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FSM Theme Park

Published December 9th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson

fsmtheme2

Open call for submissions!

How about it? Let’s brainstorm and see if we can’t come up with some fantastic attractions and artwork.  I will be shocked if we can’t outdo the Ark Encounter.  Here are some themes to work with but don’t let this limit you:

* Pirates

* Beer Volcano

* Midgets  (I’m making that hand waving gesture because it’s a touchy subject (I think (or is that a touchy subject to mention it))

* The mystery of the Pirate Fish (specifically why has its origin never been explained?)

* The Creation Mountains

What am I missing?



366 Responses to “FSM Theme Park”

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  1. Bonj says:

    One problem, guys… quoting from the Eight I’d really rather you didn’ts:

    6. I’d really rather you didn’t build multi million-dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
    I. Ending poverty
    II. Curing diseases
    III. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable
    I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.

    • Lillith says:

      I’d say building a theme park fits very well under the “Living in peace”.

    • clxxxiv says:

      Its state money. They are gong to give t to FSM or the christians.

    • Nella says:

      This may be a stretch, but how about if the profits go to various charities or to a scientific organization? that would meet #1, 2 and 3.
      Also, you can donate to some new upcoming pasta company.. one that is echo friendly or uses whole grain… something like that

  2. Vintorez says:

    A giant model of FSM whose noodly appendages are used for a roller-coaster. :D

  3. Lewis says:

    There should be a large lake, with sailing lessons offered. Obviously there needs to be a pirate ship that offers rides around the lake, with a properly dressed pirate crew. The captain should be a midget. I liked the beer volcano water slide idea, I think part of the lake should be converted into a water park, with a 3 story volcano that has 3 +/- beer (water) slides. For the adults there should be a FSM – stripper factory themed – strip club. When a new stripped comes on they roll out on a conveyer belt through a metal door that slides open and shut, with blinking lights in the wall above the doorway (look like something out of a sci-fi movie), and as they’re coming out there should be a fog machine so it looks like steam is coming out from the door. There should be a bar in the strip club too, that also sells food. Food sold at the FSM theme park should be things such spaghetti&meat ball subs, meat balls on a stick, Ramen, and other noodly products. For the kids there should be a large candy store with things like Pirate fish lollipops, gummy FSM fish, Chocolate pirates, and other FSM themed candy. On the pirate ship there should be interactive tours where people can be educated on pirate life. There should be a place for parents to drop their kids off (kinda like a day-care), and kids can do numerous pirate themed activities depending on their age and what they want to do, arts and crafts doing things like making their own pirate gear, sailing lessons like I mentioned above, swimming and swimming lessons, making their own spaghetti&meatball themed snacks.

    Obviously there needs to be rides that are painted and designed to depict his noodlyness, maybe a beer volcano roller-coaster, and a tunnel of love that takes you through a stripper factory.

  4. anon says:

    How about a place where you can experience the experiential experience of experiencing being the midgit? Where all the tables are a bit big, etc? Then a big bit of spaghetti (foam rubber) could touch you from a hole in the ceiling. This would have a big effect on malleable, developing, vulnerable minds, and would not be exploitative in any respect since it is religious.

  5. G$ says:

    ONE: USE YOUR NOODLE. Keep your ideas ‘al forno’.

    Leave Kentucky out of it. Your golden ticket here is Portland, OR.

    The support and resources are ripe for beginning your successful dynasty.
    For one… Portland is one-of-a-kind weird. Respect it, take advantage of it.
    Second, there’s the annual Portland Pirate Fest every year at St. Johns… I’d like to see a giant FSM art structure take over that bridge. Considering the weather and the fog, this would be a visceral experience to witness. (Just so long as it is not falling down into traffic due to the rain.)
    You have Captain Henry’s Pirate Store, a go-to place for all piratical gear.

    Most of all, there’s McMinnimins. Get them on your side.
    Locate an old church in need of repair and turn it into a spaghetti house!
    The concepts developed in this relationship would be LEGENDARY. They could resolve the “midget problem” and work out management and marketing issues with you. Artists all over the world could contribute to this from making stained glass windows to animatronic fiberoptic noodly chandeliers. Just don’t give away the FSM… integrate him into everything. Make part of everything. Don’t slack on the pasta concepts either. Make REAL pasta! Create the “infinity noodle” one that has no beginning or end and can fill the plate. Make art with the food. Get people to laugh when they are served for the first time.

    Portland is also a great place for beer, so why not have a micro-brewery? (hmm, midget opportunity?)
    Must I say growlers from the tap to-go, can be nothing but piratically themed? GARRRR!!!

    Portland is also a great locale for strippers… but let’s not get too far ahead. Build your brand, keep your concepts separated, remember that you are on Earth still. However, “The One-eyed Fish” idea is brilliant for a club. Perhaps even slightly exclusive, and best-kept secret, reminiscent of the Twin Peaks “One-Eyed Jacks”. An out of the way coastal fish foundry might be a good warehouse and excellent attraction for tourists. ;)

    Oregon also lacks a decent theme park. You build one here and you will be everyone’s favorite. Mickey Mouse would lose serious business. My suggestion here is to build something special. Sure, incorporate theme, but make it green. (So many ideas here.) Set it among a beautiful setting. Imagine reaching the top of the roller coaster and instead of feeling the excitement of the drop, being deeply moved by the majestic nature that surrounds you. And when the tears start rolling, ride em hard. Make those tears wrap around to the back of their heads and hit the people behind them.

    • Keith says:

      Wow, G$. You almost make me wish I was in America!

    • clxxxiv says:

      Oswego Ny has similar stuff going on. As well as annual festival where a full sized wooden sailing ship comes to harbor. Sterling ren faire right outside the town as well. Well over a 100 bars in town.

      • Rev.Stu says:

        Last Thursdays on NE Alberta St. in Portland are epic! (Summer when the weather cooperates There are also over 85 strip bars and a myriad of related businesses. Portland is a vast network of strippers, a veritable factory, a network held together by noodle appendages. Ramen

  6. Michael Stone-Richard says:

    A suggest the “His Great Noodliness” roller coaster, which, at one point the (baguette-shaped) cars splash through a great vat of baptismal marinara sauce.

  7. Pirate Johnson says:

    As the state that brought Johnny depp N2 this world, we must cleanse Tom Cruise of his possession & remind him of his childhood days as a Kentucky Pirate. As the saying goes, “A lad or lass brought up in the ways of Pasta, will always return to the sea.” We were covered in water @ some point for there to be this much coal.

  8. J Hunt says:

    A pirate theme park could be a hit right now with the release of the new Pirates Of The Caribbean 3D movie that was recently released. I heard that the first contractors that built the set for the movie were fired because of shoddy workmanship, and that a second company was hired to finish up the set for the safety of the actors and crew. So if you’re seriously thinking of building the theme park, be sure you thoroughly check out the company that’s doing the construction.

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