901981 Views
345 Comments

I can appreciate a good joke

Published February 15th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

I can appreciate a good joke as much as any other guy.  But there’s a difference between making a joke and insulting other people.  When you begin to bring in specific religious practice or condemnations for not doing as the religion "requires," that becomes an insult.  Think of it this way: your website is good, but what’s the point of your occasional advertisement on the bottom with a picture of the religious book of FSM saying "Save Your Heathen Soul"?  It directly says to others that if you don’t believe what we tell you, you’re wrong and going to hell.  Yes, I’m a Christian, no I don’t believe most of the things in the church’s past were okay.  I simply choose to believe that there is a God, and if anybody has any questions about my faith, I’ll be happy to answer and guide them if that’s what they want.  If they believe otherwise, I’ll allow them to stay that way, because there’s nothing I can do to force their belief.  All I’m really saying is, think about what purpose each thing you say serves, and whether it’s taking it a step too far.
~DJN

The point of our church is not to offend, but understand it is bound to happen.  Most of us in the Church of FSM are not anti-religion, and we have many Pastafarians who are active members of mainstream religions.  Part of what we’re doing here is questioning ideas considered rude to question.  Or, knocking down religion a peg – however you want to look at it.  We think it’s a dangerous situation for institutions and ideas to be above scrutiny.  

At the risk of spoiling the “Save Your Heathen Soul” joke, I’ll explain it.  You see, Christians often threaten nonbelievers with THEIR hell-place for various sins or sinful lifestyles – either explicitly, or indirectly, or in a judging veiled-friendliness sort of way.  But nonbelievers DON’T BELIEVE IN YOUR HELL.  Aside from the fact that we find it offensive the idea that we need a rulebook to define our morality, it is a strange proposition to be invited to believe in scripture in order to be saved from a consequence of it.  The “Save Your Heathen Soul” joke is a nod to other nonbelievers who have experienced this phenomenon. 

But, DJN, I honestly like Christians, the majority of those I know – and my experience in running the Church of the FSM has only increased my opinion of Christians (really).  I believe that the majority of Christians are thoughtful and open-minded, and that most are members of churches partly because of a belief in God, and partly because of the social benefits and community that being part of a church allows.  I get a ton of emails from thoughtful Christians who understand what we’re doing here at the Church of FSM – people like you who don’t approve of the abuses perpetrated in the Name of God. 

So, understand that around here there is an effort not to offend people, but at the same take a hard look at the strange business of religion. And in this way we give Glory to The Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster, the one and only True God, who someday I hope Touches you with His Noodly Appendage so that you may know His Loving Embrace. 

-bobby



345 Responses to “I can appreciate a good joke”

  1. Ted says:

    First off, as a REAL Christian, I have to say that I am VERY offended by this fucking bullshit. FUCK YOU ALL! You fucking satan worshipping pig fuckers! You asstards are what my reverand warns us about. Mocking our religion becuase you fear us, because you shun the REAL God! I am going to pray for all of you, but in reality I REALLY REALLY do not want to because you are all filthy fucking faggots that worship fucking noodles. RE-FUCKING-DICULOUS!!! A bunch of grown ups worshipping fucking pasta noodles!!!!! LOL!!!! I am glad to know that I am not a looney nut job like all of you, and that I WALK THE PATH OF RIGHTEOUSNESS! End times are coming, and the four horsemen will be knocking on YOUR doors when they come. Go ahead, tell them about your noodle messiah then as they laugh at you and followers. CONVERT NOW!!!! IT IS NOT TOO LATE!!! CHRIST CAN SAVE YOU!!! Don’t stray away from the light! God loves and forgives all! If you keep mocking the lord and his son, our savior, then there is nothing but damnation in store for you! DO NOT GIVE INTO THE DARKSIDE! WALK THE PATH OF LIGHT AND REPENT!!! I have given you the warnings, you can choose to listen, or you can continue being fucking retards believing pasta noodles will save you. I bet you fucking morons believe in the zombie apocalypse and santa claus too! REPENT NOW! YOU CAN BE SAVED!!! DON’T BE DUMBASS FUCKTARDS!!!

