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Are you a retard?

Published February 3rd, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

I saw your retarded website and asked myself "why?" but then, there are a lot of crackheads in the world, and you seem to be one of the more insane ones. That is a joke website, right? Can you honestly tell yourself that you truly believe in this load of shit? Pasta is an inanimate food object. It cannot fly. It does not have eyes. It never was and never will be alive and breathing. For your own health, I ask you to stop whatever the hell you’re smoking.

-spf



428 Responses to “Are you a retard?”

  1. Drained and Washed Clean says:

    I saw your retarded website
    ** aside from the obviously inconsiderate use of the word “retarded”, a website cannot be such. A website cannot have 1 less chromosome than it is supposed to.
    and asked myself “why?”
    ** If that was the case then you would have seen yourself to the “About” tab to figure out what was going on.
    but then, there are a lot of crackheads in the world,
    ** Instead you made assumptions about what you think is going on and proceed to call us names. We are not dependent on a drug or an invisible man in the sky which makes you feel like you are superior to everyone else because you have no accountability for anything that you do.
    and you seem to be one of the more insane ones.
    ** Someone who is insane hears voices in their head (kind of like xians), or think that snakes talk (like xians), or believes food physically turns into flesh and wine into blood, or thinks the world actually stopped rotating for 24 hours, or thinks the entire population of the world’s animals fit on a tiny boat. Oh, and don’t forget the invisible, flying light and dark creatures.
    That is a joke website, right?
    ** Kind of like every other religion on the planet, right?
    Can you honestly tell yourself that you truly believe in this load of shit?
    ** If you can honestly tell me that you can believe in that load of shit, then this is no less probable.
    Pasta is an inanimate food object.
    ** Minus the food part, zombies are too.
    It cannot fly.
    ** But the pictures of Him show Him flying, and our holy book says so.
    It does not have eyes.
    ** But the pictures of Him show Him flying and our holy book says so. His Noodliness told Prophet Bobby. Just like Mohamed, just like Jesus, just like John Smith, just like Abraham… Need I go on?
    It never was and never will be alive and breathing.
    ** Yet a dude lives in the clouds somewhere (space… but with clouds?) for eternity? Definitely more plausible.
    For your own health, I ask you to stop whatever the hell you’re smoking.
    ** Why are you here giving us this information when the ones who are obviously hallucinating and should probably be committed for schizophrenia. We are just spoofing them. THEY ACTUALLY BELIEVE THOSE CRAZY THINGS! Perhaps you could share some of your wisdom with them. That would also cause you to go away from here. Win Win!!!

  2. TiltedHorizon says:

    There is little difference between FSM and any other religion, in that simple true lies the irony, that is, if you can see through the veil of this religion then you have the ability to see through them all. What you CHOOSE to do from here is up to you.

    Personally, I don’t believe in FSM, I’m diabetic. I worship the Whole Wheat FSG. May his whole grain noodly appendage touch you.

    Ramen

    • SouleSlayere says:

      Mmm, that sounds Divine (hee hee)

  3. Capellini says:

    Oh Sweet Maker of Pasta! This fellow takes life far too seriously. It’d be nice if people could relax, remove the rods from their arses, and take our (and other people’s) religion in stride. Who knows, maybe the world would be a nicer place if that happened.
    RAmen.

  4. Robert Estrada says:

    Are bowties embrionic FSMs?

    • Rev Toni Rigatoni says:

      No Robert bowties are not embionic FSMs as there can only be one FSM therefore no need of embrios. They actually identify the wearer as a follower of His Noodlyness in the same way as a cross identifies a christian. Together the bowtie and the eyepatch create a powerful talisman that will protect the wearer from the dark forces of religious fundamentalism. Wear yours with pride my young Padawan.

      Sauce be with you,

      The Reverend

    • Jooby says:

      No they are not. Even though they are cool.

  5. Brian Fritzen says:

    SPF,

    That is the sound I made when regarding your post. Then I realized that you are living proof that we are evolving. Many of us here are a bit farther along in the evolutionary process than you, but hopefully you don’t produce offspring and foul the gene pool.

