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Gift Exchange

Published December 23rd, 2010 by Bobby Henderson

Gift-Exchange

So last Friday was the annual gift exchange / secret Santa at my work. Unbeknownst to me, my CFO had selected my name from the hat. Now you should know, this man is a moderate conservative and a life-long Christian and knows full well my adherence to Pastafarianism. He had me open my gift in front of the entire company. I opened it to find the Nativity you see here… complete with baby Flying Spaghetti Monster in the manger. What makes it even better is his description of what it took to chisel the baby Jesus out of the box. He says it finally broke free and the little bugger went flying across the room.

I guess it goes to show that level-headed, even-keeled people exist in all parts of the spectrum.

RAmen,

Dan

Your CFO sounds like a great guy.  What an uplifiting FSMas story.  Thanks for sharing.



34 Responses to “Gift Exchange”

  1. Randy says:

    Wow, that was very nice of your boss. I’m not normally one to cut the fundies any slack, but it sounds like your boss is one who has his own beleifs and can accept others. To your boss, I want to say “Merry Christmas”.

    Randy

  2. Jake McPastaman says:

    What an awesome boss! I told my coworkers in Utah about pastafanarianism and they just looked at me wide eyed like “how can anyone believe that” Your boss sounds like a real awesome dude!

  3. TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

    How very thoughtful of him! If you happen to get his name in the future, maybe you can fashion a colander yarmulke for him.

  4. Pirate Queen L says:

    This is the true spirit of Chrifsmas. What a lovely, encouraging story.

  5. UUniversal Love says:

    I admire your boss for not letting his personal beliefs get in the way of being a decent person with a great sense of humor.

  6. Zuri says:

    It sickens me that all the comments here say things about tolerance of mockery. When you can actually conjure up a story without making fun of other religions, I’ll respect you. But for now, all you have is insults about other faiths– and then you run crying to your mommies when we talk about how stupid the idea that a dish of pasta created us is.

    Your CFO should have given you a copy of the HOLY BIBLE and had you open it in front of everyone.

    Merry CHRISTmas!

    • Noodlity says:

      Considering that most religions not only mock, but actively demonize the competition, I’d say they deserve even less respect.

      Then again, a BuyBull with an actual hole in it would indeed be a decent gift – as a doorstopper, at least. Although, it already has enough plot holes as it is, another one would likely break it apart completely.

      Happy Holiday, everybody!

    • plumberbob says:

      @ Zuri,

      Open it to where: the last two chapters of Judges? Judges 11:32-40? Ezekiel 23: 19-22? Maybe Matthew 21: 17-19?

      RAmen

  7. Zuri says:

    Okay, so maybe that was a hit-stone-wall comment, but I hate it when people make fun of my religion. I’m younger than most of you, so I’m quick to defend what my parents have taught me. The description of hammering out the baby Jesus seemed a little like you were taunting Christians-”HA HA HA, I just hammered out the son of your God in this nativity scene and replaced it with my God and there’s nothing you can do about it, HA HA HA.” How would you feel if I posted an accurate description of what it took to chisel baby FSM out of an FSM nativity scene and replace it with baby Jesus? You’d probably post a comment just like mine.
    Also, when I first read the letter that started everything when it came out, I was actually a little offended. I was a little kid, so my parents spent an hour trying to explain everything to me.

    I have trouble being kind to others who are not kind to me. I admit I still have lessons to learn, but you can make that easier by not teasing me for believing what has been taught to me.

    God Bless and Merry Christmas (or Chrifsmas, if you prefer :))

    • Noodlity says:

      I thought that being kind to others that are not kind to you is the epitome of Xianity. Also, given that every non-Xian faith is nearly always mocked and misrepresented in the media, a little “teasing” is only too civilized a response. Sure, we Pastafarians are thick-skinned, but sure as Stale Beer Hell, we shouldn’t need to be. Our faith didn’t get millions of people killed. Our faith didn’t suppress every field of science there is. Our faith does not promote sexism, racism, homophobia, or child abuse. So why should we be so kind to one that does?

      And sorry, but playing the “I still have a lot to learn” card between spam sessions is really not going to let you off the hook. If you do want to learn something however, I’m sure the regulars here at Venganza will take turns in teaching you a lesson you won’t soon forget.

