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This is a real religion?

Published March 13th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

The government actually passed this BS as religion? You just did this so you can get tax cuts, your religion is based on christian hate because thats all i see you mocking on here, You might as well side with the church of satan who mocks their own belief, Just because youre too blind to be enlightened you have decided to scam all the atheists out there, in a way i have to side with you, because all of your followers are just as stupid as you are, nobody ever looks into history, philosophy or multiple religions before basing their faith, they always just side with hate and disbelief, when love is just the true meaning behind every religion, and science is formulated from the start of religion, it seems that your church and your followers will all go down the same stupid path, even if you are a teacher or a doctor you probably are a bad one at that, well except the church leader who is rolling in money from his t-shirts and probably initiation fees and getting tax cuts, what a smart way to scam atheist church goers, you might as well start the next jonestown massacre.

–Nick



550 Responses to “This is a real religion?”

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  1. hotclaws says:

    Oh,I see,unless we can get tax breaks we’re not a “real” religion? What a fascinating point of view?

    • tekhedd says:

      How do I sign up for these tax breaks? Bobby, when are you going to apply for status as a “real” religion so I can buy a large piece of property and not contribute anything towards the local school system?

      • robert mulryan says:

        wait…you guys got t-shirts?

        • Metal Head says:

          Yes, and your purchase of such would please his noodliness, and make the strippers in heaven that much more horny for you. :P

        • noodlyjames says:

          I was promised Kool-Aid and pie?

  2. jane says:

    Excuse me but i thought christians where supposed to ‘love thy neighbour’ unconditionally… i believe you may have skipped that part in sunday school.
    Also, from the looks of things, this ‘church’ is is a joke, and not actually made for people to follow religiously.
    Another point, if people were to follow this religion, or any other religion for that matter, it is not up to us to criticise, segregate, humiliate, make fun of, intimidate, hurt, blackmail… ok lets just say judge what they believe in. Sure it may not be what you believe is right, but i’m pretty sure that they are thinking the same thing about you…

    Please take something away from this
    Peace <3

    • Kelli says:

      One day you will know that Jesus is Lord, and when you do i hope there’s time for you to accept Him, but you are right that we shouldn’t judge

      • TiltedHorizon says:

        If you lived in India you might be telling me how Vishnu is lord. If you were Middle Eastern, you would be preaching the word of Allah. I can go on and on about this but why belabor the point which is, what you believe is largely based on where you live. Not to worry though, I am sure you considered all the world’s religions before accepting one specific flavor of Christianity as the correct choice.

      • jane says:

        i never said i wasn’t a christian… maybe you shouldn’t judge people before you get to know them :)

        • tekhedd says:

          That would take all the fun out of judgement!

        • Rev Toni Rigatoni says:

          That’swhat True Christians (TM) do isn’t it?

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          They don’t hate the sinner, just the sin. Unfortunately, ‘sin’ is not a physical thing so they have to point at the sinner. We are simply being sensitive….. Oh, and they are not judging, simply relaying information… with a kool-aid smile. (oh yeah!!) One more thing, they are not smiling because they enjoy relaying information, they smile because Jesus loves them, even though they are a-holes. If some deity loved you no matter how badly you treated other people then you would smile too because it would be a valid license to be evil, err, I mean, be a ‘true’ christian.

      • puppygoogoo says:

        Kelli,

        what if your wrong and the ‘insert religion here’ are right? who gave Jesus his ‘lord’ title? On a positive note you know judgment of others isnt good

        puppygoogoo

      • Mike says:

        No I won’t. For the same reason I’ll never know Julius Caesar or Isaac Newton, both of whom I can be reasonable certain did at least live.

      • Mr Cooper (all hail fsm) says:

        jesus is lord…….right and the burger king as an official monarch

        • Kittyfacepizzahead says:

          You mean. . . The Burger King ISN’T an official monarch?! I am dissapointed now.

      • robert mulryan says:

        Jesus is Lord! He is the son of the great all-powerful and omniscient Flying Spaghetti Monster, who impregnated His Mom in some weird and beautiful way! It is so AWESOME! I know this because all you guys told it to me, and i accept it as Truth! And everyone who doesn’t believe this is basically an a-hole (but i don’t HATE YOU!)