    • JamesL says:

      But Brian, being the pedantic little fucker I am I have to correct you! You can’t de-evolve nor are other animals behind you because they adapt to their surroundings accordingly. This guy who wrote the email obviously has a long lineage of shit-eaters that doesn’t crossbreed with actual people, and became the subhuman offspring as well.

      • Brian Fritzen says:

        Ah, I stand corrected! So much more eloquent than I, sir.

        Ramen

        and

        May the Sauce be With You, Always.

        • JamesL says:

          Brian, my friend, eloquent people don’t cuss as much as I do. AND, I used doesn’t instead of don’t during my temporary brain lapse. Eloquent is the last thing I am, but at least I’m better than this weasel who wrote the hate mail, amirite?

          Sauce be upon you, brother!

        • Brian Fritzen says:

          Yeah, but you said, “Pedantic.”

          :D

        • JamesL says:

          Oh, the word “pedantic” is tripe of little significance for someone such as myself! I scoff at thee! Silly underling. I look upon thee with a supercilious grin! Be off with you peasant, and your words of small syllables!

  6. Jack says:

    It brings a tear to my eye to see such hate of His Noodleyness.

  7. Brian says:

    AARRGGHH!! Ye of little faith (or brains)! Repent lest ye be cast into the Boiling Lake of Ragu!

    • Brian Fritzen says:

      At least the Flying Spaghetti Monster (PBUH) won’t burn him for all eternity for simply not believing in him.

      • Ubi Dubium says:

        Thank you, Brian, for remembering the (pesto be upon Him) after mentioning His Noodliness (pbuH). Well done, thou good and faithful Pirate!

  8. rickyroll says:

    I have to say I agree with SPF and I think yurrrr all a bunch of dipshits with too much time on your hands. All I know is the Lord is never gonna give me up, never gonna let me down, never gonna run around and desert me. He’s never gonna make me cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt me.

    I hope y’all aren’t offended…I’m no stranger to love, He knows the rules…and so do I.
    I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
    Gotta make you understand

    • Noodlity says:

      And god will take good care of you.

      Just do as I say and don’t do as I do…

      • rickyroll says:

        Noodlity, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ watch this you’ll understand ;-)

        • St. Arrrrgyle says:

          I understand, rickyroll. You think the Lord looks like Doogie Howser in a trenchcoat.

        • CopaceticMan says:

          I noticed his name and started singing the some in my head, not realizing the implications of his name.

          When I say the video, I thought that the video was going to be a video explaining his position. But after opening the video, but before it loaded, I made the connection that he wanted to rick-troll us…

    • plumberbob says:

      @ rickyroll,

      It’s very commendable that you feel that you need to find a way to have us understand. That would be very easy for you to do. As we’ve asked previously, just give us some real, scientifically unassailable proof of the existence of “the Lord”.

      This is the request that either starts theists mis-quoting an old book that they can’t read, or starts them berating us. Often it is the request that ends the conversation as the theist changes the subject, moves the goal-post. or drops out.

      Please do none of those things, and do present the evidence that so many or our theist poster claim to have in such abundance.

      RAmen

      • rickyroll says:

        hey plumberbob,

        i will not do any of those three three things, it makes me sad the way many people who share my beliefs misquote scripture or sink to the level of mockery.

        i do believe there is abundant evidence for a creator and governor of the universe, but the evidence is open to interpretation. when i look at the world in all of its complexity i see evidence of a creator, we are not here because of dumb luck. you look at the world in all of its complexity, and instead of choosing the most logical option (design implies a designer, the earth displays evidence of complex design, therefore the earth has a designer) you have faith that the universe spontaneously came into being and life emerged from soup.

        the bottom line is neither of us were there, the proof you are asking for will never be given to you, but in the same way you cannot give me proof that there is no God. that is the vicious nature of this argument. i believe each position requires faith, we both come to the table indoctrinated in our beliefs. i came to this website for the first time when i posted my “rickroll” because i was curious, and i have no expectations of changing your mind on this forum. i “rickrolled” you all because i personally find rickrolls hilarious, i had no intentions of becoming involved in the discussion, but the more i read the more i began to pity you and felt the need to make at least one comment. i am also thankful because by nature I am no different or better than you, i am undeserving of the love of God but He has changed my life and allowed me to see His glory. I know that sounds like christianese and I don’t expect it to mean anything to you. I appreciate the fact that many of you are affiliated with this website because you are seeking truth. I urge you to open-mindedly view the evidence and consider the consequence of your position. If I’m wrong I take a long dirt nap along with you all….if you are wrong you suffer in hell for all of eternity. sounds harsh, i know. i don’t say that in a condemning way, i don’t want that for anyone and I truly believe that everyone has the choice to accept Gods grace.

