most fucking pathetic excuse for a religion

Published June 12th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the most fucking pathetic excuse for a religion. Bullshit, a bowl of fucking food created you? It doesn’t even have a fucking brain! Ha ha. I can’t believe how much you are offending me, and many others. Especially your FSM "Bible". Why did you have to make fun of my religion, and others? You called the Christian bible The New Testicle. Seriously, stop making fun of other religions. Also, you called the Hindu’s book, "Ten Little Indians". Okay, you are the most twisted, racist fucking bastard on the planet. I can’t believe you are a racist bastard. Why, do you have to make fun of other religions? Probably because you want to just kick back and laugh at other people, and bash them. That’s why. Also, in your queer FSM "Bible", you obiously had to make fun of the Jews. I’m very offended, because the Jews had probably had the roughest life, and you go ahead and make fun of the REAL Bible, not your bullshit bible!!! Your version of heaven sucks huge fucking dicks. I don’t want strippers, and beer is nasty as fuck. You aren’t even trying, and your version of Hell is the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard of. When you’re already DEAD it doesn’t FUCKING MATTER  IF YOU GET AN STD OR NOT!!!!! Fuck you sir, don’t be suprised when you die if you burn in Hell, because I am a solid Christian and I am praying for you, and I really hate that you have to MOCK other religions. You are very racist, and I hope that you burn in Hell and realize your FSM is just your imagination, and you’re full of bullshit. Also, I feel like sueing the publishers of your FSM Bible, since you have gone that far and turned racist.

Don’t be suprised if you get sued for being a RACIST FUCKING DOUCHEBAG! AND YOU CALL YOUR RELIGION "PEACEFUL"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck you,
Mike



1,178 Responses to “most fucking pathetic excuse for a religion”

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  1. Robert says:

    Spoken like a true Christian – Intolerant, nonsensical, and lacking any intellectual adeptness whatsoever.

    • Bernard says:

      Sorry, you’re wrong here.
      This guy (Mike) is not speaking like a Christian, but like an idiot.
      Christians can be idiots as well as members of any other confession or atheists.
      And the majority of Christians are not such idiots as Mike.

      • TiltedHorizon says:

        Bernard, in this forum a “True” Christian is an inside joke, a reference to fundamentalists who visited this site and actually declared Christianity at large is following the wrong biblical interpretations, exclaiming themselves as being the only “True” Christians.

        As a disclaimer, I don’t know Robert, therefore it he could have been making a generalization but considering how often it is used here as a sarcastic adjective you may want to take such comments with a grain of salt.

        • Bernard says:

          OK. thanks for the clarification.

  2. His Noodly Apendage says:

    I bless you. I will give you a pearl necklace of my noodly jizz. i hope you open your eyes to reality, all praise FSM!

    • Omnipotent Zombie says:

      Hey man, you should spew your xxx jargon somewhere else more fitting, like a xxx forum or such.

    • The Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

      Yet again we are being let down by the less holy of our fold, if indeed he/she is of this community. I think that he/she may be a troll, here in an attempt to destroy us from within. Your attidude reveals you as a possible fundie sleeper, as does your spelling, a serious Pastafarian would have read the word ‘appendage’ a sufficient number of times to be able to spell it correctly. If however you do consider yourself a Pastafarian then remember, comments like this do our cause more harm than good, if you have nothing to say then shut the f*** up!

      Here’s hoping you are soon truely touched by his Noodly Appendage,

      The Reverend

      • nunya biz says:

        Yes, more harm than god. Whenever any1 mentions noodly appendage, all I can think of is that futurama episode featuring Shklee (think that is correct…)

  3. nunya biz says:

    Mike, in referrence 2 remarx, m raised as Jewish myself & thus far have not seen anything offensive, here…unless u include things I have said which may inadvertantly offend…but OFFLINE some really anti semite slams, which r intentional…like persons saying they support dropping a bomb on all of the middle east & wiping the whole place off the earth…because of how warlike it is,,,which is funny, because dropping a bomb on a place not exactly peaceful. It is a queer topic (I assume u meant ‘strange’ in choosing that word)…because the word for peace in Israel/ Hebrew= SHALOM…word in neighboring areas/ Arabic= SALAM. Seems 2 b similar in in derivation, , ,
    As in not so different, really. More alike than different, might say. Close. That has always struck me.

