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Official church stance of homosexual marriage

Published January 19th, 2011 by Katie

Fellow Pastafarians,

I am writing about the official church stance of homosexual marriage (i.e. none). I am concerned that this stance is in direct contradiction with the will of the FSM. You see, I received a vision from the FSM this evening while (as is often the case) I was cooking a grilled cheese sandwich.

During his appearance he told me that homosexuals are gay because He has touched them with his noodley appendage. This is the reason that “experts” have had so much difficulty pinpointing what makes someone gay. And since gays and lesbians have been chosen by Him, to deny them the right to get married is an abomination in His eyes (meatballs). Of course many have argued that no major religion has ever accepted homosexuality. It should obvious to any FSM follower that the real reason homosexuals are shunned from mainstream religion is because of blatant prejudice towards those who have been touched by Him. A bigotry that I know many of my fellow Pastafarians have experienced first hand.

I am especially concerned because of the state of gay rights movement today. Too often gay activists argue that should be given the right to marry because of court precedent that says marriage is their “right as a human being” or essential to the “dignity ” of a relationship. Then they rely on the 14th amendment to say that they deserve “equal protection under the laws” and that under constitution gay people are “equal to” straight people.

Well I think to time to put these arguments to rest. Gay Pastafarians should sue because not allowing gay marriage is a violation of their first amendment rights since it is commanded by the FSM as relayed to me in my vision. Of course He works in mysterious ways and we may never why He commands that gays get married. But there is no question that He does.

Now if I know my fellow Pastafarians, you want proof. Attached is a photo of the grilled sandwich I was cooking when He appeared to me. I think it speaks for itself. I hope that it is satisfactory proof to convince everyone that we should amend the CotFSM’s stance on gay marriage to supporting it. Only then can gay Pastafarians demand true religious freedom and marry as the FSM intended.

May you all be touched by his noodley appendage,

Katie



290 Responses to “Official church stance of homosexual marriage”

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  1. Johnny Rapid says:

    Useful info. Fortunate me I discovered your web site unintentionally, and I’m surprised why this coincidence didn’t took place in
    advance! I bookmarked it.

    • WOW says:

      WOW this is a troll religeon, hey man i cant believe you make people pay $20 to become minister and you contradict yourself by saying that people are homosexuals because they where touched by your noodle god and you dont like homos, yet you state at the end of your post that everyone must be touched…. wow i see contradiction and idiocy….

      • Pete Byrdie says:

        Extraordinary! This is a website promoting a religion which satirizes the use and misuse of religion in mainstream society. Return when you’re ready for this league.

      • SillyKiwiMan says:

        WOW,

        You’re a dipshit. If you can’t spell, please resort to condemning us to hell or something entertaining. I’m not sure what led you to think we have a problem with “homos”, but I’m very sure that such bigotry offends his Holy Noodliness.

        Yarrgh.

      • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

        How much do ministers of other religions pay? Several years of indoctrination, at least. Potentially lives of celibacy and poverty. I’d gladly pay $20 to avoid that for a WEEK.

        • Nate says:

          Not to argue against you (Pastafarianism FTFSM/W! (For the Flying Spaghetti Monster/ Win,) but ministers do get to choose to be ministers.

        • Rev.Stu says:

          Nate – your reply “Not to argue against you (Pastafarianism FTFSM/W! (For the Flying Spaghetti Monster/ Win,) but ministers do get to choose to be ministers.”
          TheFewTheProudTheMarinara you speak of the investment it takes in time and money to be a minister.
          I quote Stephen Stills lyrics here – “Nobody is right if everybody is wrong.”
          I am the least likely candidate to be a minister, ask people that know me. Miracles may indeed happen. I am Abbot of the Abbey of St.Thomas the Doubter, a priest and co-founder of the Ecumenical Church of the Divine (ECoD). My personal experience has been to accept the existence of the Divine (not really a choice!), my faith states in its third article “We believe in all gods and all spirits, but only in the relevance and power of a select few.” (Key words- SELECT FEW.”)
          I have received what has been called the “calling.” It doesn’t matter where I go- there I am. If I select the FSM then He in His holiness can provide the conduit, noodly appendage, through which I, as a humans, can manifest spiritual growth.
          My point is that ministers that paid a buck to the Universal Light Church, paid $35 to the Church of the SubGenius, went on their Mormon mission and tithe, or paid $20 here may equate their minister’s certificate as official club membership. People believe deeply that they get what they pay for, free is often equated with worthless. Other ministers like myself find themselves working in human services. I became a Thelemite, an assistant camp master in the OTO, to put this in our common context, I have been touched by his noodly appendage. The FSM has existence, real substance. Many Muslims, Christians etc. wear their religion like an overcoat, easy to take off when it gets warm, or at home.
          Analogy- having a commercial class driver’s license doesn’t make you a full time bus driver or really speak to your skills behind the wheel.

