Fellow Pastafarians,
I am writing about the official church stance of homosexual marriage (i.e. none). I am concerned that this stance is in direct contradiction with the will of the FSM. You see, I received a vision from the FSM this evening while (as is often the case) I was cooking a grilled cheese sandwich.
During his appearance he told me that homosexuals are gay because He has touched them with his noodley appendage. This is the reason that “experts” have had so much difficulty pinpointing what makes someone gay. And since gays and lesbians have been chosen by Him, to deny them the right to get married is an abomination in His eyes (meatballs). Of course many have argued that no major religion has ever accepted homosexuality. It should obvious to any FSM follower that the real reason homosexuals are shunned from mainstream religion is because of blatant prejudice towards those who have been touched by Him. A bigotry that I know many of my fellow Pastafarians have experienced first hand.
I am especially concerned because of the state of gay rights movement today. Too often gay activists argue that should be given the right to marry because of court precedent that says marriage is their “right as a human being” or essential to the “dignity ” of a relationship. Then they rely on the 14th amendment to say that they deserve “equal protection under the laws” and that under constitution gay people are “equal to” straight people.
Well I think to time to put these arguments to rest. Gay Pastafarians should sue because not allowing gay marriage is a violation of their first amendment rights since it is commanded by the FSM as relayed to me in my vision. Of course He works in mysterious ways and we may never why He commands that gays get married. But there is no question that He does.
Now if I know my fellow Pastafarians, you want proof. Attached is a photo of the grilled sandwich I was cooking when He appeared to me. I think it speaks for itself. I hope that it is satisfactory proof to convince everyone that we should amend the CotFSM’s stance on gay marriage to supporting it. Only then can gay Pastafarians demand true religious freedom and marry as the FSM intended.
May you all be touched by his noodley appendage,
Katie
Marriage is a legal matter, not a religious one. One goes to a courthouse, gets a marriage license and becomes “legally married.” When getting a divorce, you go again to the courts. Religion is merely an option. You can only be legally married when you sign that paper. The state should treat people equally in the eyes of the law or they become second-class citizens with second-class rights. No way of getting around it, blather all you want about religion, it is a court issued sanction.
It is a red-herring argument to claim that bigamy, marrying-your-dog/tree/bicycle/sister will become a slippery slope. Restrict marriage to two consenting adults…like it or not, it is merely a contract between two humans.
Hell, corporations can “marry” – it is called “merging” and they can buy and sell each other like slaves, dissolve into the ether (taking their ill-gotten gains with them) and be in multiple places at the same time. You want some restrictions on run-away slippery slopes…start there.
People gotta stop the coveting others’ marriage contracts, where they put their body parts and mind your own pasta bowls.
that is a very simple clear way of stating the argument. I like it.
thank meatballs this religion excepts.fellow pastafarans us gays or on your side
To those who are against gays because of religious views:
There are homosexual bison, deer, rats, monkeys, dogs…and don’t get me started on hyenas! So either god made gay animals – who supposedly don’t have freedom of choice and therefor can’t sin – or there is no god. Take your choice; either way your argument got shot in the ass.
Doe(n’t) ask doe(n’t) tell.
Dear FewTheProudTheMarinara,
My dog is enamored with my Brother-In-Law’s mutt, they are both male, they only see each other about once a month since we live two states apart. When ‘Bear’ & ‘Nico’ are reunited they immediately starting playing then eventually start “playing” with each other. Nico is the only dog that brings out this behavior in Bear, which strikes me as monogamous long distance relationship. I’ve tried reading leviticus to Bear, reminding him that he is an abomination and likely to burn in hell for all eternity. I’ve tried gay conversion therapy, where his eyes are held open and he is forced to watch heterosexual christian approved dog porn. I’ve even tried exorcism, just to rule out gay demons. Still, Nico is the only dog he wants to mate with. I would hate to kick him out in the street but I cannot let the fact that I love him outweigh what the lawd commands.
- Signed. Loving the sinner, hating the sin.
Have you tried taking the to see Big Gay Al? I’m sure he still runs his refuge in the mountains.
Them, sorry.
“Don’t be gay, Sparky. Don’t be gay.” – Stan Marsh
I’m afraid the love of those dogs is all part of FSM’s great plan. I am sad that you are upset by this, but I hope you know that in my eyes the dogs were not cursed or damned or possessed but blessed by their mutual love. Please don’t abandon your dog – even under Christian faith animals were not granted free will, and so gay behaviour (or anything animals do, for that matter) cannot be a sin
Disclaimer: Yes, my last post is a joke… mostly. Everything up to “I’ve tried reading leviticus” is true.
Did write this on caffeine binge forget some words?
This FSM Church position is totally righteous and sensible. Ramen! Your experience and proof are overwhelmingly convincing, irrefutable, and should settle this issue once and for all.
Now, could you please fry up more of these miraculous grilled sandwiches and make them available through the FSM Website Store? It looks divinely yummy!
Hi there, this weekend is nice designed for me, as this
time i am reading this great educational post here at my house.