  4. nunya biz says:

    & some of the strongest people are those that have overcome adversity, if it can be accomplished. MANY peoples have suffered. Not always in the name of religion or cultural heritage, with things like events in Rwanda coming 2 mind…

    • nunya biz says:

      & it hasnt just been due 2 judaism i been targeted 4 alone, some people havnt likd their family members pal-ing around with what is seen by compare apparently as being equivalent 2 a pagan heathen…& happens 2 persons other than this…for reasons other than this, 2, actually…but u know this. Just ask Albi (c below). Not an expert in areas of religion, nor history & do not pretend 2 b. Even tho id love 2 hear more all about xianity, th religion i m raised in (there was another…kind of. Also.) , all the others (how many
      r there?) I was brought an educational feature 2 learn about this sort of thing PROPERLY…Flight of the Conchords episode Drive By…1st Season. 2nd Disc.
      PEACE.

      • nunya biz says:

        & in supporting ur site, saw some goods 4 sale & have a suggestion…u should have some1 design u a stencil…for purposes of placing graffiti on things like bikes & skateboards, the like.

        & NO I don’t feel discrimination is funny, nor drive bys, nor sanitizing fruit with inappropriate substrates, nor burns by fire or anything else, & especially against dragon banishment (which we had not even known there were any left)…
        just 4 clarity sake.

  5. Sauce of Life says:

    Dear Mike,
    Since it is apparent that you are an intolerant bigot incapable of any deep thoughts other than those spoon fed to you through years of calculated deceit, perhaps the only way you can see your own bigotry is through your own words, re-imagined through the eyes of someone who views existence in a different way. So, everywhere you’ve degraded our belief system I’ve replaced your words with ones more personal to your belief system.

    Christianity is the most fucking pathetic excuse for a religion. Bullshit, an omnipotent (please use a dictionary for this word) infallible being located in heaven created you? It seems like you don’t even have a fucking brain! Ha ha. I can’t believe how much you are offending me, and many others, with your inability to distinguish between reality and fairy tale. Especially your Christian “Bible”. Why did you have to make fun of my Flying Spaghetti Monster religion, and others? You called the FSM bible “Queer.” Seriously, stop making fun of other religions. Okay, you are the most twisted, racist fucking bastards (s inserted on the end of the word bastard to indicate there are more than one of you) on the planet. I can’t believe you are racist bastards (s inserted on the end of the word bastard to indicate there are more than one of you) . Why, do you have to make fun of other belief systems? Probably because you want to just kick back and laugh at other people, and bash them. That’s why. Also, in your Christian “Bible”, you obviously had to leave out any reference to the Flying Spaghetti Monster out of fear that it would make your holy book seem crazy. I’m very offended, because the Pastafarians had probably the roughest life at sea, and you go ahead and make fun of the REAL Flying Spaghetti Monster Bible, not your bullshit Christian bible!!! Your version of heaven sucks huge fucking dicks. I don’t want want to worship a fake God who forces me to love him out of fear of death (sounds a bit like a Mafia Godfather verses an all-knowing and loving God). You aren’t even trying, and your version of Hell is the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard of. When you’re already DEAD it doesn’t FUCKING MATTER IF YOU GO TO HELL OR EVEN BURN IN IT FOR AN ETERNITY…YOU’RE ALREADY DEAD, YOU DUMBSHIT!!!!! Fuck you sir, don’t be surprised (r added to suprise to ensure those of us with a command of the English language aren’t offended by my own stupidity) when you die if you are given a cold beer and a hot stripper and enough time to allow her to walk your plank, because I am a solid Flying Spaghetti Monster Pastafarian and I am hoping you will be touched by His Noodly Appendage, and I really hate that you have to MOCK others (s added to the word other for impact) imagination, and you’re full of bullshit. Also, I feel like sending an Army of Midgets, Pirates and Strippers to the publishers of your Christian Bible, since you have gone that far and turned racist.
    Don’t be suprised if you get sued for being a RACIST FUCKING DOUCHEBAG! AND YOU CALL YOUR CHRISTIAN RELIGION “PEACEFUL”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Fuck You,

    Someone who actually believes we all have the right to our own beliefs, no matter whether they make absolutely no sense or they are based on stories written by humans during a time when they had limited scientific evidence contrary to their beliefs.

    Hmm, the statement above about Christianity seems like it came from an intolerant bigot who is accepting of only his or her own religious beliefs…I wonder where this intolerance, lack of understanding and overall rigid views of life came from?? We in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster aren’t rigid assholes like the individual who originally came up with these thoughts against our beliefs. And, I wouldn’t expect Mike to apologize because apologizing is a form of admitting fault, and we all know that Christianity is without fault.

