken me

Published April 16th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

You sicken me with the fact that you now have my best friend believing in your stupid, sick, blasphemous crap you call a religion! I can tell you what it really is, BLASPHEMOUS, MADE DURING A DRUG BINGE, IDOLATRY THAT WILL HAVE YOU BURNING IN HELL OR ON THE TABLE AFTER THE LAST WAR!!!! I am furious about the fact that there is a religion DEVOTED to SIN OF ALL THINGS! If you don’t change you and all your followers will be in a special place in hell just for IDOL WORSHIPPING, SIN LOVERS LIKE YOURSELF!!! You disgust me and I hope you see the truth before it’s too late.

Antipastifarian,

Chance

I need more information on this “special place” in hell you refer to – will there be cake? 

Interested,

-bobby



2,124 Responses to “You sicken me”

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  1. Sam Carliner says:

    Why would anyone be stupid enough to worship a god that sends kind people to hell, people that help other people and are kind, just because they don’t have a certain set of beliefs?

    • Satan says:

      What sane mind would invent Me? I’m not persuaded that ‘stupidity’ is the defining factor. People with psychoses are often highly ‘intelligent’, yet spin ever-more-complex explanations to retain their delusions. Without religion they would be declared insane. It validates their insanity and unpleasant desires.

      I suggest that religion is the purest form of politics because it rationalises a lack of humanity and empathy. They want power over you.

      I marvel at the amount of time, money and effort devoted to fundamentalism. I suggest it is a type of ‘luxury’ for people with too much time on their hands and access to slaves, fossil fuels or productive members of a community to parasitise. Without these they would starve.

      All I did was run a sauna and adult theme park (Google: Garden of Heavenly Delights) and look how they maligned Me.

      Pasta Arians (left to demonstrate how even spell check conspires against FSM) see though the scam.

      • Devil's Advocate says:

        My Client meant: Garden of Earthly Delights.

    • ConservativePastafarian says:

      People choose their deities and worship clubs according to the things they want. Some people want to believe they get another chance in a place called heaven, after they have finished with their corporeal form, so they choose a deity which promises that.

  2. Romo Lampkin says:

    I think that the “Special place” that we will be in is discribed in detail if you read the Inferno. A book that was a justification for things such as the Spanish Inquisition (Which no one expected). So if you are basing that “Special place” from that book justifies the Spanish Inquisition, then you are an ignorant fuck. (Despite my opinions of the historical context of the book, I do actually love that book).

    Also I apologize if this is really scatterbrained. I am extreamly sleep deprived.

    One last thing, at the part where you ASSUME (Yes, you are making assumtions) that the people who founded this religion were tripping balls (Or however you were shaming them for being high), look at all the thing that came from people that were as high as a flagpole. The Beatles. Alice and Wonderland. Edgar Allen Poe. Sherlock Holms. Chris Farley. John Balushi.

  3. Rawing says:

    I agree with Bobby, “need more information”; but not just on this “special place in hell”. This hatemail is a completely useless rage-induced chunk of text without ANY arguments, suggestions, or the like. All I can say in reply is: I’m sorry for disgusting you and I, too, hope I’ll see the truth, whatever it may be.

    • Keith says:

      I may seem obsessive but I still haven’t had a good explanation about the “on the table after the last war” business. It intrigues me because it seems to be offered as an alternative to Hell. Apparently we are devoted to “sin of all things”. I’m afraid that despite pushing 60 I still have not had the opportunity to experience everything, let alone the sin connected with everything.

      • Apprentice Frederic says:

        Keith, not that this is much help, but I Googled “Armageddon table” and saw a hit ( see http://www.truebiblecode.com ) that suggests that those *saved* after Armageddon will have a nice dinner. (…..Furthermore, people will come from eastern parts and western, and from north and south, and will recline at the table in the kingdom of God (Luke 13)…. ) Our pal Chance might be suggesting that we’re gonna be cooked as a main course for the righteous, what do you think?

        • Rev. Wulff says:

          Gotta love the X-tians. First zombies, now cannibalism…

        • Keith says:

          Since the site only quotes chapters and not verses I went through Luke 13 in my KJ version and the only similar reference I could find was “13:29 “And they shall come from the east and from the west, and from the north and from the south, and shall sit down in the kingdom of god” There isn’t any mention of a table in my version. However, Luke 22:30 talks about “That ye may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom, and sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel”. When I sit on the throne I read a book to pass the time.

        • Apprentice Frederic says:

          Keith, thanks, your scholarship more thorough than mine, for sure, LOL; unless Chance returns from HIS throne to clear things up, we may never know….

