The government actually passed this BS as religion? You just did this so you can get tax cuts, your religion is based on christian hate because thats all i see you mocking on here, You might as well side with the church of satan who mocks their own belief, Just because youre too blind to be enlightened you have decided to scam all the atheists out there, in a way i have to side with you, because all of your followers are just as stupid as you are, nobody ever looks into history, philosophy or multiple religions before basing their faith, they always just side with hate and disbelief, when love is just the true meaning behind every religion, and science is formulated from the start of religion, it seems that your church and your followers will all go down the same stupid path, even if you are a teacher or a doctor you probably are a bad one at that, well except the church leader who is rolling in money from his t-shirts and probably initiation fees and getting tax cuts, what a smart way to scam atheist church goers, you might as well start the next jonestown massacre.
–Nick
Oh,I see,unless we can get tax breaks we’re not a “real” religion? What a fascinating point of view?
How do I sign up for these tax breaks? Bobby, when are you going to apply for status as a “real” religion so I can buy a large piece of property and not contribute anything towards the local school system?
wait…you guys got t-shirts?
Yes, and your purchase of such would please his noodliness, and make the strippers in heaven that much more horny for you. :P
I was promised Kool-Aid and pie?
Excuse me but i thought christians where supposed to ‘love thy neighbour’ unconditionally… i believe you may have skipped that part in sunday school.
Also, from the looks of things, this ‘church’ is is a joke, and not actually made for people to follow religiously.
Another point, if people were to follow this religion, or any other religion for that matter, it is not up to us to criticise, segregate, humiliate, make fun of, intimidate, hurt, blackmail… ok lets just say judge what they believe in. Sure it may not be what you believe is right, but i’m pretty sure that they are thinking the same thing about you…
Please take something away from this
Peace <3
One day you will know that Jesus is Lord, and when you do i hope there’s time for you to accept Him, but you are right that we shouldn’t judge
If you lived in India you might be telling me how Vishnu is lord. If you were Middle Eastern, you would be preaching the word of Allah. I can go on and on about this but why belabor the point which is, what you believe is largely based on where you live. Not to worry though, I am sure you considered all the world’s religions before accepting one specific flavor of Christianity as the correct choice.
i never said i wasn’t a christian… maybe you shouldn’t judge people before you get to know them :)
That would take all the fun out of judgement!
That’swhat True Christians (TM) do isn’t it?
They don’t hate the sinner, just the sin. Unfortunately, ‘sin’ is not a physical thing so they have to point at the sinner. We are simply being sensitive….. Oh, and they are not judging, simply relaying information… with a kool-aid smile. (oh yeah!!) One more thing, they are not smiling because they enjoy relaying information, they smile because Jesus loves them, even though they are a-holes. If some deity loved you no matter how badly you treated other people then you would smile too because it would be a valid license to be evil, err, I mean, be a ‘true’ christian.
Kelli,
what if your wrong and the ‘insert religion here’ are right? who gave Jesus his ‘lord’ title? On a positive note you know judgment of others isnt good
puppygoogoo
No I won’t. For the same reason I’ll never know Julius Caesar or Isaac Newton, both of whom I can be reasonable certain did at least live.
jesus is lord…….right and the burger king as an official monarch
You mean. . . The Burger King ISN’T an official monarch?! I am dissapointed now.
Jesus is Lord! He is the son of the great all-powerful and omniscient Flying Spaghetti Monster, who impregnated His Mom in some weird and beautiful way! It is so AWESOME! I know this because all you guys told it to me, and i accept it as Truth! And everyone who doesn’t believe this is basically an a-hole (but i don’t HATE YOU!)
pasta impregnating women? gross
If I were ever to join the Society for Creative Anachronisms (which is very unlikely) I will call myself Jesus. That way, if anyone calls me “my Lord” I’ll know they mean it.
Who is this jeebus person of which you speak? What is he the lord of?
I have so many questions about this jeebus person, but you say there is not much time.
I have to ask you Kelli, have you accepted the FSM as your lord of pasta and savoriness?
rAmen and may HIS sauce be upon you
STOP saying that FSMism is a joke[*]. You’re messing with my denial!
I am a devout Pastafarian[**] and violently resent any information that might change my world view in any way. I believe I speak for all Pastafarians when I say that your insinuation is not welcome. Note how the strength of my convictions lets me believe that I speak for all Pastafarians, and that my opinions are those of the majority. (It’s true, because anyone who disagrees with me is not a true Pastafarian anyway.)
* – The FSM isn’t just a joke, for the same reason that satire isn’t just a joke…)
** – I have accepted (grated) Cheeses atop my personal savior.
This is awesome. Maybe we can get into the “Black Arts” and bring back all of our fellow Pirates. THEN we will be a force to be reckoned with. Question though. Do Pirates eat pasta? Hmm, I would guess they would eat anything they pillage and DON’T burn. Don’t diss FSM and I promise (snicker) not to make fun of jesusism, and the rest.
I imagine that Italian pirates used to eat pasta, or is that too much stereotyping?
a pirate speaking with italian accent. the horror
How else do you think arrregano came to get its name?
Bravo for this post – as a fellow Pastafarian with similar convictions, I can only pray to his noodlyness that you continue to promote your feelings and defend your feelings as required!
The “atheist church goer” sector is booming.
Makes as much sense as the rest of his rant….