      • Hello says:

        Cleary, FSM supports gays. Can you read?

  2. Nicolas Quevillon says:

    I also am inspired often by the appeal of Grilled Cheese.

    Alas, I think He does not care and we should not read his touch as endorsement or refusal.

    Obfuscation does not mean endorsement or rejection.

    Many are touched by his noodly appendages, but I do not think it makes them all gay.

    He is beyond our comprehension, and does not take this seriously.

    • Noodle Lover says:

      RAmen.

    • Nate says:

      His Noodly Appendage has many “Settings.” Sort of. I think it’s like which one of the noodles is deployed from the core that holds His balls on (sorry) and which one He keeps in. He can have ~4 of them deployed at once, and each strand has a different effect on a person. I learned this because He sent a Letter of Revelation to Bobby, but I guess it got lost in the mail or something and wound up at my house.

  3. Noodle Lover says:

    RAmen.

  4. finder of foolishness says:

    Well I have read and find this all great material for juvenile minds with a lot of free time on their hands. The people running this kids endeavor seem to be very insecure and have not been able to find a way in the world so they have created a fantasy world, much like never, never land to escape from reality. I suspect potentially above average IQs from this leadership as I think it takes above average intelligence to create such fantasy lands. Unfortunately, sooner or later you will have to grow up and you will regret the childish drivel you have made public and instead of seeing it as opening people’s eyes, you will see it for what it really is. Irresponsible escape from the real world into a fantasy world. When you do grow up, mentally, you will find the real world really is warm and happy and nothing like the world your childish minds ran away from. That is called maturity. I think you will enjoy it. In the meantime. Please feel at home in your oblivious state of mind. Give my regards to Peter Pan. Those fantasies really were fun when I was a child hiding from the reality that I too would have to grow up. I will welcome you back to reality when you are ready to join us.

    • finder of foolishness says:

      Oh, and by the way, this isn’t hate mail. I do not hate you or what you are doing. Again, it is an escape from reality. I respect that. I just think when you grow up you will really like what life has to offer and I hope you don’t wait too long because you will really hate yourself for not joining us in the real world sooner. All my best… Finder of Foolishness.

      • Captain Lietz of the O'Grafton says:

        And yet I’ve been almost all over the US in real life following where his noodle takes me. I very rarely come aboard online to promote anything. My imagination only runs when I’m forced to stay anywhere I feel locked up. Only having met one other Pastafarian in person has been quite the journey, but I continue to open my religion to others. And now as a WalMart employee I am expressing my religious freedom. I wear pirate regalia, I have a fine wench who accepts these values. The public does not scare me. Me me me… Anyways as for all other Pastafarians I wish you would come out of your shell our beliefs are not fully accepted yet, but it sure would be nice to have you all open and about.

        Arrgh!

    • Juan Peligroso says:

      Exactly! You have, somewhat long windedly, succeeded in describing exactly how, why, and by whom all religions are created, i.e., the escapist fantasies of fearful and simple minded escapists with too much time on their hands and not a shred of reason. Congratulations…you have, oh finder of foolishness, discovered the foolishness that all religions share. So hello to you from Peter Pan, Mohammad, Jesus, Thor, Zues, Santa Claus, the easter bunny, Al-ah, Jehovah, and God.

      Now prove your mettle and send the exact same letter to the head of every religion on the planet…if it applies to The C of FSM, then it applies equally to them all.

      Thank you.