    With Love,
    Ted

    • Fred Phelps says:

      Verygood Ted. Here at the Millsboro Baptist Church we love to hear the gospel preached in a loving manner such as yours. The Supreme Court has just ruled that our Holy Message is protected by the Constitution. You, too, have freedom of speech to attempt to convert the heathen Pastafarians to Christianity.

      In the name of Our Lord Jesus Christ, I send my annointed blessings to you. Keep up the good work.

      Fred Phelps, Pastor of the Millsboro Baptist Church

    • gordon_uk says:

      What is on earth is an ‘asstard’? Bless he thinks he’s saved with a mouth like that.

    • Lonely Teapot says:

      Ted, dear, I think you need a cup of tea and a lie down. Rest in the comfort that the FSM loves and forgives YOU. He knows you’ve forgotten your meds and have never had cognitive experience. Please don’t mind if I don’t want saving by your generous, kindhearted concern. I’ll be happier in my hell than your heaven anyway, because I’m a Brit and I like warm beer.

      Pasta be with you.

    • Metal Head says:

      “End times are coming, and the four horsemen will be knocking on YOUR doors when they come.”

      Don’t be ridiculous; no one rides horses anymore. They’ll drive up in their Prius, and serve me a subpeona, as civilized folk are wont to do.

      • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

        I was thinking the same thing, Metal Head. Outdated references like this prove once again that no god had a hand in the writing of liturgy. Why speak of a land of milk and honey when you could have champagne and Dove bars? Angels with swords instead of Uzis and gernade launchers or lasers?

    • Wench Melody (UK) says:

      And this is a Christian? Ted, Ted, what are you doing? Do you speak to your mother with that mouth? Swearing and cursing indicate extreme poverty of vocabulary and of ideas, Ted – your teacher/preacher probably tells you that the poor in spirit are to be blessed, but the poor in vocabulary will merely be pitied or mocked. Which would you prefer?

      If, in the abject poverty of your strait-jacketed, god-ridden world-view, you feel the need to curse us, try for a little imagination, Ted – we are all really tired of the same old curses – they are very boring.

      May pesto be upon Him, and may you, Ted, be touched often by His noodly appendage.

      Mx

    • Keith says:

      There is a lot of material to work on here, so I’ll just select a couple of bits :
      “First off, as a REAL Christian, I have to say that I am VERY offended by this fucking bullshit.”
      You aren’t a real christian.You probably live by the old testacle. You are just some psychotic who has come to this site claiming to be a christian.
      “I am glad to know that I am not a looney nut job like all of you”
      You aren’t like us but you are a looney.
      “God loves and forgives all!”
      But you don’t , eh?
      “I bet you fucking morons believe in the zombie apocalypse and santa claus too!”
      Don’t know about that, but I imagine you believe in a holy zombie.
      “DON’T BE DUMBASS FUCKTARDS!!!”
      I looked up the word fucktard. Are you sure you don’t have a mirror permanently attached to your face?

    • Insightful Ape says:

      I’m in tears…
      But still, I call fake on this one.
      Too perfect a love-hate schizophrenic.

    • puppygoogoo says:

      Another well constructed criticism. Ted, if you could answer a few questions for me please (I can be nice if they can’t).
      1. “You fucking satan worshipping pig fuckers!” – I don’t worship Satan or F@%k pigs, did you mean someone here does that?

      2. “Mocking our religion becuase you fear us, because you shun the REAL God! I am going to pray for all of you, but in reality I REALLY REALLY do not want to because you are all filthy fucking faggots that worship fucking noodles” Sky daddy is not going to be happy with the anger in this and just for the record, no i dont fear you or your make believe friends. Doesn’t this statement go against your core christian beliefs?

      3. “God loves and forgives all! If you keep mocking the lord and his son, our savior, then there is nothing but damnation in store for you!” this seems contradictory. Is he going to love and forgive or damnate people to hell?

