Official church stance of homosexual marriage

Published January 19th, 2011 by Katie

Fellow Pastafarians,

I am writing about the official church stance of homosexual marriage (i.e. none). I am concerned that this stance is in direct contradiction with the will of the FSM. You see, I received a vision from the FSM this evening while (as is often the case) I was cooking a grilled cheese sandwich.

During his appearance he told me that homosexuals are gay because He has touched them with his noodley appendage. This is the reason that “experts” have had so much difficulty pinpointing what makes someone gay. And since gays and lesbians have been chosen by Him, to deny them the right to get married is an abomination in His eyes (meatballs). Of course many have argued that no major religion has ever accepted homosexuality. It should obvious to any FSM follower that the real reason homosexuals are shunned from mainstream religion is because of blatant prejudice towards those who have been touched by Him. A bigotry that I know many of my fellow Pastafarians have experienced first hand.

I am especially concerned because of the state of gay rights movement today. Too often gay activists argue that should be given the right to marry because of court precedent that says marriage is their “right as a human being” or essential to the “dignity ” of a relationship. Then they rely on the 14th amendment to say that they deserve “equal protection under the laws” and that under constitution gay people are “equal to” straight people.

Well I think to time to put these arguments to rest. Gay Pastafarians should sue because not allowing gay marriage is a violation of their first amendment rights since it is commanded by the FSM as relayed to me in my vision. Of course He works in mysterious ways and we may never why He commands that gays get married. But there is no question that He does.

Now if I know my fellow Pastafarians, you want proof. Attached is a photo of the grilled sandwich I was cooking when He appeared to me. I think it speaks for itself. I hope that it is satisfactory proof to convince everyone that we should amend the CotFSM’s stance on gay marriage to supporting it. Only then can gay Pastafarians demand true religious freedom and marry as the FSM intended.

May you all be touched by his noodley appendage,


356 Responses to “Official church stance of homosexual marriage”

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  1. Saint Gnocchi says:

    Is it not wonderful to have a debauched,woozy-boozy, laughter-loving, loony, partying, insane, uncensorious, goofy, bug-eyed, dangly-appendaged spaghetti-blob with meat balls? A God whose eyes are on stalks? I love it. Perhaps, if he could speak, he’d be saying to us: “To laugh is Divine.”

    • The Sauceror says:

      Dear St. Gnocchi, “To laugh is Divine”– I like that. I hope that quote will appear in the soon-to-be-discovered second version of the original version of the Book of Loose Canons. We have to be able to laugh in order to tolerate the brutal discrimination that our fellow pirates and pirettes suffer when they are denied the fundamental right to wear a colander in a driver’s licence photo. What will our foes do next — make laws that pasta is only a FOOD?

      • Rasputin says:

        Dear St. Gnocchi, I adore your use of language.

        • The Sauceror says:

          Now there’s a real pirate.

  2. Captain Corkscrew says:

    Can I get a R’amen?

    • Keith says:


  3. Orecchiette says:


  4. Excelsior says:


    • Rasputin says:


  5. Pooja Malhotra says:

    May the sauce be with you!

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