most fucking pathetic excuse for a religion

Published June 12th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the most fucking pathetic excuse for a religion. Bullshit, a bowl of fucking food created you? It doesn’t even have a fucking brain! Ha ha. I can’t believe how much you are offending me, and many others. Especially your FSM "Bible". Why did you have to make fun of my religion, and others? You called the Christian bible The New Testicle. Seriously, stop making fun of other religions. Also, you called the Hindu’s book, "Ten Little Indians". Okay, you are the most twisted, racist fucking bastard on the planet. I can’t believe you are a racist bastard. Why, do you have to make fun of other religions? Probably because you want to just kick back and laugh at other people, and bash them. That’s why. Also, in your queer FSM "Bible", you obiously had to make fun of the Jews. I’m very offended, because the Jews had probably had the roughest life, and you go ahead and make fun of the REAL Bible, not your bullshit bible!!! Your version of heaven sucks huge fucking dicks. I don’t want strippers, and beer is nasty as fuck. You aren’t even trying, and your version of Hell is the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard of. When you’re already DEAD it doesn’t FUCKING MATTER  IF YOU GET AN STD OR NOT!!!!! Fuck you sir, don’t be suprised when you die if you burn in Hell, because I am a solid Christian and I am praying for you, and I really hate that you have to MOCK other religions. You are very racist, and I hope that you burn in Hell and realize your FSM is just your imagination, and you’re full of bullshit. Also, I feel like sueing the publishers of your FSM Bible, since you have gone that far and turned racist.

Don’t be suprised if you get sued for being a RACIST FUCKING DOUCHEBAG! AND YOU CALL YOUR RELIGION "PEACEFUL"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck you,
Mike



1,189 Responses to “most fucking pathetic excuse for a religion”

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  1. Katie says:

    Since when was Christianity a race? How is this racist? This guy needs to lay off the coke and take a chill pill. Someone clearly needs to go back to 5th grade and learn what the word parody means. This whole thing was created to prove a point, not to offend people. Now if it offends you, please pull the giant stick up your ass out, and learn to take a joke. This guy is a “solid Christian”? Hah, I’ve seen Evangelists more solid than that. Christianity is a peaceful religion? Since when has it EVER been peaceful? I’m pretty sure those Crusades weren’t peaceful, along with the number of hate crimes committed in the name of Christianity throughout history. So take a nice hot cup of shut the fuck up, and go drown in the shit you spew out.

    • Chris says:

      You took the words out of my mouth. Sweetie, thank you for not making me waste my time pointing that out!

    • Alphy says:

      You are the same type of nut cake that thinks that atheism is a religion. You are full of poop!

      You are another one who needs to go take a good long HOT enema!

  2. evilwonders says:

    An with that mouth you pray to your God????

    • Kolin Alayon says:

      Don’t judge if you don’t want to be judged

      • David says:

        Take your own advice:

        just remember this…
        Mathew 7:22-23

        “Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”

        Also:
        Ephesians 4:29

        “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

        And you wonder why us secular minded people make fun of your religion. “Christians” like yourself do nothing but make us “worldly” people think your religion is a joke. That is why this parody religion was made. If Christianity really changed people, then you wouldn’t behave the way you do. That is why there are so many of us ex-Christians as we saw piles of evidence in our own lives that Christianity doesn’t change people as it claims to.

        2 Corinthians 5:17

        “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”

        I have no respect for your religion. I have no god or gods in my life to be held accountable to. Go ahead and threaten me with fire and brimstone all you want, but it isn’t fair to blast Atheists for making fun of hypocrites when you all ask for it. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out. It is funny that a “godless evil Atheist heathen” like myself can respond to a “Christian” like yourself using less profanity than you. Never ceases to amaze me…

        If you can’t say anything nice, if you can’t swallow your pride, if you can’t grow up and act like an adult(although that doesn’t surprise me as MOST religious people act like spoiled children when people insult their imaginary friends), then do as your mother probably told you and don’t say anything at all.

        • Olio says:

          “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”

          I do wonder where does reporting details of crimes such as abuse fit into this? Certainly repeating certain details benefits nobody but probably worth the sharing.

          You say you have not used any profanity in your post. That is a matter of perspective. Following the recitation of certain biblical passages, you may just need your mouth washed out with soap. Profanity is a matter of perspective.

        • Olio says:

          I also think you may have used the word ‘worldly’ as derogatory and condescending in context, maybe unintentionally. I suspect many people fitting the criteria you outline are well traveled for example- maybe even the person writing the original letter. Hard as it is to envision, he could be a college professor, maybe even the head of a division such as psycology and is just baiting the boards to get responses. That is my guestimate for the lot of better part of these boards if not all.