      4. “DO NOT GIVE INTO THE DARKSIDE!” Isnt this from Star Wars?

      @Gordon_uk. From his verse i believe “asstard” is an abbreviation for “dumbASS” and “fuckTARD”. I could be wrong though.

      RAmen

      Puppygoogoo

      • puppygoogoo says:

        Ted,

        Sorry my bad, i forgot to mention dont drink the Kool-Aid if your reverand asks you. History has shown that not to work out too well.

        Puppygoogoo

    • Drained and Washed Clean says:

      First off, as a REAL Christian,
      ** First, one would have to define what a “real” christian is because with so many different takes we really do need to come to a consensus. Secondly, we are not claiming to be christians, so what was the point of emphasizing “real”?
      I have to say that I am VERY offended by this fucking bullshit. FUCK YOU ALL!
      ** And I am extremely offended by your bigoted, self-centered, conceited, and idiotic existence, but you don’t see me complaining about it.

      So, utilizing your claim to be a “real” christian, and combining it with my analysis of the rest of your letter I have concluded that the following words and characteristics must be included in the final consensus on what the definition of “REAL” christian should be according to With Love Ted…

      Vocabulary:
      - Fuck
      - asstard
      - fucking faggots (even though I fail to see how a bundle of sticks has intercourse)
      - fucking retard
      - Fucktards
      - God loves you, but I don’t, and I really don’t want you to repent because then I can’t enjoy the prospect of you suffering eternally because I am right and you are wrong.

      Attitude:
      - Thinking extremely highly of ones self.
      - Threatening people with fantastical claims like hell and horsemen.
      - Tell us how incredibly wrong we all are with absolutely no proof of your claims
      - Failing to see the irony in claiming WE believe in a “zombie apoocolypse”

  2. hostgator says:

    Thank you for the article. Can I share that article on my website? If you allow, please contact with me via my email address.

  3. mugz says:

    “Christians often threaten nonbelievers with THEIR hell-place for various sins or sinful lifestyles”

    I’m a 51 year old who has traveled quite a bit around the US and met a lot of people. I never remember any Christian threating me with “THEIR hell-place”. I think many of you Pastafarians have a persecution complex or something.

    • lilwench says:

      several members of my own family, including my parents, have threatened me with “their hell-place”. It’s not a persecution complex on my part; they are assholes…

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      Mugz,

      I too have done a a lot of traveling in my 40 years and never once been threatened with “THEIR hell-place”. However, if the topic of belief comes up and I state that I am an Atheist, conversation usually ceases, replaced by a long pause of silence and a deadpan stare. After a moment or two of contemplation they usually change the subject or excuse themselves politely. I admit, this is nothing like being threatened with damnation but it is hard to ignore the change in atmosphere.

      As a side note, I stand 5’10″, 230 pounds with a 34 inch waist and 52 inch chest; I can appear imposing in the right light. I do wonder at times if my physical stature undermines the courage of their convictions. A case of leaving me in the hands of fate rather than putting their fates in my reach.

    • gordon_uk says:

      lucky you, I am only 35 and the subject of my going to hell due to a lack of belief has come up quite a few time.

    • Insightful Ape says:

      Of course you won’t hear it. It’s not for jebus believers.

    • puppygoogoo says:

      mugz,

      You must be blessed as i have been threatend with “their hell place” a fair few times in my 33 years on this planet. Although i do wonder what happens to people without teeth and how they would ‘gnash’ them in hell?

    • chadachada123 says:

      While cashiering once, without knowing my religion or anything about me, I was handed a small pamphlet by a middle-aged couple, and the husband told me, “you seem like a nice boy, I’d hate to see you end up in the wrong place after this life.”

      So, yeah, kinda.

      That also ignores the many times I’ve been told on the internet that I’m going to hell, yada yada. And any times I’m forgetting.

    • Sky says:

      Mugz, just because you were left alone doesn’t mean the rest of us were. Maybe you just never mentioned your beliefs, or maybe you’re a christian and they never had the need to threaten you with hell. It isn’t a “persecution complex” if people actually come up to you and tell you they want to “save” you from hell.