        • Pete Byrdie says:

          @Rev Wulff Cannibalism is central to Catholicism. Pastafarians are not the only folk who eat their god. Ours is tastier and more nutritious, though.

        • Rev. Wulff says:

          Pete, I’m well aware of worshipers eating their god. This was directed at the implication that the x-tians would get to eat the non-x-tians.

  4. flopcat says:

    If i pay the 20 bucks to become a minister can i then make back my money selling noodle indulgences? And could they be chocolate covered ?

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      I particularly like the idea of buying future Indulgences. Aaaaaarghhhhh……Do you have a scale of fees? What say, is the price of forgiveness for a bit of pillage? Do you give a guarantee?

      • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

        Flopcat should give the same guarantees as Christianity. In 2,000 years not ONE supplicant has come back from the after-life to complain or demand a refund for time spent on useless praying. Now THAT’S a business model to admire!

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          Those are the guarantees that I like; though, I do believe that Indulgences, paid for in cash, are acceptable defence in a worldly court as well.
          FCD, you should be dipped in chocolate and thrown to the Lesbians. Aaaaarghhhhh…..

    • FCD says:

      No, flopcat, you may not Chocolate-coat noodle indulgences. Chocolate-coating is restricted to followers of the Farting Chocolate Dude, hence Pastafarians may not infringe on this practice. You may want to convert to Dudeism if you are fixated on a Chocolate fetish.

  5. Emma says:

    Well you see whateverthehellyournamewas, I DON’T BELIEVE IN HELL!!!!!!! so telling me that i’m going to hell makes no difference to me at all. actually, i enjoy it when someone tells me im going to hell, because then I can laugh inside at the idiot who still thinks hell exists.

  6. anonayms says:

    why do you guys care. I mean come on! They’re not doing any harm! Also since I will supposidly be going to that special place in hell, can you tell me if they’re will be cake and if so what flavor?

    • Keith says:

      People have probably already told you that the cake is a lie but I have heard that it is actually Devil’s Food Cake. I don’t know which Devil they are referring to as there are so many in the hierarchy. I look forward to sharing it with you when we are not standing beside the beer volcano or ogling near the stripper factory.

  7. dfgbagdzgbzfgbs says:

    this is pure bullshit! thanls

  8. ConservativePastafarian says:

    Blasphemy can only be committed by a believer. To say this is blasphemous is not correct, in this context. As I do not believe in anything taught by any of the churches, I can express any opinion I like, make any joke, or for that matter mock, if I want to without committing blasphemy. It is only a perceived offence. Perceived by the management of your superstition club, to keep persons like yourself in thrall and obedience. You must learn to present your argument without projecting the requirements of your superstition club upon others.

  9. Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

    Thank you for your concern John, but according to the bible you like to like to quote as proof of your belief, once an individual denies your god there is no turning back, no repenting, no salvation; did you miss that bit? Regardless of what your book says death is not the wages of sin but the price of life. Sin has nothing to do with our mortality, everything dies John, the birds and the bees, the flowers and the trees; as I write this I can look from my window and see the last of the dying plants in my garden and the last of the red and orange leaves still clinging to the trees and wonder, ‘what could they have done that so displeased your god that they too should die?’ Sorry John, you can plead for our ‘souls.’ all you like but it will make not an iota of difference. One thing you said is true however, one day we WILL be dead, as will you, so start to live while you still have time; forget jesus, he ain’t comin’.
    One last thing, atheism isn’t about being tough, it’s about being rational; I’m not tough, I don’t welcome death as it means the end of being, no more time with the family I love and adore and admiring the wonders of the natural world that surrounds us all, but I can accept it; it’s the wages of life. I have said this many times John, but it can’t in my opinion be said enough, forget about an afterlife that exists only in your fear filled imagination and make the most of what is without any doubt whatsoever the only life you get.

    May the Sauce be with you.
    The Reverend

  10. Insightful Ape says:

    So faith is protoectionto money? Religion is just a racket, blackmailing people through threats of violence. If god existed he would be the gangster in chief.

