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Historically accurate nativity scene?

Published December 10th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson

Nativity

I can’t take credit for this photo…but it’s a "must see!"

-Laury

I am curious, who is the historian behind this scene? Shall we add this to the Holiday e-Card machine? I would like to get the permission of the artist of course, but I have always felt that blasphemy, like happiness, is enjoyed best when shared.

*Update* Word is that this is the work of Orngarth originally posted on reddit. I have added it to the to Holiday e-Card propaganda machine provisionally, so if you would like to send this to your friends/family/coworkers email in the form of a festive greeting there is a way to do it.



126 Responses to “Historically accurate nativity scene?”

  1. tyler says:

    I believe the three wisemen would have brought parmesean, garlic and oregano.

    • Jess says:

      I thought it was Basil? Prehaps I was mistaken

      • Keith says:

        Wasn’t it glue, Frankenstein and mirth?

      • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

        Basil was the name of one wiseguy. The others were Mario and Luigi.

        • Will says:

          I always thought that they brought Garlic, Frank, and Meth? (Frank was very distressed) To our lord, the FSM.

  2. steven says:

    omfg you are all idiotic stupid fucking retard asshole oh look at my monster hes spaghetti, how stupid can you get dumbass

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      Geez, another poster showcasing their literary failures for the world to see. Let me fix this for you.

      Steven says:

      OMFG! You are all idiotic, stupid, fucking retarded assholes. “Oh look at my monster, he is spaghetti.” How stupid can you get, dumbasses?

      Now that I have corrected your mindless rant, let me remind you, it ultimately behooves you to make an effort. You cannot talk down to us if your post clearly illustrates that you are a several grades, think kindergarten, below us. Now go to your room and think about what you did wrong young man!

    • Drained and Washed Clean says:

      omfg you are all idiotic stupid fucking retard asshole(s) oh look at my zombie jew sky daddy hes on a stick, how stupid can you get dumbass

      I think one who actually believes in comparison to one being satirical is definitely less of a dumbass.

    • Rev.Stu says:

      Killing brain cells may well have been happening for years, but only the weak ones. My remaining brain cells are strong and resilient. You might not be so cavalier if you had been present for the Grater Banishing Ritual of the Ragu. Also, there seems to be a correlation between having been touched by His noodly appendage and the use of punctuation and proper grammar. Yet, we are human and when we temporarily forget the English language or let a typo pass, we, Pastafarians, are known to apologize when the mistake is brought to our attention. Though you are are not one of us, unless deep under cover –
      STEVEN – Please apologize or respond – your writing makes me feel better about being me.

  3. Keith says:

    Still waiting for the Dalek, the Dinosaur and the delivery van to show up.

  4. Zuri says:

    I’m in tears. Clever nativity scene!
    Is that real pasta in the cradle? I suggest you read “Another ChrisFSMas Roundup” where they show a nativity scene of Buddha rejoicing as baby Jesus is touched by the FSM. I love that one. It was so nice to see all the religions combined. I think I’m going to make one like that this Christmas.

  5. HistoricProofofJeez says:

    “I am curious, who is the historian behind this scene?”

    What, you’re unacquainted with the manuscript by the historian Josephus, where the words “FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER” were added IN ALL CAPS, of course by Josephus himself?

    Wake up and smell the Josephus manuscript!

  6. Emily says:

    I love this place!

    • Rasputin says:

      Dear Emily, it’s great, isn’t it?

  7. I HATE THE FSM says:

    You liars, Jesus belongs in that manger, not a pile of PASTA!

    • Keith says:

      Luke says jeebus was laid in a manger, which is of course an animal feeding trough. Which would you be more likely to put in a feeding trough: food or a baby? Matthew incidentally says that the family was in a house. He doesn’t say that they transferred from a stable: just that they were in a house. Which, if either, is the case? Apologists will say that both were right because they were in an annex to the house. Matthew doesn’t say that. He says a house. If they were in an annex for animals is shows a piss poor attitude for the house owners (who Matthew doesn’t mention either). When you get what is supposedly a world shattering event like the birth of the world’s saviour couched in vague and contradictory terms I’d say it’s fair game.

      • The Sauceror says:

        Dear Keith, you said that “Jeebus was laid in a manger”.

        Isn’t a newborn a bit too young to have sex with?

        ….nevermind….

        We are talking about Chrushtanity here. No one is too young to be screwed in that religion.

        • Keith says:

          I gather that it is the same for Islam and probably Judaism.

        • Master Bates says:

          The Sauceror, I suspect that, when Jesus was laid, acting-out his childhood trauma, it was in fact in a manger. With several animals watching. Could there be a son of Son-of-God? Or, would He be sterile, like a mule? Considering the circumstances, how do we know that Mary didn’t have a daughter, or, a little lamb?

        • I HATE THE FSM says:

          it isn’t Crushtianity and there’s not such thing as the FSM! It’s a pile of pasta!

        • SillyKiwiMan says:

          Crushtianity/bullshit…

          And His Holy Noodliness isn’t a pile of pasta, you blasphemous little twerp, he’s an invisible monster made of spaghetti (don’t forget the delicious meatballs), who has the power of flight.

