I don’t know if you realize just how offensive this is

Published April 19th, 2010 by Bobby Henderson

I don’t know if you realize just how offensive this letter is. Obviously, it’s satirical and some may think “clever,” but mockery is never wise.

I’ve never been able to understand why it is that those who call themselves “atheist,” “agnostic,” or whatever other label they wish can’t see that, in all reality, intelligent design (or rather a relationship with Christ) is the more intelligent route. If we (Christians) are wrong, then who cares? Nothing will happen to us because there is no after life, no higher power, no second death, but at least we lived a life worthy of something. We had something to look forward to, and hey, if it isn’t true then we’ll never know cause we’ll be DEAD. On the other hand, if Christians are right, those self-proclaimed atheists (etc) are pretty much screwed. What did you live for? Advancement of human life? By what? Living for yourself; living according to your own standards. In my opinion, your religion (yes, atheism is a religion) is selfish and irresponsible. The only reason you don’t want to admit that there may just be a higher power is because you don’t want to answer to it. You don’t want to have to change your lifestyle; to live according to HIS standards.

I’m so sorry that you feel this way. I pray for people like you each and every night. I pray that God will hit you over the head with some sense and knock you to your knees.

And FYI: Intelligent design has just as much (if not more) merit as the evolutionary theory. Evolution is a theory: it hasn’t been proven. There may seem to be evidence, but you may be forgetting one minor detail: care to explain how the first cell appeared? Where it all began? Good luck because, unfortunately for you, even if there isn’t “overwhelming evidence” that there is a God, we Christians will have lived a fuller life knowing and believing that we have been saved by the power of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. We are loved far greater than we can comprehend. And guess what, so are you. God loves you, even if you don’t know that yet.

-Carly



568 Responses to “I don’t know if you realize just how offensive this is”

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  1. Pacus Carpus says:

    Dear Carly, ARRR!!! (this is to prove that I am a pirate)

    Unlike your four-legged eight-fingered two-thumbed ten-toad… toated… toeted God, Your noodliness does not require us to believe in her. We may believe not in that she created the universe with her noodly appendage nor in her very existence and we would still spend the afterlife bathing in a beer volcano with the view of the stripper factory in front of our drunken eyes. That is because your noodlyness does not want to use fear to conquer our minds. She does not want to coerce us to believe in her “just in case”, just because that would be mean.

    RAMEN

    (I appologize for any miss spelling as english is not my mother tonge)

    • Cavatelli says:

      Pacus Carpus,
      Don’t worry, your English is excellent, better than many native born English speakers.

      Ramen

  2. Testecleeze says:

    Arrrh,
    I’m helping to spread the the doctrine and recruit/convert the pirate ranks to help global warming. Praise be to his plate and to FSM!!

  3. Slidth says:

    I’ve always thought that Pascal’s Wager was a thought experiment for cowards.

    • Coronary Thief says:

      Agreed. Plus it falsely narrows down your options to believing in the christian god, or not believing in any god.

      • Mike says:

        Hey, good point! So the best bet would be to worship all gods who don’t condemn you for worshiping other gods.

    • Sean Boyd says:

      I’ve always liked his triangle much better.

      • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

        His programming language never got far.

  4. Devout Heathen says:

    Right, this is my pissed-off answer to attempts at proselytising.

    You are standing in a wood, looking up at the trees. The tree is ten times as tall as you are. There are billions of trees on this Earth, and still, if you were to remove every tree from the planet, it would not make any significant difference to the weight of this globe. The Earth, in its own turn, pales into insignificance when compared to the Sun. Our Sun is a relatively small one. There are so many suns in the Universe that astronomers don’t even bother writing down the full number; they will only say how many figures are in the number and give you the first five, or ten or so. The Universe is too large for even Human imagination to comprehend.

    And still, you think that the person who created it all LOOKS LIKE YOU AND IS SENDING YOU MESSAGES. How DARE you? What gives you the blasphemous idea that you are so important that the cause of the existence of everything that was, is or will be, cares whether you live or die, whether you masturbate or not, are kind or cruel to your fellow beings, go listen to your preacher every Sunday? That is conceit beyond imagining.

    I’ll tell you who does, though. Your fellow Humans do. The poor man starving in the street does actually care if you give him your lunch. The person walking behind you does appreciate you holding the door open for them. The person you punch in the face does care. The person you steal from feels the loss. The World is created, from moment to moment, by those living in it. Every one of your actions has an effect. Every one of everybody’s actions has an effect.