  11. Drained and Washed Clean says:

    So basically, “do what I say or die because an ancient book says so”. And since you seem to know me so well, what exactly have I done that I must account for to anyone, especially an invisible man in the sky? Being a little judgmental now, aren’t you? Doesn’t your book say something about that as well? Guess you better toddle off and account for that to your friend…

  12. Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

    Thank you for your concern John, but according to the bible you like to like to quote as proof of your belief, once an individual denies your god there is no turning back, no repenting, no salvation; did you miss that bit? Regardless of what your book says death is not the wages of sin but the price of life. Sin has nothing to do with our mortality, everything dies John, the birds and the bees, the flowers and the trees; as I write this I can look from my window and see the last of the dying plants in my garden and the last of the red and orange leaves still clinging to the trees and wonder, ‘what could they have done that so displeased your god that they too should die?’ Sorry John, you can plead for our ‘souls.’ all you like but it will make not an iota of difference. One thing you said is true however, one day we WILL be dead, as will you, so start to live while you still have time; forget jesus, he ain’t comin’.
    One last thing, atheism isn’t about being tough, it’s about being rational; I’m not tough, I don’t welcome death as it means the end of being, no more time with the family I love and adore and admiring the wonders of the natural world that surrounds us all, but I can accept it; it’s the wages of life. I have said this many times John, but it can’t in my opinion be said enough, forget about an afterlife that exists only in your fear filled imagination and make the most of what is without any doubt whatsoever the only life you get.

    May the Sauce be with you.
    The Reverend

  13. Apprentice Frederic says:

    It’s hard to add much of import to Rev. Toni’s eloquent “Thank you…” but I’m compelled to say that, likely, almost none of the Communicants and posters to this and similar threads have missed the direct influence of “Christian” education. And they appear to be intelligent enough to have come early to understand the real ideals of Christianity – humility, compassion, and tolerance – and the nearly complete absence of those virtues in any of the more aggressive of the Chance / Steve of God / john types. And that absence is, just, kind of, a killer. REPENT. Repent? For what? For being insufficiently respectful of your illiterate threats? For being disgusted by some lunatic evangelical who thinks his rivals for donations are a “cult”? For wondering why a pious respect for life at its inception isn’t maintained by a distressing number of cult chieftains as their young followers’ lives go forward? Why don’t you – John – spend your time reminding Pastor X to melt down his golden doghouse and repent????

  14. Reverendmerciful pasta says:

    Dear John,
    As a reverend i ask you to consider the following:

    Matthew 7

    Judging Others

    1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
    3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
    You seem to be fond of scripture I was not sure if you had read these verses.
    Sincerely,
    Reverend Merciful pasta

  15. TiltedHorizon says:

    Racketeering, specifically the ‘protection’ racket is defined as the DEMAND of currency (i.e. worship ) from businesses ( i.e. humanity) in exchange for the service (i.e. life everlasting ) of “protection” against crimes (i.e. damnation ) that the racketeers themselves instigate. (i.e. Original sin, hell, wrath)

    “Heaven” has no extradition, which conveniently explains why god does not show him/her/it-self.

  16. theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

    Look at the history of the Christian Church. They were HUGE into “indulgences”. Pay your fine and you can get away with murder. Literally.

  17. Why Does Everyone Know the Mind of God but don't Agree says:

    Not a great racket in some quarters.

    Some say you can be an evil scumbag your whole life and if you believe at the last minute before you croak, you go to heaven.

    And miss out on the cake in Hell.

    But is there Pie in Heaven?

    No. It would stain all the nice white clothes.

    Maybe they just have Hostess Snowballs.

  18. Vini Linguini says:

    Well said Rev Toni Rigatoni.
    No small sense of seriousness is required when dealing with delicate matters of faith and the lack thereof.
    You are beacon of marinara sanity and sauce in a delusional christian world hungry not for pasta but for fairy tale concoctions designed to soothe and confuse. You have done great service to your fellow men and women (and gays and pirates too). And remember, son, what matters is Pasta, family and country (open country, that is).
    Yours nonetheless truly,
    Vini Linguini

  19. Atsap Revol says:

    Reverend Toni Rigatoni’s sermons are packed with reason and logic. Both of these commodities are sorely needed in this delusional world. Thank you Rev for another outstanding contribution.

    Atsap Revol

  20. Alphy says:

    Thank you, Reverend Toni. That was a wonderful message. It inspires one to live without delusions, without fears of an imaginary afterlife life invented by religious control freaks. May you be filled with Marinara! Praise be to our loving FSM!

  21. TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

    Update! According to the new pope, there is salvation for atheists! Which means:
    a) After so many centuries, god changed his mind. He admits he was wrong…?
    b) The pope does not speak for god. He’s just a guy walking around in fancy robes and silly hats. Religion (at least Christianity) is worthless.
    c) There is no god, and the pope is either deluded or a charlatan.

  22. Rasputin says:

    So much common sense here. “Death is not the wages of sin but the price of life”. I don’t know whether The Reverend thought of this or it’s a quote from somewhere, but it’s true. I put more faith in the FSM than I do in Jebus. Plus the FSM tastes better.