      • finder of foolishness says:

        Humorous response and in your state I can understand how you have rationalized such a gross comparison of your fantasyworld to the real worlds religions. I do not agree with other religions but I accept they believe what they believe and they have a basis for how they developed their religions. I suspect the creator of your fantasy world grew up playing Dungeons and Dragons and developed a strong fantasy life. Again, I am not downplaying the intelligence of your group. I like it. I like what you are doing. Enjoy it as long as you can. But, one day, you will “mature” and will see beauty in the world for what it is and you will wish you had joined us. And we will relish in the great things you will do when those powerful minds are used for productive purposes that benefit society. All my best. Finder of Foolishness.

        • Atsap Revol says:

          Dear F of F, Have you read the ABOUT statement? Of course the world of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a total fiction, but it’s a good spoof of the “real world’s religions.” The comparison to the “real world’s religions” is not gross, as you stated. Our spoof challenges the “real world’s religions” to demonstrate why we are wrong and they are right, which can’t be done, of course. That being the case, Pastafarianism should be given equal time in schools that choose to teach creationism or intelligent design as alternatives to scientific explanations of reality.

          AR

        • Pete Byrdie says:

          I wouldn’t bother, Asap. This one feels a bit trollish to me, just getting a kick out of getting a response. I don’t think this one’s genuine.

      • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

        Nailed it!

        • Rev.Stu says:

          Atsap Ravol wrote “Of course the world of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a total fiction, but it’s a good spoof of the “real world’s religions.”
          Um, perhaps. The FSM at this point has generated much effort and attention, it involves people and discusses faith, religion, spirit and the human condition. The Divine, if accepted as Truth, is beyond imagination, we as humans are too limited to create adequate images. The map is not the terrain. All words are lies.
          If we accept that all world religions are products of their cultures and that their iconography and much of their verbiage is arbitrary if not outright manipulative then the FSM stands tall with Odin, Ra, Baal, Inke, and that guy with the white beard and hair, I never caught his name (Adonai, Elo Him?)
          Fiction…spoof…If you say so, but often these threads indicate that many Pastafarians are cultural Pastafarians and are theologically atheist, like many members of the Jewish family I married into 35 years ago. Given the nature of the Jewish god, I understand the call to atheism.
          I can say that I may indeed believe what most Christian claim to believe, and believe in the theology deeply, that does not mean I want to take part. To sit at the feet of God the F for eternity – losing myself in the light and rejoining the pleroma seems no different from lights-out no soul death.

        • Atsap Revol says:

          Rev. Stu, first learn to spell my name correctly. Apart from that, your post is a tangle of big words and wishy washy thought. It resembles your earlier post on this thread. So you choose not to sit at the feet of God for eternity; I agree. What a bleak prospect. How much better it will be to sit in a comfortable chair at the base of the beer volcano. You have suggested a new expression: “The Pastafarian Pleroma.” The word pleroma probably made several of us grab our dictionaries. It sounds like a form of terminal cancer.

          Thanks, Rev.Stu, for bringing some novel (albeit contorted) thought to this site. As Reverend Toni stated, this place of worship has become boring. We need new inputs from people with novel opinions, even confused inputs, such as yours.

          ATSAP REVOL

        • Keith says:

          Unlike you Atsap, I thought a Plemora was a sort of fish or ice monster but that turned out to remora/rhemora (It appears in “Other Worlds” by Cyrano de Bergerac fighting a Salamander).
          Rev. Stu, I may not understand the point you are making in your second paragraph. If I accepted the divine as truth it could surely be part of my imagination rather than beyond it. I have the ability accept the truth of fairies even though I’ve never met one. I have the ability to imagine all sorts of things that I am unable to express, explain or demonstrate in reality. I cite the example of a dream I once had (yes, I really dreamed it) in which I was building an anti gravity machine. I knew in my dream how it worked, how the parts fitted together and that it would work. When I woke up I was unable to draw even the simplest diagramme of its structure.
          We are limited by communication, not by imagination.

        • Pete Byrdie says:

          Rev.Stu’s posts do seem to favour verbosity over clarity, which is a pity. But elsewhere he paid me a compliment (I think), and I’m easily bought, so I like him. Also, Atsap, I got your name wrong above, or rather my smart phone’s auto-correct did. Dumb smart phone! Anyway, I’m sure Rev.Stu has much to contribute, but there’s no point worth making that can’t be made clearly.