        • Jakob says:

          pasta impregnating women? gross

      • Keith says:

        If I were ever to join the Society for Creative Anachronisms (which is very unlikely) I will call myself Jesus. That way, if anyone calls me “my Lord” I’ll know they mean it.

      • opiesysco says:

        Who is this jeebus person of which you speak? What is he the lord of?
        I have so many questions about this jeebus person, but you say there is not much time.
        I have to ask you Kelli, have you accepted the FSM as your lord of pasta and savoriness?

        rAmen and may HIS sauce be upon you

    • tekhedd says:

      STOP saying that FSMism is a joke[*]. You’re messing with my denial!

      I am a devout Pastafarian[**] and violently resent any information that might change my world view in any way. I believe I speak for all Pastafarians when I say that your insinuation is not welcome. Note how the strength of my convictions lets me believe that I speak for all Pastafarians, and that my opinions are those of the majority. (It’s true, because anyone who disagrees with me is not a true Pastafarian anyway.)

      * – The FSM isn’t just a joke, for the same reason that satire isn’t just a joke…)

      ** – I have accepted (grated) Cheeses atop my personal savior.

      • rotinidude says:

        This is awesome. Maybe we can get into the “Black Arts” and bring back all of our fellow Pirates. THEN we will be a force to be reckoned with. Question though. Do Pirates eat pasta? Hmm, I would guess they would eat anything they pillage and DON’T burn. Don’t diss FSM and I promise (snicker) not to make fun of jesusism, and the rest.

        • Keith says:

          I imagine that Italian pirates used to eat pasta, or is that too much stereotyping?

        • Jakob says:

          a pirate speaking with italian accent. the horror

        • Dave says:

          How else do you think arrregano came to get its name?

      • Syphen says:

        Bravo for this post – as a fellow Pastafarian with similar convictions, I can only pray to his noodlyness that you continue to promote your feelings and defend your feelings as required!

  3. Vole says:

    The “atheist church goer” sector is booming.

    • Mike says:

      Makes as much sense as the rest of his rant….

    • MAC says:

      I’m pretty sure “atheist church goer” is paradoxical. I’d also like to know where this supposed church the atheists are going? after all 1 of the 8 I rather you really didn’ts (the pastafarian equivalent of the 10 comandments) states that we’re not allowed to build a church.

      • Jeffrey says:

        Many Unitarian Univeralists are Humanist or Agnostic and sometimes Atheists. Depending on the congregation you could get 40% or more humanists in a congregation.

    • Zuri says:

      Brilliant!
      Isn’t that an oxymoron anyhow?

      • Thomas L. Nielsen says:

        No. Just plain moron.

        Regards & all, rAmen and Arrrr….

        Thomas L. Nielsen
        Moron Spotter’s Association
        Luxembourg

  4. G. Lweigamnik says:

    It’s funny because it’s false. Except for the part about the T-shirts, of course. :D

    But I have to hand it to Nick here, though. He really knows how to entertain us.

    P.S. Anyone tried reading the second sentence in one breath? Whoever manages that feat gets a cookie.

    • Cheese says:

      I want my cookie!

    • Darth Vader says:

      You will give me my cookie.

      • Drained and Washed Clean says:

        These are not the cookies you are looking for…

        • noodlyjames says:

          I find your lack of cookie faith disturbing.

        • Silas says:

          The cookie is a lie, there are only Noodles.
          Through Noodles I gain Intelligence
          Through Intelligence, I gain Rational Thought
          Through Rational Thought, I am one with the FSM
          The FSM shall set me free

          RAmen

      • potato whisperer says:

        May I please have a cookie for effort? It really isn’t my fault when someone gets their commas and periods confused…

        • Zuri says:

          Can I have a cookie too? (LOL)

    • JamesL says:

      I got to “at that”, but I took a shallow breath.

  5. brent says:

    So Nick and Pizbi are the same person, right?

  6. ack says:

    “nobody ever looks into history, philosophy or multiple religions before basing their faith”
    Actually, I’ve found that I LOST my faith after looking into the history of multiple religions.

    • Metal Head says:

      Ditto.