      • Zuri says:

        Hey, at least I admitted that I’m not the all-knowing. God (whoever you believe he is) is the only all-knowing. Also, the only reason millions of people haven’t been killed because of your faith is because the religion is only 5 years old. In 1,000 years, I bet there will be a war between Pastafarians and other religions and millions will be killed in the name of the FSM. Until your religion is a least 500 years old, I’d zip my lip.
        Suppress every field of science? What’s wrong with that? Are scientists all knowing? Are they God? I didn’t think so! If I want to not believe in scientific ‘discoveries’, true or not, it’s my business.
        Your faith doesn’t promote rasicm? What do you call making fun of Indians, then, huh? I won’t tell you how many times I have been welcomed wholeheartedly into a church where nearly everyone else there was white, and I’m black. So that arguement is boneheaded.
        Sexism? Because what, there are a lot of men in the Bible? I am a girl and even I think you’re crazy. Besides, God created Adam and Eve. So obviously, women were meant to be here too. And your stripper factory heaven is not sexist? Your heaven is a heaven for men, but what about women? They just all go to the other place? And you say that’s not a sexist view.
        Homophobia is fearing homosexuals. There is a difference between fearing them and believing they have commited an abomination. And you think trying to make lesbians, or worse, strippers, out of little girls is a good thing? “If you’re a woman, be a stripper, be a lesbian or go to the bad place!” Yeah, you’re so kind and tolerant.
        Child abuse? Where does it say anything about child abuse in the Bible? And you try to teach young girls to be strippers and then be raped by grown men. That’s child abuse, genius.
        And once again, I admitted I am not all-knowing. I still do have some things to learn. At least I told the truth and didn’t say that I know everything.
        Lastly, the only things your officials would ‘teach’ me are the ways of the FSM and why Pastafarianism is “such a better way that the crud your parents taught you.” All they’d do is have me read the FSM “Bible” and shove your religion down my throat until you converted me. Then you’d run around saying I had been blessed by His Noodliness (at least I have the decency to put a capital letter for even YOUR religion, unlike what you do for me.) Then you would probably put me on drugs and pot so that I would still believe this. After I was high like so many of you, you’d get me to go torment people of other religions and shove Pastafarianism down their throats until they were converted. And that would be the end of intelligence.

        • Noodlity says:

          For one, Pastafarianism does in no way preach violence against anyone at all. The Xian bible, on the other hand, has entire chapters dedicated to various types of unjustified capital punishment, total warfare, and the occasional child murder. Age is not an issue – Buddhism is more than 600 years older than Xianity, but have you heard of wars fought in its name? No.

          Science being “your business” is one thing. Preventing other people from making that choice at all – something else entirely. As for what scientists know – I’d trust their methods and results over any delusions of omniscience you hold for your imaginary friend. If you believe otherwise, then next time you get sick, go to a church instead of a hospital.

          Making fun of Indians… might you elaborate?

          Pastafarian strippers come in all genders, shapes, and sizes. Additionaly, considering they come from a factory, they’re most likely cybernetic in design. You’d have known that, had you actually read the Gospel.

          For child abuse, see Judges 11:29-40 and Isaiah 13:16, and for bashing babies against rocks, go to Hosea 13:16 & Psalms 137:9. By the way, you should get a real bible for that. I don’t think they’re in the abridged children’s bible you seem to be reading.

          As for the lesson, it has nothing to do with Pastafarianism. What you’re about to learn, is that the logical fallacies and self-righteous conundrums, characteristic of Xianity, are no match for the actual arguments posed by people who think for themselves, instead of letting a book do it for them. That this very book, and all it has to say, means nothing to a growing number of the world’s population. Convert you? We don’t need you in the first place. And this is not the end of intelligence.
          This is just the beginning.

          RAmen

        • Zuri says:

          1.A 600 year difference and a 2,005 year difference are one heck of a jump. However, if you guys continue to mock other religions, demonize the followers, and torment them, eventually there will be war. For now, you guys kill other’s feelings with hateful words. That is how many wars start. You may not be fighting it, but maybe your child or grandchild will.

          2.I’m not preventing others from making that choice. Nor does my faith. Our theories contradict science, so what? If you want to scientific, ignore our theories. I don’t care.

