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FSM Prayer

Published August 3rd, 2009 by Bobby Henderson

Truly, this be the way we Pastafarians must busy our hands when we pray.

The more fervent our prayers, the more wiggly must our noodly fingers be.

RAmen.

Bruce and Susan

Genius.



204 Responses to “FSM Prayer”

  1. Andrew says:

    I have one concern and one question.
    My concern is that my nephew has celiac disease… is there a gluten-free FSM or must we wait for a ‘second coming’ or ‘rapture’ type event? Can my nephew be fully embraced by His Holy Noodliness or are His appendages both gluten and gluten free?
    My question has more to do with becoming holy and revered as fast as humanly possible. I have a demanding career, a busy social life and enjoy quality programing on HBO. I think also an aura of holiness can serve me well at the bar. Can I do this by carbo-loading? That is fasting from pasta for 3 days and then gorging on carbs, such as pasta, for 3 days… for on the 7th day I will rest. Will this be a quick route to enlightenment?
    Ramen

    • Michael says:

      If you carbo-load for 1 full day, and trust me on this, you WILL rest, so make sure you begin the fast on Tuesday, and then load up on Friday!!

    • Yasmin says:

      My dear brother in FSM, with regards to your concern, I personally believe that your nephew can not be harmed by the starchy caress of His Noodliness. The way I look at it, we consume pasta in a spiritual way because within it resides a spiritual essence, or bond, that links us to FSM. The pasta being it’s vessel, channeling FSM. Now, can pasta not come in different shapes and contain different ingredients? Do we not use different methods to make cavatappi and tortellini? or Egg noodles and rice noodles? Gluten free PASTA is still PASTA. His Noodliness will reach your nephew with all the strength of uncooked fusilli.

      With regards to the way we consume pasta, i always thought that it’s not dissimilar to the christian diety’s ‘essance’ found in blessed bread. Of course credit where credit is due, they are on the right track in discovering the spiritual power that lies within all ingredients of pasta, but stop there. They present it in the wrong form…and praise the wrong name :( but I also believe FSM is forgiving; I pray for my lost friends and hope His Noodly appendage dips them back into the right sauce.

  2. Rev_Alex says:

    You all realise that the Chinese were most blessed by our Lord. For they were first touched by his Noodly appendages and were the first to learn how to prepare the noodles for consumption. I know eat all my noodles with chopsticks! Praise be FSM! R’Amen.

    • King Ravie says:

      i went to get chop sticks and only found one:c i had chinese noodles too…

  3. Derp says:

    No such thing as this royal retard noodle

  4. Derp says:

    I’m posting… Why? Because there is no noodley appendage only a bad case of mental retardation

    • Maki says:

      You… you do realize this a joke and not an actual religion right?

      May you be touched by his noodley appendage. R’amen.

      • Keith says:

        Derp is probably (like many of these posters), a hit and run job who will never read the responses. If he does respond I hope he (or she) will tell us what he believes in. Who knows?, it may lead to an entertaining discussion.

        • SillyKiwiMan says:

          I always hold out hope that one day I’ll hear a reasoned argument from someone religious. I’m naive. So far there’s a 100% strike-out rate.

          Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day, by the way!

        • Keith says:

          Arrr! I saw a girl behind the “Boost Juice” counter today wearing a bicorn hat: someone who wasn’t afraid to get into the spirit of things.

        • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

          Unfortunately, SKM, they can’t go 2 minutes without returning to the Bible for “proof”. Love it when they say “It says CLEARLY in the BuyBull that…”. Uhh, yeah. But that may contradict Dianetics, the Koran, the Loose Canon and the Tibetan Book of the Dead.

        • King Ravie says:

          it also says clearly in the gospel of the flying spaghetti monster that… stuff… so they are in the wrong here if we be playin like that!

    • pastafariforlife says:

      This is not a joke. People believe in a “God” that no one has ever touched or seen. Believing in a “God” is the same as believing in the Loch ness monster or the great sasquatch. Telling people they have a “mental retardation” due to the fact they believe in something that has no proof of existing is just ignorant. You’re saying every war between countries in THIS world had been over nothing. Jihad=meaningless? Tell this to all of the people who’ve suffered the loss of a son, daughter, wife, husband, sister, brother, etc.. to an over seas war. Just plain ignorance.
      R’Amen

      • Dexter Morgan says:

        R’Amen to that, brother.

  5. US Marine says:

    this is the stupidest fucking excuse for a religion ive ever heard in my entire life and nobody will ever take this BS seriously.

    • Pete Byrdie says:

      I certainly hope it’s not taken too seriously. That’s not the point.

    • Keith says:

      I certainly wouldn’t take seriously someone who puffs himself up on the internet by calling himself US Marine.

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      Did you know that the word “Marine” is an acronym? It stads for “Muscles Are Required; Intelligence Not Essential”.

      • Rev. Wulff says:

        I had two uncles, one on each side of the family, who were Vietnam vets. They both used to tell a similar story. They went to an all-branches military recruitment event. The recruiters lined everyone up with their backs to a cliff, and ordered all the recruits to jump backwards. My uncles, along with several others, both said no. One was signed up for the Navy, the other for the Air Force. Another group of recruits asked why. They were taken by the Army. The ones who jumped became Marines.