  4. Atsap Revol says:

    MUGZ,

    So you “never” [sic] remember any Christians “threating” [sic] you with THEIR hell-place? If you need the experience of being “threatinged” go to You Tube and punch in Fred Phelps. Old Pastor Freddie will set you straight on hellfire and eternal suffering. If you somehow have missed being “threatinged,” you have been travelling in different circles than I have, or you have had your eyes and ears closed.

    Review some of the hate mail here on our Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster site. You’ll find plenty of threats of eternal damnation. We Pastafarians don’t have a persecution complex; we just dislike self-righteous assholes who threaten us and then say that they will pray for our salvation.

    Congratulations on reaching 51 years of age with your head up your butt.

    Atsap Revol

    • Wench Melody (UK) says:

      Even here, in the (relatively) secularised UK, during my admittedly long adulthood, I have been threatened numeraous times, once with ‘eternal fire in the second death’ for me and for my family too, because I ‘stubbornly’ maintained what I saw as truth. I have also been told (on several occasions, by other groups) that I could be saved from the fires of hell if I choose. And the crying, piteous shame of it is that some of these people, I am sure, meant that kindly! Think about that, fellow Pastafarians, – they made these hideous, illogical, unsubstantiated fantasies of threats in the belief that they were being kind!!!

      And all that leaves aside the brainwashing one receives as a child – half-understood glimpses of the wicked threats made by Christianity, the confusion of being told that this god person loves us but will burn us if we don’t do as we’re told – all that is just child abuse of the vilest kind, and we still see it, *state-sanctioned*, even today, even here.

      The Christian fantasy novel tells us that the meek shall inherit the earth. It seems to me more likely that the sadistic, manipulative morons will if this state of affairs is permitted to continue unchallenged.

      Rant over.

      May we all be touched by His noodly appendage.

      M x

      • Keith says:

        “It seems to me more likely that the sadistic, manipulative morons will if this state of affairs is permitted to continue unchallenged.”

        Perhaps there is more truth in what you say than might be credited. Maybe the buybull was written by the Deros :-)

  5. John Smith Doe says:

    He is not a true Christian, each time he drink a beer, he worship our noodleness. From what I’ve read, I know he drinks, A LOT. There is no redemption from that, one beer is enough to damn you to pastafarian hell.

    Our god is unforgiving in such matters.

    Strippers and beer, is all that awaits you, sinner!!!

  6. RB says:

    The issue I have here is that you are insulted by something that I see as intended to provoke thought, and in my mind nothing meant to provoke thought and real discussion of a thing that is simply accepted by much of the world is going too far. I am willing to bet a fair number of Christians today have not read the bible, and a larger number of those who have read it don’t think about what it says and what it means. As I said once before my faith in the church and in any god or gods was shaken, not from disbelief but from the actions of supposed Christians. Getting away from that though…

    “It directly says to others that if you don’t believe what we tell you, you’re wrong and going to hell”

    “The wicked shall be turned into hell, And all the nations that forgot God.” (Psalms 9:17)
    “For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, And her mouth is smoother than oil; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood; Sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, her steps lay hold of hell.” (Proverbs 5:3-5)
    “Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You will beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell.” (Proverbs 23:13-14)

    And perhaps some from the New Testament too:

    “So it will be at the end of the age. The angels will come forth, separate the wicked from the just, and cast them into the furnace of fire. There will be wailing and gnashing teeth.” (Matthew 13:49-50)
    “Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

    Doesn’t the bible, and most of Christian faith, say “if you don’t believe what we tell you, you’re wrong and going to hell?”

    At least thus far you’ve taken the most intelligent look at this, but unfortunately, in realizing the parallel and satire, haven’t looked deep enough at where this satire gets it’s material.

  7. copy xbox360 games says:

    This is just now the kinda information I was looking for! Thanks.

  8. Tawna Sterlace says:

    I appreciate, lead to I discovered exactly what I was having a look for. You have ended my 4 day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye

Leave a Reply