        feel free to now berate the logic of my response, correct any spelling/punctuation errors, and mock the religion of 1/3 of the world population with your RAmens. i have said my peace, i applaud you all on your commitment to spreading what you believe to be truth, i find it sad that most christians will not defend as passionately what they believe in as you all will defend what you..don’t believe in?

        • Noodlity says:

          You know the drill, guys. This is where I say:

          Lack of both positive and negative proof of something’s existense equals it irrelevance. Your god is irrelevant. Unbacked claims to the contrary will be deconstructed with extreme prejudice. Resistance is futile.

          RAmen

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          Ricky….

          I won’t mock or berate you, nothing in your post really warrants it, and so I’ll match the tone you set. I will say that your argument undermines your effort. The problem with the, “you can’t disprove“, logic is it applies to any subject with equal ‘truth’, even subjects YOU would likely deem ridiculous. You can substitute ‘god’ with ‘FSM’, ‘Bigfoot’, ‘Jolly Green Giants’, ‘Santa’, and ‘Jackalopes’ and still maintain ‘validity’.

          If you look at human history as a whole, you will notice that Gods have always existed in the fringes of humans understanding. Lack of knowledge of the natural world gave rise to rain gods, sun gods, thunder gods, volcano gods, etc. As our understanding of the world expanded the realm of gods has diminished, which is a good thing because tossing virgins into volcanoes is such a waste of virgins. Despite scientific progress, superstition persist, and questions without easy answers are still answered the same way; god.

          So…. does god exist or are you simply repeating history?

        • Danimal says:

          RickTroll,
          1. Creation or complexity does not imply a creator, you are begging the question with your line of reasoning.
          2. As Noodlity already pointed out if there is no way to prove or disprove something it is irrelevant.
          3. We are not here because of “dumb luck”. Natural selection is not random selection but is governed by an individuals ability to survive with the genetic traits it is born with. While mutation can be random it will have predictable results. For example if a human has a mutation that causes them to not develop a brain they will not survive (maybe that was a bad example considering some of the posts seen on this website).
          4. A designer is not the most logical conclusion because then your designer needs a designer, and that designer needs a designer, ad infinitum.
          5. The position that life evolves doesn’t require faith because there is observable evidence.
          6. Many of us here are seeking truth and have open-mindedly [sic] read your bible cover to cover. Many of us came from a religious background and some still are members of an organized religion. Don’t presume that just because we reject your we haven’t looked into it.
          7. You finally resort to Pascal’s Wager to wrap up your point. I counter with this question: “What if we are both wrong?” Say Islam is the only way to salvation and every other choice leads to damnation. Say the Mayans actually had the correct theology. They all have/had just as much proof as your do now and feel just as strongly that they have been shown the love and glory of their respective god(s). My next question would be what made you choose to be a christian instead of a muslim or a pagan or wiccan or aligning yourself with hinduism?
          RAmen,
          Danimal

        • plumberbob says:

          @ rickyroll,

          If you are living in this century and believing that if it isn’t in the bible, IT ISN’T, please forego all modernity that depends on science, technology, and biology. No computer! No automobile! No pharmaceuticals developed since 1900! In fact, you must deny all of this:

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nj587d5ies&annotation_id=annotation_586538&feature=iv

          Your betting on the Pascal’s Wager arguement should be re-evaluated in light of these odds:

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZpJ7yUPwdU

          Maybe you need to carefully consider some modern scholarship:

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZpJ7yUPwdU

          RAmen

        • plumberbob says:

          @ rickyroll,

          Sorry, my third link should have been:

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQJrud71gL8&feature=player_embedded

          RAmen

        • rickyroll says:

          @Noodlity @TiltedHorizon

          My “you can’t disprove” logic was not an argument but just another way of saying exactly what you both have said. If something can be neither proved nor disproved, arguing about it is irrelevant. that is why i offered no evidences, though I believe there to be many. the full issue here is not irrelevant, and the fact that you are on this site engaging in discussion about it proves that you don’t find the existence of God or lack thereof irrelevant. it has vast implications on every part of our life and society.

