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Official church stance of homosexual marriage

Published January 19th, 2011 by Katie

Fellow Pastafarians,

I am writing about the official church stance of homosexual marriage (i.e. none). I am concerned that this stance is in direct contradiction with the will of the FSM. You see, I received a vision from the FSM this evening while (as is often the case) I was cooking a grilled cheese sandwich.

During his appearance he told me that homosexuals are gay because He has touched them with his noodley appendage. This is the reason that “experts” have had so much difficulty pinpointing what makes someone gay. And since gays and lesbians have been chosen by Him, to deny them the right to get married is an abomination in His eyes (meatballs). Of course many have argued that no major religion has ever accepted homosexuality. It should obvious to any FSM follower that the real reason homosexuals are shunned from mainstream religion is because of blatant prejudice towards those who have been touched by Him. A bigotry that I know many of my fellow Pastafarians have experienced first hand.

I am especially concerned because of the state of gay rights movement today. Too often gay activists argue that should be given the right to marry because of court precedent that says marriage is their “right as a human being” or essential to the “dignity ” of a relationship. Then they rely on the 14th amendment to say that they deserve “equal protection under the laws” and that under constitution gay people are “equal to” straight people.

Well I think to time to put these arguments to rest. Gay Pastafarians should sue because not allowing gay marriage is a violation of their first amendment rights since it is commanded by the FSM as relayed to me in my vision. Of course He works in mysterious ways and we may never why He commands that gays get married. But there is no question that He does.

Now if I know my fellow Pastafarians, you want proof. Attached is a photo of the grilled sandwich I was cooking when He appeared to me. I think it speaks for itself. I hope that it is satisfactory proof to convince everyone that we should amend the CotFSM’s stance on gay marriage to supporting it. Only then can gay Pastafarians demand true religious freedom and marry as the FSM intended.

May you all be touched by his noodley appendage,

Katie



289 Responses to “Official church stance of homosexual marriage”

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  1. Jello says:

    The United Church of Canada officialy supports gay marriage. Just an interesting fact, I am fully with FSM (except sadlythe beer part, will this be a problem?)

    • Danny says:

      I don’t partake of the Holy Brew, either. The FSM doesn’t care, so long as we’re good people.

  2. Alfred says:

    I agree whole-heartedly with the concept of same-sex marriage. Also, I don’t normally drink beer either, I prefer water.

  3. Rachel says:

    Is this like for real? Like this is a legitimate religion???

    • Mal says:

      I’m assuming by your question that you have not read the “About” tab. I would suggest you start there. However, if you desire a quick, simple answer, I’ll provide what I can.

      The idea behind the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is that it is just as legitimate as any other religion in existence. We provide just as much evidence for the existence of our god and the truth of our creation story as all religion. If you’re thinking “But you guys don’t have any proof!”, that’s exactly the point. The religions that dominate the planet today are based on absolute faith in fairy tales with absolutely NO evidence whatsoever.

      Any and all open discussion is encouraged and appreciated. We do ask that you remain polite and respectful, and we will do the same. So, any questions?

      • nun s equator says:

        ‘so any questions?’

        several.

        is there a buffet?

        if one were 2 convert 2 pastafarianism, would there b any ceremony such as the equivalent of baptism,etc?

        if persons were married prior 2 discovering pastafarianism, does the fsm recognize the marriage, or is it null, requiring ceremony?

        would pastafarians b expected 2 cease worshipping dog?

        • Mal says:

          I suppose I should have been a little more specific. The official doctrine of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti monster is the rejection of all doctrine. Therefore, ceremonies are superfluous, already married new converts would of course still be married, and while I don’t know of any Pastafarians who worship dog, the FSM seems to accept other deities as long as they recognize that he has the biggest balls.

          And what stripper factory would be complete without a buffet?

        • nun s equator says:

          thanx 4 the scoop, poop…i suspect my husband will b intrigued when i relay this..

