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Tides are proof of God

Published January 7th, 2011 by Bobby Henderson

President of the American Atheist Group, David Silverman, went on the O’Reilly Factor to talk about the group’s “You KNOW they’re all SCAMS” billboard campaign.  Bill O’Reilly said it was insulting to religious people.  Silverman says it’s the truth and how can the truth be offensive. 

YouKnowItsAScamBillboard600

I will admit I laughed when I heard about the billboard.  I can imagine the response it will get in Alabama.  Anyone remember the Top Gear episode where they did a road trip through the south and wrote controversial slogans on each others cars?  Made me think of that.

manloverulesok2 nascar_sucks

I will also admit I have a grudging respect for Bill O’Reilly – because as much of a pompous ass he is, and as often as he is wrong about so many things, I find him intellectually honest.  I believe he believes what he is saying, and you can’t say that about everyone.  [Edit - I got a lot of flack for that statement. Maybe deserved. But still I believe there is a difference between what he is doing and what Glenn Beck is doing. Both are asses but I believe O'Reilly sleeps well at night and doesn't believe himself to be a fraud.]

But here is one of those things O’Reilly says that leaves you stunned.  There is proof of (presumably a personal Christian) God because of Tides:

O’REILLY: I’ll tell you why it’s not a scam: the tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that.

SILVERMAN: The tide goes in, tide goes out?

O’REILLY: The water, the tide comes in, it goes out, Mr. Silverman. It always comes in, it always goes out. You can’t explain that.

Here’s the video:

In response, friend of the Church of Flying Spaghetti Monster, Mr. Stephen Colbert, had Astrophysicist Neil Degrasse Tyson on The Colbert Report to give a scientific explanation for the tides:

As always, the problem with the false religion/science dichotomy leaves the masses ignorant of the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s influence over everything.



76 Responses to “Tides are proof of God”

  1. Lioss says:

    I think that some believers should stop keeping their nose in their “holy” books and read something else.They would say less stupidity.

  2. Insightful Ape says:

    god exists.
    Proof: Bill’o is bad at high school level physics.
    QED.

    • Gummihu says:

      High school? I think I was in preschool when I had a drawn science book that explained (vaguely) how the tides worked

  3. JamesL says:

    Off-topic, but do any Pastafarians play TF2 or L4D?

    I can give you guys my Steam id if you want.

    • JamesL says:

      Sorry about the off-topicness, guys (I love making up words!).

      I’m new to interw3bz forums, so forgive me.

    • Brian Fritzen says:

      I used to play TF2 all the time but then stopped when Newel blasted the PS3 (my other passion). Now he announces Portal 2 for PS3 and I just don’t have time to get back into it. But, I am Thorsteinthestaffstruck if you want to add me on steam.

  4. Brian Fritzen says:

    The Colbert video is easily one of the funniest things I have seen in a looonng time.

    • JamesL says:

      I’m telling you, the dude (Colbert) was on a roll for his new years show. Did you see the part where he opened the safe filled with bananas? Genius. His character can get annoying after a while, but he’s just brilliant.

  5. Danimal says:

    Orly O’Reilly?
    Everyone knows the FSM controls the tides for the direct benefit of pirates. Duh.
    RAmen
    Danimal

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      Hard to argue with that logic, I mean, the tide goes in, the tide goes out, there is no miscommunication there. Clearly FSM controls the tide.

      Ramen!

  6. Ronster says:

    Maybe if Bill would shut up and let his guests talk he would learn something. If I was constantly interrupted by him while on his show, I would leave after trying to let him know why I was leaving. I cannot really believe that he does not know what causes tides.

  7. theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

    Perhaps there IS a god. How else could you explain nitwits like O’Reilly or Larry King making millions hosting talk shows?

    • Danimal says:

      Satan.

      • Satan says:

        It was the Antipasta. You think I’d put up with people like them?

        • lolhoofd says:

          can i selll my soul?
          i wish noone woud writhe hatemail or woud trol/spam this site ever agan and the ones curentyl doing will stop

          shud be word 1 soul right?

  8. BigBoneDP from OZ says:

    Here in South Australia, twice a month, we get what is known locally as a “dodge” tide, where the water DOES NOT GO IN OR OUT FOR ONE DAY !!!!! What happens to god then, Bill ???

    • Drained and Washed Clean says:

      Geez! You have such high expectations! Invisible friends need a day off too, dude. It can’t do everything all the time.

    • Keith says:

      Where is that? Perhaps I should take a throne there just to prove that Canute could have held back the tide. Perhaps his toadies knew something he didn’t.

    • JamesL says:

      He takes a vacation.

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      Australia is DOWN UNDER, isn’t it? God in heaven is obviously ABOVE the earth, so it’s easy to forget about what you can’t see. Use your minds, mateys!

    • Brian Fritzen says:

      The term normally used is “Neap Tide.” Just an FYI.

      • BigBoneDP from OZ says:

        They have neap tides in Northern Australia but here in South Oz it is a dodge tide.

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