          @Danimal

          1. I would disagree; creation by definition implies a creator/designer; i will assume however that you are not that stupid and meant the world. I may partially agree with you that complexity does not NECESSARILY imply a designer, but if you consider occam’s razor, it is logical to tend toward the simplest theory. take for example that you and I walked into an industrial factory whose history we know nothing about. we would both conclude that the factory had been designed by an intelligent being. now consider the complexity of the human brain, the worlds ecosystems, and the perfectly aligned cosmic constants that make life possible, how much more complex is the human brain than a factory? yet you believe it that over billions of years random chance produced it…this to me is not the most logical choice.

          2. See my above response to @Noodlity @TiltedHorizon

          3. I am not arguing that micro evolution within species does not occur making some individuals more likely to survive. however, there is no observable evidence of macroevolution today. the fossil record is a freaking joke, the scientific community in general is a joke. no where is there a better example of scientists drawing huge conclusions from inconclusive, open to interpretation data. there are no missing links, scientist grasp at straws and fabricate stories about prehistoric humans based off the finding of a single tooth later proven to be a pig tooth, and similiar examples just keep coming.

          4. This is a philisophical rather than scientific issue, but aethist face the same sort of dilemna. where did the matter and energy in the universe come from? you can believe that it has existed forever but that presents some serious philisophical problems. there are many different sides of that debate, but it comes out to a wash…you have to believe something happened that our minds cannot comprehend. whether that be matter and energy appeared from nowhere or existed forever…I can’t wrap my mind around that. There is a God who created time, matter, and energy….I can’t wrap my mind around that either, but in my mind that somehow seems more likely than something from nothing. you can feel free to disagree, but there is no conclusive answer.

          5. I simply disagree.

          6. I understand that and don’t believe I did imply that you hadn’t looked into it, at least that was not my intention. I simply urged you to continue seeking truth and to be open minded, because I obviously believe that this discussion has serious eternal implications. my urging is motivated by love for you, i do not wish that any should perish. but i believe that God is just, He gave us free will, and when we make wrong decisions there is punishment if we do not accept His grace.

          7. what if I am wrong? I guess the short answer is I would be punished. i understand your question, i am a highly skeptical person and i won’t tell you that i don’t at times struggle with that question. you asked why I chose christianity over say hinduism, and I can give you a few evidences i believe make christianity the best choice, but there is no denying that any religion requires a large degree of faith. that is something that my nature fights against, i really don’t like having to take things on faith, but it comes down to God laying a burden on your heart and guiding you to truth. that is something that is impossible to explain and understand without experiencing it. I’ll list a few evidences since you asked: fulfilled prophecy in the Bible, the THREE year ministry of Jesus that made him the most influential man in history, abundant and early manuscripts of the bible, sufficiency of scripture to change peoples lives because of how accurately it depicts the human situation. there are others but that is another argument, and it is one that I have considered.

        • Danimal says:

          RickTroll,
          1. You have failed to consider the vastness of the universe. I didn’t say it would be easy or common for all the necessary elements required for complex life to occur just that complex life doesn’t need a creator.
          2. If you admit your god is irrelevant please stop using him in any decision making process.
          3. Just because you are ignorant of something doesn’t mean it is a joke.
          4. What philosophical problems does an infinite universe create? I do see a philosophical problem with a god that has existed for eternity.
          5. Then you are wearing blinders.
          6. If god is just why did he command the jews to slaughter the people already living in Israel when they returned from Egypt?
          7. The bible is not evidence that the bible is true.

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          Occam’s razor states the simplest solution WITH the least assumptions is usually true. The latter is the important part. If a creation cannot exist without a creator then how does the creator exist? Either the creator is a creation or you have to deviate from the logic used as genesis for your first conclusion; either way, huge assumptions.

