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Official church stance of homosexual marriage

Published January 19th, 2011 by Katie

Fellow Pastafarians,

I am writing about the official church stance of homosexual marriage (i.e. none). I am concerned that this stance is in direct contradiction with the will of the FSM. You see, I received a vision from the FSM this evening while (as is often the case) I was cooking a grilled cheese sandwich.

During his appearance he told me that homosexuals are gay because He has touched them with his noodley appendage. This is the reason that “experts” have had so much difficulty pinpointing what makes someone gay. And since gays and lesbians have been chosen by Him, to deny them the right to get married is an abomination in His eyes (meatballs). Of course many have argued that no major religion has ever accepted homosexuality. It should obvious to any FSM follower that the real reason homosexuals are shunned from mainstream religion is because of blatant prejudice towards those who have been touched by Him. A bigotry that I know many of my fellow Pastafarians have experienced first hand.

I am especially concerned because of the state of gay rights movement today. Too often gay activists argue that should be given the right to marry because of court precedent that says marriage is their “right as a human being” or essential to the “dignity ” of a relationship. Then they rely on the 14th amendment to say that they deserve “equal protection under the laws” and that under constitution gay people are “equal to” straight people.

Well I think to time to put these arguments to rest. Gay Pastafarians should sue because not allowing gay marriage is a violation of their first amendment rights since it is commanded by the FSM as relayed to me in my vision. Of course He works in mysterious ways and we may never why He commands that gays get married. But there is no question that He does.

Now if I know my fellow Pastafarians, you want proof. Attached is a photo of the grilled sandwich I was cooking when He appeared to me. I think it speaks for itself. I hope that it is satisfactory proof to convince everyone that we should amend the CotFSM’s stance on gay marriage to supporting it. Only then can gay Pastafarians demand true religious freedom and marry as the FSM intended.

May you all be touched by his noodley appendage,

Katie



321 Responses to “Official church stance of homosexual marriage”

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  1. Adam says:

    His Noodleyness would encourage the presence of a multitude of (meat)Balls, would he not?

    … Sorry, ladies, I couldn’t think of a good euphemism for your parts.

    • IikagenBoB says:

      Something about a taco i would think :P

      • OodlyNoodly says:

        Pastaco

        • OBEYnoodle says:

          lol at pastaco!!

  2. thebeliever says:

    It’s.. it’s a miracle!!! HalleluFSM.

  3. Olio says:

    “If the Supreme Court says that
    you have the right to consensual
    gay sex within your home, then you
    have the right to bigamy, you have
    the right to polygamy, you have
    the right to incest …you have the
    right to anything …”

    Attributed to GOP Presidential Candidate,
    Rick Santorum

    ?

    “There is a gay and secular fascism in
    this country that wants to impose its
    will on the rest of us…I think it is a
    very dangerous threat to anybody who
    believes in traditional religion. ”

    Attributable to GOP Presidential Candidate,
    Newt Gingrich

    ??

    “Gays and lesbians are destroying our
    nation. I honestly think they are a
    bigger threat than terrorists. ”

    That quote was by State Rep. Sally Kern, OK

    ???

    Must be living beneath a rock. I was unaware this was the sort of talk by any politicians about human sexuality . I am shocked. I do not understand how this is a political topic at all. It may not impact here personally, but does persons we know. ..this all seems very mean spirited, these remarks brought to my attention. Correct me if I am mistaken. I do not understand politics.

    • Keith says:

      That’s what happens when religion governs politics. We have the same problem in Australia, except that additionally we have a Prime Minister who claims to be an atheist, lives “in sin” yet denies equal status to gay relationships.

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      You forgot about Michelle Bachmann saying gay marriage was the biggest crisis in America over the last 20 years. Man, I wish she was right – what a %^#@* paradise it would be then.

      Politics is about getting (re)elected. Pandering to one-issue morons is standard practice for the religious right.

      • Olio says:

        The biggest crisis in America the last twenty years? Did she say that before, or after September 11th? The state of NY actually took the reigns on this issue and legalized same sex marriage. All walks of people died that day. Some would have voted for equality had they lived to vote. I think perhaps she just mis spoke on the topic. People in the public eye are held to higher standards of accountability for their comments. One slip and it gets assigned to them for all eternity. I just do not understand this being a voting issue. I do not know who that person is, but have any of these people seen the movie or documentary about Harvey Milk? Evidently there are openly gay politicians. But tend to get shot and killed.

        • Olio says:

          I recall whom Michelle Bachman is now at least her position. I recall her following the aftermath of another news story. I was impressed by her in certain ways. She was defending victims of crimes. Some of whom might fit into the category she is decrying if that comment was made by her in actuality. I still like her.

        • Olio says:

          Wendy Murphy. It was not Michelle Bachman I was referencing above. Wendy Murphy is the person I was thinking of. My mistake. They both did make broadcasted remarks about the same case around the same time. I am bad with names.

  4. andy stout says:

    As a Canadian, I shudder to think what it must be like to live in the United States with religion so entrenched in government, politics, public education and public life. Ironically, their country sports an enviable constitution which wisely recognizes the need for a complete separation of church and state.