          3.Calling the Hindu book “Ten Little Indians”. What, you don’t think that’s offensive? If I called your Bible “Chef Jeff” or “meaningless meatball mush”, would you be offended? I thought so.

          4.A factory? How in the name of the world do you make a stripper in a factory? Now you’re not only disgracing women, but humanity as a whole.

          5.I’ll look that up. By the way, I am pretty young, so I do still have a children’s Bible, though I haven’t taken it out in about a year or two.

          6.It still has to do with getting me away from Christianity, even if it doesn’t point directly to Pastafarianism.

          7. Amen, Ramen, whatever.

      • Zuri says:

        Also: There you go again, tormenting Christians, this time replacing the word “Christ” with “X”.

        • Noodlity says:

          Actually, the X comes from the original symbol Chi Rho and has been used as a substitute prefix for more than a thousand years, usually by Xians, no less.

          History. Try and keep up.

        • Zuri says:

          Does that mean you have to use it while speaking to a Christian?
          No.

        • Noodlity says:

          Ah, so I should not refer to Xianity with terms you find inappropriate, even though they actually are Xian in origin.

          Double standard fail.

        • plumberbob says:

          @ Zuri,

          You should know that Pastafarian Heaven is Heaven. The product of the “Stripper factory” is what the receiver wants, be it male, female, gay, straight, lesbian. or other. Also there, NO means NO. You’re making assumptions about our theology that you haven’t the background to make. You would need to study our Gospel and the Loose Canon before you have the competence to even ask questions in our congregational forum.

          RAmen

        • plumberbob says:

          @ Zuri,

          You’re at our website; we are not trolling your websites. There are ‘Zuri friendly’ websites where you will be much more comfortable than you are here. Please answer the remarks for which you have asked citations on other threads at this site, and then quietly bug-off and go where your fears are more welcome topics of discussion.

          RAmen

        • Zuri says:

          ‘Zuri friendly’

          You say that like I’m an oversensitive 5 year old that needs to be sheltered from opposite opinions.

        • Noodlity says:

          So, you’re not?

        • Zuri says:

          @Noodlity

          Come back some 6 years ago.

          And then you complain about me slinging insults.

  8. Zuri says:

    BTW, X was PREVIOUSLY used by Christians. It has become a blot-out used by athiests.

    Get off your lazy duff, stop smoking pot and boozing, seek mental help, go get yourself a kindergarten education. and then sit down and read the Bible. With an open mind.

    Maybe then you’ll start treating us with some respect, which is why I came here in the first place.

    • Noodlity says:

      So, you come here, insult half the members, and expect respect?

      I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.

    • Drained and Washed Clean says:

      Why do you assume we are lazy? Most of the regular people on this website have degrees, some multiple. We have jobs and lives and support families. We would not be able to do this if we were lazy.

      Why do you assume we smoke pot? Some people here live in countries where it is legal to smoke pot. Pot has been proven to be of medicinal value, and the effects are way less than that of alcohol. People don’t beat their wives because they are high.

      Why do you assume we are alcoholics? Since most of us are able to spell and make coherent arguments as apposed to using ones opinion as fact and are able to tell the difference. You?

      Why are you assuming we need mental help? You have people who hear voices in their heads, do things because an invisible sky daddy tells them to, speak in weird languages, fall down because someone touches them (in the spirit), and talk to themselves. Who needs mental help?

      Why are you assuming we do not have an education? Would you like to do an all call of degrees? Let’s start with yours.

      Why do you assume we haven’t read the bible? From the arguments you have written so far, and from people having to site biblical references to things you clearly have no idea about, you have not read the bible. We are fully aware of the contents of your book. Perhaps you should catch up. Don’t forget to read it with an open mind!

    • plumberbob says:

      @ Zuri ,

      Read that X-rated book with an open mind?

      Ezekiel 23:19-21

      “…For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses,and whose issue is like the issue of horses…in bruising thy teats by the Egyptians for the paps of thy youth.”

      I again call on you to give us a thoughtful exegesis of this passage.

      RAmen

      • Zuri says:

        I know I was being stupid that day. I already apologized for that.
        I’m sorry, I have no idea what that passage means.

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          “I’m sorry, I have no idea what that passage means.”

          Considering how young you are, I am comforted by this knowledge.

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