  23. Rev. Mike says:

    Reverend M P,

    Not a better quote could have been cited. I judge not others as To their beliefs but as to there actions. I’m not sure as to what the end will hold but should there be atolmennt for what we have done, I for one would look back and say I would not have changed a thing. If we to take all religions as truth and fact then heaven would be empty as al so all religions say believe as I do or go to hell.

    If the all powerful being is going to fault me and condem me for a few mistakes then it is not the kind and forgiving being that is written about and I’ll have no part of it.

    Rules and regulations are to keep society under control as religions were and are today. I would like to think that for most, their moral compass does not need a man in fancy dress telling me to give him 10-15% of what I make to save me soul. I give more than that to those in need dire Ty and cut out the middle man with the pointy hat.

    To quote from his noodliness

    I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Build multi million-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/ Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick): A. Ending Poverty B. Curing Diseases C. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable. I Might Be A Complex Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM The Creator.

    I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don’t Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.

    I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This Through You Thick Heads: Woman=Person, Man=Person. Samey-Samey. One is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We’re Talking About Fashion And I’m Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal And Fuchsia

    Words to live by.

    Yours truly,

    Rev. Mike

  24. Gary says:

    I’d love an indulgence. You get paid to do nothing. Sweet. Kind of like permanent welfare.

  25. Guido Arbia says:

    “Rules and regulations are to keep society under control as religions were and are today.”

    The bible says that God gave us the law to show us that we could not keep the law. Every other book says that the law is how you get to heaven. The bible is the only book that says that salvation is based on God’s mercy, and not on what we can do to earn it. The only thing we have to do is believe. Once we believe, God changes our hearts.

    “If the all powerful being is going to fault me and condem me for a few mistakes then it is not the kind and forgiving being that is written about and I’ll have no part of it.”

    God doesn’t condemn anyone for a few mistakes. He condemns people because they are evil. It’s not just the fact that you have sinned against God once or twice. There was never a moment in you’re life when you didn’t sin. Everyday, when you thought to yourself, “I am a good person,” you sinned against God. And when you thought to yourself, “I don’t like that person. I’m going to get Him back, or I am going to ignore him, ” you sinned. And when you accused God of being unrighteous, and desired that He left you alone, and didn’t tell you what to do, you sinned. Up until this point, if you have not known Christ, none of your good deeds are acceptable, because the whole time you were trying to be good, you were denying the origin of good, and instead of justifying yourself, you were condemning yourself. If God was not kind or forgiving, why did He suffer so much on the cross? He didn’t have to do that. The reason is that God cannot forgive you unless He deals with what you’ve done. Believe in Jesus, in His death and in His resurrection, and He will forgive you. It’s hard to understand, because from a human perspective, you think that you’re not really that bad. But from the perspective of a perfect God, you are totally depraved. If God is truly pure, He can’t just let it go, because that wouldn’t be a righteous thing to do. But He went through the worst of suffering to offer us hope. Again, if you reject Christ, then how is God going to forgive you? He payed the debt, but if you refuse to love the One who payed the debt, how can He forgive you? God loves you, and He gave you a mind that could reject Him, to give you the freedom to love Him of your own will, but rejecting Him is an evil thing, and if you commit this evil, then it is your own doing, and not something that God wanted you to do. God doesn’t have anything to hide. He can force us all to love Him if He wants. The existence of hell is evidence of the love of God, because it is the evidence that we have a choice between good and evil. If we didn’t have a choice, then why should God even bother to create us? That wouldn’t be very loving because then we couldn’t know what real love is.

  26. SillyKiwiMan says:

    *throws up in his mouth a bit*

    Seriously? Where do you get this shit? The existence of hell (evidence please) is evidence for the love of god? Way to have your dick up your own arse.

    Newsflash: You don’t own morality.

    It’s not “hard to understand” despite our human perspective. It’s codswallop. You still have not a shred of evidence, and you’re still preaching. Pick your battles. I’m not going to try to convert you, I know that’s a wast of time. The subtleties of higher thought are clearly beyond your ken. Instead, I’m going to ask you to explain things, with ACTUAL evidence, and reasoned arguments.

    I hold out no hope for either.