    • Ghost in the Machine says:

      Dear US Marine,
      I truly hope you have a totally amazing sense of humour and fun. Because if you don’t you are one of the stupidest jack asses to lay bare their ignorance.

      • DickVanstone says:

        Have sympathy for my fellow Jar-head, he probably just landed on it while rappelling.

    • B Chin says:

      Nobody has ever killed anyone over which kind of pasta is best.

  6. poopdoop says:

    This is a stupid ass website your information is not convincing enough to make me swap my religion of the Giant ground beef worm

    • Pete Byrdie says:

      That’s fine! Go with your God in peace. I really don’t know why you chose to take the time to tell us you WON’T be converting to pastafarianism, but we support your free choice. Well, I’m sure most of us do, anyway.

      • Keith says:

        I would suggest that the Giant ground beef worm is simply a misidentification of the meat dropped from the FSM’s Meatballs when He/She/It is reborn every now and then. We slough off skin every day, the FSM sloughs off meat every mow and then.

        • Keith says:

          now, not mow.

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      Hey, you want to play around with your beef worm, have at it. But it’s a little TMI for me.

  7. Theologynow says:

    Just happened across this site and conversation. Thank you. Now what are we supposed to do?

    • Keith says:

      When I used to ask my father how a famous person died and he didn’t know, he would just say “shortness of breath”. Just keep breathing in and breathing out. It should see you through the rest of your life.

    • Rev. Linguine says:

      You are supposed to have faith ! Simply BELIEVE !

  8. Pamela Gallardo says:

    hey guys. are you serious about this religion? aren’t you ashamed of these thingS? my goshhh..

    • Keith says:

      Well, golly! What a thing to ask!
      1) Yes
      2) No

    • SillyKiwiMan says:

      I’m serious about religion masquerading as science, claiming to have the answers to everything, and hanging on to complete bullshit despite actual evidence to the contrary.

      I have no shame about this, I’m ashamed of the society in which I live sometimes, but I hold out hope than our species can grow up.

      Aren’t you ashamed of celebrating deliberate stupidity?

      • Clarissa says:

        Nope! Aren’t you also celebrating deliberate stupidity by naming yourself SillyKiwiMan. Good luck growing up!
        Clarissa

        • Pete Byrdie says:

          A world without whimsy would be a dull one. A world of emotionally immature people guided by anxiety driven fantasies is a dangerous one. Growing up isn’t a matter of luck.

        • SillyKiwiMan says:

          Growing up is a matter of choice, growing old is the only compulsory one.

          My name has no bearing on my intellect. To believe in obvious falsehood is to embrace stupidity. You and your faith are of the same ilk as the flat-earthers. The trend towards better educated/brighter societies correlates to a decrease in belief in fairytales.

          Why would we be ashamed? What do we have to be ashamed of? The only difference between us and your faith is that we disbelieve in one more god. With luck the trend from polytheism to monotheism will hasten towards its inevitable conclusion and become nothing-theism, or atheism if you will. It won’t happen in my lifetime, cognitive dissonance will hold fast for many generations, and with it the smug sense of superiority the religious gajn from a book of stories.

          Threatening to think that you’re not a special creation who matters not one whit to the universe. Your desire for there to be “more” doesn’t make it so.

        • SillyKiwiMan says:

          Pete,

          I absolutely love the word “whimsy”, I find it so… whimsical.

          While some people dismiss us as cranks, and many think we’re just trying to be arseholes because they never make it to the “about” tab, there are those who have enough brains to find us threatening. We strike a nerve, and they want to believe we cannot be right, so their defense is to go on the offensive.

          Deep down they know that they’re just delaying the inevitable. They know we have a point (who doesn’t like pasta?) and so they dig in their heels.

        • Pete Byrdie says:

          Oddly, my mother doesn’t like pasta. This leaves me with a dilemma in performing my duty of conversion. All I have to focus on is meatballs and sauce, and I wouldn’t want encourage my Oedipus complex.

        • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

          SKM, you used the phrase “one more god” and it reminded me of another thought bouncing around in my head lately. That is, polytheism makes much more sense than believing in one god. That way you can explain why bad thing happen to us “children”: blame them on the bad gods! That leaves the good gods for our total reverence. It also stands to reason that rather than playing some cosmic cruel games with amoebas like us, god would want to create others like himself to hang with.

        • Pete Byrdie says:

          I think if I were to follow the example of the Judeo-Christian tradition and make sense of the world with bronze age notions of divinity, I’d go polytheistic. The squabbling of spoilt immortals described by Homer is a better fit with what I see around me than is monotheistic omnipotence.

        • Atsap Revol says:

          Wait a minute, we all know that Satan is walking up and down in the earth and causing people to sin so that he can have their souls. Why an all-powerful god would allow such a monster to exist is an unexplained paradox. Ignotum per Ignotius.

          Atsap Revol, The Devil Made Me Do it!

        • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

          And as the song goes, “The second time I did it on my own!”

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