It was with the utmost regret

Published November 13th, 2009 by Bobby Henderson

Dear Sir;
It was with the utmost regret that I stumbled upon your horror religion. Do you not know that G-d will not be mocked? He who gave this world to us and created us in his imagine is surely not one to be insulted this way. You are a false prophet, and if you don not change your ways you will surely come to regret it when you are burning in the fires of hell. My G-d is a loving G-d, but you are sorely tempting him and he has shown the ability to be pushed to far. (Do the towns of Sodom and Gammorah have any meaning to you?)
I will pray for your soul; I only hope it is not to late. Turn your heart to Jesus and let his light fill you up; you will surely see that to worship a dinner item will only lead to eternal ruin/damnation. If you can’t do it for yourself, you should think of those poor pasta believers you have turned away from G-d; surely you will realize that you are going to be held responsible for thier mis-guided souls, as well?
I am sorry if I will be keeping you awake at night with the fears for your eternal soul, but sometimes a person has to be made afraid to understnad their mistake. Why do you think they are called G-d fearing men? Do you really think your bowl of noodles will enspire fear? Hah, you can talk about pirates and pasta all day, but on the day of Judgement I will be glad I am one of the righteous, and not one of the misleaden. I am praying to G-d to heal your ugly heart and commune you to His beauty and His ways. May G-d have mercy on your soul;
Chuck

What do you guys think – real or fake?



572 Responses to “It was with the utmost regret”

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  1. Mike says:

    Chuck is a fag. So is G-d. I wish Chuck could die, come back to life and realize that theres no heaven, no after life, just your decaying biological body. Sorry Chuch. Grow up.

    • Micheal says:

      Chuck, let me ask you to pray, for all of the pastafarians to die. BECAUSE IT WONT HAPPEN! You say we shall burn in hell, this is a hell that we dont believe in, therefore why should we be afraid. The same argument you make is the same argument you ignore in return. That you shouldnt be afraid of the FSM because you dont believe, we dont believe in the bearded man in the sky. Let me say one thing,
      Arguing with a christian (or any unreasonable religous person) is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are at chess, the pigeon will kick over all the peices, shit on the board and commence strutting around like it has won.

      • Atsap Revol says:

        Micheal, I love your chess-playing pigeon analogy. I will file it mentally and use it frequently in discussions with my fundie friends.

        RAmen
        Atsap

        • Reverend Captain Mal says:

          As will I. That is quite an entertaining mental image.

  2. Mr Wolf says:

    Dear Chuck,
    I am assuming your use of (-) in (G-d) is an attempt to not use your God’s name in vain. Allow me to inform you that this is not necessary, as God is not the name of your deity. God is an english word simply meaning deity, derived from a germanic word meaning “to invoke”. The actual name of the judeo-christian God is YHWH. It should also be noted that while Jews and knowledgable Christians do not casually write any Name of God. This practice does not come from the commandment not to take the Lord’s Name in vain, as many suppose. That commandment refers solely to oath-taking, and is a prohibition against swearing by God’s Name falsely or frivolously.

    Judeo-Christianity does not prohibit writing the Name of God per se; it prohibits only erasing or defacing a Name of God (which one might say you did, if you interpret God as being one of his names.) However, observant Jews and knowledgable Christians avoid writing any Name of God casually because of the risk that the written Name might later be defaced, obliterated or destroyed accidentally or by one who DOES NOT KNOW BETTER (achem). So feel free to write away with newfound freedom friend.

    Its alright that you probably didn’t know any of that and that someone who is not a member of your religion did. Most people don’t really know that much about their religion, or their God for that matter.

    But now you know… and knowing is half the battle.

  3. Kakistos says:

    i think fake, noone is cliche enough to bring up sodom and gomorah… surely…

    • Keith says:

      You’d think if he was a genuine fundy he’d spell Gomorrah correctly. Perhaps mentioning them is the closest he can get to titillation in a sexually repressed social environment.

      • Reverend Captain Mal says:

        I believe poor spelling and grammar is a prerequisite of being a fundy. Can someone fact check that for me?

        • The Reverend Toni Rigatoni says:

          Confirmed Mal!