  27. Pyro Manic says:

    I just want to offer an opinion on the whole crucifixion story deal – this is also, in a kinder sense, a question.
    From what I know of the story, the son of god (who knows everything ever) sacrificed himself to save us from our sin. His body took on our sins, and with his death ‘freed’ us from eternal sin – as in we still sin, but we can be forgiven or whatever.
    What I hear most often from people talking about it (Christian people), is that he died to save us, so much pain, such a sacrifice, he did it for us, etc.
    Can I just say, he is a FUCKING. GOD. no amount of pain from dying in a mortal body (which he then brought back to life three days later. Which you know, is perfectly sound in a realistic world), no amount of pain from that could hurt him.
    Lets just think of him (for now) as a god. He is all-powerful, omniscient, and yeah, a god. Do you really think that him being killed on a cross would be that bad?
    Now, his son (who is supposed to be god as well, but not god), he is the one that dies on the cross. One death. One single, quick execution for being ‘heretic’ or something.
    One death is not a significant amount of pain and sacrifice to make up for millennia of breaking a fundamental law.
    Also, people die for things, for ideas, day in and day out. Do they get worshipped? NO. Yet some man who died for something which people wrote about after, he gets worshiped as being a saviour and a holy man.
    People die for much more noble causes all the time, and yet they get nothing for it. Sometimes their sacrifice even becomes worthless because no one around them is intelligent enough to see what good they did.but it doesn’t matter to them, because they have a bigger picture in mind, and they know that they’re commitment, no matter how small, can change the world.

    My back point I’m trying to make (and debate if people disagree) is that a death on a cross for a son of a god is not a sacrifice worth celebrating and worshipping that man for.

    Sincerely,
    Thank you

  28. Guido Arbia says:

    I don’t know why my post appeared in the wrong place, but it is meant for here.

    First, I never said that I owned morality, nor did I make any such implication. You deny the absolute precision and authority of a moral standard, because you say that the difference between right and wrong depends on context and culture. Then you suggest, like many others, that Christians in history were violent, and were followers of an evil god, and you complain about things like intellectual dishonesty and twisted morals. And while you defend these two assertions, failing to see the contradiction between them, you accuse me of committing several logical fallacies, and of presenting claims with no valid reasoning.

    And you don’t realize, that the claim that right and wrong is subjective, and the claim that Christians have carried out evil deeds throughout history, are two claims that cannot both be true. For you acknowledge no standard by which you can measure their actions, but you fault the God of Abraham for not following such a standard. Yet you indicate, by saying there is no absolute right and wrong, that genocide is acceptable. Then you tell me, and everyone who sees your words, that my reasoning is flawed, because I haven’t given you empirical evidence, when you haven’t even made a coherent argument.

    And this whole parody, built upon doctrines of spaghetti and meatballs, intended to mimic the alleged absurdity of the Christian faith, also suffers from the same incoherence, because the arguments used are not faithful to the true form of the arguments used to defend the Christian faith. And being a mockery so poor, it proves itself foolish, but it does not prove a thing that is foolish about the Christian faith.

  29. SillyKiwiMan says:

    And on that, I rest my case.

  30. Macinnes says:

    Really? You don’t think there is anything foolish about the Christian Myth? Or do you just wish not to accept it?

  31. Guido Arbia says:

    Unfortunately for you, your arguments were proven wrong, but you refused to acknowledge that your arguments were proven wrong, and chose instead to ignore all reasoning.

    By the way, something is wrong with this page, honestly.

  32. Pete Byrdie says:

    My favourite aspect of the notion that the crucifixion freed us from original sin (something which, incidentally, has no universally accepted meaning) is that it sort of implies God has to defer to some higher power. Why does an omnipotent deity have to use such a back-door method of removing original sin? He can just choose to remove it from us! Have we had original sin imposed on us by some ‘federal’ power, and our ‘regional’ God has to play by someone else’s rules? If he makes the rules, a lot more explanation is needed.

  33. Pete Byrdie says:

    This was intended as a response to Pyro Manic’s comment above. I’m not sure why it didn’t appear there.

  34. Rev. Wulff says:

    I’ll see your question and raise you one: If the crucifixion freed us from sin, why do people still need baptisms?

  35. Acolyte Magnus says:

    Jehova’s Witnesses teach that it is the sin inherited from Adam and Eve that Jesus died to cleanse. That first act of disobedience to God that made him decide to punish all future generations for all time with mortality and true death – until he changed his mind and sacrificed his son (for a while) so that he could allow himself to undo his own decision. Baptism to the witnesses is about “publicly identifying yourself as a person who has made a dedication to God [...]”

    Once you die you are then, in the future once the current order here on Earth has ended, judged according to how you have lived. Therefore your time spent in life needs to be devoted to God so that he can forgive the sins you personally have committed. Since we are all flawed creations they believe it is impossible to live life without sin.

    I think it’s hogwash of course, but I have always considered the witnesses good christians – no matter the cult-like and strict rules they enforce. (They do not baptize children for example.) Often I also find their explanations make more sense than other christian interpretations of the Bible.

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