    • Rev Toni Rigatoni says:

      That absolutely will happen ack, that’s why the church held back science and reason for centuries and still does to some extent. To ask questions about a subject implies the questioner has a capacity for critical thinking and critical thinking is the enemy of faith and that is why the True Christian(TM) is ordered to believe without question. It would not be in the churches best interest to say to the faithful, ‘Go and look at the evidence, compare your religion and its beliefs with others’ because they would lose attendees, and their money, in hoards as the truth dawned, as it did with you and Metal Head and many more I’m sure.
      Here in the UK a large number of Infant and junior (ages 4 to 11) state schools are sponsored by the church. At that age children are susceptible to suggestion and believe everything they are told by those in authority and so the mind-fuck can take hold. Conversely, how many RC secondary schools (12 and up) or CofE universities are there? None, that’s how many, it wouldn’t be financially viable viz a vie the number of successful brainwashed individuals per buck invested once the kids get to an age and stage of mental development whereby they can think for themselves – so they don’t invest. Get the church out of state schools; teach comparative religion if you will as that will encourage and develop the much needed thinking skills in our children, but dismantle church subsidised state education. Then our work here will be done (nearly) (maybe?). Oh, alright then, probably not.

      Sauce be with you all,
      The Reverend

      • puppygoogoo says:

        Rev,

        In Australia there are lots of church sponsored primary (5-11 yr old) and high schools (12-17/18 yr old). They normally include religious studies as part of their compulsory studies, but it is good in the fact that most teachers are atheist/agnostic and therefore not much emphasis is placed on the class. It also provides most of the students a chance to make an informed decision about the reality of religion is and how ‘truthful’ the belief system is. As a whole, from my experience as a convert to his noodly goodness, the class tends to raise more questions than what it can provide answers for and as a result produces more informed atheists/agnostics than new christians. This also shows those who have found the “answer” to be close-minded and not willing to accept facts.

        RAmen

        puppygoogoo

    • Drained and Washed Clean says:

      Ramen.

  7. Mike says:

    What is really funny is the Creatards who come on this site and complain that it’s a BS religion, without realising that it’s a satire of their own.

    • J. James says:

      I know, right? It’s just terrible! Take your bets, all! When will these people FINALLY REALIZE what the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is all about?? I say they will NEVER get it at this rate. Teh stoopidz is strong with them.

      • MAC says:

        Come to think of it, the only time I ever see hate on this site is from the over zealous Christians that send us these rants. I also noticed that these rants are never original, though provoking, or devoid of the “your going to hell cause you don’t agree with me” threat.

        • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

          Originality would imply creative thinking – something religions discourage when it comes to theocracy. They’ll tell you “Sit down, shut up and keep those tithes coming in. WE’LL tell you what to think!”

          Besides, what originality could they POSSIBLY come up with? Something they’ve observed in nature that proves their point of view? Hey, there’s a challenge for you fundies. And before you trot out a tired old argument like the complexity of the human eye, do some research and see how thoroughly discredited it’s been.

        • Atsap Revol says:

          theFewtheProudtheMarinara,

          The tides, man, the tides. The tides unequivocally prove their point of view without a doubt.

          Atsap

        • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

          Well, you’ve got me there, Atsap. O’Reilly was being original. Delusional to the point of insanity perhaps, but certainly original.

        • J. James says:

          They are like automatons. Pray. Eat. Move around. Give a weak imitation of life. But we all know that there is nothing going on up there. The silence echoes in their hollow skulls. If there ever was any originality, it’s a couple thousand years old.

        • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

          Even THEN it wasn’t original, Mac! The Greatest Story Ever Sold was almost worn-out when they applied it to the (alleged) life of Jesus several generations after his (alleged) death. And the Old Testament? Fagettaboutit! Only the names have been changed from assorted legends.

        • Foo says:

          Oh then I can’t wait to go to Hell, no more cold marinara!

        • anonymous says:

          That’s probably got something to do with the fact that any Christian with enough brain power to be witty has enough brain power to recognise satire when they see it.

  8. Noodly says:

    This makes my day.

    • Zuri says:

      Yeah, nothing better than a good laugh…..
      Thanks, Nick. I needed something lighthearted today!

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