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      Hey, speaking of racist; Mike, did you know that – at least here in America – churches are the most racial polarized populations of all? I just got off CNN.com where there was a story of a woman in Indiana kicked out of her Christian church for dating a black man. And of course you have the Mormons preaching that black people are the descendants of Cain, so they have an extra helping of original sin. 19th century slave-owners? Good Christians in their day!

      • Sauce of Life says:

        The FSM is tolerant of any Sauce, regardless of color or flavor (Bolognese, Arrabiato, Oil and Garlic, Tomato, Meaty, With Holy Meatballs, Alfredo, Sausage Fest, Sauce-less, etc). He so loved the Pastafarians of the world that He sacrificed one of his chunky balls of meat for our ability to see the glory of the afterlife filled with Pirates, Beer and Stippers (the Holy Trinity). He created us all in his likeness and after recovering from a drunk night at the Stripper factory he looked upon the world He created and said “Damn, I’m good.”

  6. Praise and Glory to the FSM, Now Pass the BEER Mate! says:

    i love how they say they are loving and stuff, and then say you’re all going to hell……LOL!

  7. nunya biz says:

    i dont underestimate the power of persons backed by popular clubs…by definition, belonging to this one rules out that one, because if u believe this, u cannot b invested in that, vice verse.

    & IF people TRULY believe in a diety, WHAT is the issue with questioning whatever one? because if i invest in the belief or, not, if the majority is accurate, that would mean god would believe in ME, regardless…u know, that whole footsteps poem, god where WERE u…i was carrying u, silly…thats y the one set of prints, story…and all. That popular story about the story, about the stories.

    Some1 invested in a business here in state college outlined how allegations of wrongdoing r hurting th revenue & reputation of the school & now how that, in turn, is hurting their business, because a good portion of it comes from alumni…& how displeased alumni, r…then launched into defending the reputation of BOTH paterno & even sandusky, citing how their REPUTATIONS r defensible…this while i pointed out how things that r supposed to b valuable about sports, the good sportsmanship, th being a humble loser & humble winner, how it is not all about a score, or ranking- he countered with, well, when team is winning, business is great, , , hello.
    He tried 2 say that th supposed lack of integrity was just a this or that ploy, against one person by another, trying 2 deflect & encourage me, to- playing devils advocate. . .the devil may or may NOT b sentient, but is alive in THIS way.
    THEN, when persons truly r being MADE controversial, have reps destroyed & called into question intentionally so, because may NOT have anyone ‘invested’ in them, have reason to profit by th LOSS of an individuals rep, rather than this (opposite) , the GROUP MENTALITY reigns supreme.
    I reminded him that sexual assaults happen all th time, & that an expectation of safety for those vulnerable & violated all over town & campus is not a given, when religion of football is permitted gr8r consideration..than human rights violations. i pointed out the victims- again- while he talked dollar estimates about income generated by football program…this business owner lamenting all this has a degree in social work…& his store was packed, full, @ th time. he started bashing the motivations of the central witness …a man that has not only NOT benefitted from admitting what he saw, but has had death threats & his career destroyed, not the promotion the social worker here was trying to propose was the possible expectation…i reminded him of th insulation of belonging to a group, let alone one backed & supported like this unique enterprise- not just football but th man whom gave it a face- & the LACK of credibility assigned to ‘@ risk’ kids…which made him compare this to michael jackson & how persons were after him for money..
    having survived abuse myself & am not just a little disheartened by this, respect th fact that this has an impact zone & border effects, but do not agree that football is everything; i once met a man working as a scientist, had discovered something which has application for disease cures which have been evasive. he was not being met @ the airport by any1 & was riding in coach…he was about 2 present his findings, which r expected 2 potentially revolutionize medicine in key areas. i pointed out that if he were any other celebrity he would b met by limo & b hounded for his autograph, etc like th rock star he IS…he said WELL…what can he tell me- the world is a very upside-down place.

  8. nunya biz says:

    & o, had no idea what religion that scientist, was…because it did not & does not, matter. He didnt volunteer it & was not asked. Inevitably, when i have been, asked it leads to nothing good. Division.

    Suffice 2 say also, th scientist mentioned could have cared less, if any1 asked for his autograph or that there was no car waiting there, coach was fine for the trip, etc…it was that he was so centered & humble, that struck me. The discovery he made had sometjing to do with medicine delivery applications in the human body & th meds binding a particular way to enhance th delivery of meds accross cell membranes….it held promise for variety of diseases, cancer, aids, more…

    The point was not to bash football. But 2 highlight what can happen when priorities r placed differently.

    That man could easily have been religious for all i know. He just did not emphasize it.

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