      • Nick says:

        The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was created by Bobby Henderson, as a way to help emphasise his argument that intelligent design should NOT be classed as science, and therefore taught in science class. He wrote a letter to one school the board directions tried this, and outlined most of the stuff. Since then it has caught on as a meme and joined by many people, most of them, if not all, atheists.

        So, to summarize – no, this is NOT a real religion. However, many of us have a good time treating it like it is. I myself have commented a few times with zealot pastafarian craze. xD

        • pastarasta says:

          it was created as a satirical religion but we have now realised it is the true way to salvation

      • Katie says:

        No proof? Did you not see my sandwich?!

      • Pastar Ragathony says:

        I believe pastafarianism is an improvement on other World religions as it does what they fail to do – it explains the suffering of the innocent. It is due to the fact that when the FSM created the universe, he was drunk, and he admits he was not at his best.

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      One question: What religions are “legitimate”, and why? They wrote a book? So did the Prophet Bobby (pesto be upon him). Or does it take a certain number of killings, or fancy robes or bizarre rituals?

      • nun s equator says:

        I believe it takes GOD writing th book…or @ least appearing 2 the persons whom jot down all of what is said & placing it in coherent format & distribute it, all meeting 2gether 2 decipher what is meant by what was said, then disagree, fraction off & have a slightly separate sect over here, a new sect over there…

      • nun s equator says:

        1 question, 2 responses, tfthprdthmar:

        ‘what religions “legit” & y?’

        THIS 1 (insert) becuz its mine or bcz i said so, or my parents said so, priest rabbi guru teacher said so,god sez so.. probably among the predominant answers…but i m no xpert, not even close.

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      There are over three thousand variants of Christianity alone, several of which are at odds with each other. How does one test legitimacy?

      It has a bible? It has a following? It explains the origins of life? It defines moral values?

      FSM answers ‘Yes’ to all of these too.

      • nun s equator says:

        we still havent seen this bible @ barnes & noble…we were just briefly there & hubby peeked around 4 it…then again he was 2 busy looking thru books on obscure crap, (altho the 1 about hitlers paranormal jewish fortune teller got my attention),thought mayb id anticipate seeing it in bible section, but no, humor i was told maybe, no…i was told it was not in stock the last time i asked, 2…mayb its like the ‘final exit’ book by derek humphries…i had found it, buried behind a display & some other books, i nearly needed 2 hire a private detective 2 loc8 it, the shop clerk dug it out, seeming 2 know where 2 begin 2 look. U may want 2 consider having an endcap display…

  4. nun s equator says:

    i didnt notice th subject heading on this page, what this thread is about. we support fsms stance, but if m not mistaken very few states do the same. matter of fact some1 in our state sez theyd had a ceremony but, its unrecognized by our state…sad. i do not understand…if some1 doesnt want 2 have this marriage, dont- but y prevent others? do people opposed 2 this want 2 stamp out more than marriage potential? it seems that way…& thats sort of scary…

    • Nick says:

      Your consistent lack of grammar and proper spelling is starting to get on my nerves, as I keep seeing your posts everywhere. :/
      Is this intentional? If so, please clean up your act, it is irritating the HELL out of me.

      Some people are merely prejudiced against gays, and therefore homophobic. Those people, I think, are afraid of a homosexual hitting on them, or someone they love, like a son, or something like that. If that isn’t why they’re homophobic, then I have no idea what goes on inside that prejudiced little brain of theirs.

      • nun s equator says:

        nick, there r probably as many reasons people r perceived as such even when they arent ‘phobic’, as there r people & as people have own experiences. people whom have been abused or assaulted r wary of numerous things, so i doubt homosexuality would hold a special place & do not kno that u can qualify a whole group of people that way, without having the same done, back…being lumped in. right?

        as 4 my grammar, spelling, if u hsv seen my posts all over th place, u may hav seen me explain my grammar & spelling. I m not going 2 repeat it or defend it, again. If it annoys u enuf u must use th word h-e-double hockey sticks, i could tell u 2 calm down, but i m glad 2 have helped eradic8 any hell from ur system…

