most fucking pathetic excuse for a religion

Published June 12th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the most fucking pathetic excuse for a religion. Bullshit, a bowl of fucking food created you? It doesn’t even have a fucking brain! Ha ha. I can’t believe how much you are offending me, and many others. Especially your FSM "Bible". Why did you have to make fun of my religion, and others? You called the Christian bible The New Testicle. Seriously, stop making fun of other religions. Also, you called the Hindu’s book, "Ten Little Indians". Okay, you are the most twisted, racist fucking bastard on the planet. I can’t believe you are a racist bastard. Why, do you have to make fun of other religions? Probably because you want to just kick back and laugh at other people, and bash them. That’s why. Also, in your queer FSM "Bible", you obiously had to make fun of the Jews. I’m very offended, because the Jews had probably had the roughest life, and you go ahead and make fun of the REAL Bible, not your bullshit bible!!! Your version of heaven sucks huge fucking dicks. I don’t want strippers, and beer is nasty as fuck. You aren’t even trying, and your version of Hell is the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard of. When you’re already DEAD it doesn’t FUCKING MATTER  IF YOU GET AN STD OR NOT!!!!! Fuck you sir, don’t be suprised when you die if you burn in Hell, because I am a solid Christian and I am praying for you, and I really hate that you have to MOCK other religions. You are very racist, and I hope that you burn in Hell and realize your FSM is just your imagination, and you’re full of bullshit. Also, I feel like sueing the publishers of your FSM Bible, since you have gone that far and turned racist.

Don’t be suprised if you get sued for being a RACIST FUCKING DOUCHEBAG! AND YOU CALL YOUR RELIGION "PEACEFUL"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck you,
Mike



1,182 Responses to “most fucking pathetic excuse for a religion”

  1. Randy says:

    “The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the most fucking pathetic excuse for a religion”…..
    -Um, ok. I suppose everyone who identifies with a religion can say that about all others (though it is an x-tian past-time).

    “Bullshit, a bowl of fucking food created you?”….
    -I dunno. For all I know it could be an Invisible Cloud Being. I wasn’t there, but people have been known to beleive in some really crazy shit.

    “It doesn’t even have a fucking brain!”…..
    -Can I see your proof?

    “I can’t believe how much you are offending me, and many others.”….
    -Sorry you offend easily. Pussy.

    “Why did you have to make fun of my religion, and others?”….
    -Sorry. Our bad. We know X-tians would never do such a horrible thing (I can be soooo full of shit at times).

    “Seriously, stop making fun of other religions.”….
    -No. I’m a real dickhead.

    “Okay, you are the most twisted, racist fucking bastard on the planet.”…..
    -Yup. The KKK, Republican Party, Teabaggers, X-tians, NASCAR fans and Fox Nooze have nothing over on me.

    “Also, in your queer FSM “Bible”, you obiously had to make fun of the Jews.”…
    -”Queer” is not a racist statement, huh Mikey? The X-tians have never had a bad thing to say about the Jews, so you really have solid ground to stand on there.

    “Your version of heaven sucks huge fucking dicks.”….
    -I beg to differ. I love beer, tits and pussy. Our “heaven” will suit me just fine.

    “I don’t want strippers, and beer is nasty as fuck.”….
    -Can I have your share of the beer and strippers?

    “Fuck you sir, don’t be suprised when you die if you burn in Hell”….
    -Wow, what a very X-tian thing of you to say : – )

    ” am a solid Christian and I am praying for you”….
    -If you are so sure we are going to Hell, why are you wasting your time praying for us?

    “I really hate that you have to MOCK other religions.”….
    -X-tians have been known to hate many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many things.

    “realize your FSM is just your imagination, and you’re full of bullshit.”….
    -Yup. Just like every other religion.

    “I feel like sueing the publishers of your FSM Bible”…..
    -Freedom of Speech only applies if you are saying EXACTLY what the Republikkkan/Teabagger/X-tians want to hear.

    “AND YOU CALL YOUR RELIGION “PEACEFUL”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”….
    -Lets compare numbers. How many people have died because of your religion and how many have died because of ours.

    “Fuck you”….
    -Nothing like ending a letter in a respectful manner.

    Mike, I hope He blesses you with His Noodly Appendage.

    Randy.

    • Spammyboy says:

      Don’t have his share. They will be stale and infected. Both the beer and the strippers.

    • Paul says:

      Randy, I’m really sorry to say this but your ‘comebacks’ are poor, and I honestly cannot believe you support and worse, endorse this sad indictment of what humanity has come to. Honestly your just as bad as Mike and I don’t want to come across as someone who is angry, because I’m not, in fact I’m quite neutral as a non-theist. While I certainly don’t believe Mike is in the right here, I think ‘Pastafarians’ need to have a long hard look at themselves. Also, I’d just like to point out that you have contradicted the entire point of your writing this reply because if you haven’t just offended several religions, cults, organisations or facets, then I don’t know what you’ve done. I could seriously keep on going, but I won’t, albeit I want to.

      Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere- Albert Einstein.

      There isn’t much farther imagination can take you.

      ~Ben

      • Atsap Revol says:

        Dear ~Paul/Ben,

        Several religions, cults, organisations, or facets (what the hell is a facet?) have indeed intentionally been insulted by Randy’s response. The best way to insult a religion, cult, organisation, or facet is to hold up a mirror in which they can see their reflection. We do that here because we want religions, cults, organisations, and facets to see how foolish their beliefs are when subjected to skeptical criticism.

        Our goal is to keep the teaching of “intelligent design” or “creationism” out of science classrooms. When hatemail such as the piece written by Mike appears here, we will respond in a suitable manner. By showing the irony of hatemail statements, we establish why the fundies are blatently wrong.

        Those that can’t tolerate a critical response should stay away from this site.

        BTW, “your” is possessive compared to “you’re” (meaning “you are”) a contraction. YOUR statement that we are as bad as Mike should be “YOU’RE as bad as Mike.” No, we aren’t.

        Atsap Revol

        • Rev. Wulff says:

          I’m going to take it one step further, Atsap. When I’m looking at the comments on religious stories on public news sites and see someone identify as a Pastafarian, those comments invariably are polite and tactful, painting us in a positive light (kudos guys). We don’t go out to churches or to religious web sites causing trouble or trash talking.

          This site is our church. It is where we congregate to share our beliefs and opinions with like-minded individuals. Hate mailers like Mike are coming into our church with the sole purpose of starting shit, and we have *no* obligation to humor them, or tolerate their disrespect.

          Or, to put it in simpler terms, “Don’t start none, won’t be none.”

        • Atsap Revol says:

          Ramen, Reverend Wulff. The Evangelicals have deep burning desires to convert us to their nonsense. I’m tired of the old hellfire and brimstone come to Jesus spiel. As you said, we have no obligation to humor them here or on our doorstep. Check out this video for a firm response to missionary work:

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mh9kLK7fFqs

        • Keith says:

          I love how they refer to themselves as “elder” when they are probably in their 30′s at the most. What is the average life expectancy of a Mormon anyway?

        • Longwalker says:

          They abstain from alcohol, tobacco, tea and coffee because the body is the temple of the spirit (I Cor. 3:16-17).The study revealed Mormon males had a life expectancy of 84.1 years — 9.8 years longer than that of U.S. white males.

          -http://m.deseretnews.com/article/705377709/UCLA-study-proves-Mormons-live-longer.html?pg=all

        • Keith says:

          It makes sense that people who do not “overdo” things have a better chance of living longer. I agree that what they do for their health makes sense even if the idea behind it is dubious. Length of life however is not necessarily quality of life. You may be firm of body at 80 years old but have a mind that constantly fails you.

  2. Digz says:

    haha. Another happy, loving Christian. I can’t even begin to cite amount of irony in that message. May you be touched by His Noodly Appendage.

    Pesto Be With You

  3. Terry says:

    Mike here sounds like he is one wafer from being a Jihadist. Eat up and pass the wine.

    Terry

  4. straightbuttpirate says:

    Classic. The love that spouts from Christians is underwhelming…is Mike praying for us to see the light or to burn in hell quicker?

  5. Shmebber says:

    You know, it’s funny that in a rant so obviously opposing discrimination and name-calling, you randomly name-call gay people (“your queer FSM Bible”, “sucks huge fucking dicks”), as well as mentally disabled people (“most retarded thing I’ve ever heard of”). Sorry, you’re not allowed to pick and choose what groups to discriminate against… it doesn’t work like that.

  6. Hollee says:

    The most pathetic excuse for a Christian ever! He clearly bothered to read the holy scripture, yet understood none of it. He makes fun of us, blasphemes our religion and violates his own by swearing and being completely intolerant of others. This is why religion needs to stay out of schools, especially under the guise of “intelligent design.” Unfortunately, this is also why even our own religion shouldn’t be allowed in schools. Posting the hate mail just inflames them more, and feeds the hate in Pastafarians themselves. Not everyone has to be a self-righteous religious asshole, you guys.

  7. Glen says:

    Wow, Mike has a lot of anger issues. But at least he’s praying for us.

    “I don’t want strippers, and beer is nasty as fuck.”

    I want nasty strippers that fuck … and beer. :-)

  8. Derick says:

    You pray for us yet you want us to go to hell? Yes. Very pathetic.

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