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FSM Theme Park

Published December 9th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson

fsmtheme2

Open call for submissions!

How about it? Let’s brainstorm and see if we can’t come up with some fantastic attractions and artwork.  I will be shocked if we can’t outdo the Ark Encounter.  Here are some themes to work with but don’t let this limit you:

* Pirates

* Beer Volcano

* Midgets  (I’m making that hand waving gesture because it’s a touchy subject (I think (or is that a touchy subject to mention it))

* The mystery of the Pirate Fish (specifically why has its origin never been explained?)

* The Creation Mountains

What am I missing?



384 Responses to “FSM Theme Park”

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  1. gumbo limbo says:

    Don’t forget the hands-on “pick your own spaghetti” grove…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27ugSKW4-QQ

  2. SadiiKitty says:

    Maybe a pirate themed log/boat ride, where you travel down one of his noodley appendages???

  3. bill says:

    I realize this has been mentioned several times, but I feel compelled to re-iterate. What about the stripper factory? I didn’t see it in the theme park layout. Maybe just have strippers instead of Disney characters running around. It would keep things interesting, but might cause problems with the family types & of course a problem during cold weather (or would it be??).

  4. Theoneandonly says:

    What about a roller coaster that looks like it’s made out of spaghetti? You could ride around on it in meatball cars!

  5. Ham Solo says:

    How about a Noodle Room, sort of like a ball room, but with noodles. So we can be wrapped in his noodleness and feel his warmth.

  6. m610 says:

    The pirate ship idea is great, and Portland has an actual ocean, unlike KY.

    Pitch the ship rides as – “Stop global warming! Come be a pirate with us!”

    FSM rides, too, such as kids in those habit-trail tube tube things at McD’s, or of course water slides and other things already mentioned.

    If not an actual, full size, working stripper factory, then how about a scale model one, showing the raw materials input, conveyor belts carrying gloomy people in, old clothes going into the recycle bins, machines that apply the pasties, and happy strippers of all sorts being delivered to the in-park parties.

    A solemn display of the IRRYD’s.

    A volcano that goes off every day at noon, the start of happy hour.

    Midgets are cool, so hire them all, and let them tell tales of their forefathers and when they walked daily with HIM.

    Items to sell, special Lego kits that let you build your own factory, fizzy volcano kits, pasta recipe books, chocolate stuff, beer, of course, and the Gospel, and so on.

    I think we need a map of this proposed oasis of sensible nonsense, a brochure, and a web site.

  7. Carbonara-based Unit says:

    In cooler weather, how about a frozen “grated Parmesan” playground, where the young of all ages might engage in a high-spirited cheeseball fight (w/ beer goggles for sale or rental onsite — safety first), or create a meatballman, or perhaps slide down a cheesy, fragrant slope on mats made of noodles or inner-tubes shaped like bagels (not sure about the last one — though certainly starchy (and “hole-ly”), and can be used with tomato & cheese to make a quick pizza substitute, do boiled and baked rolls figure in on our FSM’s grand plan?)…

    In the beer lake (“Lake Lager”?), half-hourly rentals of giant meatball-shaped plastic balls in which patrons would be sealed, allowing them to walk on beer from shore to shore, just as our Savior was said to have done…

    • Carbonara-based Unit says:

      …no, check that…I was thinking of someone else…still, a pretty nifty trick to walk on beer…

  8. Geoff says:

    The ocean would be the Corsari Marinara – VLL (very late latin) translation: The Sea of Pirates.

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