        • Reverend Captain Mal says:

          Ah, thank you kindly. I was pretty sure, but it never hurts to check.

        • Alphy says:

          I believe constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth are also prerequisites for being a fundy as well as an inclination to superstition and delusion.

  4. Alphy says:

    This guy is so full of fundamentalist poop, if you gave him seven long HOT enemas seven times a day for seven days he would still be full of it.

    This is just more classic fundamentalist proselyting crap;

    “…keeping you awake at night with the fears for your eternal soul, but sometimes a person has to be made afraid to understnad their mistake. Why do you think they are called G-d fearing men? ”

    I guess we are all suppose to fall down and tremble when we hear these words muttered by the fear mongering fundamentalists bigots

    This guy can suck my ass! He is full of it!

  5. Alphy says:

    “…misguied”? You need to take a good look at yourself and what you believe.

    Do you really believe for one second, without one iota of doubt, that all of the so called miracles in the bible actually happened as decribed, like you fundamentlist biblical literalist would like to believe?

    Jesus supposedly walked on water, healed the sick, raised the dead, fed four thousand with two small fish and a loaf of bread, made water into wine, casted demons and devils out of people, cured the blind and dumb, He was conceived by the Holy Spirit. Not to mention the litany of other ‘miracles’ in the old testament. Intelligent design, like creationism is religion based on superstitious nonsense and so called ‘miracles’.

    According to St. Thomas Aquinas being omnipotent is being able to do anything logically possible, or that does not involve a contradiction. These acts are contradictory in some way. So they are impossible. And; since they are impossible, to accept that God cannot do them it is not a limitation on his power. Thus the paradox is solved by understanding omnipotence as the power to do anything logically possible.

    Omnipotent God is supposedly able to do far more than heal the sick and raise the dead. He supposedly, according to fundamentalists, created the universe from nothing in a mere six days. Obviously, he is performing far below his ability. Omnipotent God would not act in such a way so far beneath his ability. If God did not know all the facts about a situation, he might not apply all his knowledge or power. But omnipotent God is not supposed to have limitations in knowledge or power. If he does, he is NOT God and the religion about him and his miracles is a farce.

    So called ‘miracles’ are what magicians do. They are illusions and magicians are masters of illusion. They are only seen by very few people. They create doubt and questions. None of these acts indicate infinite knowledge or power of an Almighty all-knowing God. They suggest limited knowledge and questionable intent. So ‘miracles’, even if they were to happen, are evidence against the existence of the fundamentalist’s omnipotent God. The only sort of being that would create such illusions is limited in knowledge and power, a magician, a master of illusion.

    ‘Miracles’ are illusions that create doubt and question. If we ignore our doubts and questions out of fear of accusations of “lack of faith” by the religiously ‘superior’ and go on believing that miracles have and do occur then we are deliberately deluding ourselves. And; that is what religion makes us do. Delude ourselves. In fact in order to really believe what religion teaches it is a necessity to delude one’s self. Being a true believer in buybull Gawd and miracles is to be deluded and that’s what most Christians, especially fundamentalist Christians are. DELUDED!

    Since fundie’s are told in the bible that “perfect faith casts out all doubt”, they are afraid to admit that they have any doubts. To admit such would indicate that their faith is less than perfect and that’s something they can’t face. It would be a sign of “spiritual weakness” a blemish on their religious character. So, they just go on believing in the so called ‘miracles’ of the buybull and do not openly admit having any questions. For them, questioning would be a sign of doubt and doubt is a sign of “lack of faith”. Their buybull is “self-interpreting”, “all things are possible with Gawd”. They have endless absurd circular reasoning and ‘justifications’ for their faith just like a schizophrenic has endless absurd justifications for his insanity.

    Even if miracles happen, what causes them is not an omnipotent God

  6. Alex says:

    Let’s all condone the use of fear for control! Oh wait… that doesn’t sound right… >.>

  7. Alex says:

    >.<

  8. Ian says:

    I for one think the FSM is real its not that far out there I think its a lot better than an invisible man going poof and then everything existed. At least
    the FSM in his sauced wisdom taught us peace and has never had a war in his name.

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