        • Atsap Revol says:

          Good piont, Pete Byrdie. Bombastic writing is piontless. Only people with pionted heads try to write to impress the reader with big words and pseudo-intellectual sentence construction. I’m pionting at you, Rev. Stu.

  5. Impasta says:

    I’m a rather religious persob but this website is just hilarious, whether or not it’s intended as an attack on organized religion.

    • Keith says:

      Glad it amuses you, Impasta. Pastafarians generally only attack religion when some mindless bigot starts condemning us by comparing us to what they think everyone should be forced to think. As the “about” page states, the Church of SFM was established to protest against religion being taught in science classes. Apart from a universal agreement on that subject you will find varying degrees of religious toleration amongst our bretheren. As the fellow said “I don’t mind what gays do in their own home. I just don’t want them coming over to my house and ramming it down my throat.”

    • Pete Byrdie says:

      Impasta, if His Noodly Appendage has tickled your funny bone, I’m sure He’d consider that a result. As with any religious communities, different Pastafarians have unique relationships with their faith, but the core of Pastafarianism isn’t to attack the faith of others just because we don’t believe in it. In fact, Pastafarianism is more about freedom of belief, but our focus is in separating science and faith. When science becomes used to support a conclusion based on faith, it ceases to be science, and when faith requires scientific support, it ceases to have value as faith.

      • Rev.Stu says:

        Pete Byrdie, I like the way you think, you address the essential isness of endless becoming. Do Pastafarians have faith in the scientific method and in the intellect of man? Seems our culture has adopted science as a religion. If Jung was wise then man should have three overlapping spheres the physical the mental and the spiritual, without all three a man cannot reach his potential. If we discard all religious thoughts and actions from our lives, then our nature will replace those elements so that we may function. A scientist creates a hypothesis, designs and conducts experiments to prove or disprove. Science pushes the envelop of our understanding. The more we know – the more we know we don’t know, The greater the diameter of light the greater the circumference of darkness.
        RAmen

        • Pete Burdie says:

          Rev.Stu said, “Pete Byrdie, I like the way you think, you address the essential isness of endless becoming.”

          Cheers, I get that a lot.

          Rev.Stu said, “Do Pastafarians have faith in the scientific method and in the intellect of man? Seems our culture has adopted science as a religion.”

          I certainly feel some of the conclusions of science now have an existence separate from the methods of their formation, and some people, though certainly not all Pastafarians or atheists, accept those conclusions with little knowledge of scientific method or logic. So, their belief in, say, evolution is based no more on understanding evidence and as much on accepting what they’re told as a creationist’s belief in creation.

          As for having faith in scientific method and human intellect, that covers a lot of possibilities. Some people will simply accept that whatever science tells them is true, but that ignores both the fact science has made mistakes and that popular science often expresses current theories as though they are fact. Some people pick and choose which bits of accepted scientific reasoning support their own conclusions, dismissing what doesn’t work for them, as a Christian might the Bible. That requires faith in science, but only when it suits. And some, myself included, have faith that empirical evidence, experiment and peer review are imperfect and make mistakes, but nonetheless steadily increase the understanding humanity has of the Universe. I also have faith that science and logic will solve the problems humanity faces today. I can’t prove that. I can show you historical evidence in support of, and against, that belief. But, when evidence can be interpreted either way, what’s the point in harbouring and propagating a negative belief? Might as well choose a positive one!

          However, I can’t call science a religion. We can’t go down the road of thinking any belief or faith is religious in nature. Religion has certain spiritual characteristics that are not implied by science without the broadest of semantics. But it is useful to ask why people believe in things with only what evidence they see for themselves, because it’s something we all share, it’s part of human experience. So, we can’t assume every believer in evolution and the Big Bang is a rational person propelled by logic.

  6. Saucerer says:

    Is it just me, or, does anyone else think that Finder of Foolishness has demonstrably succeeded in their quest?

  7. John says:

    This is the Most legitimate religion ON the FACE of Planet Earth lol i will be contributing $20 EVENTUALLY!!!!!

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