          On the topic of assumptions…

          You assume you can see macroevolution “today”. Macroevolution is the sum of microevolution, which means seeing evidence of macroevolution is unrealistic. If you lived to be ten thousand years old and had a photographic memory then maybe, else, not bloody likely.

          As for number 6….

          Any god which consigns a person to damnation for the honest mistake of choosing the ‘wrong’ belief is not worthy of worship.

        • Insightful Ape says:

          The creationist propaganda is as boring as ever. Most of it centers around “argument from incredulity”. That is, I,  sloppy and unimaginative as I am, cannot think of how it happened. Therefore, it didn’t happen. Which, of course, is rubbish. Here are a few examples.
          http://brainmuseum.org/Evolution/
          http://www.don-lindsay-archive.org/creation/eye_time.html
          http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/comdesc/section1.html
          As for ecosystems, the “design” claim is simply laughable. Dude, we are talking species that have had millions of years to evolve, and to adopt to one another. It is called “co-evolution”. Ever wonder why evolution and ecology are closely intertwined, they have become one science and are taught by the same staff in most institutes of higher education?
          And of course, all of this nonsense is capped by “Pascal’s wager”. Wrong again, body: if you get it wrong, thing won’t go smoothly for you. Rather, you will roast for ever and ever in an Islamic hell.

        • Insightful Ape says:

          Oh one thing I forgot. If you want to know how time and space came into being, read “The Grand Design” by Stephen Hawking. Not that I am optimistic you’ll find convenient to say you could wrap your head around it.

        • rickyroll says:

          well gents it has been fun, and I’d like to continue the debate but I can see myself wasting too much time on here and accomplishing nothing.

          @Tilted Horizon I appreciate your insightful remarks, we disagree but you were a gracious to me as a visitor to your website.

          @Danimal you raised some very fair questions in your first comment, but your second comment showed me that asking good questions is where your intelligence ends since you completely misread most of my responses. I didn’t expect you to agree with me, but you could at least take the time to understand my comments before responding in ignorance. also might I recommend that you brush up on the differences between origin and operational science.

          I do not claim to have all the answers, but here is a guy who I think does have a lot more of them than me. this video particularly addresses topic #1 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

          keep on trolling on

        • Danimal says:

          Waste of time.

        • SouleSlayere says:

          Interisting how this agument that he uses could also be used to ask the question “So why can’t he be Spaghetti?” Hmm…

        • Metal Head says:

          Your “evidence” wouldn’t hold up in any courtroom, or scientific community.

        • Donth says:

          What you are postulating about the concequences of being right or wrong in this debate is what is know as Pascal’s wager, and I think you will find that YOUR church has declaired that there is a special place in hell for people who belive on that basis

    • Insightful Ape says:

      The webtroll is telling us WE are the ones with too much time on our hands. He tells us we are a bunch of dipshits, but hopes we aren’t offended! He’s got a doll named god, which comes in handy when he wets his blanky. And of course, his god, in his endless love, is going to roast us for ever and ever…
      Only if we understood, he wouldn’t have to come here and insult us.
      May his Noodly Goodness touch you and you won’t get stuch with stale beer.
      RAmen

    • Keith says:

      Are these the lyrics to some revolting country and western song?

      • Rev Toni Rigatoni says:

        Yes

      • Rev Toni Rigatoni says:

        I should have said, it is the lyric from some revolting pop song by the equaly revolting Rick Astley I think

    • Rev Toni Rigatoni says:

      It seems that the awareness that quoting bible verses to us is not working, so it seems that they feel that they may be more convincing by quoting crappy pop songs instead, wow, that works for me!

      Sauce be with you all,

      The Reverend

    • Sean Boyd says:

      So rickyroll worships Rick Astley? Seems a bit odd. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    • JamesL says:

      That was fucking hilarious!

      I hate that song.

      • rickyroll says:

        thanks JamesL, I’m glad you saw the humor!

        • JamesL says:

          I saw the humor but no need to explain. I mean, we’re all internetz folk here. We get the joke man. We all hear that song way too much. Out of curiosity, what is your real religious denomination (or lack thereof) rickyroll?

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