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Official church stance of homosexual marriage

Published January 19th, 2011 by Katie

Fellow Pastafarians,

I am writing about the official church stance of homosexual marriage (i.e. none). I am concerned that this stance is in direct contradiction with the will of the FSM. You see, I received a vision from the FSM this evening while (as is often the case) I was cooking a grilled cheese sandwich.

During his appearance he told me that homosexuals are gay because He has touched them with his noodley appendage. This is the reason that “experts” have had so much difficulty pinpointing what makes someone gay. And since gays and lesbians have been chosen by Him, to deny them the right to get married is an abomination in His eyes (meatballs). Of course many have argued that no major religion has ever accepted homosexuality. It should obvious to any FSM follower that the real reason homosexuals are shunned from mainstream religion is because of blatant prejudice towards those who have been touched by Him. A bigotry that I know many of my fellow Pastafarians have experienced first hand.

I am especially concerned because of the state of gay rights movement today. Too often gay activists argue that should be given the right to marry because of court precedent that says marriage is their “right as a human being” or essential to the “dignity ” of a relationship. Then they rely on the 14th amendment to say that they deserve “equal protection under the laws” and that under constitution gay people are “equal to” straight people.

Well I think to time to put these arguments to rest. Gay Pastafarians should sue because not allowing gay marriage is a violation of their first amendment rights since it is commanded by the FSM as relayed to me in my vision. Of course He works in mysterious ways and we may never why He commands that gays get married. But there is no question that He does.

Now if I know my fellow Pastafarians, you want proof. Attached is a photo of the grilled sandwich I was cooking when He appeared to me. I think it speaks for itself. I hope that it is satisfactory proof to convince everyone that we should amend the CotFSM’s stance on gay marriage to supporting it. Only then can gay Pastafarians demand true religious freedom and marry as the FSM intended.

May you all be touched by his noodley appendage,

Katie



312 Responses to “Official church stance of homosexual marriage”

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  1. Frank Talarico says:

    THIS IS SO GODDAMN GREAT

  2. Richmond Mathewson says:

    That sandwich appears to be fired not grilled.

    • Keith says:

      Perhaps it was grilled first then placed in a pan. The gark background of the pan draws the focus into the apparition.

      • Keith says:

        Perhaps it was grilled first then placed in a pan. The dark background of the pan draws the focus into the apparition.

  3. Saved by FSM says:

    This story is so inspirational for me. As a straight guy with a few homosexual friends, I always wondered why equality was denied them. I ralley for gay marriage, spend my own money advancing the cause and now…now that I know it is divine intervention that commands them to marry and be happy, I shall double my efforts to do FSM’s (pbuh) bidding.

  4. Harvey Poulstein says:

    This is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. I have finally found the religion for me after searching for 50 years. I have always been a Pastafarian on the inside, now I can come out and meet the world with my noodly appendage. Thank you FSM for setting me free.

    • Chille says:

      I feel the same.

    • george says:

      WHAT!!! You actually have a noodly appendage. Alright then, let’s see it!

    • Just Ducky says:

      Welcome, Brother Harvey! The FSM was always with you, even when you didn’t know He was there. He just waits for you with infinite patience, knowing that someday you will embrace His love for you.

      In all seriousness, and free of any satire, it is truly wonderful for people of our thinking to be able to find a like-minded group with whom we can feel that we belong, with whom we can identify with as Brothers and Sisters. Much of my family is Christian, and I have spent countless hours with groups of folks praying, singing, saying grace, speaking in tongues, etc. I have always had to just sit, keep my mouth shut, and occasionally shake my head. Everyone has always accepted me as a nice person, they shake my hand, or give a hug, but they know that I’m not really one of “them”. I’m not in the club, because I’m not “saved”. Not until I found the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster did I ever feel a group welcomed and accepted me for what I am, and I could be viewed as a spiritual Brother. I do share at least one thing with religious people, that it feels really nice to just belong. Again, welcome Brother Harvey!

  5. Ennie says:

    So you have to get married if you are gay? Do I have to get married if I am heterosexual? What if I want to be a pastafarian, but am gay and against marriage? So many people have railed against the church’s requirement that to have sex one must marry…was this not a battle won in the 70′s? And now, gay folk are being required to marry, just because they are sleeping with someone of the same sex? What if they are just having sex with the person because they are hot, not really marriage material?

    • Puma says:

      Perhaps it’s not literal marriage? This may be one of his tests for us; do we take it literally or could marriage be more like “hey baby, you’re lookin’ nice. We could be married for the next hour or two…*wink*”

      I would think this is a good time to cover our bases and fully embrace gay and straight marriage, even if it only lasts an hour.

      May noodles be always on your plate.

      • Brennana says:

        Spoken like a true Pastafarian

        • Rainbow Pasta says:

          R’amen

    • Katie says:

      You don’t have to get married if your gay. But to be denied the right to be married simply because you were touched by the noodley appendage of the FSM is fundamentally wrong.

  6. Chille says:

    See! PROOF that the FSM is real and lives somewhere in our minds! It’s a sure thing after seeing that grilled cheese sandwich!

  7. Andy says:

    I’ve never understood the debate on gay marriage. It’s a simple problem in the US really. Just eliminate the requirment of a ceremony. Once you fill out the paperwork at the courthouse, you’re legally bound to each others legalities and finances, end of story.

    Now after you fill out the paperwork is an entirely different story, and none of my darn business really. If someone will marry the two of you, then have at it. Does the state need to know who performed a ceremony and whether or not they were certified under your belief system? Does it change any aspect of the legal documents you filled out at the courthouse? No. No. No.

    It’s just a dumb arse argument.

    • L. M. says:

      There isn’t a requirement to have a ceremony in the US.

      The reason there is a fight for gay marriage is because gay couples don’t have the ability to fill out any courthouse paperwork in order to gain the same legal rights and economic benefits straight couples are privy to.

      http://www.religioustolerance.org/mar_bene.htm

      • TheDevil says:

        ok, people…quit making stuff up.

        Gays have the SAME rights to marry in the U.S. that straight people do.

        a straight man can marry a woman
        a straight man can’t marry a man
        a gay man can marry a woman
        a gay man can’t marry a man

        but if you believed this should be changed, enact State laws to do so.

        -the devil

        • Katie says:

          Is this Michele Bachmann?

        • Attila the Bun says:

          Not this sack of horse crap again. What gays don’t have in the US that straight people do is the right to marry someone they love. How would you like it if you were forced into a fake relationship just to please others? You’d be upset, right? So how dare you arrogate the right to do it to other people?

          As for changing the law… what do you think they’re trying to do? It’s pretty difficult with your type waving Bibles and yelling “Deus vult” at us. (“God wills it” – the motto of the First Crusade.)

    • Olio says:

      This is called a domestic partnership agreement in some states. It does not require a ceremony and is not dissimilar to marriage, while ceremonies without agreements are already performed all the time. I don’t understand what the issue is, as same sex couples are legally allowed to adopt children, but not marry. This makes no sense.

  8. Eric says:

    Seriously, I think the scriptures should be amended to include your vision. Why is this so important? At some point there will be a trial that goes before the supreme court. If it is within a documented religion, I think you have a chance to overturn the defense of marriage act.

    • Katie says:

      I agree. It’s clear that anti-gay marriage laws are blatant attempts by the government to discriminate against Pastafarians and their free exercise of religion. Can they prove that this is not their intention. I’d love to see them try :)

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