    If only its unenlightened citizens would abide by their own law of the land.

    In Canada, it is just the opposite; our “constitution” (Charter of Rights and Freedoms) boldly declares not only the existence of a “Supreme Being”, but awards this god “supreme authority” over all our laws! Our national anthem is essentially a prayer (“God keep our land glorious and free!”) and our churches are above the law, enjoying tax exempt status and the freedom to erect their grand edifices anywhere they please, regardless of zoning restrictions .

    In contrast to the USA, the Canadian government and it citizens are not preoccupied with religion, in spite of our theocracy-inclined constitution. We are, so it would appear, more inclined to be freethinkers (dare I say more rational) than our neighbour to the South.

    This curious discrepancy between two, otherwise, similar nations demonstrates clearly that in a free country one’s disposition to be religious or not has little if anything to do with the highest laws of the land. Belief in the supernatural is largely a dictate of your upbringing, education and, I would argue, the ability, desire and courage of conviction to think for yourself.

    Hence the need for thought provocation to inspire this journey of free, impartial thought.

    To the point: this Pastafarian ruse is precisely the sort of alarm bell that has the power to wake the stupified religious mind from its sorry doldrums. This satyrical “religion” pokes fun at the heart of organized religion. And its satyrical message is insidious. The slightest comparison between the Pastafarianism with its flying spaghetti god, and organized religion with its supernatural god(s), is sufficient to ignite a tiny spark of doubt in the mind of the duped believer. This spark ca only spread, igniting a chain reaction of successive doubts that spread in a logical linear path – like a lighted wick – leading to an inescapable, explosive conclusion that topples the fragile religious house of cards. Poof! Rationality emerges.

    So I congratulate Bobby Henderson, the founder of the Pastafarian “religion” for creating this anti-religion religion. It has gained worldwide attention and support. The cogent arguments he wields beneath the veneer of a comical hoax have successfully overturned the efforts of school boards to teach creationism/intelligent design in public classrooms to unwary students.

    It is easy to underestimate the serious potential of Henderson’s seemingly unserious “religion”. His flying spaghetti god religion and its teachings including the likes of pirates to explain global warming, serve to reveal the absurdity of religion and its teachings, including intelligent design. All in the most innocuous, inoffensive manner – that’s quite a trick.

    • Elorian says:

      Ramen to that!

  5. TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

    While American politicians MUST declare some religious affiliation, only the rabid few of the general population make it a significant part of their lives. And those that do believe in all kinds of crazy stuff, like the “Birthers” or Westboro Baptists. Like Canadians, most of us Americans are either defacto agnostics or perfunctory Christians.

  6. Matt says:

    As a newly indoctrinated minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster I must agree with this irrefutable evidence that our sister Katie has in fact been touched by his great noodly appendage. I look forward to the day that i might perform a legal gay marriage and afford our fellow homosexual Americans the same rights that we enjoy. May his noodles bless you and keep you, may his meatballs shine down upon you, and you will know that he is the FSM, RAMEN!

  7. Brett Johnson says:

    RAmen

  8. Sarah says:

    I just had a revelation reading this. I am bisexual and I am in a Jewish family. Jews are not against homosexuals (usually), but I have heard from Christians about how being gay is wrong and how their god says it is an abomination. Knowing that I am the way I am because He touched me… is special.
    Thank you, FSM! I bow to your Noodley Appendages and I acknowledge that You boiled for my sins and You made me because you love me and all of the other Pastafarians.
    RAmen.

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      Welcome Sarah! As a humble servant of his Noodliness, I offer you a hearty “ARRRGGGH!”, a brew (always cold), a ceremonial colander (doubles as a spaghetti strainer), and full pirate regalia (daytime & sleepwear ).

      Someone should have welcomed you sooner but when the brew is always cold and available, one tends to take looooong naps.

    • Keith says:

      Welcome from me too Sarah. You might like to have a look at the “Skeptics Annotated Bible” http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/gay/long.htm to see what they think the bible says about being gay. Being a Poop Decker myself I’ve noticed that a lot of what the fundies say about what the buybul (and other works) really means is more a case of personal interpretation.

      • Alphy says:

        Yes, welcome Sarah. FSM loves all of his children including his gay, lesbian and bisexual children. May his Holy Noodliness forever be praised! He will poor out his judgement on those who chose to be ignorant and hateful. They shall have to spend their afterlives serving those who were poor, those who they dispised and hated in their fundy lives. Our beloved FSM detests bigots and condemns them to eternal damnation for their deliberate hate and ignorance!

        Dear Sarah, rejoice and enjoy pasta, it is the body of our beloved FSM. Enjoy him with a nice glass of merlot. Our belove FSM rejoices that you love him and have come to him.

        • Elmo says:

          I am an ordained Pastafarian minister in upstate New York. I don’t care what the church’s official stance is. Get your ass up here and I’ll marry you, 100% legal, valid in all states, no charge, no problem.

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