87429 Views
193 Comments

FSM Prayer

Published August 3rd, 2009 by Bobby Henderson

Truly, this be the way we Pastafarians must busy our hands when we pray.

The more fervent our prayers, the more wiggly must our noodly fingers be.

RAmen.

Bruce and Susan

Genius.



193 Responses to “FSM Prayer”

  1. Pete in UK says:

    YOU ARE ALL DELUDED! the true creator of all universes is Her Sublime Pinkness, the Invisible Pink Unicorn, BBHUH. The unbeliever shall have the sacred horn thrust into his fundament and shall be cast down to The Purple Oyster (of doom).

    • Keith says:

      OK:, Avert your eyes from this if you are morally sensitive:

      Honey,
      When I go to Pastafarian Heaven Pink Unicorn horns won’t be the only things thrust up my fundament.

      • DarkDragon7 says:

        Please don’t offend the Invisible pink unicorn, for he sent his only son, the Transcendent Yellow Pony to save us from ourselves. Repent and you shall be saved.

        • Horace Hogsnort says:

          Sorry, but the pink pony was ground up into horsemeat and is at this very moment being consumed by people all over England.

        • Keith says:

          Well, I’ve still got my level 100 Rapidash. The only way they are going to get it is to prise the pokeball from my cold, dead hands.

    • larry says:

      HOW DARE YOU THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER DIED FOR OUR SINS

      • Rev_Joe says:

        *Boiled for our sins. Totally different process.

  2. Abd ul-Rahman Bar Abbas says:

    What about sticking little mirrors on the thumbnails?

    Ramen

  3. Genevieve Criswell says:

    I’m 13, and just starting out pastafarianism. Though I disagree with some aspects of the religion (is there anything kid freindly about our heaven? I mean, seriously!) I love the way it was created, what it stands for, and the fact that an invisible spaghetti monster is flying aroung with his noodly apendages as we speak. I, being irresistably drawn to odd religions, beleive in this, witchcraft, dryad..ism, I geuss?, narse mythology, greek mythology, roman mythology, pretty much all mythologies, actually, and darkism9ask if you want to know… I made it up.) I am happy to add this to my ever growing list.
    May dead people always be in your pocket and on your knees, happy holidays, and RAmen.

    • Keith says:

      Genevieve: I assume there is a “kid friendly” part of FSM heaven but I think most of us would hope you are never in a position to visit it. Wait until you are at least an adult before you pop your clogs.

    • TheFewTheProudTheMarinara says:

      Good questions, Genevieve. Does any religion address the maturity of those allowed into heaven or hell? I personally wouldn’t want to go through eternity as 8 or 80. It would cut down the enjoyment of the beer and strippers, so I’m thinking 20.

  4. xavier thrun says:

    I am the one and only Sky Daddy. Look up into my blimp and say, “I believe in Sky Daddy, I believe in Sky Daddy, I believe in Sky Daddy.” I am a supreme being and live in a blimp floating far above my earthbound worshippers, along with my many nymphomaniac angels and we all imbibe ambrosiac libations and hallucinogenic substances all day long. Send up some tithes PDQ or else.

    Sky Daddy, the extremely suprareality enhanced and all powerful deity. The one and only.

  5. tyler says:

    I have questions about this “church” but this website is ridicules
    and there is no unicorns or ponies or FLYING SPUGGETY MONSTERS
    so stop thinking there is lol.

    • TiltedHorizon says:

      I find that when one has questions that it is best to present those questions so they can be answered. Oddly, you have presented no questions. (btw ponies do exist)

      • tyler says:

        I no ponies exist my question is why do people waste there lives coming up with this stuff

        • TiltedHorizon says:

          The ‘about’ page should answer that question but I’ll summarize it here. The CoFSM was create as an alternative creation myth, it is a meme, an intentional strawman which showcases how any absurd and unsubstantiated assertion can be qualified as a religion. One cannot disprove a flying spaghetti monster, which means this ‘faith’ is as legitimate as any other faith; which is the point.

    • Mason Gregg says:

      Then how do you know that your god is real if ours is “fake”?

  6. tyler says:

    All who believe this website have the iq of a doorknob

    • Rev. Wulff says:

      Wow, my doorknobs are smart enough for Mensa?!!!

      • Drained and Washed Clean says:

        Wow! You should send me some of those! I’m sure they would look great in my house!

    • TheFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      AGREED! And all who think we’re a “serious religion” – whatever that is – are the door-knobbiest.

  7. Bruce (of Bruce and Susan) says:

    My Pruces are far from the best. I really should buy my Pruces from you. How fast can you deliver them Pruces?

    • TheFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

      If they can’t deliver within 4 days, forget about them, Bruce. Pruces go bad quickly.

      • Keith says:

        I’d go for Tongarines myself. They are juicier and last longer. If you find them too sour, mix them with Banonas.

      • Atsap Revol says:

        But there’s nothing like a Pruce smoothie. I like mine with 3oz of JDBL added. For a real treat, get your wife to bake a Pruce cobbler…serve it with whipped craem. The craem will make a fuss when you whip him, but don’t let that deter you.

    • Bruce (of Bruce and Susan) says:

      Okay well it’s been over two days now and the Best Pruces store has NOT gotten back to me. What terrible service!!
      I’ve decided to open my own Pruce store. I will call it “Bruce’s Pruces”.
      I will sell only the finest Pruces. My Pruces will be made of spruce. Some I will color puce. I will sell Pruces shaped like gooses and some will be big as mooses.

      • Atsap Revol says:

        I suggest you add to your product line: “Bruce’s Pure Puce Pruce Spruce Juice.” Your sales pitch could be: “Your bowels will stay loose with Bruce’s Pure Puce Pruce Spruce Juice.”

        Good luck in your endeavor to provide the world with Pruces at reasonable Prices.

        AR

      • Keith says:

        Definitely a catchy tongue twister but would people be able to dink juice after saying it?

      • Keith says:

        Actually, I have to admit that I have never dunk any Pruce juice: just biscuits in tea and teabags.

      • Atsap Revol says:

        Keith, you need to learn to conjugate the verb Dink. Today I Dink, yesterday I Dank, tomorrow I will Dunk, and the Pluperfect form I will have Donked. It’s one of those tricky irregular verbs, but you will be regular if you consume enough Bruce’s Pure Puce Pruce Spruce Juice. What, Me Worry About Constipation?

        AR

      • Keith says:

        Sorry Atsap. Having come from a working class background I’ve never learned to constipate my verbs ploperly, or my adverbs, cor blimey me old mucker.

      • TheFewtheProudtheMarinara says:

        I’ll dink to that!

  8. Andrikos says:

    Among the traditional Pastafarians of India, this is known as the “Pasta Mudra”, and is a symbol of enlightenment, holiness, and closeness to the Lord. It is sometimes rotated 180 degrees to point at another person in what is seen as a blessing or sign of respect. It is awe-inspiring how His Noodliness has kept his followers united in their practices across such great geographical and cultural distances.
    This is a bit off topic, but thinking of this makes me wonder how prayer (meditation?) works among the many ancient, noodly, carbohydrate-based religions of East Asia. Anyone have any insight?

Leave a Reply