        • Master Bates says:

          I HATE… etc. The FSM is no more a ‘pile of pasta’ as Jesus is a piece of bread and some wine.
          When people wish to do something horrendous and ‘immoral’, such as kill their neighbours and steal their land, what do they do? They put their criminal ideas into their god’s mouth, and then act as if they are divinely justified.
          Do you think there is any truth in that?

    • Captain Birdseye says:

      I HATE…. well, if one uses astrology to locate a promised messiah, one can only predict an unexpected result.
      Are you claiming that (terminally heretical) quack sorcerers correctly identified your messiah?

      • Rasputin says:

        Dear I HATE etc., The Flying Spaghetti Monster loves you, even if you hate Him. He does not care if you believe in false idols such as Jebus or Gob.
        The FSM’s view is, “Yeah dude, whatever, pass me a beer”.
        We’re cool, providing you don’t use your faith to oppress free belief or or interrupt the progress of science.
        Live long and pasta.

        • I HATE THE FSM says:

          Jesus and God aren’t false!

        • I HATE THE FSM says:

          I know, I don’t worship Jebus or Gob, but I do worship Jesus and GOD!!

        • SillyKiwiMan says:

          No, they’re simply non-existent. Wanting something to be, does not make it so.

        • I HATE THE FSM says:

          The flying spaghetti stupid doesn’t love me cause it does not EXIST!

        • SillyKiwiMan says:

          There’s just as much evidence for our faith as there is for yours, but our deity isn’t an arsehole and has much bigger balls.

        • Keith says:

          I HATE THE FSM: Could you please give me your very best reason for saying that Jesus and God aren’t false. In other words, please demonstrate to me why they are true. Here is a good opportunity to convert me to your faith. Don’t try turning the tables and saying “Well, you’ve got to prove that the FSM exists.” Don’t try the old “Well, you wouldn’t believe anyway because y’all wanna sin.” Just come straight out with a first Peter 3:15.

        • Master Bates says:

          I HATE… etc. You obviously like visiting us, or, are you trying to convert us?
          If you were visiting some remote African tribe, and, in one hut there was a body hanging from a noose, and, everyone was worshiping it, wearing a small hangman’s noose around their necks, what would you make of it?
          How many people do you think wear an instrument of torture around their necks?

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          I HATE … etc. You have PROOF that The FSM loves you, because, if He didn’t, you would have been struck dead by a bolt of lightning for blasphemy.

        • The Sauceror says:

          I’ll drink to that!

        • I HATE THE FSM says:

          I wish the FSM would NOT love me.

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      The myth of Jesus’s birth doesn’t pass the smell test, from dates to locations, to why in the hell require families to travel to the town of their fathers (which by the way, didn’t EXIST at that time!) On the other hand, spaghetti smells wonderful.

      • Keith says:

        Looks like we must have scared him/her/it off.

        • The Sauceror says:

          The Christians’ sniff test of Jebus’ birth stinks to high heaven. Even borched mesoms can’t stand the stench.

        • Keith says:

          Oh, come now. Borched Mesoms are highly resilient creatures. To them the foulest corruption is as the scent of a rose.

        • SillyKiwiMan says:

          Mmmmmmm… Sniff test…

          I didn’t cry when I was born, perhaps I’m Jeebus? Only problem is I hate sandals…

      • I HATE THE FSM says:

        Captain birdseye: and the fact that you have not is proof that God loves you!

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          I HATE…etc. I am unable to tell the difference between an imaginary god, a god that is powerless, or, The FSM who protects me. Can you suggest an experiment to distinguish?

  8. EXCELSIOR says:

    The Nativity story is impossible. That manger would have to be as large as the Madison Square Garden! We have three oriental kings with their 3 camels and dozens of courtiers. We have countless angels singing hosannas and blowing trumpets. We have inummerable shepherds and their flocks of sheep. All the neighbors would also join the party! Then you would have to call in the police to maintain order!

    • Keith says:

      Not forgetting the tanks, the removal van, the dinosaur, the Grenadier Guards Band, sheep and Dalek.

      • Master Bates says:

        I know which welcoming party I would prefer to attend!
        The so-called ‘wise men’ is a mistranslation.

        • The Sauceror says:

          “Wise men”?– HAH!

          Only a complete idiot could follow a star to Bethlehem.

          Or anywhere else.

        • Master Bates says:

          The Sauceror, the correct translation of so-called ‘wise men’ is astrologers. It was ‘mis-translated’ for obvious reasons.

        • Captain Birdseye says:

          The Sauceror, I navigate very well, thankyou, by following the stars positioned at the four corners of the Earth.

        • Keith says:

          We three Kings of London Square
          Selling knickers penny a pair
          So fantastic!
          No, elastic!
          Not very safe to wear.

    • I HATE THE FSM says:

      And you think a flyingmonster made of my lunch is any more realistic?

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        …. No! Just equally realistic! Although some real things are more real than other real things. Do you have evidence to the contrary?

      • Captain Birdseye says:

        …. Do you think eating the meat and blood of a Jewish zombie is more realistic?

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