  3. Rose Fsm believer and follower if the Order says:

    And Christians call THEMSELVES PEACEFUL?!??
    yet again, you manage to contradict yourselves….

    • Kolin Alayon says:

      We are peaceful when unprovoked. But when you go ahead and go on the offensive we will burn you at the steak and stone your families. If you stop now that’ll be the end of it. We will not look for you, we will not pursue you. But if you don’t, we will look for you, we will find you, and we will kill you. You’ve seen what we are capable of (Spanish Inquisition) it would be a shame if history repeated itself won’t it. We are kind, we are compassionate we are loving that’s why we preach to you because if we didn’t we have to kill you. If you asked for help we are there if you are hungry, we will give you something to eat; if you are thirsty, we will give you something to drink; if you are a stranger, we will invited you in; if you are naked, we will clothe you;if you are sick, we will visit Me; if you are in prison, we will come to you. When you smite us we turn the other cheek. We tried to forgive you over and over again but sometimes it is too much. Yes we are peaceful because we will live you alone and let God extend his hand and wipe you across the land. He will raise His fist of judgment against you. He will give you as plunder to many nations. He will cut you off from being a nation and destroy you completely. Then you will know that He is the LORD.

      • Reverend Captain Mal says:

        Are you serious?

      • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

        Burn us at the steak? Hey, I like mine medium rare.

        “We are peaceful when unprovoked…You’ve seen what we are capable of (Spanish Inquisition)”.
        So, what was the provocation for the Spanish Inquisition? Greed?

        “we will invited you in” “we will live you alone” “we will visit Me” Time to rest up and reconnect some synapses, Kolin.

        The SillyKiwiMan pointed out your contradictory dogma; maybe you should think about it. “He will … destroy you completely. Then you will know that He is the LORD.” No, then we would know he’s a sadistic cosmic bully. Luckily, he’s imaginary.

        • Olio says:

          Being destroyed completely one would not know the lord but know nothing at all I am guessing. Hence the definition of destroyed completely. It is difficult to teach lessons while in destroy mode. Try the loving compassionate thing again. Less likely to go on a watch list or accidentally shoot yourself in the foot, two ahead.

      • TiltedHorizon says:

        “But when you go ahead and go on the offensive we will burn you at the steak and stone your families.”

        If a religion predicated on fear does not sway me to follow it then what hope do you have? By leading with threats all you succeed at is proving yourself and your faith undeserving of respect or tolerance. Which means I have no choice here, I have to sound the alarms, I have to call you out for all to see, I have to label your faith as folly, for any belief which can turn a human into a principled sociopath is the embodiment of evil.

      • Atsap Revol says:

        KOLIN ALAYON,

        I’ll be waiting for you to look for me, find me, and kill me. But be careful, I don’t throw stones; I have a .357 Magnum, and I know how to use it. It may be better for your sorry ass if you just let God raise his fist of judgment against me.

        I haven’t had such a good threat since BIG GUY took his business elsewhere. I cringe in fear and anticipation of being wiped across the land when God extends His almighty hand. While He’s wiping, He can also wipe my butt.

        Atsap Revol, COF

        • Olio says:

          Please no. I don’t want to read about a gun standoff in the news. Not one where a person gets shot. Didn’t someone point out pastafarianism is the first or only religion not to have been associated with acts of violence? Keep blanks in the guns.

        • bruceo says:

          Most recent Facebook post on Kolin Alayon’s wall:

          “I’m goin’ home, going to load my shotgun.
          Wait by the door and light a cigarette.
          They want a fight well now they got one.
          They ain’t seen me crazy yet.”

          Atsap, your pistol won’t match his rifle (see his awesome heathen-killin’ Facebook photo here):
          http://tinyurl.com/7brvf5e

        • Olio says:

          If that is factual and not a practical joke, someone ought to contact the fusilli brethren of invites noted elsewhere on the site do you disagree? Just to ensure no shrapnel hits the neighbors when a squirrel startles him standing there with the itchy trigger finger.

        • Olio says:

          By the way is that guy a rep for the ATF? Just the mention of both cigarettes and firearms in the same breath struck me. Had he mixed himself a cocktail as well there would be a hit for all three elements.

      • Kolin Alayon sucks balls says:

        Please come after me you stupid shitbag. Burn me at the STEAK!!

        • Barkingspyder says:

          I hope when he burns us at the steak he brings along some A-1, maybe some sauteed mushrooms and maybe a dollop of horseradish.

