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Official church stance of homosexual marriage

Published January 19th, 2011 by Katie

Fellow Pastafarians,

I am writing about the official church stance of homosexual marriage (i.e. none). I am concerned that this stance is in direct contradiction with the will of the FSM. You see, I received a vision from the FSM this evening while (as is often the case) I was cooking a grilled cheese sandwich.

During his appearance he told me that homosexuals are gay because He has touched them with his noodley appendage. This is the reason that “experts” have had so much difficulty pinpointing what makes someone gay. And since gays and lesbians have been chosen by Him, to deny them the right to get married is an abomination in His eyes (meatballs). Of course many have argued that no major religion has ever accepted homosexuality. It should obvious to any FSM follower that the real reason homosexuals are shunned from mainstream religion is because of blatant prejudice towards those who have been touched by Him. A bigotry that I know many of my fellow Pastafarians have experienced first hand.

I am especially concerned because of the state of gay rights movement today. Too often gay activists argue that should be given the right to marry because of court precedent that says marriage is their “right as a human being” or essential to the “dignity ” of a relationship. Then they rely on the 14th amendment to say that they deserve “equal protection under the laws” and that under constitution gay people are “equal to” straight people.

Well I think to time to put these arguments to rest. Gay Pastafarians should sue because not allowing gay marriage is a violation of their first amendment rights since it is commanded by the FSM as relayed to me in my vision. Of course He works in mysterious ways and we may never why He commands that gays get married. But there is no question that He does.

Now if I know my fellow Pastafarians, you want proof. Attached is a photo of the grilled sandwich I was cooking when He appeared to me. I think it speaks for itself. I hope that it is satisfactory proof to convince everyone that we should amend the CotFSM’s stance on gay marriage to supporting it. Only then can gay Pastafarians demand true religious freedom and marry as the FSM intended.

May you all be touched by his noodley appendage,

Katie



300 Responses to “Official church stance of homosexual marriage”

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  1. Mark says:

    Finally I know why my sister is gay, I thought it was simply because she likes women as I do but this makes soo much more sense

  2. Steve Howerton says:

    This is incredible.
    Who could possibly deny now?
    Amazing.
    I got goosebumps reading this!
    Ramen

  3. Keegan the Awesome says:

    Yes! I am officially becoming a Pastafarian!

  4. ::) says:

    Oh yesh, being a Pastafarian ia awesome.

  5. Ran says:

    I believe this is awesome! I’m defo becoming a pastafarian arrrrgh!

    RAmen!

  6. craig says:

    my fellow pirates and pirettes, we will all be gay under the flow of the beer volcano someday anyways
    ramen my good sirs, ramen

  7. StJason says:

    Ooo… It’s so cute when a 8 year old finds it’s way onto the internet. Such a big boy!

    • Rainbow Pasta says:

      I’m sorry, but I’m confused as to who you’re saying is an eight-year old? The seer of His Noodliness, or some other?

  8. namow rednegsnart says:

    What about trans people’s right? It’s all gay this, gay that. The cis gays just use us and then dump us. This has happened and will happen. Stop the erasure and appropriation!

    • Trevor says:

      Friend, do not fret!

      This vision does not apply to transexuals, just as many visions seem to only apply to a specific purpose. Being gay and being born of the wrong sex are two seperate things! And while the LGBT do fly with our flag, it is to help knowledge be out there. However, sadly the truth of what it is, is not yet widely known. It is indeed exaggerated and slandered, misinterpreted among media and populace alike. We are stuck in a world where confusion and misrepresentation replace common sense, it is true, and I understand your frustration deeply.

      However! It is not of theirs to blame, nor does this mean we shan’t support their cause! The might FSM moves in mysterious ways, and perhaps someday he will grace upon us a new vision, explaining the hardships we must endure. But endure them we will, together, to fight a new day.

      R’amen, dear friend, and go in peace

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