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It was with the utmost regret

Published November 13th, 2009 by Bobby Henderson

Dear Sir;
It was with the utmost regret that I stumbled upon your horror religion. Do you not know that G-d will not be mocked? He who gave this world to us and created us in his imagine is surely not one to be insulted this way. You are a false prophet, and if you don not change your ways you will surely come to regret it when you are burning in the fires of hell. My G-d is a loving G-d, but you are sorely tempting him and he has shown the ability to be pushed to far. (Do the towns of Sodom and Gammorah have any meaning to you?)
I will pray for your soul; I only hope it is not to late. Turn your heart to Jesus and let his light fill you up; you will surely see that to worship a dinner item will only lead to eternal ruin/damnation. If you can’t do it for yourself, you should think of those poor pasta believers you have turned away from G-d; surely you will realize that you are going to be held responsible for thier mis-guided souls, as well?
I am sorry if I will be keeping you awake at night with the fears for your eternal soul, but sometimes a person has to be made afraid to understnad their mistake. Why do you think they are called G-d fearing men? Do you really think your bowl of noodles will enspire fear? Hah, you can talk about pirates and pasta all day, but on the day of Judgement I will be glad I am one of the righteous, and not one of the misleaden. I am praying to G-d to heal your ugly heart and commune you to His beauty and His ways. May G-d have mercy on your soul;
Chuck

What do you guys think – real or fake?



574 Responses to “It was with the utmost regret”

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  1. Matt Hatter says:

    Dear Chuck;
    It was with the utmost regret that I stumbled upon your horror religion. Do you not know that F-M will not be mocked? He who gave this world to us and created pasta in his image is surely not one to be insulted this way. You are a false prophet, and if you don not change your ways you will surely come to regret it when you are drinking stale beer with hairy strippers that have VD. My F-M is a loving F-M, but you are sorely tempting him and he has shown the ability to be pushed too far. (Does Gambia Castle and the town of Portobello have any meaning to you?)
    I will pray for your soul; I only hope it is not to late. Turn your heart to Cheeses, and let their whey fill you up; you will surely see that to worship a sky-man and his zombie son will only lead to eternal ruin/damnation. If you can’t do it for yourself, you should think of those poor christian death cult believers you have turned away from F-M; surely you will realize that you are going to be held responsible for their misguided souls, as well?
    I am sorry if I will be keeping you awake at night with the fears of indigestion, but sometimes a pasta has to be made spicy to make other’s realize the flavor they are missing. Why do you think they are called F-M eating men? Do you really think your zombie on a stick will inspire fear? Hah, you can talk about demons and hellfire all day, but on the day of Judgement I will be glad I am one of the righteous, and not one of the misled. I am praying to F-M to heal your gluten intolerance and commune you to His beauty and His ways. F-M made gluten-free pasta so He has already had mercy upon your soul.
    Matt Hatter
    Iconoclastic Pie Rat Nin Jah Pastafarian

    • Matt Hatter says:

      Note: Gambia Castle and Portobello are famous Pirate/Nin jah raids.

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