        • nun s equator says:

          & r u referring 2 a speific case of prejudice? Because saying it was there does not neccessarily equal the intentions of the persons u cite. Any1 could b accused of prejudice this way, if all the factors r not accounted 4 & esp if its an intended goal 2 NAME a stated person as ‘phobic’…even if they r not…4 example, the time i was warned 2 ‘look out’ (b aware?) because THAT person is in2 ABC! Well, i never ASKED 2 b availed of that persons propensities, this is gossip & not even neccessarily foubded gossip…but it didnt stop there. THEN i had the person i was warned about attempt conversations with me about the gossip, had other persons attempt 2 interview me on my ‘views’ about a non issue trying 2 make that there was 1, i have people then in relation 2 this start informing me of sexual prefs & trying @ same time 2 imply things of me…several x, in fact i was ‘warned’ 2 b aware of such & suchs prefs…i wasnt worried about it b4, so y tell me? It was eventually pointed out, 2 me, that this was part of a social ‘experiment’ involving nearby university. Which if true would amt 2 harrassment, &:slanting of findings, depending on the goal of info ‘gatherers’ which have not been in short supply…

        • nun s equator says:

          so…does this qualify as harrassment?:

          my spouse & i disagree on something, he quips something 2 me, i return favor…this is privately, i.e. otherwise deserted street & barely audible but 4, a passerby comes out of a nearby pub (prob explanation enuf) & hears this as we r pulling away from curb in car & calls out: ‘ ITS NOT HIS FAULT HE LIKES _____ (insert name 4 female genitalia, negative connotation intended)!’

          i call it unwarranted, 1 person called it comedy.
          i suspect drunk comedy, but unwarranted…

      • nun s equator says:

        …but u do realize that in saying my grammar irritates th hell out of u, it would have 2 b there 2 start with…i have not been intentionally unkind 2 u. Please respond in kind.

  5. Nick says:

    I am quite convinced, and in my heart, believe Katie to be telling the truth. While I myself am not gay, or bisexual, I do have a strong belief that all people are equal, and your sexuality doesn’t change that fact.

    The FSM appearing to Katie in a vision with His message only strengthens my conviction that this is the one, TRUE Monster!

    • nun s equator says:

      I m not sure y qualifying sexuality always has 2 head the list of objections 2 objections 2 gay marriage, but ive done it myself…well, i m straight, BUT…my husband & i decided that if we r straight, that must render bi & gay, sideways & crooked, respectively? something like that…that was supposed 2 b humorous. i never quite get there, but i did try.

  6. nun s equator says:

    i have zero appetite, but that grilled cheez just nearly close enuf 2 make me hungry…

  7. nun s equator says:

    we had no idea there were churches that officially, actively protest & PICKET people such as this????

    source, TMZ news:

    Joe Paterno — Westboro Baptist Church to Picket His Funeral

    Margie Phelps, daughter of Pastor Fred Phelps, announced on Twitter today the Westboro Baptist Church would be picketing the funeral of former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno.Paterno passed away earlier today from lung cancer. He was 85.Last October, announced they would picket the funeral of Apple founder Steve Jobs. They also picketed the funeral of Michael Jackson. The church is known for their extreme views against homosexuality. Based on other tweets (see below), Paterno’s involvement in the Jerry Sandusky sexual abuse scandal is what drew their attention.

    • nun s equator says:

      OK…now we do not even kno that these reports r true, or not? last we heard, there was a vigil going on…nothing about a death…now, we c there have been false rumors about this mans passing…what is this world coming 2 when people release intentionally false reports on this, even. Y? &…is that really true, about the church holding these sorts of picketing protests??

  8. Reverend Captain Psmitty says:

    Okay, I need to know, did she eat the revelatory sandwich? Wasn’t it an Icon, or possibly a Relic of the Pastafarian Church? Does this mean she POOPED the FSM!!! (Yes, I went there.)

    • Katie says:

      I did not eat it. I still have it in my freezer :)!

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