I’m pretty sure “atheist church goer” is paradoxical. I’d also like to know where this supposed church the atheists are going? after all 1 of the 8 I rather you really didn’ts (the pastafarian equivalent of the 10 comandments) states that we’re not allowed to build a church.
Many Unitarian Univeralists are Humanist or Agnostic and sometimes Atheists. Depending on the congregation you could get 40% or more humanists in a congregation.
Brilliant!
Isn’t that an oxymoron anyhow?
No. Just plain moron.
Regards & all, rAmen and Arrrr….
Thomas L. Nielsen
Moron Spotter’s Association
Luxembourg
It’s funny because it’s false. Except for the part about the T-shirts, of course. :D
But I have to hand it to Nick here, though. He really knows how to entertain us.
P.S. Anyone tried reading the second sentence in one breath? Whoever manages that feat gets a cookie.
I want my cookie!
You will give me my cookie.
These are not the cookies you are looking for…
I find your lack of cookie faith disturbing.
The cookie is a lie, there are only Noodles.
Through Noodles I gain Intelligence
Through Intelligence, I gain Rational Thought
Through Rational Thought, I am one with the FSM
The FSM shall set me free
RAmen
May I please have a cookie for effort? It really isn’t my fault when someone gets their commas and periods confused…
Can I have a cookie too? (LOL)
I got to “at that”, but I took a shallow breath.
So Nick and Pizbi are the same person, right?
“nobody ever looks into history, philosophy or multiple religions before basing their faith”
Actually, I’ve found that I LOST my faith after looking into the history of multiple religions.
Ditto.
That absolutely will happen ack, that’s why the church held back science and reason for centuries and still does to some extent. To ask questions about a subject implies the questioner has a capacity for critical thinking and critical thinking is the enemy of faith and that is why the True Christian(TM) is ordered to believe without question. It would not be in the churches best interest to say to the faithful, ‘Go and look at the evidence, compare your religion and its beliefs with others’ because they would lose attendees, and their money, in hoards as the truth dawned, as it did with you and Metal Head and many more I’m sure.
Here in the UK a large number of Infant and junior (ages 4 to 11) state schools are sponsored by the church. At that age children are susceptible to suggestion and believe everything they are told by those in authority and so the mind-fuck can take hold. Conversely, how many RC secondary schools (12 and up) or CofE universities are there? None, that’s how many, it wouldn’t be financially viable viz a vie the number of successful brainwashed individuals per buck invested once the kids get to an age and stage of mental development whereby they can think for themselves – so they don’t invest. Get the church out of state schools; teach comparative religion if you will as that will encourage and develop the much needed thinking skills in our children, but dismantle church subsidised state education. Then our work here will be done (nearly) (maybe?). Oh, alright then, probably not.
Sauce be with you all,
The Reverend
Rev,
In Australia there are lots of church sponsored primary (5-11 yr old) and high schools (12-17/18 yr old). They normally include religious studies as part of their compulsory studies, but it is good in the fact that most teachers are atheist/agnostic and therefore not much emphasis is placed on the class. It also provides most of the students a chance to make an informed decision about the reality of religion is and how ‘truthful’ the belief system is. As a whole, from my experience as a convert to his noodly goodness, the class tends to raise more questions than what it can provide answers for and as a result produces more informed atheists/agnostics than new christians. This also shows those who have found the “answer” to be close-minded and not willing to accept facts.
RAmen
puppygoogoo
Ramen.
What is really funny is the Creatards who come on this site and complain that it’s a BS religion, without realising that it’s a satire of their own.
I know, right? It’s just terrible! Take your bets, all! When will these people FINALLY REALIZE what the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is all about?? I say they will NEVER get it at this rate. Teh stoopidz is strong with them.
Come to think of it, the only time I ever see hate on this site is from the over zealous Christians that send us these rants. I also noticed that these rants are never original, though provoking, or devoid of the “your going to hell cause you don’t agree with me” threat.
Originality would imply creative thinking – something religions discourage when it comes to theocracy. They’ll tell you “Sit down, shut up and keep those tithes coming in. WE’LL tell you what to think!”
Besides, what originality could they POSSIBLY come up with? Something they’ve observed in nature that proves their point of view? Hey, there’s a challenge for you fundies. And before you trot out a tired old argument like the complexity of the human eye, do some research and see how thoroughly discredited it’s been.
theFewtheProudtheMarinara,
The tides, man, the tides. The tides unequivocally prove their point of view without a doubt.
Atsap
Well, you’ve got me there, Atsap. O’Reilly was being original. Delusional to the point of insanity perhaps, but certainly original.
They are like automatons. Pray. Eat. Move around. Give a weak imitation of life. But we all know that there is nothing going on up there. The silence echoes in their hollow skulls. If there ever was any originality, it’s a couple thousand years old.
Even THEN it wasn’t original, Mac! The Greatest Story Ever Sold was almost worn-out when they applied it to the (alleged) life of Jesus several generations after his (alleged) death. And the Old Testament? Fagettaboutit! Only the names have been changed from assorted legends.
Oh then I can’t wait to go to Hell, no more cold marinara!
That’s probably got something to do with the fact that any Christian with enough brain power to be witty has enough brain power to recognise satire when they see it.
This makes my day.
Yeah, nothing better than a good laugh…..
Thanks, Nick. I needed something lighthearted today!