    • David says:

      He or she is probably just some punk 15 year old kid with a big mouth who gets picked on at school and has nothing better to do than to try to antagonize pirates! That or they are just pissed that they can’t be like Captain Morgan getting ALL the booty-some short skirt at church probably put him down for his pimples and wouldn’t give him a hand job….Ramen

      • Olio says:

        Wouldn’t know where to begin to respond to that elaborate bit of disturbing profiling. I could ask why go there, but even this is more than too much I do not see anyone needing to know.

        • Olio says:

          I might add most notably because the person the comments are directed at has been referrenced as having an weapons arsenal of some type and the intent to do harm to others with it. Directing this that particular direction is not recommended if these details were to turn out to be accurate with the weaponry locked and loaded.

  4. Anonymous says:

    You deserve an award for the most gratuitous use of a certain word in a hate-mail. (Yes, this is a reference to something.)

  5. Noodle Theory says:

    Is it really necessary to say F*** 10 times in one hate mail? Congratulations on making yourself look like an idiot.

  6. Pansexual Polyatheist says:

    Of course Mike isn’t serious. First of all, NOBODY is that stupid! And secondly, a REAL Christian would not: a) wish for people to go to hell; b) swear so much; or c) say something as contradictory to his religion as “When you’re already DEAD it doesn’t ……. MATTER IF YOU GET AN STD OR NOT” because REAL Christians don’t believe death is the end. So obviously Mike is either a made up person to get you all responding, or just really, really retarded (even more so than the usual people who blindly believe all that b/s) – in which case, we should all pity him.

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      Nice post, but I have to ask something: Does pansexual refer to your prediliction towards cooking implements?

      • Olio says:

        Is this a referrence to the forking mentioned in another one of your threads? This site grows more interesting every day. First frying pantheism now a Frying pansexual , what’s next I wonder.

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      “First of all, NOBODY is that stupid!”

      SHHHHH!!! The last thing the stupid need is a challenge.

    • WhatyMcWhaterson says:

      I’ve actually seen a lot of christian violate a, b and c when they are facing an atheist:
      http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/media/death-threats-against-atheist-spokesman-after-fox-news-appearance
      just to name one…

      Although that doesn’t really represent every christian, and is really quite un-christian like.

      • Keith says:

        Some of the posts on that link look like direct death threats to me (as opposed to implied ones). I wonder if any of the authors have had the police knocking on their door at 3am in the morning or is that what constitutes “free speech”?

        • Olio says:

          That would depend on the affiliation of the people doing the knocking in some cases. There are no rules about posting when off duty.

          If non belief in Jesus is a basis for the discrimination, it would be any belief lacking that, or lack of belief in this at issue, as a guideline, in that instance you cite, not atheism per se if the responses are any indication, if true that this had occurred. Tracking the people making threats of this nature makes more sense, although since screen names have been known to be pre empted by outside parties and spoofing can occur, it becomes an ethical issue to do this. Because the people getting tracked could be targets themselves and not actually have posted the materials of concern. People may also say things trying to be ironic or humorous without realizing the impact. That is what I hope is the case. Or that the entirety of that link is spoofed.

  7. Alphy says:

    Now here is a fine Christian lad showing his true colors–

    “Fuck you sir, don’t be suprised when you die if you burn in Hell, because I am a solid Christian and I am praying for you, and I really hate that you have to MOCK other religions. You are very racist, and I hope that you burn in Hell and realize your FSM is just your imagination, and you’re full of bullshit. Also, I feel like sueing the publishers of your FSM Bible, since you have gone that far and turned racist.

    Don’t be suprised if you get sued for being a RACIST FUCKING DOUCHEBAG! AND YOU CALL YOUR RELIGION “PEACEFUL”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    Temper temper now. You know Christians are not supposed to get angry that is a sin. You are just supposed to turn the other cheek. I’ll pray for you to our beloved FSM that he may send the Pasta Ghosta and clean all the mean hateful poop out of your in sick heart. So, you really want Bobby to go to hell? What a fine loving Christian attitude! Shows your true colors. Meanwhile why don’t you go join the Westboro Baptist Church? I’m sure they would be glad to have you.

  8. antoine says:

    What the fuck is wrong with sucking huge fucking dicks? Beer nasty as fuck? You don’t like strippers? you have a penis, so you are a fucking liar. “ten little indians” simply refers to the ten incarnations of vishnu. read the mahabarata, bitch. oh wait, you might have a little trouble with the sanskrit or hindi version you might be reading. get an education and you might open your mind. then He might embrace you with his Almighty noodlyness and your life will be forever changed. Also, race is a social construct. quit feeding into it.

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