    Now you probably think that I’ll tell you to throw away your Bible and get a physics book instead. Well, I won’t. Because despite the fact that it relies on hocus-pocus to get its point across, most of the stories in the Bible make perfect sense in context. The story of Jesus and the prostitute who would be stoned to death, for instance. It really is better to clean up your own act first, before attempting to correct others. And I so wish that Humanity were smart enough to do good because it is the right thing to do, and not because Jesus found some way to smuggle wine into the water-casks.

    • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      Face it – all religions are outdated. They were invented when man thought the stars orbited the earth. Once you realize how insignificant the earth is, and thus how insignifcant humans are – it follows that any Creator has much bigger fish to fry than worrying about what we’re eating and/or when, or what your sexual orientation is, or what you’re wearing on your &*%#@ head.

      • Cabin boy says:

        ramen to that…if only

        • Sgt Dante says:

          Yarrr me heartys,

          When you realise JUST how tiny and insignificant we as a people are it boggles the mind that people think that it was all created for them.

          For the consideration of anyone reading this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEheh1BH34Q a comparison of the sizes of some objects in OUR GALAXY, this one single Galaxy that we will likely never know the full extent of.

          RAmen

    • Joel says:

      this sooo true. my dad goes off about how vain us atheists are but clearly we are more humble in accepting that we mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things.

      • theFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

        I see it completely different from your dad. It takes a religious person to be holier-than-thou – a sanctimonoious prig who knows absolutely how everyone else should live. Do atheists go door to door telling people they face eternal damnation for their lifestyles?

  5. Meg says:

    I love how people who have religion in their life believe that those who don’t are suddenly bad people and “living for themselves”. I’ve volunteered over 400 hours of community service the last 2 years, and I’m agnostic thanks. Get off your fucking high horse.

    • Dev says:

      I’ve done more hours than you….in the last two years……just saying…….I’m not on any sort of high horse or anything, but I just wanted to share that with you…..even though you might not ever see this….because you posted that a month ago……but I’m not on a horse….if i was i would sell it….especially if it was a fucking horse because either that horse has got skill to maintain composure with a guy like me on top of it while he/she gets it on…or I’m just a crazy ass motherfucking rider…..but I’m not…so that horse has some major skill and I could probably make a fair amount of money.

      Oh…and I’m glad you’re doubtfully unsure….always a good position to be in.

      BTW….please don’t stereotype me….and I don’t actually know the # of hours of community service I have…….I don’t keep track…sorry.

      • Drained and Washed Clean says:

        Obviously you are on a high horse or you would have been confident enough in your actions and deeds to not say anything at all. And congratulations to you on all your unknown amount of community service numbers. I do have a question though. Since you having more hours seems to be so incredibly important… How do you know that you have more if you don’t keep track?

        An agnostic means that one believes there is a higher power but is not really sure how to define it. Seems to me they are not unsure, but realistic. Unlike the people who walk around claiming that they know everything and yet have proof for nothing.

        I am assuming that you took offense to that because you are of some sort of religion. Do you talk to your god with that mouth? I’m sure it is very proud of you.

  6. joshua says:

    Evolution is a theory in the same way that gravity is a theory. It’s just a way to explain multiple chains of occurrences collectively. Dumbass.

    • PastaFarI says:

      I willpray for you, Joshua

      - Pasta Far-I

      • Shade says:

        While true, your statement would be easier to respect without the insult. It was highly unnecessary.

      • Shade says:

        Ah, accident. I meant to reply to Joshua.

  7. monica says:

    yes. intelligent design has as much merit as evolution.

    lol i can’t say that with a straight face.

    yes, evolution is a theory. just like gravity.

    and of course, believing in a higher power that you are not sure whether or not it exists is definitely the more fulfilling route. and when holy wars start and women are stoned to death and people fly planes into buildings, all for god. religious people are definitely the more intelligent.

    what pisses me off the most is the “we (christians) are smarter”. face it, all religions are the same, don’t act like you’re higher or more enlightened or better than others because you’re not.

    • monica says:

      RAmen.

  8. Isa Mudgecko says:

    This 60-y.o. Aussie reckons that Devout Heathen is a True Genius, because he has neatly summarised my thoughts. I’d like to add that I have really thought long about religion, and I believe it boils down to this:

    All religions are the inventions of men, scammers who realised that if they scared the peasants about bogeymen, and offered protection from these same imaginery bogeymen, in return they’d be provided with food without having to work for it.

    (It probably started in prehistory, when old men who could no longer hunt had to invent a job to make themselves useful to the family/tribe).

    It’s pretty simple really. Very like the God-botherers…

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